G/F Faking Orgasm From Cunnilingus

[Cardinal]

Aussie,

 

Thanks for posting that.

 

This issue matters to me primarily because I care about pleasing my partner and I don't want her to feel the need to fake orgasms with me. While that may serve a decent purpose in some relationships, I want the best for ours. And I don't think that is likely to be the case if she feels the need to fake orgasms. I am not a religious person. I do not have blind faith in anything. I try to form opinions based on reason and based on the experiences I have with a partner. My goals in life revolve around seeking happiness for me and those around me.

 

Funny you bring up the issue of cheating. It is quite possible I don't have a jealous bone in my body. If by happenchance, I discovered a partner cheating on me, I would likely not react in any violent or overly emotional way. If a partner chooses to cheat on me, that is ultimately not in my full control. It is her decision. I'd be more than happy if my girlfriend went to clubs as often as she liked to and talked or danced with any number of guys if she so chooses. So far in 2 months, I have gone to the movies with a female friend once. My g/f trusted me, but not without verification. Once she was convinced I wasn't attracted to this girl, she more or less let the issue slide (a picture could have proved the point but so far has been unnecessary). When she talked about it, she was very cautious in asking me questions, but at the same time direct in the sense that she needed to know if this girl mattered to me more than as a friend. Trust, but only with verification.

 

In the two months I have been with her, we obviously haven't been in bed the whole time. I know a lot about her religious upbringing and her strong family values. In short, I have noticed no indication that she might cheat on me and so far every indication that she would indeed be faithful. So if anything, we have built trust in that part of the relationship based on learning each other (how our minds work, our morals, our ethics, upbringing etc) and based on having spent real time in a exclusive relationship together. Similarly, I intend over time to build the same level of trust in the orgasm department (by learning everything about her body and mind wrt to sex that I can) and by allowing enough time to pass to build that trust. So, no I don' t go into a sexual relationship and immediately blindly trust a partner not to fake an orgasm, especially when there are quite a few signs that it may not be real.

 

If I had maybe 10-15 good clues that my girlfriend was cheating on me and only her word that she wasn't, I'd be pretty foolish and naive not to question things, now wouldn't I (especially if I had only been with her occasionally for 2 months)? But please do not assume that just because I don't trust my g/f in some areas that I somehow distrust her or that there is any rational reason why our relationship should eventually wither and die based on my approach. I only doubt a SO when I am given good reason to doubt. Keep in mind I have read quite a few stories about how women have faked with men for years. I have also been with at least one partner that admitted doing it. I hardly think the best approach for a man to take would be to sit back and be oblivious. Blindly trusting a partner without paying attention to everything about her where it matters itself is doomed to fail imo! That doesn't help either partner and is likely part of the cause of the problem. Of course I hope my g/f orgasms are real. But from what I have to go on now, I am biased in the other direction. I have her word that they are real, but every other indication that they may not be. There is no reason that I need to draw a stubborn unyielding conclusion just yet. I can take all the time I need to observe. With time and patience many things become clear.

[Altruist]

Let her pee right there if the urge arises while massaging her. The golden showers could add a new dimension to the foreplay.

[Shadows Light]

Cardinal.... GREAT POST!!!!!

 

I liked one of the comments, you sound like its a "MILITARY OPERATION" lol.

 

And my thought was... "Whats wrong with that?" Its refreshing to see a person who actually has a want and a willingness to want to learn and to be open in regards to sexual relations.

 

You sound a lot like me. I have a tendency to take a quite analytical approach to most things in my life. The scientific method. I read. I read. I read. I research. I put to practice what I've read and experiment to see what works. Not every technique works for the practictioner or the ...lol.. intended recipient. Which is great. Kinda like working a giant puzzle isn't it.

 

Its amazing to find a partner who is as open as you are and is running their own.. "Military Operation"... thats when sparks definitely fly.

 

Faking an orgasm. GUILTY AS CHARGED. For me I think it had a lot to do with inexperience and not wanting to disapoint my partner.

 

I "LOVE" oral stimulation. But I've learned over the years that I can not be a passive partner during cunninglus and just lay there. First... I have to relax...and learn how to enjoy the sensation and the touches. I've often written on this forum trying to pass along info I have learned. Its not just the genital area that gets you there.... its everything else with it.

 

Light touches and carresses all over the body. Kissing.. licking.. touching other areas of her body. Her inner thigh. The back side of her knee. The calf. The ankle. And yes... lets not forget about her feet. The instep and her pretty little toes. Making love to her whole body and not just her genitals.... prepping her nether regions before you actually get there. That is a definite turn on.

 

I've also learned that silence is "NOT GOLDEN" in the bedroom. I like to hear the ahhhh's and mmmmmm's... and I let mine out as well. I like to laugh.... and yeah.. there is a time and place for sweet nice comments... and grin.... a little diry chatter. lol.

 

There are times when my lover can take all the time in the world with me... and yet if I reached down (even though my brain tells me I am excited) I'm as dry as the sahara desert. Doesn't mean I am not excited.

What it does mean is that its gonna take me a whole lot longer to start climbing and climax.

 

If I passively just lay there, I wouldn't get there at all. The brain is the biggest sex organ. What I've learned to do is.... talk myself into it. How??? Ohhhhh... I might set the stage in my head and transport us to an exotic location. All the reading I do includes romance novels. In there are tonz of titilating scenarios that get to me. So I might go back to one of my favorite books and scenarios.... and put my partner and I in the starring roles..... WOW.. sparks fly. example... Maybe I transport us to a Barn scene and my lover is seducing me in the hay. Or..... maybe we're marooned on a beautiful exotic island in the south seas and my lover is a pirate and I his captive. Or... maybe we are at a party and I talked my lover into taking me into one of the many bedrooms to have a quicky while the noisey din of the party plays in the back ground... the titilation of getting caught adding to the excitement. You catch my drift????

 

The romance novel industry is a billion dollar enterprise and women indulge in the fantasy realm. ME???? I try to get the most bang for my buck if I use those stories that excite me and bring them into the bed room. Its not much difference from bringing a TOY into play... so instead of teaching myself how to FAKE IT WELL.... I'll use what is at my disposal to bring us both over the brink. I've learned that most men love watching a women get off... sometimes even more than them getting there. Sometimes its easier than others for me to get up and over that hill.... but what helps is a partner who is willing to have the patience to stick with it... and not just leave me hang. There are times... when its just not gonna happen. The trip there was great...doesn't mean I didn't enjoy the journey. The hugs, kisses, touches, licks... are all wonderful. However.... If I get left hanging time after time after time.... hmmmm we've got a problem Housten... mission aborted one too many times. NOT GOOD. It'd be like if she gave you a BJ... and everything is going along great and you know your just about to...... and she stops. eeeeeeeek!!!

 

I've talked to several of my girlfriends who CAN'T seem to make that climb and the thought of NOT BEING able to is a viscious circle... they get anxiety and stage fright at the thought of YET AGAIN... not being able to get off. When the thought enters their mind its a mood killer and they can't Relax. Your GF needs to be honest with herself and learn to relax. I often suggest to my friends that they pick up a racey novel... and figure out which scenarios trip their trigger.

 

You also mentioned you had a few books you are utilizing as reference. "SHE COMES FIRST" is an awesome book. It was written for men to use to learn the art of cunninglus. You might suggest she read it.... she may learn more about HER body and how it works. Share your books with her. Take her to a place like "AMBIANCE" or a store for lovers. NOT AN ADULT BOOK STORE... those I find are more geared towards men...and feel cold and impersonal. Find one that in your area that has a softer more sensual feel to it. Walk through the store together and make sure you "LAUGH" and don't take everything so seriously. Learning to laugh at yourselves and finding humor in things lets down a lot of barriers and relaxes you.

 

I love setting the stage with sound, sight, smell, taste, touch.... creating a room of sensuality and seduction. However... I love that stuff in return. I have lots of fun I have in pre-planning a special evening.... and seeing I can knock the socks off of that special someone. And when it comes back around and I get it in return.... WOWWWWW.... thats just awesome... but that only works when you have a partner who is as open and as playful as you are.

 

You have a lot of patience Cardinal... I think thats great. I hope that all your efforts are returned to you ten fold in time and that you get to experience of watching a rose blossem right infront of you. lol.

 

Keep learning. Keep growing. And enjoy the experience.

[Grosse vache]

Since when was having sex a scientific adventure?

[Shadows Light]

Since when was having sex a scientific adventure?

 

Its a personal journey for everyone. There is no right way or wrong way. There is NOTHING wrong in wanting to learn about sexuality. Doing research and experimenting with what works... if thats the path you desire to take and it works for you.

 

There are College classes these days that teach HUMAN SEXUALITY... there are a myriad of workshops couples attend to learn about sexuality and how to be able to get the most out of their equipment.

 

If you want to be a good cook... wouldn't you take a cooking class????

 

If you want to be good at anything.... wouldn't you study it, research it, and put into practice what you learned???

 

We have an educational system that teaches all the things we need to learn to be an adult and make it in the world. But those classes do not include the dynamics of a good relationship. And health classes only gloss over the human sexuality and teach us how NOT to get a disease and how NOT to get pregnant. There are no classes that teach us how to give and receive pleasure. The subject in todays society still seems taboo. And it shouldn't be.... its a normal human bodily function.

 

Its the most fun you can have without getting busted and tossed into jail.

[Grosse vache]

To me sex is all about emotion. Whether that be love, lust or just being downright horny. It isn't a maths problem. But each to their own. Good luck.

[jimthzz]

Dude, if you only have 2-3 hours total aggregate (that term cracked me up as reference to time in the sack) having sex of any kind, I'm thinking you are putting way to much stock in analyzing your couplings with this girl.

 

If she's faking or not is really not that important right now. What is important is that you two connect better and relax with each other.

 

If she feels like a science project she is not going to relax.

 

BTW, if you ever tell her that you have been with other women who go freak when they have an orgasm and she doesn't, all you will do is hurt her and get her to decide she doesn't like you.

[Cardinal]

Shadowslight: Thanks for sharing your perspective. It definitely has made look at things in a different way. A lot of people will benefit from these ideas.

 

I've learned over the years that I can not be a passive partner during cunninglus and just lay there.

Definitely, I feel this will apply to me receiving oral as well. That is definitely a piece of the puzzle that is missing for me = being a more active participant.

 

I love setting the stage with sound, sight, smell, taste, touch.... creating a room of sensuality and seduction. However... I love that stuff in return. I have lots of fun I have in pre-planning a special evening.... and seeing I can knock the socks off of that special someone. And when it comes back around and I get it in return.... WOWWWWW.... thats just awesome... but that only works when you have a partner who is as open and as playful as you are.

 

I'll likely get to experience something of this nature. My girlfriend is very much into acting and we have both already discussed the very real possibility of role play. To open my mind to this sort of artistic expression of sexuality will be a challenge for sure. If there is anywhere I would be comfortable doing something like that, it would indeed be in the bedroom

 

jimthzz,

 

You are very correct. I tend to focus very much on what I have to work with. Especially when that something tastes like smooth sweet honey. Honestly though you are right. I am definitely making an effort to look at the bigger picture at the moment. Will provide a quick update in a minute that should provide decent analytical corroborating evidence of that =D

 

BTW, if you ever tell her that you have been with other women who go freak when they have an orgasm and she doesn't, all you will do is hurt her and get her to decide she doesn't like you.

 

I definitely won't make that mistake. A womans orgasm is very unique to her. I'd suspect most women are quite capable of varying degrees of freakiness when it comes to sounds and thrashing about at the point of orgasm.

[Cardinal]

To think, perceive and act.

 

In philosophy, understanding the above is much like understanding why F= mass*acceleration in Newtonian mechanics. Such a simple equation. But a veritable universe of information at the tip of your fingers. A goal of physics is to explain nature. A goal of philosophy is to explain knowledge and existence. Thinking rationally, what we have to go on in life are our past experiences. The value of those experiences in shaping our choices in life depend on our perceptive abilities. I am a goal oriented individual, with happiness as an ultimate goal. To have any influence over that outcome requires action (or more pertinently reaction).

 

A scientific approach is very intimately tied to my understanding of nature and how I structure my life and acquire knowledge. It reaches to the core of who I am. That I use a scientific approach to relationships should be obvious. It is much of what gives me my drive and ambition. All theories are wrong. Haven't we heard that one before. The value of a scientific theory is in its predictive and explanatory power. The rub for me in a relationship sense came when I first tried to apply generalizations without adequately considering individual differences. That approach fails in both its predictive and explanatory power. In short, its a crappy theory for relationships.

 

So I had to throw that one out.

 

But, advocating sexual awareness, education, experimentation, research and general education on a societal and invidual level is, as shadowslight has alluded, a great example showing the potential benefits from applying a scientific approach to sexual relationships. So far this appears to be a good theory.It represents progress. Ignorance and apathy represent regress. I'd view a disinterest in learning about a partner as more than selfish. It would go against everything I have learned so far in life.

 

Why did I formulate my current approach to looking at this rather myopic little issue (faking orgasms)? Because I think it will do the best possible job at predicting and explaining the situation I find myself in. There is a fine line between making an assumption that a woman is faking an orgasm and gathering evidence that simply support a view (evidence ~ experience here). This issue technically isn't a math problem. But it does involve degrees of certainty.....which makes it a little probabilistic. Conclusion? Like it or not, an analytical nerd like me can make anything a math problem.

 

To me sex is all about emotion. Whether that be love, lust or just being downright horny. It isn't a maths problem. But each to their own. Good luck.

 

Be careful not to take a scientific approach too literally and assume it will make an experience like a lab assay. If anything that would be a gross misinterpretation of what I am trying to get at.

 

Finding out what works for you as an individual through experience (sex is all about emotion)...through participation in these forums by research, sharing ideas, integrating concepts...thinking, perceiving, acting...understanding nature, in this case human nature. That is exactly what I am getting at.

[Day_Walker]

If she is going to fake it then, she is for saking her pleasure and that is something that she needs to be responsible for. If she says nothing then she does not want change.

[Cardinal]

Just wanted to let you guys know how this panned out. Turns out in a lot of ways I was worried over nothing.

 

My g/f doesn't seem particularly interested in oral, giving or receiving.

 

However, she is definitely not faking orgasms now. She relies on a massive back massager vibrator for her orgasms everytime. She generally can't last more than about 40 seconds when she uses it. She is also not into any kind of manual stimulation internally (but really enjoys it externally).

 

I honestly can't remember the last time I had a chance to go down on her. Overall, sex with her has been rather interesting getting used to.