Last summer was a revengeful summer. I have just broken up with this girl on the grounds that I wasn't conservative nor catholic enough to be with her. Personally I am not a religious person nor do I associate myself with politics, and I had no intention to hurt a gorgeous girl's feelings with my lack of caring. In the end, this relationship destroyed my confidence in my ability to "hold a relationship" with someone.
Now for the revenge. I was out to throw away my v-card and any magic that it may have. I was emotionally drained from my experience and hopeless, and I was currently a rising college sophomore, and fed up with the fear associated with girls, relationships, ect. My brother and I were planning a cross country road trip and at my local DMV I met this gorgeous blond who I struck up conversation with. I got some contact information from her, and l headed out on this cross country journey in which I would give my v-card to any willing person down the road. Our destination was CAL Berkeley, and there I threw my v-card away. For a period of two weeks, I felt dirty, yet I was relieved of my previous relationship's feelings.
Now for my second strike, the blond girl. I wind up talking to her again and we get back together for lunch. About a day later we see each other at night and I have sex with her. What did I care? I could care less about people and sex and everything else, I was invincible and emotionally drained.
She ends up becoming extremely attached to me and wouldn't give me up for anything. This got terribly annoying because every time I would see her I would have massive amounts of sex but wouldn't want to comitt to anything. My sophomore year of college starts, and her freshman year starts. She was recruited as the star pitcher of a local college softball team. I loose contact with her for about two weeks only to find that I do have feelings. As much as I had held them back, the came flooding in with full force.
Her and I still exchanged the occasional phone call, and I would star to express my desire to be with her, finally. This was probably confusing for her, and she kept holding off on the Idea of any relationship, which she was previously so adamant about. One day I randomly rolled up to her college to find her with her ex-boyfriend. I probably assumed the worst and wanted an absolution form her on where she stood with me. This erupted in an yelling match where I freaked out and she hasn't talked to me since.
In this silence I have developed a harder love for her. I have tried to find replacements, but she still stays on my mind. I want her back somehow, I want to talk to her again, I want to at least level everything out with her. What can I do? She won't talk to me, and her mom suggests that I give up. I know where she lives, should I try going to her house this summer? What can I do?