Well, it finally happened. Divorce.

[ender1]

Well, after 4 years, things have finally reached a breaking point between me and my wife. We met online, I flew her back and forth for some time till I asked her to move in. She made excuses why she couldn't work, social anxiety and past relationships, and I enabled her, I admit that. Things were OK, not perfect, I think we were both desparate at the time. Then, to add to an already so-so marriage we found out she had cancer. I personally feel that she got cancer because of her emotional state. When you are so negative about yourself and think everyone hates you, I think that takes a toll on your health. I supported her through a year of treatment and thank god she appears free of cancer now.

 

However, she could never let go of her past and her the way her family is. She was a textbook co-dependent. I would get calls all the time because of fighting with her family. I just reached a breaking point, which ended up with my dinner throw in my face.

 

It just goes to show you how life events and unresolved anger and emotional issues can tear apart a marriage. So, we're doing the typical fighting now, trying to hurt each other, saying things that will be hard to take back. Not fun stuff.

 

I guess I'll look at it as a learning experience. One that will take it's toll emotionally and financially, since she never made a dime. Hopefulyl the divorce will go smoothly. I don't really think there are any options. I simply can not deal with an emotionally unhealthy person, and the most important thing is that we're all happy.

 

I don't see any way to have avoided this outcome. I think I needed to go through these things to reach the point where I am at, so I don't suppose I can regret the last 4 years though part of me is furious about it.

 

So there's my story I'm sharing, for what it's worth. Thanks for listening.

[Jetta]

I personally feel that she got cancer because of her emotional state. When you are so negative about yourself and think everyone hates you, I think that takes a toll on your health.

 

I agree with you. I know my Grandma had bone cancer but it's because she stayed in an abusive awful marriage. Her anger turned inward. Just like my mental state was because the mental stress hit overload. It's all how our body reacts to our thoughts/feelings.

 

Anyway good luck with your divorce. You may have to pay allimony but you may not have been together long enough for her to claim that.

[ghost69]

prove she didn't work. you shouldn't have to give her crap. glad you learned though.

[ghost69]

wow rodeo. glad you beat it...both times. hats off.

 

everytime i read the title of this thread, i think to myself, what is the big deal? you are lucky to be single again.

[Pending_Thought]

I am going through a simliar situation, my exwife and i both had some serious depressional issues in our past that we never resolved that just ate away at the both of us. I think seperation is the only thing that could have helped the both of us, we both need to figure out what we want from life, and to realize the things in our past are just that, in the past. I hope you hold on to your view of this as a learning experience, its a hard thing to say and keep in focus... but eventually you truly do see it that way.

[Batya33]

Did you believe back then that the time spent on line typing and talking before you met counted as time getting to know each other the same as dating in person? Do you think you got attached through the typing and talking and thereforeeee couldn't look objectively at her issues/lack of compatibility once you met in person?

[ghost69]

everyone needs a drastic change sometime to find out who they are....as well as find out how stupid people can be.

[hardcharger]

i don't think divorce is always the best options, but for sure in many cases it is! every case is different, having a terrible short marriage with no kids is a good reason to get a divorce instead of prolonging the agony for both of you. good luck in your new life.

[SummerGirl38]

I live in Ohio and the law for alimony here is...

 

One year of alimony for every seven years of marriage, but regardless of that point. Even if you do have to pay it, to me, it would be worth it just to have some peace in my life.

 

Well it sounds like you have your head screwed on straight over the whole thing atleast. Now you know what you want and what you don't want in the future.

 

Just sorry you had to wear your dinner over it, lucky for you it wasn't hot soup, lol, (JUST KIDDING) poor guy!

 

Furthermore, if someone threw my dinner in my face, I guess I would be greatful they are gone, it shows no respect and it's degrading.

 

Sounds like you did the right thing

 

Good luck to you!

[ghost69]

and it's usually the guy paying the girl. pfffft.