justpaisley Posted March 14, 2007 Share Posted March 14, 2007 I did not mean for this to be a post about what type of porn you like. I was only trying to see if anyone else actually believes pornography is wrong when you are in a relationship. In my opinion, I think its fine if you and you girlfriend/boyfriend watch it together, but if your girlfriend/boyfriend disapproves of porn or they don't even know, I don't think you should be raising your expectations. You kinda took a left-turn there, cometcrater. You said that porn is degrading and disgusting and creates unrealistic expectations, but then said that it's okay to watch within a relationship. Not sure I get your original point. Link to comment
Shiva 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 Share Posted March 14, 2007 I couldn't understand why I was getting so upset and somewhat bothered by this whole thread, and then... come to realize it hit me (no pun intended) my ex-boyfriend as much as he did not want to admit it had issues with porn, as they say in NY he talked the talk but he certainly didn't walk the walk, his porn was concealed in hidden places, (so he thought) very stupid, because, I don't mean to be offensive or disrispectful to men in any way, if a man acts as if he's got something to hide...the woman that they are with will get extremely curios and will start searching around, and they will find out something one way or another. Women in my opinion are very clever, they may act dumb at times only because they do not want to reveal what it is they are really doubting. Anyway, I hear everyone's point, and I think porn is ok between a couple who communicate freely their individual interests, bottom line, it goes back to the importance of communication to allow the healthy growth that is intended between two who love each other. Some men/women will hide an entire stash of the most unbelievable porn, and when it's not braught to the "light" to their partner or wife/husband to me that is suspicious and is very disconcerting and could lead into un-necessary insicurities and ultimately raise the question of why is it hidden? if there is nothing to hide??? Link to comment
Daddy Bear Posted March 14, 2007 Share Posted March 14, 2007 Sure. I can see where you think there'd be a difference between Jenna Jameson-style porn and amateur stuff. However, a woman filming herself getting off is still exploitative and degrading - it reduces women to sex objects, and all I can ask myself is why they'd want to allow themselves to be viewed as such - nothing but an object. Selling pictures of oneself naked or selling videos of oneself in sexual scenarios doesn't scream self-respect or high self esteem to me. To me, it's evidence of some very dark corners in her mind. I don't think you appreciate some people's exhibitionism fetish. Furthermore, how does it reduce women to sex objects any more than when you give it to your hubby? Following that logic for a moment, does NASCAR racing reduce men to driving objects? Link to comment
Cometcrater Posted March 14, 2007 Author Share Posted March 14, 2007 You kinda took a left-turn there, cometcrater. You said that porn is degrading and disgusting and creates unrealistic expectations, but then said that it's okay to watch within a relationship. Not sure I get your original point. Your right. Its always been hard for me too make my point clear lol. Well, what I'm trying to say is that I think pornography is degrading, discusting, unrealistic and raises expictations that could probably never be fulfilled. If its what your into, then you shouldn't let it control your life/relationship. Link to comment
shikashika Posted March 14, 2007 Share Posted March 14, 2007 Sure. I can see where you think there'd be a difference between Jenna Jameson-style porn and amateur stuff. However, a woman filming herself getting off is still exploitative and degrading - it reduces women to sex objects, and all I can ask myself is why they'd want to allow themselves to be viewed as such - nothing but an object. Selling pictures of oneself naked or selling videos of oneself in sexual scenarios doesn't scream self-respect or high self esteem to me. To me, it's evidence of some very dark corners in her mind. I'm not sure how you want me to respond to message #3. With all due respect to Eva it's basically just your garden variety pro-porn message. Sorry ok I have a question then do you feel that the men who are in these 'amateur' porns are also being reduced to sex objects and is exploitative and degrading? If I watch porn there has to be a man in it... no massive lesbian orgies do anything for me. Link to comment
shikashika Posted March 14, 2007 Share Posted March 14, 2007 yeah i think people who try and HIDE it have got a problem... Be open it about it...don't pretend not to watch it but keep scores of DVDs hidden away in the treasure chest in the attic Link to comment
shikashika Posted March 14, 2007 Share Posted March 14, 2007 Your right. Its always been hard for me too make my point clear lol. Well, what I'm trying to say is that I think pornography is degrading, discusting, unrealistic and raises expictations that could probably never be fulfilled. If its what your into, then you shouldn't let it control your life/relationship. Why do you feel its disgusting when two people are having sex on TV, or on your computer... but not in one's bed? Not all porn is about amputee-granny-beastiality orgies! Link to comment
SquareWheel Posted March 14, 2007 Share Posted March 14, 2007 You do have a good point, CometCrater, in that the idealized acts in some porn surely do give many guys, and probably some girls, unrealistic expectations about sex. Although I would think it's probably mostly true of beginners who haven't actually done it for themselves yet. In my case, I used porn when I was younger because I was unable to find a real partner, and porn was the pill that helped me temporarily numb the urge. Obviously, I didn't enjoy it as I would have a real partner, but my regular use of it helped keep me from being driven nuts by the frustration all through my youth. I've always thought porn was mostly a kind of fantasy sexual surrogate for guys (and maybe some girls) who can't find a partner, or don't have one handy at the moment. Link to comment
Daddy Bear Posted March 14, 2007 Share Posted March 14, 2007 I think pornography is degrading, discusting, unrealistic and raises expictations that could probably never be fulfilled.A lot of it is that way... some isn't. Not everyone who wants to make an adult film is an artificially enhanced sex worshipper. Some adults just think it's a fun adventure, a daring exploit like skydiving, and a way to make a boring relationship work again. Is it my imagination, or did you just get a year younger? Link to comment
shikashika Posted March 14, 2007 Share Posted March 14, 2007 A lot of it is that way... some isn't. Not everyone who wants to make an adult film is an artificially enhanced sex worshipper. Some adults just think it's a fun adventure, a daring exploit like skydiving, and a way to make a boring relationship work again. Is it my imagination, or did you just get a year younger? it must be my imagination too!!! Link to comment
Cometcrater Posted March 14, 2007 Author Share Posted March 14, 2007 Is it my imagination, or did you just get a year younger? I accidently typed in 1991 instead of 1992 Link to comment
justpaisley Posted March 14, 2007 Share Posted March 14, 2007 I don't think you appreciate some people's exhibitionism fetish. Furthermore, how does it reduce women to sex objects any more than when you give it to your hubby? Following that logic for a moment, does NASCAR racing reduce men to driving objects? First of all, I giggled at the NASCAR and driving objects question. Good one. Not at all the same, but a funny analogy nonetheless. Second of all, I do understand that people enjoy letting other people watch them get off. That doesn't change the fact that it's simply degrading. And third, please don't compare the intimacy and connection my husband and I have when we are having sex to the revolting screw-fest that is porn. When we want to make love, we make love. When we feel like getting it on, we get it on. I don't feel degraded by my husband's desire for me. He wants to have sex with me because I am his wife, not simply because I'm the one laying there with my legs open. Conversely, when you look at porn, you don't love the people on the screen, you're simply using them as a sexual outlet. This reduces the people on the screen to sex objects. Link to comment
Daddy Bear Posted March 14, 2007 Share Posted March 14, 2007 erm can you remember that shes 14 years old when you reply to her Not that thats bad or anything. Just, well, she might not have seen as much as everyone else and all that so her opinion might be based on just what shes seenI agree. The focus here should be on answering her question about how and why some people accept erotic materials in their lives, not on presenting her with shocking images. Link to comment
shikashika Posted March 14, 2007 Share Posted March 14, 2007 I accidently typed in 1991 instead of 1992 1992!! god I feel old! Link to comment
justpaisley Posted March 14, 2007 Share Posted March 14, 2007 do you feel that the men who are in these 'amateur' porns are also being reduced to sex objects and is exploitative and degrading? I sure do! Link to comment
justpaisley Posted March 14, 2007 Share Posted March 14, 2007 I accidently typed in 1991 instead of 1992 My heavens, you were born when I was starting junior high Link to comment
shikashika Posted March 14, 2007 Share Posted March 14, 2007 I sure do! Fair enough... What if you made a sex video with you and your husband/ boyfriend? Is it only degrading if other people ( strangers) watch it? or do you find it degrading just by making a video? Link to comment
Daddy Bear Posted March 14, 2007 Share Posted March 14, 2007 Why is the NASCAR analogy false? Please explain. And you're also not giving me any insight into how it's degrading to the female if a couple is stimulated by placing images of themselves making love in the public domain. Revolting screw-fest? Not the clips I watch. Just real people having mature adult fun. Lastly, are you saying that sex is only morally acceptable between people who are in love? Do you REALIZE how many married couples that would exclude?? Link to comment
melrich Posted March 14, 2007 Share Posted March 14, 2007 Well here is what we can say for sure. At 14 -15 years old your friends should not be looking at pornography. Pornography has its place. Pornography can be a problem as it can manifest as an addiction. It is marginally behind slot machines as the fastest growing non physiological addiction in the world. It is a real concern that people so young are "always watching" pornography and I think you should continue to encourage them not to. Hopefully we will see soon sex education dealing with the dangers of pornography and teaching people the appropriate use of same. Link to comment
Cometcrater Posted March 14, 2007 Author Share Posted March 14, 2007 My dad looks at porn. My brother and his girlfriend look at it. My best friend's boyfriend looks at it. All my male friends do. I know a mass majority of people look at it. I still find it degrading for people to find entertainment out of watching people having sex. I find it sad that people set aside time to watch pornography instead of doing something more productive. I can't find a single high point in pornography. And if you think that it strengthens your sex life, you could use onions or something else that doesnt require fake people doing sexual things on camera. Link to comment
Daddy Bear Posted March 14, 2007 Share Posted March 14, 2007 Well here is what we can say for sure. At 14 -15 years old your friends should not be looking at pornography.Don't understand the basis for this argument. That's the age when I needed it the most! I'd rather see them pacified by having a magazine under the mattress than walking the streets loaded to the hilt with testosterone where my daughters might run into them. Pornography has its place. Pornography can be a problem as it can manifest as an addiction. It is marginally behind slot machines as the fastest growing non physiological addiction in the world.Really? I would have put nail-biting and hair-twirling in front of either of those. It is a real concern that people so young are "always watching" pornography and I think you should continue to encourage them not to. Hopefully we will see soon sex education dealing with the dangers of pornography and teaching people the appropriate use of same.See my first point above. Link to comment
shikashika Posted March 14, 2007 Share Posted March 14, 2007 My dad looks at porn. My brother and his girlfriend look at it. My best friend's boyfriend looks at it. All my male friends do. I know a mass majority of people look at it. I still find it degrading for people to find entertainment out of watching people having sex. I find it sad that people set aside time to watch pornography instead of doing something more productive. I can't find a single high point in pornography. And if you think that it strengthens your sex life, you could use onions or something else that doesnt require fake people doing sexual things on camera. I agree.. if people are watching porn INSTEAD of other productive things, whether it be sports, art , time with friends and family.. then yeah its pretty sad. Just like anything.. too much shopping, drinking, eating too much chocolate cheesecake, when that takes place of your job, family life, sports, hobbies... then there are problems. I don't think porn strengthens my sex life.. Real sex is always better than watching it.. but if I just want a quickie.. then its there, its good and then its over. Link to comment
justpaisley Posted March 14, 2007 Share Posted March 14, 2007 Fair enough... What if you made a sex video with you and your husband/ boyfriend? Is it only degrading if other people ( strangers) watch it? or do you find it degrading just by making a video? Honey, if I made a sex video with my husband, National Geographic would pay BIG money for it. (hmmm... I do have a big mortgage...) With regards to that, though, I'd have to start bringing my personal morality with regards to lust into the picture instead of my uppity human-rights and feminist opinions. We probably oughtn't go there. I think that it's degrading to reduce women and men to simple sexual objects, period. They are people, with feelings and dimensions, and to simply use them in that way is, IMO, disrespectful. If my husband gets the urge, he can take care of himself without having to look at pictures of me or anyone else, or he can wait a little while till I'm available - he's not an animal controlled by his sexual urges. Link to comment
shikashika Posted March 14, 2007 Share Posted March 14, 2007 Well here is what we can say for sure. At 14 -15 years old your friends should not be looking at pornography. Pornography has its place. Pornography can be a problem as it can manifest as an addiction. It is marginally behind slot machines as the fastest growing non physiological addiction in the world. It is a real concern that people so young are "always watching" pornography and I think you should continue to encourage them not to. Hopefully we will see soon sex education dealing with the dangers of pornography and teaching people the appropriate use of same. I agree melrich... I remember watching some porn at a friend's place ( we found her dad's) when I was 13 or 14 but at that time I had no sexual experience, so we just giggled when Ron Jeremy dropped his pants.. its different now that i'm older and know what people are actually doing on screen I never really liked or had any desire to watch porn when I was younger..but now that I'm older I want to watch it a lot more! As a sidenote.. I saw an advertisement today for a show about parents who were helping their daughter get ready for the Adult film business! Link to comment
justpaisley Posted March 14, 2007 Share Posted March 14, 2007 My dad looks at porn. Sigh... a child shouldn't have to know this about her father... I found my dad's when I was 8, and was so horrendously confused by what was going on... This is a BIG reason why I think it's bad to have in the house at all... Link to comment
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