Pet peeves about dating .

[WoundedHeart]

I have thought a bit about this and have come up with these pet peeves when it comes to dating . Feel free to add to them ,but theses are mine .I know both men and woman do these things but I am stating it from my point of view , as a female. This not meant to offend anyone . I am just trying to understand why people do these things . Maybe someone who has been doing this dating thing ,longer then me ,can share some pearls of wisdom .

 

1} Men who claim to want a relationship,become involved in an exclusive relationship with you , and a month ,two months down the line sudden disappear off the face of the earth . I would respect a man more if he could just say " Sorry I don't think this is going to work out ." instead of just disappearing . I am a big girl , I can handle it and besides it is the respectful thing to do . If the case was reversed , I would tell them .

 

2] Men who lie . For example I was told by one man that he owned his own house , drove a minivan and was financially ok ,which in reality really meant , "I live with my Momma in my momma's house , it is my momma's mini van and it is my momma's bank account I access money from " . Don't get me wrong , I am not looking for a rich man, because honestly , as long as my bills are paid and I am able to tell my kids yes every now and again,when they ask for something , I am happy . Money has never been a big motivator for me ,or else I wouldn't do for a living what I do for a living . I love what I do for a living and being happy is more important then money . I provide for my family just fine on my own ,and have for years now . My issue isn't even with him living with his Mom . She is elderly and needs someone to watch her . I can understand that because I cared for my mother until she died . My issue is with the lying . My thought is if a person can lie about one thing he can lie about others and I just don't have time in my life for that .

 

3} Married or separated people who lie about being married or separated . I will be real direct here and admit that before I meet someone in person , I check them out online . I do criminal checks on the dept of corrections site , Net Dectitive checks , and county record checks . When I leave to meet them , I leave their contact info with my sitter and exactly where we are meeting, just to be safe .I ask the man I am meeting if he has a problem with me leaving his contact info with my sitter before I leave and if he doesn't ,then cool ,but if he does , it is a red flag and I cancel the date . I learned this the hard way ,after meeting someone , who totally lied about everything , when his wife contacted me because my screen name was on his buddy list . Nothing happened between me and him when we met ,although he tried and became kind of forceful about it ,until a nicely placed knee put him in his place . I felt horrible ,because he was indeed married ,with a pregnant wife at home ,and I am not one who ventures into married man territory . Now I have dated one man who was separated , because I knew for fact they was living apart and she was living with another man ,but thats different ,because he was immediately up front about it .

 

I encourage anyone to check a person out before you meet them . I have even volunteered to do it for friends who are also dating the regular way or by online dating . One of my friends had me check out someone for her and not only did he end up being 12 yrs older then he said , he had spent 20 yrs in prison for a violent offence and was on parole . I emailed her his DOC mug shot, and she was devistated ,but at least she was wiser .Not judging anyone for being in prison, mind you ,people do make mistakes , but the person should of been upfront from the beginning .

 

I am ,by no ways perfect,but at least I am up front with it .I have been accused of being too honest . I am the type who lay all my cards out on the table and let the chips fall where they may . I only know of one person who was perfect and could walk on water and it certainly wasn't me .

 

I will step off my soap box now . What are your dating pet peeves ?

[Batya33]

I

 

1} Men who claim to want a relationship,become involved in an exclusive relationship with you , and a month ,two months down the line sudden disappear off the face of the earth .

 

For me, until we've been dating 3-4 months or more it is not "real" as in I don't assume that we will be together long term. After about 4 months if we are exclusive and going strong I start to have some expectations depending on his actions. I agree that a man shouldn't disappear after a month or two but I am realistic about the break up of many relationships at the 2-3 month mark, so while I take risks I don't get overly attached or have sex with the man that early on. Luckily I have had those experiences only a very few times.

 

2] Men who lie .

 

I know of many women who lie on on line dating sites. I encountered a decent percentage of men who lied when I did on line dating, but I checked them out before I met them and out of the 100 or so I met in person, one was a pathological liar, one lied about a serious disfigurement/disability, one was probably still married and a few lied to a significant extent about their height (i.e. 6 inches shorter) or weight (40-50 pounds heavier). Not such bad odds.

 

3. I also did the background checks but luckily many of the men I met through on line had friends or acquaintances in common with me so I had that extra comfort level of checking them out. There were several I ended up not meeting (including one with a criminal record) because of what the checks revealed.

 

My pet peeves (and since I only date men I only refer to men but I realize that women could do the exact same thing):

 

more than 20 minutes late with no excuse or apology.

 

cheap - who chooses the restaurant, then complains about the prices, or leaves a substandard tip for no reason, or who has invited me out on a first date and expects me to pay my share (or in one case was happy for me to pay the whole thing).

 

mistreats waitstaff or similar customer service people

 

walks far in front of me in the street, doesn't hold the door for me, etc

 

talks on and on about himself and his accomplishments and asks no questions about me

 

makes a plan for the next date, then cancels and disappears.

 

cancels a date because it is raining (not storming) after pleading with me to give him one more chance

 

dresses inappropriately - meets me at a cafe for the first time in a grungy t-shirt and sneakers or at a fancy bar with disheveled clothing

 

doesn't make sure I get home safely if it is an evening date (i.e. doesn't wait until I get into a taxi)

 

calls too often without giving me a chance to return his call (i.e. two calls in two hours, 5 calls in a half hour once)

 

talks about exes -worse if it is about the past sex life even if it is negative. tacky.

 

asks me questions about my past sex life on a first date

 

doesn't ask me if I would like dessert after we're done with our entrees

 

doesn't call when he says he will or does call but has no suggestion for a plan for our next date

 

claims he didn't call because he lost/misplaced his cell phone

 

wants to communicate mainly through IM/email particularly when we've just met

 

has a lot of typos/spelling/grammatical errors in his e-mails to me

 

How's that?

[Lava Rocks]

Holy crap, I think you were dating my ex! LOL

[mia1207]

Oh my, B, either our standards are too high or our exes come from the same pool of jerks!!!

[shikashika]

definitely lying... I think thats a #1!!!!

 

People who try and make you feel bad for the things you enjoy or your accopmlishments.

 

 

I had a boyfriend who had never traveled.. I had done a lot. He told me that my life was just a bunch of photo albums while he had 'proper' equity!

 

There was also a guy who when I put on a nice outfit to go out for dinner, he told me that it was pointless to spend money on getting my nails done and he prefers girls who wear a hoodie and jeans.

 

Or, when I was trying to get a certain boyfriend to do more than just hang out on his couch and watch TV on the weekends, he said " Well maybe its because you have a job that required no brain skills, thats why you are always trying to do something on the weekends!"

 

 

oh yeah and guys who lie!

 

did I mention that already ?

[cpc28655]

Women that try to change who I am. I am who I am. If you don't like me for me, perhaps I am just not the one for you. Doesn't mean there is anything wrong with me.

 

Women that try to "baby" me. If I wanted that, I would date my mother.

 

I don't do online dating, so that is not a problem. Even if you left the contact info with the FBI, most likely you are already dead before anyone gets concerned. lol

 

And most of all, being set up without being told that I am being set up. I will explain. A couple of months after I got separated, one of my buddies invited me to go to a bar with him and his gf. They did not tell me that a 4th person was also invited, nor did they tell me why this 4th person was invited. Even though they meant well, it was really unfair to me and my "date." (I use the word "date" because I don't know what else to call it.)

[Weeblie]

- Not calling when they say they will

- Answering their cell phone while on a date

- Ogling other women in a really obvious kind of way

 

and this I hate with a passion...not paying attention.

[Orlander]

OMG, I cant believe there are guys out there like that. Are you kidding me??

 

Thank goodness I am a guy...oh wait, some women out there are pretty nutty too. *sigh* where are the good ones??

 

Orlander

[Batya33]

 

Oh my, B, either our standards are too high or our exes come from the same pool of jerks!!!

 

I never had a serious boyfriend like that - men like that lasted only a few dates. In one case the bad behavior started in week 7 and the last straw was new year's eve, week 8 and I pulled the plug (he got drunk in front of his parents and me when no one else was drinking, treated me rudely and then walked out on me without saying goodbye when we got back to my place, then blew me off for brunch with his parents the next day and called, hungover with a half hearted apology).

[Portage]

errrr, reading this makes me want to stay out of the dating scene.

 

It sounds like so much work for little reward. YIKES!!!!!

 

My dog is looking better and better.

[Batya33]

errrr, reading this makes me want to stay out of the dating scene.

 

It sounds like so much work for little reward. YIKES!!!!!

 

My dog is looking better and better.

 

It can be a lot of work - it's only worth it for me because most of the years I was dating I was focused on finding a long term relationship/marriage. On balance I've been treated well, with respect and like a lady (and I treat men well and with respect as well), and had loads of fun and interesting experiences.

[Stambler]

errrr, reading this makes me want to stay out of the dating scene.

 

It sounds like so much work for little reward. YIKES!!!!!

 

My dog is looking better and better.

 

 

Lucky dog! Get it... "Lucky Dog" Har, har, har!

[cpc28655]

errrr, reading this makes me want to stay out of the dating scene.

 

It sounds like so much work for little reward. YIKES!!!!!

 

My dog is looking better and better.

 

I imagine dating a dog would be RUFF!!!!!

 

Ok, that proves it is my naptime.

[Stambler]

I imagine dating a dog would be RUFF!!!!!

 

Ok, that proves it is my naptime.

 

That's "fur" sure!!!

 

But it would be good for a tall "tail"!

 

Oh dear, I should "paws" before I write these silly posts...

[Cassie]

 

 

I had a boyfriend who had never traveled.. I had done a lot. He told me that my life was just a bunch of photo albums while he had 'proper' equity!

 

 

Haha, as someone who has also traveled extensively, this made me laugh. What a turd thing to say!

[ghost69]

braggers. like they are better than someone else.

[violingirl]

I would say that is spot on, both of you! It seems that a lot of us are encountering similar guys with all of the same issues.

 

I absolutely hate it when a guy invites me out to dinner (or even just appetizers/tapas) at a restaurant he chose and then expects me to suddenly go dutch (especially when a guy fake innocently asks, "So, who should pay for this?" - answer - "you, you cheapskate.").

 

I will also add - if a first date is going well, you initially started off with just a drink or two, then find that you have been talking for 2-3 hours, and the guy does not offer to even get you an appetizer (soup, salad, anything).

[violingirl]

Oh, one more pet peeve about dating: I hate the waiting game - waiting for a guy to call after a first or second date. Even worse, when he says he wants to see you again "very soon," and then you never hear from him again.

[servedcold]

My pet peeves about internet dating from a guy's perspective:

 

1. Women who don't respond to a thoughtful brief intial email when I am well within their stated parameters, if even to say "not interested." I even include a line asking them to hit the "not interested" button and a majority STILL don't do it. I have an excellent profile, and regularly get dates and more from the top profiles in my area, so don't understand this lack of basic courtesy.

 

2. I use internet dates as part of my social life, and don't do the "coffee meet" dates, so my dates are often more interesting and well thought out. I rarely get thanked at the end of the date. I do NONE of the bad habits listed in the other pet peeves lists in this thread. Even the ones who "jump" me at some point in the date or the ones I end up dating or in a relationship with don't say thank you. I have never gotten a simple thank you text/email/message the next day, not once.

 

3. Obvious serial daters. If you are dating more than 1-2 men per week from a dating site, you are ABUSING the generosity of the men you are meeting there. I will casually date 2-3 women at a time in the early stages, met over several weeks, but regularly meet women on the net who literally fill every free moment with internet dates, some date 5-10 different men per week. Neither I, nor most guys would waste our time on such women, but you don't know until it's too late cause they certainly aren't gonna tell you in the profile, "I'm milking this internet dating thing for all it's worth, take a number"...

 

4. What I call the "H.R. mentality." On many of these dates, I get the feeling that I am in a job interview, and that the woman sitting accross from me is redlining everything I say in her mind on a mental spreadsheet comparing me to every other profile on the site. That is NOT what first dates are supposed to be about.

 

5. Age and weight liars. Don't know which is more prevalent because sometimes the age liars are hard to spot, but have experienced weight lying of greater than 20 pounds on about 30% of the dates from the net. I am a gym rat, but don't expect it in my dates. What I do expect is basic healthiness. A "few extra pounds" is not the same thing as "morbidly obese."

 

6. Flaky women. Women who won't respond to contact for the second date, then call me to do something spur of the moment, or return calls a week later. Women who are recently broken up or divorced and don't admit to it.

 

All in all, though, net dating has been a positive experience, and I will continue it later in the Fall.

[CaptainPlanet]

1. Constant rejection.

 

2. Demanding, air headed women.

[ghost69]

OMG, I cant believe there are guys out there like that. Are you kidding me??

 

Thank goodness I am a guy...oh wait, some women out there are pretty nutty too. *sigh* where are the good ones??

 

Orlander

 

1) women who are nuts and think they are not

2) lying