Hey is this ok?

[jemba]

Heya guys im 17 atm and me and my gf got together 2 mnths ago.. Heres the thing i have this mate who she met through me... and they seem to always flirt q abit when theyre together..and she told me that the other day they were at a party together and he was a bit touchy feely... she sed she was feeling tired and went to sleep on his lap kinda thing.. i noe it dosnt seem like a really big deal but i dno i still get jealous and feel kinda crappy when it happens... she says im making a mountain out of a molehill i dno i jus feel like he likes her so he flirts with her and she enjoys the attention... i dno wat do u guys think?....

[Locke2121]

It could be innocent enough. I think this is one of those wait and see problems. They may just be so close and comfortable with their friendship that this is normal, and they don't intend to act on it.

[Desma214]

Well my opinion is its wrong and unacceptable listen I am a female and I have a bf and I would never NEVER flirt with his friends not even lay in their laps because I was TIRED? There may not be anything going on but it sounds like they both want something to go on, I would tell her how you feel and if she refuses to respect you and talk to you about it then you know where you stand you need to get out. I dont care what anyone says if you love your man you love him and there is no other man in her eyes all of the flirting stops all of the checking them out stops everything because your in love and this is how she should be toward you if she loves you, if she doesnt care then you dont care end it before you get hurt again dont give her full control over the situation and remember its not only her you have to talk to but your friend to because they are both guilty and suppose to be the people you care about....I hope my opinion helps good luck.

[Jayar]

Honestly? It sounds like she likes your jealous attention. It also wouldn't surprise me if she cheated on you with him at some point (or really anyone else) some people are just like that. They NEED attention to feel validated. They already HAVE their significant other, so they need them to be jealous and maintain pursuit... And the others? Well they're all novel.

[jemba]

Hey thanks guys for your responses....um yeh i was thinking along those lines about respecting the relationship...so i dno.. i really dont wana break up with her caus atm everything is going really good...iv already talked to her about it and told her i get jealous and she jus ended getting mad saying that there was nothing going on and thats just the way she is...but i noe i have stopped checking people out.. i dont even want to flirt anymore.. i jus assumed shed feel the same.. kinda depressing cuz i guess it reflects that she dosnt want it as much as i do..bt i think ill see how it goes. ill have a talk to my friend and tell him to stop doing all this.. cuz hes more to blame.. hes a compulsive flirt sorta thing... bt once again guys i appreciate the help...

[adahy]

First and foremost, I'd be pissed at your "mate". There are certain things "friends" shouldn't do...flirting and being touchy with your girl is one of them. He sounds like a common selfish a***ole. Always know who your friends are and watch the rest. Also, I generally keep my suspicions and things to myself, as girlfriends or "friends" will try to convince of things other than the truth. They will turn your suspicions back on you, get upset, etc...even if they are true and you are right. Your judgement will become clouded. Don't be 'that guy' that gets duped and folks are talking about.

[jemba]

haha yeh i am extremely pissed at my friend.. but i dno hes my friend and iv talked to him.. not abt this but abt the fact that i really like my gf and i want it to work and hes all supportive and all that ...i really dont wana bring it up with him becuz it hasnt become a big deal yet... but i dno haha from time to time i feel like beating the crap out of him for being such a

[DN]

Moderator Note: jemba, please type out your posts properly and avoid the use of abbreviations and netspeak. It is hard to read and is against the rules of the forum - as is the use of bad language.

[jemba]

Sorry i wasn't aware of the rules. I shall type my posts properly from now on XD.

 

But yeah so heres the thing. I told my gf that i didnt mind the whole lap thing, but i cant get it off my mind. All i can think about is the fact that she dosn' take the relationship as seriously as i am. I don't want to be dragged around in the dirt later on if she decides that she no longer wants this after i commit myself. I seriously have no clue what i should do. Thinking about it is so distracting that im worried im gna lose sight of school. I think im going to ask her why she did it,

[Soulseeker]

Hi Jemba,

 

 

Well yup i agree with some of the previous posts, your friend is breaking the rules, so you need to tell him the rules. BUT BE COOL.

 

Step 1, inform all your common friends (people that have influence in your lives, friends that know him and your gf in other words your common friends) tell them all prvately of your problem and that you will be confronting your friend.

Tell them you think he might be an a-hole, but you are not sure, you will discover that in due course, and that you have a plan.

 

Step 2 confront your friend BE COOL, tell him with out appearing to be threatening to him, you must act differently to what your gut tells you! be cool!. You must show him that you feel threatened by his behaviour and that it upsets you, you are going to try and get him to feel for you, for him to be sympathetic to you, (this is your plan, you must tell him he makes you feel threatened) .. you are trying to draw him out, tell him "your my friend right?", yes he replies, "you know I don't like it when you and gf flirt". "uh/yes" he replies. "it makes me feel threatened when you flirt with her, it makes me feel bad, it upsets me, I feel threatened" you continue, .. if he is your true friend or a liar he will reply "oh my god I will stop right away, I didn't realise...", then you wait (very important tell your group of mutual friends of what happened) let time pass , see if he does it again then you know he is a lying a-hole. otherwise he backs off, you will have what you want and know he is your friend. If he laughs/jokes replies negatively to what you have to say about how you feel threatened, then again he is not a true friend he is an a-hole.

 

Ok so out of the above there were 3 cases 2 he is an a-hole , 1 he is your friend.

 

If he is an a-hole, you need to expose him to all your firends, remember all the people you secretly told that you were going to find out what is going on by confronting your friend?, This group of friends will give you the power, let them all realise he is an a-hole, get them talking, the group will back you up and even go up against him if you prove him to be an a-hole, get them on your side, expose the fact that he is a lying a-hole and then you will have power, and he who has the power has the girl! thats the laws of this world.

 

later

Rob.

[jemba]

Hey rob thanks for the suggestions. it sounds good im thinking about doing that. Well i just sent a long text to my gf. Told her that i jus need to know whats going on. Said that i want to know whether im committing too much to a relationship that dosn;t mean that much to her. I told her im not jealous, simply that i can't get it off my mind and i need to know whats going on so i can think clearly without being overanalytical of anything. I asked her to be honest with me so i hope she is. I really need to get over this. im normally such a happy person i noe this relationship is taking me into a bad place atm. As for my mate, i talked to him the other day. i asked him some questions and told him i really want my relationship to last for as long as possible cuz i am possible in love with this girl or that i really really like her. He was really supportive saying that it would. I really dont know what i should do. But esentially i need to have a clear mind and im going to do whatever i need to do to achieve that. If my gf cares about this relationship she'll understand and help me with it.

[jemba]

Hey guys. thank you so much everyone for all your help. I talked to my gf for a couple of hours today and everything is alright now. Turns out that it was completely innocent. And that some of the facts i had were wrong. Once again i appreciate everyone elses help so much. You guys are awesome. Hope everything works out for you. Take care laters