I wont be telling you I love you...?

[BrokenHeart82]

This morning Im getting ready for work (I stayed over the guy ive been seeing for a couple months pretty casuallys house).

 

A few days ago my friend (male) who is getting married in the summer told me that the first time he told his now fiancee he loved her it was a joke (she had made him dinner and bought him his fave beer) but she took it seriously and he said "wasnt much I could say after." Its funny BECAUSE he soon did love her and is now marrying her.

 

Anyhow this morning we were joking and I told him this story cause I found it funny..he laughed and then said that he had said I love you on accident too soon in the past. i said we probably ALL have in our younger days.

 

THEN he says "I wont be telling you that anytime soon"

 

I couldnt think of what to say, i mean I wasnt hinting at this at all, did he think I was? So I said "Well, good, i wouldnt want you to tell me something you didnt mean" And then I said that in my last relationship things went too fast and after 3 weeks he said it but I couldnt return the feelings because that takes time (obviously nervous and babbling!)

 

His next comment is "With my luck you'd be like 'you love me or love love me?'

Then he laughed and was like "Lets just say I LIKE you" and I said "Sounds good"

 

Did I handle this ok? I mean I felt like I was scrambling..and what the heck does it mean I wont be telling YOU that anytime soon..am I some unlovable oaf or something??

[cblack21]

Yeah, that's a conversation that comes up pretty often in dating. I generally talk about retarded people from the past saying it too early and then I drop the line "I do like you though.... I'm just not "in like with you"" I do the finger quotes when I say "in like with you" it generally draws a life and brings the conversation down to a much lighter note.

[Lady Bugg]

I think you handled it fine.

In the past rather than say the word "LOVE"..I would simply

say I "L" you.....LOL. That could mean like OR love......

so it kept me out of hot water...

[Caterina]

It just means that right now he doesn't want to say he loves you. Protect yourself b/c he might not be emotionally ready at any point...however, he might just be trying to make the relationship go slowly...be cool about it if you like him...go slow yourself...

 

Personally, if a guy said that to me, I would have said, "I'm definetly cool with that...in my past most guys said 'I love you' way too early and it was far from being mutual."

[BrokenHeart82]

Well now I feel like he thinks I was trying to turn our morning get ready ritual into a love fest lol and I ws just trying to relive a funny anecdote I thought he'd enjoy.

 

I guess what bothers me is that instead of just laughing he had to say how he isnt saying that to me anytime soon..i mean SLAP!

[Parsley]

Lol, yeah maybe he didn't put it the best way he possibly could have. But overall, I think you handled it well. I think everyone has that kind of thing at some point. With my first boyfriend we always said 'I luv you' because we didn't mean love, but it was more than like. We obviously didn't say it in person...cause that just wouldn't work. With my recent ex he said he was 'in like' with me, which worked ok for awhile. He did end up saying he loved me quite early...and the first time he did I just stayed silent cause I had no idea what else to say lol.

[AwdreeHpburn]

seems to me that you handled it really well. I mean, how else CAN one handle it when someone says they won't be telling you that they love you anytime soon? Seems a rather strange response I think.

 

BUT it sounds to me like HE was the one who mis-read the situation and was scrambling...

[BrokenHeart82]

Yeah youre probably right..he probably didnt want to end up in hot water which is why he said that he likes me but wont be telling me he loves me (still a little tactless)

 

So do I now have to let him know I WASNT fishing for an I love you or did the way I handled it cover my bases??

[HellFrost666]

You handled it a lot better then most women would.

 

"Well, good, i wouldnt want you to tell me something you didnt mean"

 

This was a very tactful response.

 

When I first started seeeing my girlfriend we jokingly told eachother "I lust you" a few times. BUt now a good ammount of time has passed and we use the real L word.

[AwdreeHpburn]

So do I now have to let him know I was fishing for an I love you or did the way I handled it cover my bases??

 

 

 

Naw - don't even re-visit it. You'll surely just re-visit the awkwardness if you do.....

[Kiwi_Chick_Ez]

Personally I think if a guy can say he wont say it for a long time...that to me means ruling it out. Thats like saying I could never love you.

I think if you are good for eachother in a relationship, you can see within the first weeks whether this guy/girl is suited to you and whether you could see yourself with them in the long run.

i think what he said is very negative and wouldnt feel very comfortable about it knowing that if you ever started feeling it, and told him so, he would just chuck it back in your face.

What if something happened soon and u did something really generous and took care of him, will he then not say it, coz he has already blown u off?

There is a time when you can tell if you COULD love this person...and not just rule it out in the beginning like i think he has done with his comment..