When meeting a partner do their friends matter?

[rusty_boi]

Hey

I was just wondering if you find a potential person to go out with, but u cant see yourself (or u dont) getting along with their friends/family, or vice versa. Is this enough reason to find someone else before the relationship gets serious and there is a conflict of interest? Ive been guilty of this before and i just wanted to know what everyone thought.

[RayKay]

I don't think you have to be the bestest friends, but I think not getting along adds a lot of stress and conflict which can destroy a relationshop.

 

For friends, well, if I really cannot stand their friends, there is something amiss there as he/she CHOOSES to be with those people, right? Often we hang around people we have similarities with; if they were that awful...then there are probably things in him I don't see yet too.

 

Family; well family is very important to me. I don't think it is important to feel totally on the same level as them, but I will say from experience being accepted by them and your family doing the same for them, and getting along makes a tremendous difference. They will be there as long as you are together after all!

 

In either case, if someone does not like the others friends/family it causes great friction when you express them, or don't want to be around them, and so I really think for me it's important to be able to get along together, and preferably even like them!

[Batya33]

I wouldn't go out with someone where I didn't approve of his close friends' lifestyles - for example, I declined to go on a first date with someone because he told me his friends who he spent time with every weekend smoked pot - but he did not smoke. I have been there done that (never tried pot but been around it enough) and didn't want to have to be in that situation again (he approved of their behavior which was another reason).

 

I agree with Raykay also on what it says about the person if his friends are not people of character and integrity.

[4GiveAnd4Get]

If either of you had initial issues with the friends/family of the other, I would say that the relationship is already off to a shaky start. While you can work around this issue, it does put alot more initial stress on the relationship.

 

Relationships are stressful enough to get off the ground without needing the additional stress of having to deal/cope with "pain-in-the-butt" friends/family.

 

My two cents.

[valiantv]

Is this enough reason to find someone else before the relationship gets serious and there is a conflict of interest?

No way! I'd never consider someone's friends when going out with someone - it's them I'm going out with not the friends... The only time it would become an issue is if the friends started hindering the relationship somehow... But like every other aspect of a relationship, you should know all that before it gets serious.

[blender]

Birds of a feather stick together.. and if after taking the considerate time to really get to "know" someone, and who they CHOOSE to be in close friendships with, you find that you do not share the same values/standards..well then no matter how "tempted and attracted" you may be to the person.. it's best to know your own standards/values and to realize that maybe for you it's not the "right fit"... but of course it takes time to get to know people.. so give it some time... take it slow and if there are "big red flags" as to differences in values..well then yeah... let go with love and move on...

[valiantv]

Birds of a feather stick together

 

Ahh, but Don't judge your boo based on his crew!

 

(Sorry about that, but rhyming sentences tend to sound more convincing! )

[Iceman26]

I would pay attention to a girl's friends & family when I was single.

 

In my first serious relationship, the girl's friends were promiscuous, hard partying girls. Turns out my ex was too. Her parents hated each other and her birth father was legally insane.

 

In my second serious relationship, she didn't really have many friends and her mom was a drunk and her dad was a computer geek that hid in his office playing video games and shut out his family, except for those odd times he would come out of his room to make sexual comments to and grope my ex girlfriend at family celebrations.

 

Thankfully neither relationship worked out and I am in a much happier place.

 

I guess I would advise you to pay attention to their surroundings but get to know the person before you pass judgement on them. You can't pick your family but you can pick your friends.

[blender]

Yes, Iceman speaking from "learned lessons" about life.. yes, get to know someone, but also take into consideration the people who they CHOOSE to have in thier life.. it's a clear sign of "WHO' they really are... it just is.. you sleep with dogs you wake up with fleas..