ghost69 Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 touching or not touching, it's still cheating. i think. i wouldn't put up with this situation if i was in it. Link to comment
Devchonka Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 Here's what makes my blood boil: If i was emailing with someone that is male and i met him sometimes, and my husband was worried the way you are and talked to me about it: I would NOT get another email account to sneak around behind his back, I would let him know the password and tell him: Have fun. If there's nothing to worry about then she shouldn't be hiding in secret passwords. I'm starting to think that the only reason she's so much into it is because it's her little secret no-no thing you disapprove of. Zero respect. You...want to make yourself feel better? Find out her email address. Read her emails. If they're innocent then never tell her. Half of why you feel bad is the fact that you don't know why she's hiding her conversations with another man...it MIGHT be because she wants her own little apart from you life, but then it might be that she's cheating on you. Find out. It's your right to know why she's messing with your feelings and putting your marriage and children on the line. Link to comment
isisastaria Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 I just have to say this: People make their SO jealous ON PURPOSE just to see if they would care. Are you giving her enough attention? Why would she go to someone else for attention? Why would she be sneaky. First online, then physical. I know...because I had a friend who did exactly that. Three children and 10 years. You need to talk to your wife and tell her how you feel. In detail. If she thinks you don't care and she needs more attention, she might just see no harm in going for it full fledge. Then you would lose your whole family. Think about it! Link to comment
BikerBoy Posted March 3, 2007 Author Share Posted March 3, 2007 Took my wife to the pub last night. Told her how I feel about it all again. Told her to stop these emails. She was speechless as she did not expect this. Then she turned into a dummy with glazed look and sat like that for 2 hours barely talking to me. She asked several times why do I want her to stop something which doesn't exist etc. no point in going into details... this morning she came saying that if I don't let her write when the guy writes it is like I told her not to say hello to somebody passing in the supermarket and that I am intolerant. Also said, she has no problems whatsoever not to write to the guy but cannot leave his "Hellos" without answer and that I am asking too much... Reiterated how bad I feel about it... she became warmer a bit... said there is nothing more important than our family etc... we'll see... I stated clearly and to the point what it takes for me to get back warmer feelings about her, now it's her turn. Life will verify. Reading her e-mails? No. Below my standards. Trust and love are. I respect one's privacy. And if we cannot come back to it, there is no point in keeping it all together. It will come out at some point anyway. I also think that my wife is emotionally greedy, we created nice family, have everything don't have to worry about money, kids go to good schools, she is well in her comfort zone. She probably needs now attention of others, like probably every woman does.... She is a very attractive woman and we have mainly men company as we are both motorcyclists and most of the guys adore her. And I have no problem with that so mabye I am not totally badly jealous? Well, wish me luck and thanks for good words. This is the first time I told somebody about it and probably, if this forum wasn't anonymous, it wouldn't have happened... It is so unpopular these days to show your feelings in our "COOL and FEEL GOOD fast world". Shame that sometimes this shuffles our priorities and values.... Keep you posted BikerBoy PS. It is lovely sunny day here and I will go out on my motorbike to enjoy some nice twisty roads. I can smell the scent of spring now! Link to comment
BikerBoy Posted March 3, 2007 Author Share Posted March 3, 2007 Can't. She went in the morning (on her own bike) and I stayed with kids, now I'll go and she'll stay with them then I'm hoping we'll spend a nice night in... BB Link to comment
BikerBoy Posted March 5, 2007 Author Share Posted March 5, 2007 Short update. When she tells me she loves me and there is nothing but me in her life I just believe it. You can't lie in this way to your partner. And I don't think I'm naive or blind, I just believe this is the case. She said she was ashamed of doing these stupid e-mails and it is not happening and will not happen again... It's just this stupid damage pf my brain which says that she is not totally open with me anymore. I think in following way - I was looking at whatever I've been doing through her eyes trying to judge if she would be happy if did this or that. Now I think I may become a bit selfish and if I have a friend who is a young and attractive woman, I will not end it but will continue and enjoy it. So far I would think I did not want to hurt her. Now I know it is not hurting her right? And I am 37, in 10 years I am going to be 47 she 45 and herfriend 62, and I may have some nice younger female friends. See what happens Cheers, BB Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 why do you go to the pub to talk about it? people get so emotional and do stupid things when drinking. Link to comment
BikerBoy Posted March 5, 2007 Author Share Posted March 5, 2007 To be on our own, without kids, separate. We usually don't drink and this is a good local pub where you can sit in the quiet corner unnoticed Believe me, you not always have to drink loads of alcohol in pubs Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 oh cool. i was just under the impression you have some beers and end up all mushy. i know too many people that do that. Link to comment
BikerBoy Posted March 5, 2007 Author Share Posted March 5, 2007 no no... too serious for a guy like me to do that Cheers anyway BB Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 keep us posted if your talks worked. Link to comment
BikerBoy Posted March 6, 2007 Author Share Posted March 6, 2007 will do. Had another conversation last night. Very gentle and more or less honest. I feel better now. And I think she genuinly didn't know how harmful it all was for me. Link to comment
BikerBoy Posted March 8, 2007 Author Share Posted March 8, 2007 Well, I know that she still sends him notes. Probably not nasty and OK, but still is doing this despite me asking her to stop it. I feel bad now. Not because they keep emailing each other, but because she does not respect me. I also email with this guy like friends now. Each time I talk to my wife about it now she is becoming cold and says why am I restricting her, when will I let writing to him and that I have no rights for this to stop as this is pure friendship etc. she stated that she has many male friends and this is just one of them. Looks like she is completely not listening. I started thinking about creating my own friends circle, start enjoying life and forget about all this. BB Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 8, 2007 Share Posted March 8, 2007 you should. make sure it is a bunch of women in your 5. lol Link to comment
SummerGirl38 Posted March 16, 2007 Share Posted March 16, 2007 I'm probably going to be the oddball here but I have to say I have been in this situation before and I would crack her code. You don't honestly know if it is only an emotional thing if the guy is coming to your house. She is telling you that you are jealous and crazy. You are psycho is what my ex used to tell me right before I caught him red handed. I KNOW ITS WRONG, I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW, but sometimes you feel it, you know it in your heart and chances are.....YOU'RE RIGHT! Better to know now, than a trip to the Doctor and a bottle of penicillin later. Sorry to put it that way, but it's true. As warped as I know it is, that's my opinion. Link to comment
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