Is this selfishness? We broke up..

[Goblin]

Hello friends,

 

my gf(now ex) decided to break up and I believe this time we really are..

 

Her reason:

I didnt spend time with her during her first time watching a soccer match in a stadium (i was out to print my uncle's logo), I dont spend Valentine with her (I have made many plans and took the effort for Vday but she got me upset over something), and I dont seize the opportunity to make her happy...Last she said if i dont make her happy, she would give others a chance to..

 

I have been committed to this girl, i see her at least twice on weekdays and every weekends and many other things.... It is only when she makes me upset that I spend time alone(not with anyone else). She tells me to let go of ill feelings and focus on making her happy instead...

 

She is putting the blame on me for not making it work saying im not committed and I dont seize that oppoortunity to make her happy.

 

I feel quite a loss after all the efforts I put in. But I have no more tears to cry knowing this girl arent sensitive to my feelings and fail to see the good things in me.

 

Do you feel this is selfishness? I think its just diff love style. Shes a Libran and Im a Cap thus we have very diff views.

 

This is more like a 'rant', I dont know if i should go into total silence and avoid her to make things better after a breakup...

 

Your opinions are much appreciated....

[shikashika]

Maybe Valentines day was really important to her... I have ready many posts on here today where girls talk about their boyfriends being nice guys and all.. but he can't even get her a card for Valentines day....

 

Maybe you hang out with her, but you don't do things to make her feel like you care.

 

Or she could be totally over reacting..

 

Anyway, it sounds like a complete lack of communication on BOTH your parts.. obviously she doesn't feel like you are with her enough and you feel you are.

[MissTee]

I'm a Libran myself and I can see what she's feeling kind of.

 

I need ALOT of attention and affection from my partner. I'm also extremely sensitive.

 

He knows this, and luckily, he is very attentive and affectionate.

 

Librans live for love. And if their relationship isn't perfect for them, they won't be happy.

[Goblin]

Thanks for sharing Shika and Miss Tee.

 

Miss Tee, i remember your bf is a Virgo. I give my gf lots of attention, sometimes even to the extent my myself being drained out haha. I think its true that Librans are extremely sensitive too but I believe u try not to show it directly.

 

Shika, what I did for Vday for her was recce a place for a special dinner, planned when and where to get flowers, designed her a card myself and booked tickets for a cable car ride. I didnt tell her all this because it was meant as a surprise...i called her at night and told her i missed her too but she jokingly said she dont miss me and laughed away..

[tylercdurden2004]

Mate shes sound immature. Tell her to go find someone else. The one thing Librans or not, that you do not need in your life is to be a babysitter. Trust me on this one. It may sound nice in the beginning but over time its very tiring. Showing your love etc doesnt mean its entirley on her terms.

[never-too-late]

I don't think it's entirely depending on whether she is Librarian or Auqarius. I am Leo and I can be too sensitive, which drives my boyfriend crazy.. He is Cancer and they are supposed to be even more sensitive, retrieving into their shelves. So I think it's not that.

 

I think from what you say, your girlfriend is a bit more needy than others. I can so feel with her. I am also very needy, sensitive, insecure and need a lot of attention and love from my boyfriend. If he does not give it to me, I immediately think he is not commited, he does not love me and he does not care. He is a bit like you, if I upset him, he immediately wants to spend his time alone. And it hurts me.

 

If your answer to a problem is to run away and spend time alone, she may feel that you don't care. Women need to talk and you hiding alone somewhere must make her feel as if you would rather not talk to her. So if you want to save something here, you might need to write to her and apologise that you did not mean to neglect her. I can understand that it's difficult for men to deal with emotional women but you might not communicate enough to her and she might think it's because you do not care. You might need to explain to her that you wanting spend time alone is to calm down so you don't make things worse for her! But to spend time alone on Valentine's Day is a bit mean.. especially if she was looking forward to being with you on that day. Why did she upset you?

[Goblin]

Thanks Tyler for your input. isnt Tyler Durden, Brad pitt in Fight Club?

 

Never-too-late, i really appreciate you sharing this. I believe thats the actual way shes feeling right now too..

 

Perhaps i was mean to myself and to her abt not spending V-day together but u were right that my intention was not to make things worst for both of us.

 

Reason why she upset me is because of a series of disappointments. She likes to argue but its not a quarrel. She loves to debate and have many things to say abt every single word I say. I feel i am going against the current and i am swimming backwards.

 

I made preparations for a special V-day and earlier the day before she says she misses me nd when i called her at night I said sincerely I feel the same but she jokingly said she dont miss me and laughed away. She knows I am sensitive person as well but I tend to carry burden myself. Her reactions to my sensitivity is telling me not to be sensitive and i shud behave like a real man and i just cant handle her which eventually made me end up spending time alone. I was angry as well as sad that she made fun of me and even enjoyed it...at that pt i felt i shud at least care for myself and my family than caring for someone who makes a joke out of me.

 

I really appreciate you sharing abt girls sensitivity and their emotions too. This girl feels the same I know but she has so much pride she dont want to show it..I will write to her. Thanks NTL.