the first time...

[stratguy620]

So...

 

the gf is coming into town this weekend to stay with me for a few days. We have yet to go all the way, but we've done everything else. We have talked about it together, and we are planning to go ahead and sleep together while she's here. The thing is, I'm a virgin, while she is not. I love this girl to death, I really do. She makes me happy and I am 100% comfortable with her. But, for some reason, I'm terrified. I don't know why...I guess it's just a big step in our society. My biggest concern is that my nervousness will translate into um, an inability to perform, so to speak, so...

 

does anyone have any advice to help calm my nerves? Like I said, I'm crazy about this girl, and would want to lose it to no one but her, yet I still have this anxiety...

[jsx730]

Just don't feel pressured into doing it. If you have a solid relationship, the oppurtunity will be there as long as you need it.

 

Have you done anything else with this girl? Or are you just jumping straight to intercourse? Getting to know each other's bodies beforehand can really relieve alot of the nervousness and tension.

[Belgian girl]

I think she will understand it if it wouldn't work out at once

I think you should just make sure there's enough foreplay and she will help and comfort you as well I guess

But I'm a virgin as well so I think I can't give that much advice

[light bulb]

Just accept that you are probably not going to be great your first time, you're probably not going to last very long, and you're probably going to feel very, very awkward.

 

But its to be expected! You don't jump in a car for the first time with the skills of a Formula 1 race car driver.

 

My best advice would be to try to stop building the sex up in your head. Quit talking about it, quit setting dates for it to happen, and just let things "be." Go into your normal routine with her and once you think she's ready, put your condom on and ease into it. Since she has experience, she should be helping you out along the way. If not, just do whatever's natural.

[JoeWho]

Exactly what oatmeal said. Don't think about it, just let it happen. If you start thinking about it too much you will get yourself all worked up and nervous and then things wont exactly work as they are supposed to.

 

Turn your brain off then relax and enjoy the experience.

[JimmerJammer]

I remember my first time. I was pretty nervous despite being really comfortable with her. It helped me to focus on bringing her pleasure and working on doing everything I could to fulfill that. What I didn't do was focus on the things that WOULD cause problems, you know: thinking about size, how good you are, how attentive you're being and anything else that involves any type of wondering. I find its MUCH better to just DO what you feel will get results and seeing how she reacts. Then when it comes time for her to work on you, enjoy it. Don't think about it and remember to BREATHE. That energy has to go somewhere and its better to circulate it throughout your body instead of having it come out in a spluge of semen.

 

Also I find going slow helps (during foreplay and initially) for both of you. Girls like the gentle touch and it'll help you to get a hold of any nerves or anxiety you may be feeling at the time. As well as the chance to remind yourself to focus on giving and receiving pleasure as opposed to worrying about it all.

 

best of luck mate and sex is something to experience with your body open to receiving its greatest pleasures.

[scarew]

Take the others advice. Especially about not talking up sex too much in your head. If you have already done everything else with your girlfriend, there is no reason why you should be nervous! Its simply the next step, so don't fret about it too much. Besides, no woman would judge her bf on his first time (assuming that she knows its your first time). Relax!

[Aurian]

Well, if you've done everything else, just start with some of that to ease into things, kinda like foreplay. Its familiar ground so you'll feel less scared. And if it feels right, take it one step further...