"If they didnt call on V-day"

[7out102]

Hey Everyone-

 

Well I was sittinh her and wondering like so many of others here im sure and looking for answers. My ex and i were doing NC for the second time in the last two years and it was hitting the 5 month work. About a week before Vday it all started again. I ignored her for the first three calls and then a few days later I broke down, I know im a idiot!!!! Anyways come V-day no calls and nothing since then. We talked for like 1 hour or so on Monday and it was great. It always is. We never fight, but just laugh and laugh. I could tell she was trying to get info if I have been seeing anyone or "gotten any" lately by the questions she was asking. I didnt think she would call on Vday and she didnt but I automatically assume she has someone and thats why.

 

Anyways what do you all think about ex's on Vday. If they do not call, does that mean that have some else for sure or what?? It has been killing me lately

[DN]

I don't think it necessarily means they have someone else but I think it does show that they probably don't want to get back together with their ex.

[annie24]

I didn't contact my most recent ex on V-day, even though i don't have anyone new. I just didn't feel the need as I didn't consider him my "valentine" anymore.

[7out102]

Thanks everyone, I guess you are right. However I have a gad ex's that I have had no feelings for anymore and the same with them and they still would text to say happy vday. I mean no cards or gifts or anything like that, just a simple text. God i just want to move on and forget my ex. We have been broken up for almost three years now and we always seem to come back to each other in terms of talking everyday, seeing each other for a few days( it was a LDR) then she gets weird and disappears. So she's gone for 4-5 months and then comes back. Her actions are textbook and I have never experienced that type of thing before.. This makes it so hard to move on

[Firedancer03]

I dont think it has much to do with whether or not they'll EVER want to get back together with an ex, so much as they dont want to get back with their ex at this time. It may or may not change in the future, but honestly Valentine's Day is just another day on the calendar. If they dont call you on Valentine's Day they obviously do not want to get back together, but if they didn't call you on February 13th or 15th either, that also means that they dont want to get back together. Like I said before, that may or may not change in the future, regardless of what they did (or didnt do) on Valentine's Day. If an ex wants to come back, they will, regardless of the calendar day, NC, etc.

[Mun]

Her insconsistent attention is a very bad sign. Don't allow yourself to play that game anymore, you deserve much better than that.

 

It's a strange thing : the occasional reward--it keeps you interested, but it's very painful. You're always hanging by a thread, waiting and hoping.

 

I hope you will find the strength to walk away and give yourself the chance to find that person that WILL put you first in their life. You owe it to yourself.

 

Love

[Mstyiyd]

Everyone has great insight here. My ex called me 3x on V-Day, but never ONCE mentioned that it was V-Day. She was real careful not to bring it upo (she is really weird like that) and I was totally not surprised. If I know her, she prob thought that I would read into it, even if she just said "Happy V-Day". Now I had a couple diff friends call me to say hey, and they said Happy V-day like no problem. She is ODD, always has been, and I've never been able to figure her out.

 

But not my ex! The other thing is, she and I hang out on a reg. basis and typically talk anywhere from 1-3x per day as it is. (I know---bad idea). We have a very complex history, and for the most part I let her initiate any contact we have. She broke it off and 2 yrs later, we are both still single. She swears she would never date me. But it wasn't unusual for her to call. And I kinda figured she wouldn't acknowledge 2/14.

[7out102]

Thanks Everyone for your replies. Since Valentines day i have been so down because i keep thinking about my ex with another. Its been very tough. The saga between my ex and i has gone on for so long. I mean back and forth and back and forth. For those of you who heard nothing from a ex on V-day, how are you feeling. Do you think that it definitely means they have someone else??? Thanks guys, I can use all the help i can get

[need2bme]

Mine left a message for me and it didn't even make any sense to do so. Why would you do that when you are broken up with someone.

 

All it did was make me think it was tacky. She is living with her boyfriend for God's sake...she needs to gimme a break...

[Mstyiyd]

I don't think it means that they necessarily have anyone else. Everyone's situations are so different. In my case, I know for a fact that my ex is single and not dating anyone. I know this because we spend most of our free time together, and of course there is always a chance of that but in my case, I highly doubt it. She wouldn't be hanging out w/me the way we do. Now does she keep her eyes open? I'm sure she does. Does she ever go out w/o me? Of course. Does she feel compelled to tell me when she makes plans w/other ppl? Not always, and I'm not always invited. Bec we are not together, that's why.

 

Seems like it depends on how much you know about where your ex is "at". And sometimes it's not great to know what they're up to. Me...I'm a curious sort, I can admit that. But don't freak out too much until you know for sure.

Remember, though.....honestly, the day is gonna come when they do hook up w/someone and then u wind up hearing about it. I have to remind myself @that too bec it will eventually happen for me too. So you've got to prepare yourself but focus on making yourself mentally/emotionally healthy so you can find someone who will appreciate and love you.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

you are focusing on worrying about whether she has someone else, yet you have been broken up for 3 years and go months without seeing and talking to her.

 

so it sounds like you are really still hoping you will get back together, and assuming that whether or not she has someone else will determine this, but it sounds like this is just not a good relationship OR friendship for you...

 

after 3 years, you should really go into no contact or anything it takes to stop thinking about her and find someone who is really available to you all the time and treats you right... you deserve better than this, and to not continually be in limbo and wanting someone who is not your girlfriend anymore.

[7out102]

Mstyiyd-

 

Thanks brother for your reply. It sure seems that you are alot stronger than i am when dealing with the ex. I dont think I am strong enough to remain such good friends and take the chance that one day they will say, " I've met someone" Then let alone having to hear about it when you talk to them. How long have you been broken up??

 

BeStrongandHappy-

 

Thank you as well for your reply. You and everyone else have told me the samething and i wish i could. You see, this girl will always be the one that got away. The sad thing is that if our relationship wasnt a LDR, I truly feel that we would still be together. We had so much fun and there was so much love. I have tried so hard to move on however she always seems to comeback in one way or another. She knows exactly what to say or what to write in the cards, emails, letters, etc.. Last time this happened i honestly felt that I was getting my second chance. I went to see her and we were planing a trip to Florida together. Then she disappears and leaves me heartbroken. I dont know why she does this but the thing that hurts is she knows how much I love her and she stills makes me believe that she cares for me and loves me. It was 4 months with NC when she just called and it was right before V-day so ofcourse all the old feelings came rushing back.

 

I know you probably think that I am a sissy but this is part of the reason why I havnt moved on. She always seems to sneak back into my love. Have you ever experienced this or have seen it before? If so what did you do and what was the outcome.. Thanks again for your help, it means a alot to me.

[dgtx]

IMHO, she is checking in periodically to see if you still love her. It seems manipulative of her at best. Really examine your feelings when she disappears the next time. Is that how you want to feel for the next 3 years? My ex-gf and I have been broken up for 6 weeks, and I am still (erroneously) thinking that she has anything resembling my best interests at heart. I am working on much more limited contact to get through this. If you are truly happy with the state of things, then you may know intuitively. Just try to explore that.

[Mstyiyd]

Hey 7,

Thanks alot....but I'm really not that strong. I come here to this site and read all sorts of posts in diff threads to make sense of my own life. I take comfort in hearing about other ppl...not bec of the heartache but bec it makes me feel less alone. These boards have been great for me over the past 2 yrs.

My ex and I have been broken up for 2 yrs now. Our situation was odd to begin with: We were good friends prior to getting together. When we did get together, she had just come out of an 8yr rel (where her ex openly cheated on her the entire time and she knew @ it but let it go on). So yeah, the timing sucked. And was she vulnerable? Yes I am sure. But we wound up sleeping together and all for a yr. I have never been w/a friend before bec I don't generally think it's a good idea. With us it just happened.

Since then, she has said it was the biggest mistake of her life, she regrets it every day, etc etc. Yet we talk several times a day, hang out all the time....neither of us have dated anyone although I'm sure she is always on the lookout. Swears she'd never date me, yet I'm with her at her family's alot too. My family/friends don't get it. I also saw her through a lengthy illness. I never once thought of leaving. But since the breakup I've had to do NC 2 diff times, bec of how she has treated me.

 

So thank u so much...but as u can see I am not that strong bec I allow her to still be in my life and I shouldn't. Because I still care deeply for her, and for all I know, I might best be described as her emotional tampon. Someone on here phrased that somewhere, and it made me laugh but it's true.

 

I hope you find the strength to do what u need to. Pray for me too....we're good people, we deserve someone to appreciate what we have to offer.

[Mstyiyd]

...forgot a few things. You might ask, why doesn't she want to be w/me when I've been kind and loyal and supportive? No one knows. My fam/friends can't tell me, even ppl in her life can't tell me. The only things she's ever told me when I've brought this up were "Your problem is, you want me and I don't want you and you can't handle that". I've also heard her say she can't find anyone decent around here where we live, and I'm like.....wow, that is so offensive, after all we've been thru together.

 

I think she likes trashy ppl and ppl who treat her like crap. With me, what u see is what u get. I guess I'm not much of a challenge but you know what? I don't want to be. I'm too old to play all those games.

[7out102]

dgtx-

 

Thanks brother for your reply. I appreciate it very much. I have a feeling that she does this to still see if i love her but why?? Why the hell would she care. It sucks because we literally didnt talk for almost 5 months and when talked the other day like we never missed a beat. Thats the hardest part about this. My other ex's when we talk it is so boring on both sides. Now its been a week since she last called and im miserable all over again. She does this time and time again so im not sure why i feel like anything is different this time around. Its weird because I get so angry at her for the way she acts but i still love her so dam much, you know?

 

As for you I wish you the best with the LC thing. Its tough brother as im sure that you know already. What happened w/ your relationship?

 

Mstyiyd-

 

Thanks my friend. I know that what you are doing is tough and it hurts just to think about it. I dont think i could do it. I just dont want to see you get hurt when she does meet somone. You see my e tells me that she see's us getting married and having a future together. I know its probably {mod edit}, but for some stupid reason i believe her. My family tells me that i should block her number but somewhere in my stupid heart I believe there is a glimmer of hope. I mean why after all this time she has never seriously dated or left me alone. I never initate conatct with her at all. Its just werid. Hang in there brother. i will say a prayer for you aswell. I do everynight. Lately i sometimes pray that I can just forget about her all together.