EricAK Posted July 7, 2007 Share Posted July 7, 2007 I understand. I had to end a relationship with my girlfriend a few weeks ago and she was preganat and it ended in an abortion and I am consumed with guilt and thoughts of the unborn entity. It is killing me. She too was manipulative, she lied, and she used me. But, she told me all sorts of things and I believed her. I miss the intimacy, the touch and the having someone there, even if it is a bad choice, to have support and try to muddle through this world as best as I can. It is easier with someone. I am the one who ended it, but the pain is enormous and I simply cannot figure out what to do. You are not alone in the turmoil. I don't know what to say to help, but you are not alone. Eric Link to comment
mca1975 Posted July 7, 2007 Share Posted July 7, 2007 hi there, right decisions are always the hardest to get over. its the detachment thing, it hurts so much not having it and geting used to not having it. erikA., i too had to end my relationship six months ago and i missed him so badly, i would ache. but i couldnt be with him any longer, but i missed the company, the touch, the cuddles, the sex all of that stuff. Link to comment
buba Posted July 9, 2007 Author Share Posted July 9, 2007 I am sure, it wasn't easy for him to leave me...we were married after all. It's like recovering from addiction...you get better and then you relapse. In my case, it's every four months or so... God, It's really annoying...wonder if I will be able to raise above all this for good and never look back...so hard to let go... Link to comment
swtsmr93 Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 buba I think you are exactly right and it is an addiction and that is why it's such a hard thing to break. This is not a negative but I do not think you will ever be able to never look back. I was married for 7 years and I know that I don't think of my ex everyday anymore I know I will always think of him. I've had a really hard time looking back on memories with anything other than hate and resentment after relationships because I hate the way they have ended. It was just recently that I thought about how I felt at that moment something really good was happening or the memory of a time and how I felt at that time. I normally end up feeling horrible afterwards about what I no longer have. But this time I decided to sort of parcel it into it's own. It was a beautiful memory of a time I cherished and I didn't detract from that with the feelings of loss. I am probably not making any sense! But what I am trying to say is that in each post you are really hard on yourself about where you should be or feel. But if you set the bar too high it keeps that viscious circle going. Link to comment
beebee Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 buba... i see such a paralell between you and i... its so hard to forget... i dont think there has been a day in 3 1/2 years that i havent thought about him... goofy isnt it?... i wonder many times if im addicted to pain... anyway, after reading your thread, there was one thing that struck me... you are going for your PHD and he is a pothead going nowhere... id bet the "dog, farm and first born" on the premise that he felt inferior to you in many ways... instead of being proud of being with someone like you, he became resentful because he knew he couldnt compare with you... you were way above him in his mind... so thereforeeee, he had to bring you down to his level by hurting you... make sense?... not that it may mean a whole hell of alot at this time because your in such pain... im praying for you still... be well... God bless... beebee "i love you but, you dont rollerblade"... Link to comment
buba Posted July 9, 2007 Author Share Posted July 9, 2007 bebee, I felt it at times... His inferiority... Yes, I am working on my Ph.D and he is a pothead going nowhere...I loved him anyway... It does bother me that I haven't been able to move on.In such a long time...I dated others, it's not working for me. Is it better to be alone? concentrate on work/school? Sounds sad....I used to be happy...I remember how it felt... As i said earlier, the last 2.5 years were really hard, I was trying to survive. And here I am...still trying... Link to comment
beebee Posted July 10, 2007 Share Posted July 10, 2007 (Is it better to be alone? concentrate on work/school?) quote from buba yes darling... it is... what else are you going to do?... God bless... beebee "i love you but, you dont rollerblade"... Link to comment
buba Posted August 22, 2007 Author Share Posted August 22, 2007 Just a little update... I am finally doing much better. Geez, it took me forever... I am seing someone and he is a really nice guy. He treats me with respect and shares many of my interests. No, I am not crazy about him, but I am enjoying his company. I still have flashbacks, but not nearly as painful. I am a bit scared cause I tend to have relapses of pain every 3-4 months. I feel stronger though. I've been seing this guy for 2.5 months now...he kinda grew on me...I am starting to really like him... I thought I'll never make it. Time heals. NC helps a great deal. Just wanted to share my feelings. Link to comment
Clabs Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 Hey buba! That is great news - fantastic. I am so glad things are working out for you. Take care of yourself. Mark Link to comment
buba Posted August 22, 2007 Author Share Posted August 22, 2007 Thanks Clabs. I seriously thought that my ex will be the end of me...was so depressed, even suicidal. All of a sudden I find myself thinking about this new guy and looking forward to seing him... For those of you who are hurting...it took me 2.5 years. Things do get better. Link to comment
Clabs Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 Hey buba This is so inspirational because despite being at your very very lowest ebb - suicidal even, you still managed to pick yourself up and dust yourself off. This proves that we CAN all get over our ex's - that there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Mark Link to comment
buba Posted August 22, 2007 Author Share Posted August 22, 2007 Clubs,and as a result of it all,I went back to school and got my masters...now working on my PH.D...I would of never done it with him around. He hated my desire to go back to school... Link to comment
buba Posted January 10, 2008 Author Share Posted January 10, 2008 Here I am...five months later... Doing much better,dating someone special... He is pretty much history. believe me, It does get better with time! Link to comment
buba Posted January 10, 2008 Author Share Posted January 10, 2008 Thank you lady D. It was a long and painful journey and I thought it was going to kill me... I thought that I'll never love again. trust me...it's not the end of the world...you will love again! Link to comment
Clabs Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 hey Buba! This is great news and I am so happy that things are going better for you - good for you, honey - you so enjoy to be happy! Thanks for the inspirational post! Mark Link to comment
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