The Scrambled Eggs Question

[Daligal83]

I definitely go for the small details. For example, last semester my boyfriend made his first trip here to visit me. He brought me a present as a surprise and it was perfect. He got me a purple orchid plant. It was perfect because 1) I had wanted a plant for my new apartment 2) My favorite color is purple and I'm slightly obsessed with it and 3) My favorite flower is an orchid. He's really good about the little details. Another example...I was having a hard week at one point and he wrote on my facebook that he knew that I was going to check facebook as soon as I got home so he decided to write me and wish me good luck with everything I was doing. He's so great about it now, I can only imagine how great it's going to be when we're not long distance!

[Devchonka]

I'd say that yes it does make me feel a stronger...actually, it reminds me of his strong connection to me everytime he mentions somethign about me I would think no one except me would know. Example:

 

We we're watching a show, the man comes home very late, drunk without calling his girlfriend. He wants a sandwhich, asks her to make one. She's sweet so she says alright and goes to make one. While she's making it he says something drunk and says screw the sandwhich I'm going to bed.

 

My boyfriend says (as I'm thinking it: if i were her I'd...) If it was you, you'd finish making the sandwhich then yell at me while eating it, then laughs. A normal person will drop the sandwhich and go argue but lol I'm weird.

 

That freaked me out lol. He does that kind of stuff all the time, i do too. We think the same things and get each other.

 

I remember one time he looks at me and says: humm, you're wearing your rings on the wrong fingers. I didn't get it at first but when i looked at my hands a realized two of the three silver rings were switched in place accidentaly. It was weird that he noticed.

 

I know he likes two sunny side eggs, with rye toast buttered, and frenchfries instead of homefries in the morning, if he's tired he orders coffee but otherwise he orders a coke. He knows I like eggs whites, no oil, wheat toast unbuttered...then when I get it it all goes together with a giant squirt of ketchup into sandwhiches. Also coffee, always. He also knows he won't order food for me because i always tweak it in some weird way. And I know he's always up for eating fruit in the morning when I least expect it.

[rocio]

Actually, come to think of it, I do get a bit annoyed when my bf doesn't remember specific things. For example, I think his ex used to love watching friends. So he assumes that I love it. But I don't like it and never watch it. Even after living together for several months, he still thinks I like it!

[EvaGina]

Actually, come to think of it, I do get a bit annoyed when my bf doesn't remember specific things. For example, I think his ex used to love watching friends. So he assumes that I love it. But I don't like it and never watch it. Even after living together for several months, he still thinks I like it!

 

I HATE THAT!!!

The worst is when they do it about communication things, like.... his ex wanted to be left alone to cool off when she was angry, which is the WORST thing to do to me!! I just want to be held. So if I get annoyed, he backs off, making me worse!! until I have to tell him to suck it up and cuddle me...

[Grosse vache]

Has anyone else noticed that not one male has posted a reply to this topic?

[Batya33]

Obviously they're too busy trying to find out how their SOs like their eggs, going out and purchasing said eggs, experimenting with the eggs to get them just right, etc. Better hurry up - if you have time to post, you're falling behind!! ;-)

[caro33]

I came to this thread far too late Batya, but good thread.

 

I can affect a deep voice and try and suck you all in but you know I am a woman.

 

The fact that my husband paid attention to me was one of the most important things about this relationship and has set it apart from all my other ones. He listens to all the intensely boring details about my work and remembers. I might speak out loud randomly and say "oh I must remember to book that meeting with Joe Bloggs" and he calls me or emails me at work the next day and mentions this to me to remind me. He's a freak of nature.

 

He went shopping on his own last night because I was exhausted and feeling sorry for myself and he brought home a bonanza of treats for me, including something I bought once, took to work and then told him (once) was nice. He got the brand and flavour and everything right.

 

I know I am being heard, I know that no matter how boring I am he pays attention because he loves me. He doesn't notice when I cut my hair most of the time, or which specific clothes I wear, but that's fine. He notices what I say. To me, that's hugely important. My past relationships have tended to be with narcissists who just want a witness to their own glory.

[melrich]

Has anyone else noticed that not one male has posted a reply to this topic?

 

LOL. Is that right?

 

I would be very, very surprised if you could ask me a question about my partner that I wouldn't know the answer to. But you sort of get to that level when you live together.

 

But I can buy her clothes, jewellery, food, drink, make-up, perfume, hygiene products and know exactly what she wants.

[Batya33]

What I wonder is - even if you live together, you have to choose to "know" your partner - in the way that Caro describes in her post. Those nuances that only someone who really cares/loves you would notice and comment on in a positive or banter-ish way. But, I haven't really lived with anyone so I defer to you all who have.

[caro33]

I lived with an ex for several of the 10 years we were together and he knew bugger all about what I liked and did not like. He wasn't bad, but he was self-involved. I think people can definitely choose to not see you and the detail of your life, even if they share your space and purport to love you. So yes, it's a choice to notice or not notice. I tend to think that "noticing" puts a relationship on a higher and perhaps more sustainable plane.

 

But there are always things that differ with what to notice - like I said my husband is not so into clothes, jewellry etc. I wouldn't leave him to pick that stuff for me at all because we have different tastes and he has no faith in his own ability to judge fashion, let alone know whether that dress etc he saw would fit into the right Caro-genre.

 

So it depends what the couple and your SO values. If they notice what they value, that's great. Do you know what I mean? Not sure I made sense there.

[melrich]

Yeah to an extent I guess. But when you are in a domestic routine for some time you are exposed to so much about the other person that I think would be very hard to know if you weren't living together.

 

I mean I guess if your in a relationship and not living together you probably know favourite colors, foods, perfumes etc. But as an example, if I gave my partner flowers, I could tell you beforehand the 2 or 3 vases she will try, the 3 or 4 places she'll try placing them and probably the one she'll end up choosing.

 

You see the thought processes and actions day in and day out so you just sort of "know" things. I am certainly not claiming this is any great effort on my behalf, it just sort of comes about because you are in such close proximity all the time. To be honest you probably don't even know you know thse things until you think about them.

[Batya33]

Yes, but are you motivated to refer to those things or react to those things by mentioning them or in your behaviors so that she feels understood or acknowledged?

[melrich]

Well I am not sure a 100% what you mean but for example I know how she likes her tea so I make it like that. I know the clothes she likes to wear so I buy those types of clothes from her favourite shops, I know the sorts of things she likes as treats so I get those etc etc.

 

So I suppose knowing these sorts of things does influence how you interact, if that's what you mean.

[Batya33]

It sounds like you choose to let it influence how you interact - if you didn't care, you might notice all these things but it wouldn't occur to you to do the lovely/caring things you do for her.

[melrich]

if you didn't care, you might notice all these things

 

That is possible. I think different people are tuned to different things. So for all of what I just posted, I totally tune out when it comes to social arrangements. So when my partner says we are having dinner with X on Saturday night and an hour later I say "Are we doing anything Saturday night?" it does her head in. She probably doesn't care that I could tell you every detail of her routine in the shower.

 

It's like some people are tuned to mess and others aren't. What's important to some people may not be to others and that can include two people in a relationship I guess.

 

If my partner heard that Julia Roberts line she'd think "What a crock", me I can understand it.

[Batya33]

I guess the answer is to plan to take showers on Saturday night . .. . ;-)

[FrancisHouseman]

mmmmmmmmm, tomatos on toast

 

 

sorry off topic but I love tomatoes on toast with salt and pepper! mnn he he

 

 

on topic:

 

He can tell instantly when something is wrong with me and he turns the TV off, hides the remotes from me and doesnt let me leave the room until we have talked it out, because he knows how scared I get talking about my emotions..and then i cry and he never makes me feel stupid.

 

He knows I like my tea strong but milky and my coffee strong and dark

 

he knows i prefer white chocolate

 

he doesnt notice how i make the bed and he makes it wrong (After ive nagged him to do it for ages!)

 

he doesnt take the hint and buy me flowers even when i stop at flower shops as we walk down the road and say over and over "arent these lovely..."

 

but as far as the little things go. He knows me!