Cassie Posted April 9, 2007 Share Posted April 9, 2007 Hi guys, I unexpectedly met a man at work last week who persistently kept engaging me in conversation. Through our conversation, I asked him for his email to send a link to a particular article which fit in with a situation he was currently going through. (I felt the link I sent might be relevant to his circumstances). Before he left, he asked me for coffee. I had a work appointment, however, and needed to decline. He recently wrote back to thank me for the article I sent along, expressing its usefulness, and also wrote: "On an unrelated note, I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed our conversation Tuesday. I find my day to day interactions to be, unfortunately, almost completely devoid of intellectual stimulation. I would love to hang out with you some time, and to that end, my offer of coffee/lunch/whatever still stands. If you're interested, you can email me, or better yet, call me, at XXX-XXXX. If not, that's cool too. Either way, good luck with all your future endeavors.." I'm not really interested in dating right now and feel unsure how to respond. Any advice? Link to comment
addictedblue Posted April 9, 2007 Share Posted April 9, 2007 if you don't want to go out with him just write back and say you either 1. have a boyfriend, 2. don't want to date anyone right now, 3. aren't ready for a relationship.....there's a billion things to say. just say it nicely. Link to comment
vesper Posted April 9, 2007 Share Posted April 9, 2007 just don't respond at all. that's my advice. vespar Link to comment
twoforone Posted April 9, 2007 Share Posted April 9, 2007 His email gives you the option of responding "if you're interested." If you're not interested, then no response should be his answer. You barely know this person, so explanations about your personal life or dating preferences are not necessary. If he becomes persistent or inquires further, then tell him you're just not interested. Link to comment
danceparty Posted April 9, 2007 Share Posted April 9, 2007 i dont know much about email etiquette but i think you should at least reply back and say youre not interested/have a boyfriend/whatever/something. unless this guy was creepy. Link to comment
ArchToronto Posted April 9, 2007 Share Posted April 9, 2007 Ya the least you could do is respond. And say you're not interested but thanks for the offer though. Keep it nice and short. Link to comment
friscodj Posted April 9, 2007 Share Posted April 9, 2007 Hi Cassie- From a guy's perspective, I think his email is very well written given the circumstances. From his perspective, he felt a connection, you showed consideration to him by doing him a favor and asking for contact information, which can easily be perceived as a reciprocation of interest. And look, this guy is interested in you and put himself out there to this end. If any woman did this for me, I would be very flattered. I wholeheartedly think you should respond, something to the effect of: "Hi XXXX- Thank you so much for your email! I'm sorry but I am just not looking to meet someone right now. I wish you the best with all your future endeavors as well. Regards, XXXX" I've been in this situation before and I would really like to hear the truth, short and to the point, one way or the other. That's appropriate I think given your exchange of information with the article and his appropriately well-done effort to get to know you better. Link to comment
Cassie Posted April 9, 2007 Author Share Posted April 9, 2007 Thanks for the responses, everyone. He was actually a really cool guy and I did find his email extremely flattering. That's why I was a bit baffled on how to respond. If my head were in a different place, I might even be tempted to take up his offer on coffee. Friscodj, I'll try your suggestion. Thanks again! Link to comment
friscodj Posted April 9, 2007 Share Posted April 9, 2007 Thanks for the responses, everyone. He was actually a really cool guy and I did find his email extremely flattering. That's why I was a bit baffled on how to respond. If my head were in a different place, I might even be tempted to take up his offer on coffee. Are you sure you don't want to have coffee with him? Maybe you guys might be able to build a rewarding and sharing friendship from this, and/or perhaps this might help set your head into that different place? He's a cool guy by your assessment and obviously has some class. Guys like that don't grow on trees. It's only coffee and it's up to you. If you're truly not into it, don't force it and you'll surely meet other good guys. If you have even the slightest inkling to meet him, I personally would do so (if "he" were a "she" in my case). Link to comment
scotty77 Posted April 9, 2007 Share Posted April 9, 2007 I wouldn't go to coffee unless you really want to .I did a similar thing with a woman I was interested in[sent her an email],you could respond if you like but by not responding he will get the picture. Link to comment
ves Posted April 9, 2007 Share Posted April 9, 2007 IMO, that's an extremely classy thing for a guy interested in someone to write. No pressure, flattering, brave, just ... nice. I'd give him the respect of writing a sane, polite response. Link to comment
Scout Posted April 9, 2007 Share Posted April 9, 2007 I second this advice, word for word. I cannot imagine ignoring such a cordial email from a guy, even if I wasn't interested in a date. Should we only reserve our politeness and good manners for those we want to go out with??? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted April 9, 2007 Share Posted April 9, 2007 I would accept the offer but explain that it is platonic only. Indeed, it might have been meant platonically or just to test the waters, not as a real "date." I have accepted offers like that twice - once when it was a gray area and I wanted to test the waters and once when I pretty sure he meant it as "friends" but since it was a lunch during the day and we had the same job I thought it would be fine to assume it was platonic/business. In both cases they meant it as a date and in both cases I explained to them either on the date or right after that I couldn't continue (happened to be mostly because of religious differences which I did not know about till I was on the dates). In short, it's ok to accept a casual offer for coffee or lunch. I would respond differently if it was dinner or a Saturday night plan. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted April 9, 2007 Share Posted April 9, 2007 no reply. that should send the signal. Link to comment
teach-me Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 Yes... please respond at least the person can know how you really feel. IF the shoe was on the other foot wouldn't you want an answer? Link to comment
ghost69 Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 i would take the hint with no response. want me to respond for you? Link to comment
shikashika Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 I think you should politely respond. not responding at all is quite immature. After all, he was VERY polite. In fact after reading the email he wrote to you, in a way , for me, that would be a bit of a turn on.. as its just so nice to meet people with good manners! Are you positive you do not want a date right now? Link to comment
Dating Coach Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 if you don't want to go out with him just write back and say you either 1. have a boyfriend, 2. don't want to date anyone right now, 3. aren't ready for a relationship.....there's a billion things to say. just say it nicely. Take a look at this here men! This is why ACTIONS speak louder than WORDS. Link to comment
shikashika Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 Take a look at this here men! This is why ACTIONS speak louder than WORDS. are you agreeing with this? because I think one can still tell the truth, and be polite about it, like friscodj mentioned! I think we have all been on the receiving end of someone giving us some crap excuse.. which we know could just be a made-up response! Link to comment
ghost69 Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 she doesn't owe him anything. just don't respond. i'm sure he is grown and can take a hint. Link to comment
shikashika Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 she doesn't owe him anything. just don't respond. i'm sure he is grown and can take a hint. awww.. but then this is why we get guys coming to ENA with posts like "i asked a girl out, but she didn't even respond to me!" and then everyone will say "well she sounds like a a rude cow!" ( which the OP isn't!) If I asked someone out, and he responded with 'no thanks' I would respect him for answering. The complaing I hear so often from my female friends is "Why didn't he even answer.. I would have at least liked to know!" Link to comment
Cassie Posted April 10, 2007 Author Share Posted April 10, 2007 I responded with Friscodj's advice. I mentioned I had some personal things to work through and, although I was extremely flattered by the invitation, I unfortunately wasn't looking for anything romantic at the moment. * moooos * Link to comment
shikashika Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 I responded with Djfrisco's advice. I mentioned I had some personal things to work through and, although I was extremely flattered by the invitation, I unfortunately wasn't looking for anything romantic at the moment. * moooos * Thats great! I really liked friscodjs advice! Link to comment
teach-me Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 i would take the hint with no response. want me to respond for you? No... but, we're comparing apples to oranges. Link to comment
teach-me Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 Thats great! I really liked friscodjs advice! very classy indeed Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.