Abusive Relationship...I Really need help

[MissLaura]

 

Tonight me and the boyfriend had a huge argument, honestly I don't even know how it started. But that is how all of the fights starts. We live with each other so it is so hard to have time by myself, I work and go to school full time and all I wanna do is come home and rest. But instead I have to put up with him. We have a dog, and he knows how much i love her. So every time he gets mad at me he hits her. I cried so hard today and I am even crying as I am typing right now. Today hit her and i started to yell at him to leave her alone, so I hit him back and thats when he slapped him, and grabed me and threw me on the floor. The funny thing is my brother is a police officer, I don't know why I don't call him for help, I guess because I know that he will kick my boyfriend's * * * if he found out what happen, another reason i don't want my family to get involved is because my family likes him. I mean he is a really good guy, oh and did I mention he is a police officer recurit. So somebody please help, I just need some good advice, I mean I can be abusive too sometimes, I honestly think that I made my boyfriend this way. I'm the one who always gets mad real easily, sometimes I even hit him. He only has hit me a few times but its after the fact that I hit him. I know I need help too. Maybe more than him. But I just don't know what to do. So please just anykind of advise would help....

[Cassie]

Laura, do you have a safe place for you and your little girl dog to go right now? I'd get out of that violent environment immediately. You both are abusing each other and it will only keep escalating.

 

Why are you being physical and resorting to hitting your boyfriend? And even if your boyfriend has 'only hit you a few times', that's a few times too many.

[Rachelle]

That guy shouldn't be a police recruit, he should be jailbait. I agree with the above advice. Get out! He's not a good guy...not at all. If any guy I was with ever raised a hand to me or a pet that'd the end of the relationship. Peroid. There are other, truly good guys out there that would be appauled at what this guy is putting you through. Find yourself a nice guy and kick this guy to the curb!

[EvaGina]

Ok, I am going to write something that sounds ultra harsh

 

 

Put yourself into whatever situation you want, you are legally an adult, you are both abusive and violent, you both choose to stay in that relationship, for whatever reasons, you must be getting some pay-off for it... but how DARE you put an animal in a situation where its getting beaten just to get a reaction from you?!!?

[Rachelle]

Ok, I am going to write something that sounds ultra harsh

 

 

Put yourself into whatever situation you want, you are legally an adult, you are both abusive and violent, you both choose to stay in that relationship, for whatever reasons, you must be getting some pay-off for it... but how DARE you put an animal in a situation where its getting beaten just to get a reaction from you?!!?

 

I don't quite understand...this girl isn't abusing the animal

I don't think she's going along with the abuse either by the sounds of it

and what about the child? children are even more important than animals aren't they? (don't get me wrong-i love animals and have a dog and would kick a guy where the sun doesn't shine...with a pair of steel-toed boots if he tried to hurt my dog)

[Suesser Tod]

That is assault you know?

 

So its an abusive relationship...

 

Seems to have been going on for a while...

 

 

 

Have you tried couples counceling?

[Suesser Tod]

I don't quite understand...this girl isn't abusing the animal

I don't think she's going along with the abuse either by the sounds of it

and what about the child? children are even more important than animals aren't they? (don't get me wrong-i love animals and have a dog and would kick a guy where the sun doesn't shine...with a pair of steel-toed boots if he tried to hurt my dog)

 

 

She is stuck in an abusive relationship, and the dog is taking the abuse. She knows it and I'll quote her:

 

We have a dog, and he knows how much i love her. So every time he gets mad at me he hits her.

 

They don't have children, but if she allows that situation to continue, and to quote her, "she loves the dog", then its quite likely she wouldn't do anyting to prevent their children from being abused.

 

Basically, by getting herself stuck in an abusive relationship, she is dragging the dog, and in the future, her children, with her into it.

[sophie274]

Hi MissLaura

 

First off, hugs. I am really sorry you are finding yourself in this situation, and it's clear from this post that it is horrible.

 

It's clear that you are both being abusive too each other. However, there is still no excuse for him slapping you, throwing you on the floor, and the way he is treating your dog to get at you! What I mean is: two wrongs don't make a right. His behavior does not square with your observation that he is a great guy.

 

I suggest you remove yourself from this situation before it gets worse and take your dog with you. It's clear things are not working out right now and I think it would be a mistake to try to stay and work on issues while you are both being abusive to each other. Why don't you call your brother and ask him to come get you? Would that be a possibility?

[musicguy]

Leave him, grab the dog and go. No woman should EVER been hit, not even once

[Siriana]

Excuse me but you let him beat your dog?

Would you let him beat your child too?

Even if you can live like that (you shouldn't btw), you need to be responsible enough not to put your dog trough such pain and once in the future your kid.

[Siriana]

 

 

 

They don't have children, but if she allows that situation to continue, and to quote her, "she loves the dog", then its quite likely she wouldn't do anyting to prevent their children from being abused.

 

Basically, by getting herself stuck in an abusive relationship, she is dragging the dog, and in the future, her children, with her into it.

 

O.k. Suesser tod told the same thing!

Even if it's hard to stand up for yourself you have responsibilty toward your pet.

You can't sacrifice your pet because of your fear. That makes you a bad dog owner and a passive abuser toward your puppy.

[CluelessGuy321]

You both have issues. Need a councellor asap. Stop hitting him. If he hits you or the dog again, leave the house and go stay with the folks awhile.

[cubsfan]

all i can say is get out, get out, get out, NOW!!! it doesn't get any better. I REPEAT IT DOES NOT GET ANY BETTER!!! been there, done that. it gets much worse, i'm living proof. is there somewhere you can go to get away from him. if my ex ever tried to hurt my dogs, i'd have him arrested, and i'd want to beat him to a pulp, but he'd win that one. get your stuff and get out!! i beg and plead w/ you. miss laura, if you want to pm please do so. i gladly talk to you. you DO NOT deserve that. my ex and i shoved each other too twice. i was so scared for my life and my dogs well being too. i loved him so much and still do but i knew i had to get out before he really did hurt me bad.

 

does he have a past w/ anger issues or arrests for assaults, mine did (7 battery and assault charges, um big red flag, which i ignored because it seemed like he had changed) and he told me about it, and they were all from bar fights, i never thought that anger would be turned on me but it was!!! all that anger is just boiling under the surface. i shoved him back only after he started w/ me. there was name calling also.

 

he was very apologetic but a year later it happened again after a big fight. i told myself if he did it again iwas outta there but it took me 8 months to get out after the second shoving incident. but i did. i am safe now. the first time around we had an arguemnt when he was drunk, and he pushed me against the wall, into his daughter's room, threw me on th bed, then shoved me to the floor, putting his arm over me throat and screaming in my face "Is this the way you want to be treated" the next day he was very apologetic and said he didn't remember much, but said "You know better than to get in my face" . very fishy, that he didn't remember, come on!!! he also said 2 weeks later that "You know i have a bad temper and you just done know when to let up, do you?" BIG RED FLAGS!!! the last 5 weeks i was theree. we had fights and 3 times he told me to get the f--- out of the house but when i went to leave he stood in front of the door w/ his arms crossed and said "If you leavem, don't ever come back" don't, miss laura, i beg you, don't let it get to the point that it did w/ me. keep you and your dog safe. GET OUT NOW!!! couples therapy does not help w/ these men because all they will do is say how things were your fault. get therapy for you and you only!!! i, myself, have a flash temper and i'm working on that now also. but strangely, he is hte only one i had theat problem w/, another big red flag!!

[This Little Lady]

Yeah I agree, I've seen some pretty bad abusive relationships. They only escalate, I've seen it happen. It would be the best idea to get out of there. If not for the sake of this situation getting worse than at least for your dog! I agree that your pet is like your child and it should not be put through such abuses, I'm sorry I'm not trying to be severe.

 

I think it would be the best thing to tell your family what is happening. Who will help you if the situation gets out of hand? Who will be there if he becomes confrontational? If you do not act not, you will be the only one to witness it and by then you might be too afraid to tell to someone. Do it while you still have strength in you. Too many women sit in this hot seat too long.

 

If you yourself have a problem with anger and aggression perhaps go for counselling. As for your man, I don't think a man of his standing has a right to be a police recruit. I think it would be best to tell someone in his department. Even if you were the one to intiate the hit, he could have at least blocked you. He didn't have to resort to violence. It was his choice.

 

I hope you are feeling better.

[Beyondthesea]

Get out of there immediately. I was in an abusive relationship for 7 years before leaving, and I can honestly say that if he would have touched my pets or my children, not only would I have left, but I would phone the police and make sure he got what he deserved.

 

That's animal abuse too by the way, on both sides. What happens when he breaks one of her bones? She'll get taken away from you if anyone finds out.

 

Leave now. PHONE YOUR BROTHER! What are you waiting for? He's obviously very sick. I've been there, I know.

 

Get out while you can!

[Gracelove]

Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry!!! Anyone who would hurt an animal like that is an evil bastard!

 

I mean, you can tell an awful lot about a person who mistreats animals and children. You don't want him around, he'll ruin your life if you let him.

 

It is a really hard thing I can imagine, him being a police officer. That really sucks!

 

It's hard when people who abuse have status like that, it makes things so much harder. But it's not impossible to leave.

 

Do you think there is any possibility you could just take your dog and disappear.

 

I mean poor little baby! Your dog can't protect itself, it shouldn't be abused like that and neither should you.

 

You're animal is dependent on you. And it's easier to get out of relationships sometimes when we realize that someone or something is dependent on us.

 

Man, I'm just so sorry, I know what it's like to be in an abusive situation.

 

The best advice I can give you is.......run. Escape. Get out. It's scary, but honestly, what have you got to lose? Nothing you won't lose anyways if you stay in a relationship with him.

 

It'll probably be one of the hardest things you'll do, but your life is worth it.

 

Trust me, abusive relationships are nothing to play with, you don't want to become another statistic.

 

I mean what if he kills your dog? What then? You'll probably leave but you'll be tramatized even more.

 

I know you don't want to think about what I'm saying because I didn't want to listen to others when they told me the same thing.

But with the help of those around me I was able to be free of that nightmare.

 

Soooo much love and hope you're way.

 

I know you'll make it, you're worth it, try to reach out if you can.

 

Maybe you can send your brother an e-mail. Just hit the send button, that way you can't take it back, even if you want to.

 

And then erase the e-mail in your "sent" box incase your boyfriend has the code.

 

Girl, you know you have to be careful with these psychos. Cover your tracks because they don't want you out-smarting them, they don't want you to get away.

But you're smarter than him. You're smart enough to know that your life has value.

 

P.S. Maybe you should leave the dog at a friend's house. That way he (your boyfriend) can't use it to hurt you even more than he already has.

[sheila1]

well gee spousal assault is assault and your boyfriend should be reported as a abuser to the police force if he abuses you what kind of police officer would he be. GET OUT NOW before you kill each other!!! Also is he can't handle stressors in the home he'll never make a good police officer

[EvaGina]

well gee spousal assault is assault and your boyfriend should be reported as a abuser to the police force if he abuses you what kind of police officer would he be. GET OUT NOW before you kill each other!!! Also is he can't handle stressors in the home he'll never make a good police officer

 

agreed

You should alert the police as to his abusiv nature... its people like him who end up killing inmates and abusing people while using their power as leverage...

 

We have a band of cops here who have gone around raping young (slow) girls...

So its a bit of a sensitive issue at the moment

[vdt]

honey, the guy is not a good guy. A good guy will never beat his girlfriend , let alone an innocent dog. he has been emotionally torturing you from what you told us. and that is considered assault.

 

I know its hard to tell reach out for help, but you really have to. You yourself know that this is all wrong , but he is making u think that you deserve it. YOU DONT! . Please help yourself before things get worse.

[thelonelydoll]

I hope MissLaura is still reading this thread.

[Confused1148]

Ok, I am going to write something that sounds ultra harsh

 

 

Put yourself into whatever situation you want, you are legally an adult, you are both abusive and violent, you both choose to stay in that relationship, for whatever reasons, you must be getting some pay-off for it... but how DARE you put an animal in a situation where its getting beaten just to get a reaction from you?!!?

 

I have to agree with you there. I can't handle the thought of that poor dog getting beaten either. I'm not trying to trivialise the poster's trauma but, as we say in Australia 'if a woman is big enough to hit a man, she's big enough to get hit back'. Forgive me, but, people have a choice as to whether they can live in that situation or not - that poor little defenceless dog has no choice at all.

 

Laura, please just get out of that relationship. It is a no win situation for you, and your dog.