Are Most Gay People Really Molested As A Child?

[isisastaria]

I always wish the best for all people but dang, I really wish love to gay people. I can't imagine what they must go through

[isisastaria]

My friend just found out her husband was molesting their daughter. I want to see him in jail for a very very long time. Hopefully he will get pay back in jail, too.

[EvaGina]

I read a story about a guy here who has just been jailed for the abuse of FIFTEEN boys between the ages of 3 and 15... the things these kids went thorugh...

 

I would give him the chair if possible.

[Parsley]

It always makes me wonder when I meet gay people that fulfill the stereotype - whether or not they are actually that way or is it a social thing? I had a gay singing teacher who was in every sense of the word, fabulous! He owned. Through my whole relationship with my ex (the one is gay now) we all joked about him being gay, because he fit the stereotype so well. And now he is! It's something I wonder about a lot.

 

And I think you can be safe in knowing that he will get what he deserves. The father in the case my mum was a juror for got 18 years (not nearly enough, in my opinion. Life should mean life) and the officers said he'd already been threatened on numerous occasions. Paedophiles are the ones that they all hate in there - regardless of what they themselves have done.

 

The thing that really makes me nervous about that case is; social services only removed them from their house because the children were so absolutely filthy, and teachers had reported it. It was a long time before the children disclosed what had been happening. If the parents had washed those kids....they would have gotten away with it.

[isisastaria]

The main question I guess I had was about men and if they are gay. Please don't get mad that I am asking this! I mean NO harm!

 

There was a group of guys on a radio station talking about how they "became gay" after being molested as boys by men. Then they went on to describe that since then, they learned that they weren't really "gay". They just thought that sex was the way you were supposed to show affection to other men because that was all they knew (or were taught).

 

So my question is, do you all think that there are some gay men out there who think they are gay because of abuse as a child instead of having the gay gene? Really interesting

[EvaGina]

The main question I guess I had was about men and if they are gay. Please don't get mad that I am asking this! I mean NO harm!

 

There was a group of guys on a radio station talking about how they "became gay" after being molested as boys by men. Then they went on to describe that since then, they learned that they weren't really "gay". They just thought that sex was the way you were supposed to show affection to other men because that was all they knew (or were taught).

 

So my question is, do you all think that there are some gay men out there who think they are gay because of abuse as a child instead of having the gay gene? Really interesting

 

That makes perfect sense

 

Its sort of the male parralel of girls whos fathers were abscent, sleeping around

[isisastaria]

Right...makes sense....

[FoxLocke]

I was never raped or molested. And how does this question account for the millions of heterosexual people who were raped and molested as children? To me this is just another way of trying to prove that GLBT people defective degenerates who were made into what they are.

[rocio]

So my question is, do you all think that there are some gay men out there who think they are gay because of abuse as a child instead of having the gay gene? Really interesting

 

I would be interested to see a study of a large population that compares the proportion of gay persons vs. straight persons who have been molested to the proportion of gay vs. straight persons who haven't been molested. I doubt that there would be a significant difference, but I do think it's possible. I believe that most persons are not purely hetero or homosexual, but rather somewhere on the spectrum in-between. There are many persons out there who are gay but refuse to admit it. Perhaps men who have already had sex with men (whether it was forced or consensual) are more likely to admit that they are gay.

[pianoguy]

While I do think it may be possible, I suspect that it's more along the lines of what paisley80 said- post-traumatic disorder as a rationale for being gay. I also think it's both insulting and misleading to assume that because someone is gay they must have been abused as a child. Yes it could be possible, but the vast majority of gay people have not been abused.

[isisastaria]

Look what I found when researching the subject online!

 

(e) Being molested when young?

 

This is another old idea without any credible data.

 

It comes from the mistaken assumption that people are innately heterosexual, but are "converted" to homosexuality through bad experiences, or through exposure to other homosexual persons during their formative years.

 

It is contradicted by the increasing evidence of a biological basis for homosexuality.

 

It is also contradicted by the fact that the vast majority of homosexual persons do not have any experiences of being molested, just like the vast majority of heterosexual persons.

 

Of the unfortunate few who have been molested by others of the same sex, some have turned out to be homosexual, while others have turned out to be heterosexual. Of those who have been molested by people of the opposite sex, some have turned out to be homosexual too, but others heterosexual. No observable pattern has ever been shown.

[isisastaria]

YOU GUYS WERE RIGHT!!! Should I tell my friend who's brother died? Do you think that will hurt or help?

[fredv3b]

I have a close friend who had a gay brother (he died 6 years ago). She has serious anger for his childhood molester who was a man. She thinks her brother wouldn't be gay if he were never molested and thereforeeee would have never been sick and died so young. She and her brother were best friends. She has suffered a serious serious loss and I think she is just upset for now and wants revenge.

 

I am curious, he died 6 years ago but why are you posting this now? Has it been playing on your mind, has your friend being bringing her feelings up in conversation more often, have you only just discovered what really happened, or what? I ask because I think it would affect what you should say or not say to your friend.

[isisastaria]

I am posting it now because she and I became closer recently and she just opened up these pent-up feelings. She wants justice on the guy even now. At her mother's funeral recently (yes, very sad)...I saw a picture of her brother and she later tearfully told me all about it. I wonder if it would help her let go of this whole thing a little emotionally. I don't know if the statute of limitations will prevent her from being able to catch this molester now or not. And they always do it because they can't stop usually or it just gets more weird and obsessive. So I was thinking that maybe she could get him for molesting a kid more recently...you know? Maybe go back and see what the guy is doing and what kids have been around them and take action. Not sure what should happen.

[fredv3b]

I think there are two issues here, justice (in the legal sense) and 'emotional closure' for your friend. I cannot possibily comment on legal issues in your part of the world. As for 'emotional closure' you could try convincing her that her borther's sexual orientation was unrelated to the molestation. You may or may not be able to suceed in doing this. It may help her come to terms with things if she felt the molester was not to blame for her brother's death. However, it might actually make things worse. I am presuming that her brother died of AIDS, terrible assumption I know and please tell me if I am wrong. Your friend think that her brother's sexual orientation is to blame for his death thereforeeee whoever is to blame for his sexual orientation is to blame for his death. Blaming his molestor might actually be a psychological 'defense mechanism' to avoid blaming her brother himself.

 

Perhaps a safer way to help her would be to try and get her to think of AIDS as just one of many killer diseases in the world today. And just like other diseases there is no-one to blame. However she is your friend and you will have to judge how she is truly thinking. Probably an issue to tackle slowly and carefully.

 

However a word of warning. I do not know any of the above to be true they are just guesses based on what you have said and my own meandering experiences of life.

[Kinzie]

I am gay. What I believe is that you are born gay. You are born with this and it is sad that society has made it a "bad" thing. However I also believe that certain psychological events in your life can turn you gay. You can have your opinions changed by what happens to you in life. Whether or not this has anything to do with molestation I have no clue. I suppose if the experience was that traumatic maybe it could, but in most cases I would have to say that being molested doesn't cause people to be gay. It can play a factor in it though.

[isisastaria]

I was talking to a pediatric surgeon. This topic came up because the topic of hemaphrodites came up. We were talking about different cells, development, etc...

 

He said there have been instances where babies are born mostly male but made female because they have both genitalia. The doctors can make a wrong guess. So that child grows up liking the same sex because they were actually mostly male. This is why I do not believe we should ever judge a "gay" person. I don't think it's our job. That would be far too big of a burden for a mere mortal. That's why God says to just love everyone and leave the judging to him. (He's perfectly capable and we aren't, thank you).

[pianoguy]

Just for clarification-

 

The people you identified aren't normally described as gay, I believe the correct term is transgendered (somebody correct me if I'm wrong please- is it transsexual?).

 

Gay men don't have female sexual organs or the desire to be a woman. This is a different case altogether. A transgendered person is essentially "straight" as you would say but was forced at birth to take on the body of the incorrect gender. This is fortunately becoming less common as we develop a better understanding of sexuality.

 

There also exist people that were definitely born with the correct organs for a particular sex, but feel that they are the wrong gender. These people appear homosexual to outsiders, but they essentially feel straight, just born in the wrong gender. These people are very rare, I don't know any personally, I believe the term used is transsexual. These are the people (along with transgenders) who would be interested in a sex-change operation.

 

It's a complex world!

[fredv3b]

For further clarification ....

 

I was talking to a pediatric surgeon. This topic came up because the topic of hemaphrodites came up. We were talking about different cells, development, etc...

 

He said there have been instances where babies are born mostly male but made female because they have both genitalia.

 

The people you identified aren't normally described as gay, I believe the correct term is transgendered (somebody correct me if I'm wrong please- is it transsexual?).

 

Sorry but you are wrong. The such persons are generally given the umbrella term of being intersex (there being several medical conditions that may give rise to such anatomical developmental abnormalities).

 

There also exist people that were definitely born with the correct organs for a particular sex, but feel that they are the wrong gender.

 

This is being transgendered. The term transgender was intended to replace transexual to make it clear that such persons felt that they were entirely of the other gender i.e. the issue for them is much broader than sex and sexual orientation.

 

Hope that helps.

[pianoguy]

Fred- thanks for clearing me up, I was a bit confused.

 

So the term transsexual- what does that mean or is it not used anymore?

[fredv3b]

So the term transsexual- what does that mean or is it not used anymore?

 

The term transexual is still in use. It means just the same as transgendered. Its just that the later is the term I am told we are supposed to be using.

[Emka]

I'll tell you s/th. I am a lesbian and I have been abused sexually. However for me the confusing thing wasn't abuse but lack of care. That is MUCH harder. I slept with my best friend (we were really drunk) when we were 15. Truthfully I didn't feel attracted to her but the first time in my life anyone had shown me any sort of affection and it was nice. In fact I didn't have any kind of sexual feelings towards anyone until relatively recently because I needed parental love not sex. However I have started to have proper adult feelings and am more aware and comfortable with myself. I still have childish feelings towards women who I wish were my mother, but I also feel sexual attraction, and the two are separate. I am not afraid of men - I am just not attracted to them. I don't think about them, dream about them, think about them when they aren't there. It's girls. (This is also not something I choose. I would choose to be born straight and have a husband and 'normal' family. I have caused hurt to men by pretending to be attracted to them).

 

I think straight women can turn to girls if they have been abused because they feel safer and because girls (this is a generalisation) connect in a different way to men - more emotional, empathic etc. I don't know how it is for boys...but bascially abuse cannot make you gay but it can make people confused about their sexuality because it twists their thoughts, emotions and feelings, but sexuality itself is something you are born with. Who you are physically attracted to is unchangable.

 

so - basically - abuse can make people confused about their sexuality but it cannot change to whom they are fundamentally attracted.

 

oh and p.s fredv I think the term 'transexual' means something very different from 'transgendered' - one is a psychological concept, the other is physical. Your gender is how you feel inside; part of your identity (which becomes v complicated because how much of gender is society etc etc?) and the other is your physical body.