Life is so unfair....

[houdini]

Hello my fellow prison mates!!!!!!

 

I say prison mates because that's what it seems like. We're in this prison of heartbreak that our ex's put us in, someone we loved so dearly basically threw us in a prison cell of hell and took the key with them. Little do we know that we hold a duplicate key that we can chose to open up the cell, walk out and be FREE!!!!! Some of us chose to stay in the cell hoping the one we loved comes and sets us free, those of us that chose to stay in the cell call out to our ex's to save us, set us free, help us, come back!!!! All they say is "NO"..it's to late I'm done, I'm not in love with you anymore.....

 

What gives these people we loved and trusted the right to smash our hearts into pieces, walk away and be happy????? Some may say that the dumper feels remorse and heartbreak too but it's really hard for me to believe this because I've been the dumper in 2 relationships and even though you feel bad you walk away happy because it's what I wanted. People don't do things on purpose to make themselves sad or unhappy so why would a dumper be sad after dumping us, they did it because tehy wanted to and thats what was going to make them happy.

 

All I can say is that my ex shattered my dreams and future hopes of having a family with her and my son and our daughters. She chose to try it alone or take a chance with someone new. Relationships take work and if you're in a stage of relationship where things are tough then you work together to fix the problems and build a better relationship. The wrong thing to do that so many people seem to do these days is take the problems in the relationship as a sign, a sign that the relationship wasn't meant to be and is looking for that intial high you get when you meet someone new.

 

In my case, I'm not sure if there is someone else or not but my gut feeling tells me there is even though she's denied it. If this is the case I wonder what the future will hold because all I can think about is her, the new guy and the kids being one happy family....... and I'm here alone left to pick up the pieces of my heart, my life and my soul with barely enough strength to move on, I love my son and her daughters, why would she chose to cut me out of their lives.

 

Life is so unfair, especially when you loved someone that wasn't always the greatest person to you but you loved them to no end. Only for them to step on your heart and smash it into a million pieces and then walk away with no remorse. I havn't spoken to my ex in over 2weeks and it feels as if I just vanished off the face of the earth to her..... Why do these people get off the hook so easily and we're left in this prison of hell trying to fight our way out??!!!.....It's just not fair!!!!!

 

Sorry for rambling but I had to get it out...today's been a bad day for me!!!!

 

 

Houdini

[EvaGina]

No one MAKES you feel anything

Would you rather they spent years in a relationship that they felt wasnt going anywhere? or was neglectfull, or abusive?

 

I would MUCH rather be hurt than hurt someone...

 

sorry, I dont mean to belittle your heartache, feelings are always valid, but its not fair to attack someone just for breaking off a relationship.

If they did it horribly, or were abusive or somthing, then sure, but most relationships end... you cant hate someone just beucase it didnt work out

[melrich]

I've been the dumper in 2 relationships and even though you feel bad you walk away happy because it's what I wanted.

 

So it's OK when you dump someone (twice) but not when someone dumps you?

 

 

Why do these people get off the hook so easily and we're left in this prison of hell trying to fight our way out??!!!.....It's just not fair!!!!!

[shes2smart]

Well...part of your problem is having the expectation that life should be "fair" in the first place.

 

It's not.

 

We can play the hand we are dealt to the best of our ability, or we can focus on all the the things that are "wrong" or "bad" or, yes "unfair" and get hung up on what we think should've happened.

 

The thing is, there's not a single one of us with enough knowledge and sight to be able to see the whole picture and how it all fits together. I got dumped by a guy in 92. I was devastated. In 95, ended up working with a gal who he met & married shortly after he dumped me. They seemed to have a good life and I was jealous and thought he was the great one who got away. In 97, she caught him cheating on her and divorced him. All of a sudden, I began thinking, "boy howdy, I dodged a bullet on that one"...it wasn't a tragic event anymore. 10 years later, I am still friends with her....and she still deals with the financial and emotional fallout that came from being married to him. As it turns out, it was a great stroke of good fortune that he wasn't all that interested in me....although you couldn't have convinced me of it at the time.

 

So, don't be so sure that this break-up is the great awful tragic unfair event that you think it is. Time, additional information, and the gift of hindsight can change that in ways that you cannot even begin to imagine right now.

 

It's been my observation that those who choose to play the hand they're dealt (no matter how excrementally horrid that hand may be at times), and focus on whats right and good about their lives generally have an easier time of it than those who adopt a more fatalistic and negative view.

[houdini]

In my 35yrs of life and the relationships I've had I've only broken up with 2 people and that was after years of torment,cheating,lieing and physical and emotional abuse so there was no remorse there when I left. If a relationship isn't going anywhere, or neglect then you address these issues and you work to make it better...Our emotions, our heart our feelings need to be handled with care, you just don't walk away so easily without giving it everything you've got. Life is to short to let love go so easily.... When abuse is involved then of course you get out because it's unhealthy....

 

My point I was trying to make is, I was good to my ex, we have a son together and I loved her two girls from her previous marriage. I wasn't abusive, we did have our problems like any relationship and we have alot to lose. My complaint is how do people seem to think that the grass is greener on the other side and throw away a chance of having a good family if she would have just put in some effort...Like may of others out there she chose the easy way out and left me with a bunch of cop-out excuses.

 

I guess I'm one of the very few that takes relationships seriously and will exhaust all efforts before quitting and walking away.....

[melrich]

Yes it was your comments about unfairness I was getting at. Fact is, whatever the reason, from abuse to just plain falling out of love, people have the right to end a relationship. They generally don't do it to hurt you, they do it because it's not working for them.

 

Don't focus on the "unfairness" aspect. It will just make you bitter. Accept that her reasons were valid for her and that she felt in her heart that it couldn't work. At the end of the day you still have to parent a child together.

[musicguy]

Life has always been unfair. Life is what we make of it

[redsuede]

Houdini.. Big hugs to you. What you are going through truly is heartbreaking. Please keep us updated on how you are doing. You sound like even though you are going through hell, you have your head in the right place. You are right. Life is unfair. I dont have any magical words of wisdom.. I only can offer you empathy.

 

 

**fellow prison mate**