does anyone else feel like this?

[Daligal83]

I'm just sick of not liking myself. I look in the mirror and don't like what I see. I exercise 4 times a week to improve my body and while it's gotten better, I still can't stand how I look. My face has been breaking out in acne lately, which isn't helping me at all. I just wish I could fix these parts of myself, but it feels like no matter how hard I try, it'll never change. My boyfriend always tells me how beautiful I am, and while I believe that he means it, I just can't see what he sees. I'm just really sick of it.

[Leonhart]

Sure. Many times I hate the body I was given, and would love to change many aspects of it. But look on the bright side, you have a boyfriend, so you probably have no reason to feel down on yourself in the first place! AND he tells you you're beautiful! Believe him over yourself, because I'm sure he's right and you're not seeing things clearly at all!

[Batya33]

I know this is going to sound corny, but a friend of mine who feels like you (shes happens to be a knockout - this type of problem has nothing to do with actual looks) do tried postive affirmations said to herself in the mirror - I know she mentioned a book that had some helpful guidelines on how to do it effectively.

 

Question - does your boyfriend's desire of you affect your self-image - do you feel better/more beautiful because of his desire?

 

Another question - while you are exercising, how do you feel about your body then (I typically feel great at that time).

[EvaGina]

I TOTALLY know what you mean... I normally lookin the mirror and all I can see are my separate parts and how much I hate them.

 

Then yesterday, I caught a glimpse of myself and realised Im really not that bad... I might not be a "knockout" as Batya puts it but Im not malformed or anything.

 

Think about it this way... the small things you like about his body... the way his shoulder curves into his spine or how his arm is shaped, or any of those small, amazing things we love about our partners... he has them about you.

 

He probably finds your hip, or back of your neck, or that little bit of soft skin that joins your thigh to your buttock... completely amazing

[Daligal83]

Haha nothing about my thighs or butt is amazing...but I get your point. He knows how I feel about myself and he's always saying the opposite and that he wishes I could see what he does. I just get annoyed with my body cause it's things I truly can't change...like my cankles or the fat on my thighs that aren't in a place you can workout, or the fat over my knees. I won't wear shorts because I just can't stand how my legs look.

 

Batya-he does make me feel better because he doesn't hide how much he loves me and how attractive he finds me and it makes me feel good. And I usually feel great when I'm working out, especially right after...until I look around and see other people in MUCH better shape and know that I will never look like them. Genetics just doesn't make it possible.

[Batya33]

Ooohhh the comparison-demons have hit you I see . .. . ;-). It's so hard to get to a place of acceptance of your body (especially hard for us girls!) but I wish that for you - I do not have that all of the time but enough of the time so that it is a familiar enough feeling.

[EvaGina]

No matter how hot someone is, they still have fat/ugly/greasy/bad hair days...

[Daligal83]

I know...but I'm sick of having those days most of the days out of the week. I don't find myself attractive at all. It's so hard to find clothes that look good on me because I have a weird body shape. I think the fact that I had to skip working out today because I'm sick and making me feel worse...

 

On the bright side...my boyfriend cracks me up and just put a huge smile on my face

[JimmerJammer]

Hey Daligal83,

 

You know its interesting to hear how you have a bf who clearly tells you how attractive you are to him, which you believe, and how it doesn't seem to impact the fact that you see yourself as unattractive. I have been the one looking in the mirror and seriously hating what I see. I've been told countless times by others that I'm handsome, attractive, sexy and hot (usually I'm told I'm cute though). Yet even though they tell me these things it seems to matter only what I think. If I feel I'm ugly, then their opinion and thought doesn't change the fact that I still feel I am.

 

What's frustrating is that it seems to be the hardest thing to do; which is to accept yourself as you are. Its easiest to look at yourself and go "I hate that bit of flab where my (stomach, neck, butt, arm) is" or "these stretch marks make me look hideous." I can't even take my shirt off at the beach because of my stretch marks. The sad part is that I'm actually in really good shape and have abs... just I feel ugly because of the stretch marks. It causes so much insecurity inside me that I fail to get physical with women because of it. I'm so worried about how they'll react to it, that I'll retract from going further just so they won't reject me for my imperfection.

 

Now I know that there are people out there who care about me and mean it when they say that I'm making a big deal out of it and I do my best to feel better by telling myself I'm attractive and all that. I find that its really up to us in the end to make ourselves attractive. I don't mean through other means, but simply through our thoughts and perceptions of ourselves. If we believe we're ugly, then we're right in our minds. The first step I took to getting into shape dealt with changing how I felt about myself and I accomplished great feats as a result, only now I'm stuck with these stretch marks and I'm having a hard time moving passed that. What helps for me is to know that the stretch marks serve as a reminder of where I came from and who I used to be, as proof that I took action and did something to improve myself. Another step I've taken is that while I may be fearful of the other person's response, I'll go through with it anyways and face the fear that I'm unattractive, afterall if I put my reaction and feelings on someone elses view then its no wonder I'll affirm it when I see disapproval.

 

I hope you've understood from my post that while many of us go through torment and self-torture through how we view ourselves in the mirror and picture ourselves in our heads, that it also deals a lot with just that; how we view ourselves. Its also why it can be both a helpless case and a cause for change. As a lot of the time, if we actually saw how others see us maybe we wouldn't be so hard on ourselves.