How best to overcome rejection and shyness ?

[onlineguy]

I know girls that I like, I am friendly with them, but look for indications that they like me in more than just a friend way.

 

trouble is i do not apear to get these vibes, so I am reluctant to ask them out. Nobody likes to be rejected, not liked or their feelings not returned. It is showing another that they are of more value to you than you are to them.

 

To my mind it should be 50 50.

 

Any suggestions guys ?

 

(I guess i do not like the feeling of not being wanted, especially if I want the person a lot). What makes this harder is that I do not just wish to go out with anyone, but look for someone who I am very attracted to and who's personality I like.

 

Guess I have very high standards. The girls I go for, receive a lot of emotional interest from guys but you cant help who you like, can you ! ).

[Honey Pumpkin]

Guess I have very high standards. The girls I go for, receive a lot of emotional interest from guys but you cant help who you like, can you !

 

There was an interesting thread on here where someone suggested that shy people often aimed for impossibly high/unattainable people because they were doomed to failure, and thus need not get their toes wet in the dating game. Just a thought.

 

Your post was interesting, but worried. Unprepared to take risks, and that it should be 50/50 attraction. Which sounds great, but you know what? Sometimes life is just not like that. Sometimes you have to put yourself out there, make yourself vulnerable and possibly hurt.

 

So instead of doing these mental calculations, start asking people out. Ask a girl out for a coffee, or a film. Take risks, stop waiting for the perfect girl and the perfect proportion of feelings, just take a chance.

 

Be friendly and outgoing - accept every social invitation that comes your way; make yourself talk to EVERYONE, to all girls, not just your 'high standards'. Someone who is approachable and confident is very attractive you know!

 

And practice makes perfect - the more you put yourself out there, the easier it gets to see it as just a coffee, just a date, not your whole life on the line.

 

Good luck!

[Batya33]

A friend told me she did that with a group of friends - newly divorced, rusty at dating, she and her friends had a contest to see who could go on the most first dates that month. She went on 17 (and won for the women's division, lol) - you could not go with anyone else in the group or anyone you had dated before.

 

It's invaluable for getting to be at ease with yourself and developing social skills - sure, if you're not that interested romantically it's "easier" to be yourself, but it still helps build confidence. And, you never know when that spark will come - if not on the first or second date, could happen on the third or fourth.

 

There is no way to overcome fear of rejection -we all have it - but it's essential if you want a good job, a relationship, other opportunities. And I completely agree with what Honey said about not going after unattainable women. I remember telling my desperately shy male friend in high school just to ask out anyone - so of course he picks the model and of course he gets rejected. Nice going . .. .

 

I also agree with Honey on the 50% thing - the men I asked out - definitely was not 50% - because if it was, I knew they would ask me out eventually so it wasn't necessary (and they did). I just sucked it up - and even when I didn't get rejected for that date, it never materialized into more than one date. I survived - very nicely.

[ghost69]

onlineguy, this is like the 6th post you have had asking basically the same type of question. you need to just try. you will never find things out without trying. if you aren't getting vibes, chances are it's a no.

[Blackhawk2009]

yea im a shy kid and that seems to be my problem too, i look for the perfect girl. Idk its just something i have to get over

[Leonhart]

Some useful advice: How do you present yourself? Do you carry your head with pride, walk with confidence and look decent? Or do you do the opposite of that? Also, where are you seeing these girls? Work? School? Church? On the street? A bar? The setting makes ALL the difference as to how to go about the approach.

 

Let us know, so we can help you. Some settings are more conducive to meeting women than others, and your body language, clothes, attitude and self-image play huge in this area to. How do you measure up?

[marcia]

you never know until you ask. if you are attracted to someone ask them out. if they say no so what. they are not rejecting you. they hardly know you. they just said no to your request.

[ghost69]

if you just sit there and are that quirky guy at the table outside of class, you will never make it anywhere with a woman. you need to ask questions to them, not us. once you get some responses, we can analyze for you.

[Dating Coach]

Nobody likes to be rejected, not liked or their feelings not returned. It is showing another that they are of more value to you than you are to them.

 

This is one of the primary reasons why it's important to ask a girl out fairly soon after meeting them. If you think that you may be attracted to a girl then do it soon before you increase their value in your mind.

 

Think about it.

 

If you meet Betty and she seems really cool and you'd like to get to know her better, then if you ask her for her number or a date within the first few meetings, then you find out where you stand before you've fallen far. You barely know her so being turned down isn't a big deal. You just shrug your shoulders and move on.

 

A lot of shy guys do not do this, but instead continue to try to get close to a girl and spend time with her. Doing this only cause their longing to increase as they fall harder and harder the more they become involved. Of course this increase how much of a value they have with you before you have any idea if she values you back equally. Being rejected here and finding out she only sees you as a friend is devastating. But you know what? The guys who do this built their own prison. Best to get on the ball quick.

[ghost69]

more than likely, you don't get vibes because you don't try the right way.

[Leonhart]

Absolutely, dead-on correct.

 

Happened to me, numerous times. If I had not waited so long, I wouldn't have been so crushed when they said no. In fact, they probably would not have said no, because I would've been displaying confidence, decisiveness and they wouldn't have had time to find someone else. They probably would've thought, "Hey, this guy I like likes me too. Cool!" Instead of "What the hell? You're asking me out now... after I flirted with you two months ago!?" lol

[ghost69]

you should get to know her 2 years before asking her out. let me know what she says.