origins of introversion

[txblues]

where did it start for you? were you always introverted and never outgrew it and what's the earliest recollection, or memory of being different? or did you have a regular childhood and later became introverted?

 

I was always an introverted child, even before age 3, according to the stories of my parents i was not talkative. Guess they didn't really do to much to help me develop social skills but around 5 or 6 i played with the other kids on the block...tag, kickball, riding bikes. i don't think i was ever talkative. but it didn't help that around the kindergarten years my english was not good since i was born in a different country. in elementary school i was friendly enough with other kids, but at the end of the day i went home and never saw anyone. pretty much the same thing happened throughout middle school, high school and college. i would never see anyone outside of school. no sports, maybe a few geeky clubs, but never hung out with anyone on a personal friendly basis. guess the high social thing was drinking. i was never into that crowd though. i finished college started my job. met a few coworkers. i started hanging out at the bars wit them, drinking cause i was bored, alternating for designated driver, and going to the club. but i was still never really outgoing or talkative, until i was pretty liquored up. so now i've moved onto a new job away from those friends and its harder to meet people, its really forcing me to try to develop social skills which i never did all through school or at my last job. i'm around the 30 mark, no close friends. never had a girlfriend or reached first base for that matter. a few dates here and there thanks to the internet. anyways that's my boring life. was just wandering if introversion is what you grow into. or started as an introvert and never grew out of?

[Weary]

Introversion is often seen as being shy, anti-social, socially inept, geeky, etc.

 

However, in psychological terms, being introverted means it taxes a person to be in social situations, and extroversion means it energizes someone. I have always been outgoing and quite social, but I am an introvert. Meaning, I definitely need my 'alone time' and being 'social' for extended periods of time makes me tired.

[g1234567890h]

Introverts and extroversts are both of Freud's ideas and Jung explained them more in his work. Carl Jung spells it "extraverts". According to Jung, an extravert is someone who's energy is directed outward, on people and things, while an introvert's energy is focused inward like thoughts and ideas. An extravert feels more energized in social situations and an introvert feels more energized when alone.

 

Eysenck measured extraversion by how much personal aroual he or she wants. An extravert would want that particular arousal level in doing social and impulsive things. An introvert would want to keep that arousal to a minimum.

 

I, too, am quite outgoing and social. I'm a preschool teacher and a musician. I spend a lot of my day being social but I am an introvert. I don't feel particularly energized when doing social things. In fact most of the time I'm just bored. I like being around people and I can be as loud, fun, and social as I want to be whenever I want to be. It is a common misconception and stereotype that introverts are shy and don't like social situations. I'm not shy and I do like social situations, but I'm mostly concered with my thoughts and ideas.

[anggrace]

^^^Good point Weary.

Although Im friendly and enjoy talking to people, I am very much an introvert. More so with age. I need alot of time.

[txblues]

Well, i have never been in a prolonged social setting to make me tired, but i always seemed to be taking naps at the end of the school day and now with a new job at the end of the day, after bearing the stress, tedium, ridicule of more experienced coworkers. i feel a mental drain. so for what you refer to i'm also an introvert, one that is shy, inept, geeky, nervous, etc..

[caro33]

I have always been more of an introvert. Small talk is very taxing. For me, it's genes (mother has autistic personality traits) and conditioning. Only child, very little social interaction with children when I was growing up. Fine with adults but hopeless with peers. These days I can be super social if the circumstances are right, and sometimes it's fun, but generally it is exhausting.

 

I think you can have introverted personality traits and be fine. No problems with relationships etc. Txblues it sounds like it's more than introversion you are talking about. I assume your lifechoices and broader personality has most to do with it, although it may stem from your comfort in being alone etc.

 

Have you sought out relationships? Why no close friends? Why no girlfriends? To some degree this must be a choice, the issue is now whether you are still making that choice or not. Do you want this to change?

[txblues]

i can't explain why growing up through my school years i was content enough to be alone. it was just me and my siblings, school work to keep my busy. yes i spent many lonely friday nights in high school wishing i had friends but what were the choices in high school? the kids who openly drank or the snobby church kids who drank secretly. i wanted to move onto college, but when i did i lived at home so that didn't help. same thing i went to class and never really sought to be social with anyone, so concerned with school work and preparing for the future. well now that the future i dreamed of and worked hard for didn't turn out like what i wanted, i realized how different i was from everyone else all those years, not only that the few times i tried i was socially awkward. i was one of those who had a raging crush on the same girl through high school and it took a long time to get over. so for a few years after graduating i was in a deep depression of realizing everything wrong with my life. no friends, no future, no social skills, etc... things are a little bit better now since i'm at my job. i'm just trying to get my self esteem back, i have more interaction at work but it can be mentally challenging and taxing. i hate spending all weekend alone by myself, i would like to meet more people but i don't know how to approach and small talk etc...

[caro33]

What about joining some group activity?

 

Salsa classes

Language classes

Art classes

Photography classes

...or whatever you want!

 

You have a much better chance of making some acquaintances here, and there's no need for toxic smalltalk to start with because you are all there to do a specific activity. It's a great way to meet people on an introvert's own territory. And if it's awful, stop going to that particular thing. Try another one.

 

Do you have an interest that you think you can translate into an activity like this?

[txblues]

could take up guitar lessons, and learn to play some blues, it'll probably be a sad song.

 

salsa? would be too shy to learn with a stranger

 

photography? seems like a lonely endeavor, just taking pictures of the city, scenery and locking myself in a dark room.

[caro33]

Well it's whatever turns you on. If you like the idea of photography the class would be about learning how to use the camera, there would maybe be group excursions, or you could do stuff with people you met in the class.

 

Note I am not saying lessons, I am saying classes. The point of this is to get you into a group, where you get to pursue a common interest. If they do that with guitar, then fine. In the breaks between the teacher talking to you, you get to interact with others. Because socialising is not the primary purpose of being there, it takes the pressure off. You can socialise on your own terms.

 

I did Spanish classes a few years ago through what we call the Council for Adult Education. Night classes, and weekends, you get a choice of what to attend. So every Saturday morning for a few months I rocked up to a class where we learned Spanish for travellers. I ignored people for the first few classes, but eventually got to talking to them. I met some nice people, despite my low expectations.

[Miss M]

relevant thread...

 

[txblues]

 

I did Spanish classes a few years ago through what we call the Council for Adult Education. Night classes, and weekends, you get a choice of what to attend. So every Saturday morning for a few months I rocked up to a class where we learned Spanish for travellers. I ignored people for the first few classes, but eventually got to talking to them. I met some nice people, despite my low expectations.

 

well for a while i've been tossing around the idea of learning my native language better and possibly work there for a few years in the land i was born; so it would keep me busy to study that as well as studying to get into an mba program. am i running away from my problems if i do this? i am an asian male so you've heard all those male asian dating situation rants. i wonder what it would be like to live for a year or two, travel a bit.

 

i've heard of a middle aged asian man who tried to earn a living in america, got married, divorced and plan on moving back to his country. i thought what a waste of an opportunity; but now i see why. what's the american dream with no one to share it with?