Openheart1 Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 I wrote in another post why I think it is the case, so maybe doing another topic thread may shed some light on the matter of breaking up and this cliche of a line. Link to comment
melrich Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 What do u mean by this? "Falling out of love = myth"? Link to comment
Dako Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 I assume it means once someone is in love, they never lose that feeling, or something like that. Link to comment
GQstatus Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 Falling out of love is a myth? Then I guess I'm still in love with 20+ girls! It's very true that you can fall out of love. I feel out of love with my "first love" years ago, we're great friends now, and still tell eachother "I love you" at the end of phone calls, but it's like telling your brother or sister you love them. It's a different kind of love. Link to comment
in_love Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 Falling out of love but ending a relationship because you have fell out of love is stupid! You cannot expect to be "in love" with the same person ALL the time you are with them. It just takes understanding to realize you do not retain that "feeling" every moment you are with someone. Obviously there are cases where ending it would be the correct choice but in all honesty, in most cases where the other left because they "fell out of love"... I just think its a dumb thing to do because the next partner they get with that very same thing is going to happen! It's inevitable. Commitment is what keeps two together. Lasting love is a choice. You choose to make it work, you choose to stay together. Link to comment
Cyprian Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 Falling out of love but ending a relationship because you have fell out of love is stupid! You cannot expect to be "in love" with the same person ALL the time you are with them. It just takes understanding to realize you do not retain that "feeling" every moment you are with someone. Obviously there are cases where ending it would be the correct choice but in all honesty, in most cases where the other left because they "fell out of love"... I just think its a dumb thing to do because the next partner they get with that very same thing is going to happen! It's inevitable. Commitment is what keeps two together. Lasting love is a choice. You choose to make it work, you choose to stay together. I tend to agree with this. I don't think most people do, however. Link to comment
GQstatus Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 I've never broken up with someone because I've "fallen out of love", and personally have never heard that when I have been dumped. I agree in that when you love someone, you love someone. As long as it's not your family, I think you could make it work with someone you do love. But other things hold you back from doing so. I love my first "love" dearly. We haven't been together since we were 16-17, and went through a period of 2-3 years of disliking one another very much, and now we're great friends. I'm sure if my heart wasn't with someone else, she wasn't pregnant, had her s*** together a little more, we could be together, but I don't think about that, and more than likely never will. When you get to the point you truly love someone, it doesn't matter if you're WITH them or not. When you break up, you'll go through the feelings of rejection, pain, anger etc. But if you truly love them, you WILL be happy down the road if they find someone else that makes them happy. Yet at the same time, be open to reconciling your differences and maybe trying again. True love holds no boundaries. At least that's my take on it. Link to comment
1forthegipper Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 I agree... The ol' classic line "I've fallen out of love with you" is such an easy cop-out and such a dumb thing to say that when a person says this line they ought to hung by their toes from a tree!!!! To me it's an insult to my intelligence..let me explain!!! When you love someone you love them PERIOD!!!!! I don't believe there is such a thing as FALLING OUT OF LOVE. That excuse is just a sorry cop-out line for the truth and the truth is they're bored with the relaitonship and interpret the excitement you get in the beginning stages of relatiionship "Honeymoon phase" as love. My ex told me the very same thing when she broke up with me and as immature as she is I know for a fact she's interpreting the rough part of our relationship as "falling out of love". It's a sad thing to watch these people do this because they set themselves up for another destructive pattern of getting into a new relationship, feeling the excitement, butterflies and once that wears off they see it as "falling out of love" and moving on to the next victim adn hoping the next one is the "ONE". I think about my ex's and I love every single one of them, those deep love feelings that I have for them lay dormant. But I can tell you that if given the chance I know sparks could once fly again because the fact of the matter is....I still love them.... no such thing as "falling out of love".... Tha Gipp Link to comment
kate111 Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 Falling out of love but ending a relationship because you have fell out of love is stupid! You cannot expect to be "in love" with the same person ALL the time you are with them. It just takes understanding to realize you do not retain that "feeling" every moment you are with someone. Obviously there are cases where ending it would be the correct choice but in all honesty, in most cases where the other left because they "fell out of love"... I just think its a dumb thing to do because the next partner they get with that very same thing is going to happen! It's inevitable. Commitment is what keeps two together. Lasting love is a choice. You choose to make it work, you choose to stay together. I agree with this too. Link to comment
kate111 Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 Yes I have those dormant feelings for most of my serious exes too. I suppose this is why boyfriends/ girlfriends are suspicious of their partners seeing too much of their exes. Link to comment
This Little Lady Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 Yeah I agree, it is a very sorry cop out. Those feelings don't diminish, they change and they will always change. I think the people who say that are unwilling to make it work or as some people said before me, are bored with the relationship. Example: my sister said she "fell out of love" with her now ex boyfriend (its happened more than once). I know my sister well enough to know her language of love is attention and once her boyfriend's aren't lavishing her with the attention she needs she finds other people who will. So aftering seeing this kind of thing repeatedly, I can understand what you mean when you say its a lame excuse. Link to comment
Dako Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 I believe you can fall out of love. Most of the replies here seem to be from dumpees who bitterly resent the ex using that terminology, but I know any explanation from the dumper rings hollow. Just one example: Imagine finding your ex has been unfaithful, abused your trust or stolen from you. Many people would have a deep change of heart about that person that could make loving them pretty difficult. I had it happen, and my attachment to that person dropped like a rock. Love doesn't conquer all, and working at it is impossible without mutual respect. Look how many threads here garner replies to dump someone. If that person is at their wit's end with an insufferable partner, I think love can flicker and die. We all have a subjective definition of love. Link to comment
papalazarou Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 Imagine finding your ex has been unfaithful, abused your trust or stolen from you. Many people would have a deep change of heart about that person that could make loving them pretty difficult. I had it happen, and my attachment to that person dropped like a rock. Yes EXACTLY the same here as well. Link to comment
This Little Lady Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 True, I think that situations where your partner has inflicted pain on you are harder to recover from and do ultimately make it harder for you to love that person. I mean you put all of yourself, your trust, your love into that person and when they violate it. Its hard to know how to feel about them. I guess what I'm trying to say is there is a difference between being hurt and falling out of love and just saying you have fallen out of love. I don't know if that makes much sense. Link to comment
This Little Lady Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 Yeah it will be different for everyone. Link to comment
purplekangaroo Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 I agree with the impossibility of "falling out of love." I have loved four people in my life, and with each of those four, things could be rekindled if something changed to make it more feasible. If you "fall out of love," you never were in love. And obviously, you're not going to feel the same about someone after some time has passed. It's commitment that makes it work. That's why friendship is the foundation for marriage, not passion. Link to comment
in_love Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 I believe you can fall out of love. Most of the replies here seem to be from dumpees Sorry but I have more times dumped AND regretted than been dumped and held that as a bitter thought. It is something I learned and is why I don't like to "give up" at the first hurdle. You just don't stop loving, you can get bored of a relationship. If you stop loving someone you "thought" you truly loved then you gotta ask yourself "did I actually love them in the first place". Imagine finding your ex has been unfaithful, abused your trust or stolen from you. Many people would have a deep change of heart about that person that could make loving them pretty difficult. I had it happen, and my attachment to that person dropped like a rock. This is a totally different case. I believe anything other than emotional abuse, cheating etc and the partner comes out with "I've fallen out of love" is just an excuse so they don't need to work on a perfectly normal relationship. Dude I did it 3 times!!!! Absolutely nothing wrong with the relationships I was just bored *edit* I tell a lie there was something wrong, seriously wrong with one of them, that was ME ... I learned that this happens and it took me a bit of time but I "got it", I just hope I get with someone else who "gets it". Link to comment
in_love Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 If you "fall out of love," you never were in love. And obviously, you're not going to feel the same about someone after some time has passed. It's commitment that makes it work. That's why friendship is the foundation for marriage, not passion. couldnt have said it better! Link to comment
1forthegipper Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 papalazarou,Dako I respect your opinions..But I do believe that falling out of love because of some type of betrayal was never love to begin with. True love works through problems big or small. True love doesn't walk away and give up because of hard times. True loves does not abandon their partner because things get boring or the relationship comes to a stall.... People have this misconception that love means feeling excitement EVERY single day.. That's literally impossible because WE ALL have bad days...sheesh!!! even I wake up in the morning hating myself, does that mean I'm not in love with me??? of course not!!!! My point is, when a person uses this excuse "I've fallen out of love" it is a sorry excuse, a cop-out and this is coming from me a non-bitter dumpee. The reality of the excuse is, they're not happy with themselves and thereforeeee looking to their partner to make them happy..This puts a HUGE responsibility on the other person to provide happiness for their partner and themselves. When the dumper see's that the dumpee no longer fulfills the dumpers happiness then the dumper takes it as they've fallen out of love and they leave. A dumper thatY follows this path is only heading for disaster no matter who they meet.. You have to be happy with yourself to maintain that love with your partner... When someone says they've fallen out of love it's because you're not making them happy anymore and they don't have it in them to put in the effort to make a successful relationship and realize that it's not about putting expecta These people that "fall out of love"..(snicker) will continue to be a relationship jumper because that excitement dwindles down and it's time for them to work at the relationship..thereforeeee interpreting that as falling out of love and moving on to a new person for the excitiment..then repeating the patter all over again. Falling out of love is nonsense and we have to understand that true love will always be there no matter what the circumstances are.. We may feel different as time goes by but we will always love them. Falling out love is in a sense not wanting to try anymore. Tha Gipp Link to comment
Dako Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 This is a totally different case. I believe anything other than emotional abuse, cheating etc and the partner comes out with "I've fallen out of love" is just an excuse so they don't need to work on a perfectly normal relationship. The original post stated that falling out of love is a myth. You seem to accept some exceptions to this sweeping statement, so we're on the same page, are we not? I never meant to imply the line isn't used as a convenient excuse, it certainly is, but that doesn't convince me it's a myth. Link to comment
melrich Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 Yes the fact that you can fall out of love, regardless of the specific reasons in the specific case, means you can fall out of love. Link to comment
macgyver4ever Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 I won't refute the idea that you can fall out of love. I could see it happening. My ex "fell out of love" with me, not because of who I am or anything I had done, but because of what she had done and who she had become. People do change, and with that change, the ideal partner can change. She is with someone who give her freedom, space, and fun. I couldn't give that to her in the way she wanted, so I guess this is where we need to be. She cheated on me 2 times. It's been over 3 months since I found out, and broke up with her, and over 1 month since we stopped trying to work things out. My feelings for her have never changed. I still love her as much today as ever. Maybe these feelings have changed from someone I want to be romantic with, to someone I love as a friend; I won't know until I see her again. There are different degrees of love. I loved my ex unconditionally. I always thought the one condition would be her being unfaithful, but my feelings didn't change. I don't know why. I wish they did, it would make my life easier if I could "Fall Out of Love" Link to comment
1forthegipper Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 Dako my man.... I agree with you... I think the title of this post should have been "Falling out of love = BS Excuse!!!" Tha Gipp Link to comment
Openheart1 Posted March 23, 2007 Author Share Posted March 23, 2007 Hi all, Refer to my other posts regarding this issue. Hopefully that can resolve some confusion. Cheers! Link to comment
Openheart1 Posted March 23, 2007 Author Share Posted March 23, 2007 What Dako said deserves some thought. Let's see. One definition of myth is this: Myth - "something not true, fiction, or falsehood. A truth disguised and distorted." Now, applying this definition to what I assert, my only point is that the notion that someone falls "out" of love with you is a myth because it allows the dumper to hide what they are truly feeling and distort what they possibly don't understand as their own feelings. In other words, its an easy way out. For someone to claim that they loved a person, but then fall out of love with them, denotes some kind of economic connotation to it, as if love is something that just runs out after a given period of time. In my opinion, two people in a loving, genuine relationship do not break up, let alone to belittle and disrespect the relationship by superficially and simplistically proclaiming, "oh, well, I am breaking up with you because I fell out of love or am no longer in love with you." Beyond the fact that this is a slap in the face to the dumpee, the dumper shows their true colors by using this shallow excuse. Ultimately, using the line "I fell out of love with you" is a myth because something that is genuine and true is disguised, saving the dumper the time and effort to truly end a relationship in a meaningful way. Also, Dako suggested that a bunch of us are merely dumpees who resent our exes for using the line. Personally, my ex did not use that line, but even if she did, that does not relegate what the dumpee believes to unimportance. I am merely pointing out the incredibe shallowness that is that statement and how it reflects poorly on the person who uses it. I think it suggests a great deal about the character of the person and exposes their limited and distorted understanding of what a real relationship is. Cheers. Link to comment
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