I've been sleeping around a lot

[Boughs]

Title says it. I've just been very promiscuous lately. What can i say I'm a horny 20 year old guy. I've slept with friends, with randomers etc.

 

I'm just going through a lot of like perplexity lately in respects to my goals in life, what I define happiness as... and if I really want a relationship at this point in my life. considering I'm almost done with college, I'm just concerned you know?

 

I miss intimacy. I miss waking up with someone I love. But I don't want to force it. I have a hard time of controlling my hunger lately. I tend to be pretty flirty and get girls not easily... per se... but easier now that I've matured and become more confident.

 

But in becoming that, I forget to be considerate. I've lost touch of my kindness to women. I almost have become bitter towards them in a way. I can't seem to get my head around dating someone.... its not that its slow... its that its tough for me to enjoy myself anymore on them. Perhaps its the girls but... it always tends to be a rather 1 sided convo... them bragging about something... like they are trying to sell themselves. I always keep the money I make and the interesting experiences I had to later dates... but some girls just think that showing how rich or how interesting they are... is a way of snagging a guy. Its frusterating, I get tired of dates because of these kinds of people.

 

Any suggestions? I enjoy this lifestyle but its eating away at me... and soon I'll probably get stuck in it... and I don't want to.

[cantexplain]

....but its eating away at me... and soon I'll probably get stuck in it... and I don't want to.

 

then stop. you'll need some distance from this pattern before you'll attract a different kind of woman.

[avman]

Do you feel you've become addicted to sex? Just from reading your post that's what it sounds like to me. The women you are sleeping with aren't people to you anymore, they are merely sex partners.

[jengh]

I sort of went through a similar thing last year, except I'd sleep with these guys because I thought it would cure my lonliness and that they'd want more than just sex... not one of them did. And everytime, I'd get so hurt.

I stopped by simply not putting myself in the position to hook up (i.e. frat parties) and I weaned myself off of it... You need to open your heart up to women. You'd be surprised at how many really care.

 

If you think, though, that this is more of an addiction, have you considered therapy? I don't really know anything about sex addiction, but I do know they have support groups (if it's that bad).

 

I just hope you're being safe about it when you do hook up. A random night of sex is not worth catching something nasty. If those girls will hook up with you right away, they're probably hooking up with a lot of other guys too.

[shikashika]

Well it sounds like you not find with this... Do you think tis a deeper issue than just the sex?

[jengh]

Yeah, shikashika, in my opinion, I think it's deeper for him than just the sex...from how he described it anyways... it could be loneliness, wanting to boost self esteem, feel wanted, simply to hold another person.... thinking detaching himself and not letting himself get close to a woman emotionally is going to make everything easier....

[BeStrongBeHappy]

20 is young to be jaded, but then, you've been living a lifestyle recently that is focused on instant gratification, not lasting peace or happiness...

 

it's kind of like a diet of all junk food... after a while you feel totally stuffed, and at the same time unfulfilled, but can't even think about food without being disgusted by it...

 

so my suggestion would be to step back for a while, and NOT date at all... just go hang out with your friends and make new ones, until you meet a girl that really makes you laugh, have fun with, like to talk to etc.

 

in other words, go try to fill all your needs, not just the need for sex, and you will feel less jaded...

[shikashika]

Well a lot of people like to feel wanted and needed.. and sex temporarily fixes that

[Brooke657]

But in becoming that, I forget to be considerate. I've lost touch of my kindness to women. I almost have become bitter towards them in a way. I can't seem to get my head around dating someone.... its not that its slow... its that its tough for me to enjoy myself anymore on them. Perhaps its the girls but... it always tends to be a rather 1 sided convo... them bragging about something... like they are trying to sell themselves. I always keep the money I make and the interesting experiences I had to later dates... but some girls just think that showing how rich or how interesting they are... is a way of snagging a guy. Its frusterating, I get tired of dates because of these kinds of people.

Well maybe those girls feel like they have to make themselves sound better because they feel like your not interested right from the start. The good thing is you've realized that somethings wrong with the situation. There are soo many girls out there you are great girls you aren't gonna try to over hype themselves. Maybe there's something about you, or where you met these girls and that's why they always end up like that.

[candy604]

sounds like your depressed. Perhaps your mixing around with the wrong crowd as well?

[luvingxsomeonexspecial]

I think you should stop doing that. You said that you've begun to feel bitter towards women and if you don't stop you'll find yourself hating them and if you meet someone you really like, you might not treat them quite right and that might not be the best

[cchurting]

It sounds like you are on the right track by recognizing your patterns.

 

Step back and soul search for a while. Often, people use self-destructive behaviours, such as drinking and sex, to fulfill a need. Not a physical need, but an emotional or social need because something is lacking in their life.

 

You can find that intimacy you crave, but you have to work on yourself first.

[Boughs]

Do you feel you've become addicted to sex? Just from reading your post that's what it sounds like to me. The women you are sleeping with aren't people to you anymore, they are merely sex partners.

 

I wouldn't say that. I don't crave sex, I think I crave the "i did that when I was 20". I guess I don't want to look back and feel I was too goody goody (and I know I am not).

 

Now I had been in two relationships for the past 4 years. Since I was 16, I didn't have one Valentine's Day single. In fact I loved being single for it... went out with the guys, drank a little and relaxed.

 

Now I do go to a psychiatrist, and was told that perhaps I was more heading towards Alcoholism. So I'm taking a break for 2 weeks and see how I feel... then I'll know whatsup.

 

I guess I just haven't really met a girl that has made me go "wow". Actually I did, too bad it was at a gas station... we talked briefly (i'm very flirty I'll talk to anyone... but of course I remain from being intrusive) and thought she was really cute, didn't get her number though. I usually don't ask for it... just in case she had a boyfriend.

 

Anyways, I've also decided to stop sleeping around for a bit... I'ma see how I feel too...

 

So I've lost intimacy and I'm eager to get it back, but because I haven't been single in a long time, its perhaps something I need to cope with and learn. I miss calling up a girlfriend and just saying "lets go drive somewhere"... can only be spontaneous with a significant other. Everyone else is always busy.

[SexySadie7]

Have you thought about the consequences, healthwise of your actions?

I'm not being judgmental here... but you should definitely know there are STD's out there that are permanent that condoms WON'T prevent!

If someone has HPV, and it's on an area not covered by a condom, you can catch that. It causes cervical cancer in women and penile and anal cancer in men sometimes. Another bad one is herpes. The virus can be present and no one even knows.

I don't even think there's a test yet available for men to see if you have HPV or herpes, someone correct me if i'm wrong!

Also.. condoms do break! I've had my share of mishaps when making love to my boyfriend. Thank god he didn't sleep around or have VD.. but if he had.. i'd have caught it too.

See.. there's lots of drawbacks to being promiscuous.

If you catch something you cannot get rid, trust me, women aren't going to be flocking to you anymore.

That's something you definitely want to think about. You got your whole future ahead of you. Why screw it up having sex with people you don't even care about?

Also.. your behavior is putting the young ladies you sleep with at risk too. Anyone can catch a STD, it doesn't have to be from a "tramp" or a "nice girl". Even virgins are catching HPV nowadays, it's that contagious. All is takes is contact with an infected person and sometimes one doesn't even suspect they have a STD, there are no symptoms initially.

Be safe, get yourself tested. Then don't sleep around. It's not worth your health or someone else's either.