eskimomo Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 My ex actually literally used the line "I love you, but I'm not in love with you." This meant nothing to me, so I kept asking him what he meant by it. He got quite cross at one point and said something like, "But people say it all the time! They say it on TV!" I think what he actually meant was something along the lines of, "I still love you, but I don't see this relationship working out forever, and in the long term I think it's easier to suffer some pain now rather than breaking up horribly five years down the line." He also said he wanted to break up while things were still quite good between us, rather than wait until everything got completely poisonous. I thought that was crazy too, but never mind. I do think you can fall out of love with people, though. My mum and dad were together for 10 years and had 2 kids together, and while they might both still harbour some affectionate or even loving feelings towards each other 15 years down the line, I couldn't possibly describe them as being "in love". I think to argue that this means they were never in love at all is a bit harsh, although it is possible. Link to comment
This Little Lady Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 As someone who has recently thought this, I believe that it is a lame cop out. To make it short, I've been having some family issues and one day after a fight with my mom I took it out on my boyfriend. I started thinking that I didn't love him and was having thoughts of leaving him. To me this made and makes no sense cause I know I am completely smitten with the boy. At first I'll admit, I thought I had fallen out of love with him cause for me the honeymoon period lasted like... 3 years. The thing was down to the heart of it, I know I still love him and want to be with him. I want to fight because I know that what we have is substantial and incredible. It seems to me that if someone else was going through this same thing, there are two decisions at hand. You let the thought overpower what have or you fight for what you know you have in your heart. Someone said before me that it is a decision and I have to say I agree. Link to comment
papalazarou Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 These people that "fall out of love"..(snicker) will continue to be a relationship jumper because that excitement dwindles down and it's time for them to work at the relationship..thereforeeee interpreting that as falling out of love and moving on to a new person for the excitiment..then repeating the patter all over again. Gipp its a fair point but I dont love her anymore. I did. God knows I would have done anything. Maybe she didnt fall out of love with me and was relying on me for her happiness but I dont love her anymore. You could say I fell out of love? Link to comment
This Little Lady Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 I like to think that Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind kind of raised an interesting point on this subject. Maybe someone caught onto it better than I did. I just think that says something for someone who is out of love. When revisiting these memories we remember the things we love about the person and it can stir that emotion again. Something we've always held for them and has been clouded or something we believe has dimished because of time. Maybe it doesn't work for everyone. But I know that everyone has probably felt something stir in them from a past love. Haha, I know I probably come off as a real romantic. I just think it can't fully disappear. It will always be there. And though you may never be conscious of it, it is always there. It may not be as passionate as it was before but there is still something there. Maybe what I'm trying to say it is possible to fall out of love but not completely. That a part of that experience lays with us. And it is us who choose whether we want to keep it in our lives or whether to let go. Haha sorry, bit of a rant. Link to comment
defriguy Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 then how much importance do you put on "feeling it"? In this sense any 2 people regardless of background or history can have a long lasting relationship? Link to comment
This Little Lady Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 You're right there still has to a be want to stay together and make it work. Alot of feeling is required for that. Link to comment
Wicked Miss Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 I think what she might be saying is if you still want to be in that relationship, you probably haven't not lost that feeling. It has probably just changed without you realizing it. Wicked Miss Link to comment
Cyprian Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 If you "fall out of love," you never were in love. Yep. I agree. For those of you who say that cheating, betrayal, lying, stealing, etc. could easily push someone to "fall out of love", i would have to say: Nope! Would a father stop loving his son because his son started using drugs? Would a mother stop loving her daughter because she lied to her and stole $1000 from her and ran off to live with some scum bag guy? Nope...they would still love them, they might be angry, upset, unhappy, etc, but most likely they would love them, worry about them, feel sorry for them, and want to help them. This is how I feel towards my ex at least. She cheated on me, lied, betrayed, concealed...she did horrible things to me. Do I still love her? Yes. In time after it really starts to hit me at how much she abused me, will I stop loving her? No...I might feel differently towards her, I might not want to reconcile...but I will always lover her because true love never ends. Link to comment
Wotgorilla Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 This makes total sense. However, for me, I've realized that I've yet to find true love.... Sometimes I wonder if I will.... Dan on Long Island. Link to comment
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