I wish she would call me. :-( and a letter.

[bar35]

I am just sad now. Yesterday there seemed like there was hope, today i feel hopeless and i just wish she was with me in my arms.

 

I wish that I could send her this letter. I wish she would receive it and it would melt her walls. But I believe that here at ENA that we all know differently. So I share it with you all.

 

Dear N,

 

I miss you so much. I love you still, the time that passes only seems to tell me that I love you more. I wish I could hate you. I wish you disgusted me. I wish that you were nothing but a bad memory. I will live the best I can without you.

 

I know you have a new boyfriend. I am sure that you have thrown yourself in at the same speed with which you and I came together, but I wish you were here with me. I can let go. I can wish you well. I feel like a child lost in the woods instead of a man who has lived through heaven and hell.

 

My heart still beats for you. I see you in every woman I see. Nothing, no one compares to you. I wish you could hear these things. I wish that I could share them with you. I wish you knew the stength of my love for you which I could not show you until it was too late, until I pushed you away. I am a cliche. I am irony. I am a fool.

 

i will love you forever,

B

[StillClimbing]

i know how you feel.

 

but if you actually did send this letter she would not respond by loving you back. unfortunately, professing our undying love for someone who has moved on does not bring them back. i know you know this, just hard to accept.

 

why is it that the dumper, the causer of pain, usually moves on so quickly to the next love?

 

it is that they never really loved us to begin with?

[Shadows Light]

[quote=bar35;1544382

I know you have a new boyfriend. I am sure that you have thrown yourself in at the same speed with which you and I came together.........

 

 

OUCHIE.... did that make you feel better????

 

Sending you lots of love and light to heal your broken heart. Know where you're at.... advice??? get up.... get busy.. get with it.

[blender]

It's not that they never loved YOU to begin with, it's that they were never really honest to THEMSELVES. The best thing to do is to write out all your feelings but do NOT send them to the dumper.. send them to YOURSELF and re-read them twentyfour hours later, work through the feelings, feel them fully, but do NOT choose to re-act to them by contacting the ex.

 

If the ex is NOT asking in a loving intentional reconciling attempt way..then YOUR feelings are NO longer any of thier business.. work through them on you own, write them on this site, talk to friends, family, a therapist... just take time to be "sad" for awhile, you'd be surprised how much you will discover about YOURSELF, and how strong you are, how much class and courage you have, and then you will know that YOU are NOT interested in any ex who is NOT making a loving intentional effort to be in YOUR life in a respectful committed way.

 

Sometimes after a break up we miss who we "hoped and planned the ex COULD be" in our lives, more then we miss who they actually revealed themselves to be... remember when you are having one of those "desperate urges" to contact the ex, take a deep breath, and take a moment to separate your "feelings" from the "facts".. it will help you calm down, and remember that what YOU are "feeling" and what the "facts" are may not even be close to matching up. And this will lead to a new perspective and a healing empowerment for your own sense of self, and the FACT that you will heal, grow, learn, and love again.... you will.. so for today, one day at a time, choose to have the self respect to NOT contact an ex who is NOT making a choice to be in YOUR life... their loss.. because you are going to CHOOSE to grow and move on... one day at a time.

 

Who knows what the future holds, anything is possible, but the true mature healing thing to do is to get yourself "emotionally prepared" to stand by your values, standards, and re-build your independence, and widen your own world.. and then when "love" enters your life, even if it is the ex after some time.. you will then be a "complete self" who will make self loving, self respecting choices on what YOU want to do.. for today, take care of you.

[b2761]

I agree with StillClimbing- while writing this may be theraputic for you, I doubt that it would bring her back to you, if that's your intent. Besides just the general "I'm not worthy! I'm not worthy!" message, there's also a little bitterness tossed in that she would not miss (I'm sure you have thrown yourself into New Guy with the speed we came together). You should read the book "How to Survive the Loss of a Love"- it has some exercises that are helpful, and some poetry examples that will probably speak to you.

 

(StillClimbing- I'm curious- have you never dumped anyone? I find most people have been on both sides of the fence by a certain age. I've always felt sorry to hurt someone when I've done it but felt it was the right thing.)

[MasterT]

bar35:

 

You've got to stand up for yourself man! Stop throwing yourself emotionally at her feet. There is no "you and her" anymore, there is only a YOU!!

 

I know it's hard to push someone you love out of your life... especially when she was placed near or at the center of your life, but you cannot continue to torture yourself like this.

 

Fact. You deserve someone who is crazy and madly in love with you.

Fact. You deserve someone who wants to share their life and experiences with you.

Fact. You deserve to be happy and loved.

Fact. You deserve someone to love you freely, and without you having to beg and plead for it.

Fact. You deserve someone who is "for better or for worse", and willing to work through the problems.

Fact. You deserve to be able to be YOU!

 

Those are not opinions. Those are facts. Cold hard facts that you cannot refute. You are going to go through hard times. You are going to probably think "oh woe is me". When you do, remember those facts, be strong, and be YOU!

 

Remember this is your story. You are the writer, hero, and director here. You determine how it's going to end. You determine if it will be a romantic comedy or a tragedy. Take control away from her, and work on making your movie awesome! Once you do, other actresses will be flocking at your door trying to audition...

 

And I'm sure at least one of them, will be very special.

[timl4321]

I know how you are feeling. I have also been going though a few good days followed by days where I've wanted nothing more then to contact her. I thought the pain was slowly going away, but this week I've felt like I was back to the day after it all happened. Every time I think of her I feel like crying.

 

I've also decided to write her a letter on how I feel. Not begging her to come back, just my take on things after I've had a month to think. I wrote it mostly for my benefit - to get my feeling out. I'm not sure if I should give it to her or not. Well, I know I shouldn't but I really want to.

[HDD]

hi Bar, hang in there! Please dont dwell on your ex so much. it just makes your healing process longer and more painful. i know how you feel... i've been in your shoes. but u know what, its not worth it. AT ALL. you are so much better off just trying to forget about her (for the time being) and worry about YOU. only YOU can make yourself happy. why be sad about a girl who is seeing someone and doesnt want to be with you? Is it worth all these months of being upset and wasting time when you could be doing something far more productive and fun?? I am in my 4th month now and i feel a lot better. i do think about my ex and miss him a lot, but i know i am happy now. if he doesnt want to be with me then i wont worry about it. i know i will find some who will love me no matter what and for right now (or atleast trying to be happy and staying +ve), all we can do is let go and let the pain subside.

we are all here for you, but try and make yourself do fun happy things to cheer you up and try not to think about your ex too much during the day. it just makes everything feel 10 times worse!

[blender]

"tim" no need to give your letter to HER.. just learn from it for yourself... it's none of the exes business how you are feeling, if they are NOT asking and intentionally making an effort to reconcile with you...okay? Keep writing out all your feelings, email it to YOURSELF.. and you'll be surprised as you look back on your 'self letters" how much you have processed and learned, and grown..and realize you are healing.... because you in fact, are healing...

[bar35]

Thank you all for your kind responses. You all make moments like this a lot more tolerable and I really feel like people understand.

 

Tim, please don't send her that letter. You will not be glad you did. We officially broke up so long ago, I tried to reconcile, she made some facade of an attempt but she was deceptive and dishonest. I wrote a letter months ago to which i received no response. If I had left well enough alone i would probably have been recovered by now. Please don't contact her for your sake. (i am telling myself this stuff simultaneously)

 

Thank you for telling me to attend to myself. That is what i must do. When in time it is a good moment for me to meet someone new i will, i know. But sometimes the head is eclipsed by the heart and sometimes the heart is eclipsed by the head.

[blender]

Bar35, just know that if you take the time to get your "heart and head" to live within your SAME values and standards by choice, this will lead to a more fulfilled, emotionally healthy, free, very attractive you.

 

I know so many people say, "we can not choose who we love".. well yes, sometimes we do have chemistry, attraction, a connection with someone.. but we also always have a CHOICE as to why, how and if we are going to act on our feelings. So for now just know that of course you "feel" like you lost someone, but the "fact" is you are about to re-gain something far more important and valid in order to really love, and that is YOURSELF.

 

Take time to take care of you, be emotionally responsible for your own self.

 

It's like when people say something like "this affair just happened"..well that's not accurate, because we always have a choice as to how we live, and if our hearts fall for someone, yes that's very powerful, BUT we do have a choice in how we respond to this "feeling".. and if the "facts, values and standards of your own heart do not match up with the "feelings" then a mature, healthy heart, CHOOSES to make the most self respecting choice, even if it means we have to lose something we "hoped could be" it's always best to make self respecting choices based on "what actually is". And to choose to live within our standards and values, and self respect even if it means we have feel "sad or hurt" for awhile.. you will grow past it.

[bar35]

You're absolutely right blender. One of the things that i lost in my last relationship was that my heart and head fell out of sync. I lost sight of who i was, strayed further from my path, and really just disappeared into a dark place. I have been working towards getting myself out of that dark place, and to get myself realigned. It takes time and energy to get there.

 

I also very much agree that we choose who we love. Sure we can have chemistry and attraction, but those are small in comparison to the commitment which we can give to another person. These temporary feelings are compelling and have lead many people away from relationships in which they could have moved to the next level, but some people just aren't ready to take life to the next level.

 

I have lost my sense of self respect and I am working on getting it back. It is taking an incredibly long period of time, but it is emerging.

 

Thank you for taking your time to compose such thoughtful responses.

[blender]

Well you never "lose your self respect" although it can be pushed aside at times because we choose to "hang on to the ex".. but the good news is once you make a choice to nurture your self respect, well then in that instant, it is immediately back.. yep, that's right, sure you may still feel sadness over the break up, but your self respect in back the moment you make a choice that it is, and that you are going to grow,heal and move on..

[bar35]

Thanks Dan & Thanks Blender.

 

I just finished lifting, which always lifts my spirits. Blender you're right. Once we decide to reclaim our self respect it's ours again. As I was at the gym I realized that I was wronged. I really was and my sadness moved into a good anger. The kind of anger that makes me feel like I really don't want to see her, or talk to her. The kind of anger that stems from self respect.'

 

I love Dan's footer. "I wouldn't treat a dog the way you treated me.

 

-Bobby Bland