I'm so very confused

[Sadgirl20]

First off, hello, I'm Sadgirl20.

 

I need serious advice. I have a boyfriend, we go to college together and we see each other alot. Since October, my boyfriend has been feeling iffy about our relationship. He says something doesn't feel right. But he says he loves me and doesn't want to hurt me.

 

I tried to break up with him last month but he got really emotional. Since then, he hasn't let me touch him physically. He touches me but he doesn't want me to touch him.

 

He came to me on Sunday night to tell me that we don't act like a couple. Don't I find it odd he won't let me touch him? He said that he also doesn't feel the same sensation when he touches me anymore. He also suggested maybe we should just be friends. He said that I pushed myself on him too hard and we moved too fast. But when he saw me yesterday, he changed his mind and said he wanted to make it work. He'll work harder. He also says he doesn't want to hurt me anymore.

 

I assumed maybe he feels like this due to his past failed relationships, the girls quit on him (cheated on him) and such. I'm trying to hold on to show I do care.

 

But my heart can't take this anymore. He's been feeling confused for months. We're already 10 months into this relationship.

 

What do I do? Do I keep trying?

 

EDIT: Oh yeah, I forgot something. He tells me that he loves me and enjoys time with me, but we don't do anything that lives up to the title anymore. So maybe we should break up.

[zxcvbnm1982]

Sounds like a tough situation to be in.

My best advice is this: give him one more chance (IF you really want to make it work). If he doesn't change things up, then you both need to consider breaking up...Not a good time at all, but you don't want to waste your time & set yourself up for disappointment. Keep an open line of communication with him, and be completely honest with him. But whatever you two decide, don't hang onto a relationship if you're only afraid of being hurt.

[Daligal83]

Has he explained why he won't let you touch him but he'll touch you?

 

You could give it a little time to see if he really changes...but the way he's been acting says to me that it won't happen. I think you might need to end it and move on. You deserve more than someone who can't make up his mind about being in a relationship with you.

[Sadgirl20]

He says he doesn't like me touching him. I assumed it was because it would lead us to sex, and he doesn't want that either.

[CarnelianButterfly]

I think you need to ask him to take some time and figure out he's feelings. This wishy washy back and forth with your emotions is totally unfair. He needs to decide and until then you need to take a step back and remove yourself from him so that you don't get hurt more by his indecisiveness.

[gfein347]

Sadgirl20-

 

Welcome to ENA!

 

As for your problem, how does he expect the relationship to work if you can't even show him affection? I realize there are other ways to show affection besides physical actions, but it seems like a relationship would be missing something important without hugs and kisses.

 

I think he says that he doesn't like you touching him just as a defense to the question. There's got to be a real reason. Have you dug a little deeper?

[Sadgirl20]

He allows hugs and kisses. But he allows ONLY hugs and kisses, and he thinks that's not good.

[gfein347]

So you're saying he realizes that there's something wrong with you not being able to touch him? If so, is he trying to figure out why he feels this way, and is he doing something to fix it?

[FCTex]

Sounds like he's trying to work another angle somewhere to me...

 

Plenty of times I've had a girl I was casually dating, or two/three girls I was seeing but wasn't sure who I wanted to be with..

 

One day I was fine with the one that was going good for me at the time. The second I felt like it wasn't good, or wasn't what I wanted, I'd go to the other and show more affection and desire than before.

 

Do you have any reason to think he's interested in someone else?

 

Do you guys spend a ton of time together? Generally things get stale, and he might feel like he can't do anything, without you being there?

 

Maybe you should stop trying to pull this relationship together so much, and step back and allow him to show you what he wants. Let him express what he wants, and to be firm with it.. Ask him whats wrong, ask him to explain what his ideal situation is with you. Don't accuse, don't plead, and don't get upset when you ask this to him..

 

Just flat out ask him, what does he want, and if he doesn't know, tell him that you don't know how to just remain in this position while he plays around back and forth.

 

Be stern with him, but don't push.. Decide from there if you want to work this out. You shouldn't have to tie it all together, it's a mutual thing after all.

[Beec]

Let him go, tell him that you cannot be a couple without intimacy and that he needs to figure this out, and until he does you are not a couple, but if he needs it you can be friends with him. In short dump him, and tell him to figure out his head.

 

This gives you your best chance of him coming back and wanting you in the future, because we want what we cannot have, not that which will always be available.

 

And welcome to ENA. Stick around.

[Sadgirl20]

He use to tell me he needed time alone sometimes. Because there's such thing as too much of a good thing. Fine, I leave him alone. But now he doesn't me to leave him alone.

 

I don't get it. When I went home during Xmas he was so excited to see me. Really affectionate and happy and such. But after about 3 weeks, he wanted time to himself again.

 

Then abit after that, he told me he felt iffy again.

[Sadgirl20]

I don't mind the lack of intimacy. I'm not shallow, I'm not just after sex. It's just he can touch me, but I can't touch him? I don't think it makes any sense at all. He tells me he dislikes being touched that way.

[Sadgirl20]

He just said "Let's be friends for awhile."

 

I got abit sad from that, so he said he'll try harder.

[CarnelianButterfly]

I think he needs to do some thinking. He really shouldn't be involved with someone if he doesn't know what he wants in that respect. He's only hurting you.

[FCTex]

Drop off his radar.

 

Go out and find someone you can actually touch and be open and friendly with.

 

If you dissappear from his view, and his ease of contact with you; he might realize what he lost.

 

If he doesn't, then consider yourself lucky that you atleast cut it when things weren't nasty.