NC for friends?

[Brooke657]

I'm just wondering if you "break up" with your best friend should NC be used like when a romantic relationship breaks up?

[Brooke657]

I actually think this is one of the only time NC should be used. When your breaking up with a bf or gf you can always still be friends. When your already friends and you "break up" theres no where else to go with it so NC could be a good thing.

[blue-eyedspacemonkey]

I agree, NC is the way to go, otherwise it's too complicated.

[lifestream]

It's your choice. You really don't know how things will unfold. It could cause a LOT of pain, simply because of the extreme closeness you once shared.

[Brooke657]

I don't think I could ever go NC with my best friend...we're too close.

[charley]

I can only say that's what I'd do. My former best friend deserted me when I had pneumonia recently. I was very sick for 9 weeks and at times I wasn't even sure I was going to survive. Three people I know died while I was sick. They died from same thing. My doctor was going to check me into hospital if I didn't start improving by New Years. Well, I started improving just prior to New Years. So no hospital.

 

For 9 weeks, I couldn't go out to shop for groceries, or go to pharmacy, etc. At least I wasn't supposed to go out, but I had to sometimes.

 

Two of my friends offered to help me, also my dad offered. My mom and sister couldn't offer to help because they were sick with same thing. My dad was taking care of my mom, and my brother in law taking care of my sister.

 

I declined help from my dad because he had his hands full at work with several managers home sick, he had to work more, and he was taking care of my mom at home before and after work. He was also doing all shopping for both of them. He's got money. He should have hired a shopper, or had a healthy employee do it (on the clock), but he did it all himself.

 

One of my friends who offered to help is 65 years old and I was afraid she'd get it and maybe die. So I declined her help.

 

I accepted help with shopping for groceries and pharmacy from on of my younger friends who'd offered to help. Why not? She's young and healthy. So she's not likely to get sick. Also, I've helped her countless times in the past. I even drove at warp speed to a local bar just a few weeks before I got sick. I saved her from an aggressive drunk who had her cornered in the women's restroom - where she'd called me from.

 

So I accepted help from her and it seemed fine since I'd helped her many times.

 

However, she completely blew me off, never helped me once, and didn't answer my calls, nor return my messages. She just left me for dead, and I really could havd died too because I had to go out and do my own grocery and pharmacy trips in freezing weather because I had no one else to help me since I'd turned down help from others earlier. So I got more sick being out in freezing winter weather with pnemonia.

 

I had to go to store myself in freezing weather and to pharmacy too. That at least once or twice a week. I couldn't get better. So my dad started doing my shopping. Later, when my mom recovered (weeks before I did) she started doing my shopping.

 

Over a month later while I was still sick, my former friend called me to see if I wanted to go out on a Friday night. She assumed I wasn't sick anymore, but I was. I didn't return her call.

 

She's called several times since then, but I screen her calls and don't answer, and I won't return her calls. She can go to hell.

 

If a friend or best friend substantially screws you over, not just a minor dispute, but something major, like a betrayal, or deserting you in your time of need, then NC is appropriate and I never want to see or hear from her again. Period.

 

It still hurts. She was my friend of 5 years. I'd always been there for her on probably a 100 occasions. When I needed her, she couldn't be bothered. NC now. It was a lopsided relationship anyway. Now I don't get anymore sobbing calls wanting to cry on my shoulder about guys, nor calls for financial and credit advice, nor calls to go rescue her from a guy in a bar. I like helping people, but it has to be a two way street. This was mostly one way. So good bye.

[charley]

Compare the pain of NC with the pain of ongoing contact. Then you'll know what to do.

[Jeffrey2095]

Hello everyone,

 

Gosh Charley, sorry to hear about your pneumonia! Glad you are feeling better guy.

 

I have a small handful of friends that I have known for five years or more.

 

And I had come to a situation where I considered absolute NC... mostly, from neglect as I saw it.

 

They never take it upon themselves to e-mail me... it's only in response to one of mine...

 

Christmas, Thanksgiving, never hear from 'em... we were like family once...

 

Now, I guess they are too "busy" to spend a little time... maybe once a month or so... or, once every few months... or, Gee, maybe once a year...

 

Hmmp, maybe after they finish their master's degree, just to let me know how it came out...

 

Well, I guess this is how 25 years can "slip by"...

 

Lonesome Jeff

[Aurian]

That's awful, Charley. That's a pretty lousy thing to do to a friend...

 

I only want to continue being friends with people who act like my friend - who help me when I need it, along with accepting my help when they need it. If one treats me in a bad manner or blows me off, then I simply fade out. Its not worth trying to be friends with someone who isn't interested in maintaining a friendship.