Is this rude?

[GalaxyC]

I'm not sure if this is the right place so please move it mods if it needs to be moved.

 

I have a profile on match and I've been quite specific in what I am looking for.....age range, never married etc. Last week a man e'mailed me and all it said was "Hi, call me [his number]". I looked at his profile and he is the complete opposite to what I said I was looking for. Far too old, divorced, not what I'm looking for at all. I didn't message him back.

 

Then today I got another e'mail from him saying "look, I like u, call me [his mumber].

 

I've compiled this reply.....

 

"This is the second time you have messaged me your number now and the answer is still no.

 

I don't want to sound rude but you clearly haven't even read my profile properly otherwise you'd have read that I want to meet a man no older than 35, has never married and so on. You don't match what I am looking for. In future please read a person's profile properly before contacting them. I hope you find someone that you match. Good luck."

 

Is what I've said too harsh? I don't want to send it if it's going tomake him angry because he seems the type to keep e'mailing someone regardless of what they say or do.

[ChocoBB]

Of course not, why would it be ? The way he sounded seemed a bit desperate and only out for one thing...how can he like you by just a simple look at your picture ? No you weren't rude...your not interested, your not interested plain and simple.

[Batya33]

I would just write back "Thank you for your e-mail. As I mentioned in my last reply, I do not think we are a match. Please do not contact me again. Thank you and all the best to you."

 

Then if he writes again I would block him.

[robowarrior]

I wouldn't waste a reply on him at all.

[Daddy Bear]

I wouldn't waste a reply on him at all.

Neither would I. I don't understand why this is even bothering you. That's just how dating sites are. Don't hurt his feelings, just let it go. It's not like he's calling you or anything really intrusive like that. The guy is probably just lonely.

[agent1607307371]

He was being rude. You were not.

 

I wouldn't have replied to him even if he was a match for me because of the attitude he has.

[Clementine orange]

He is replying because you replied. Those on-line dating sights are a total jungle. It brings out the worst in everyone.

[GalaxyC]

I didn't reply to his first e'mail. But he sent another so I compiled the above reply to send to him because he obviously didn't get the message the first time when I ignored his message.

[Clementine orange]

Yeah, some guys just don't get it. There must be an "ignore" button or equilivent on that website.

They guy probably emails everyone more than once.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Don't send that email, it is indeed very rude. Some people are just very lonely and don't mean any harm. You don't know who he is and what is situation is so it is better to err on the side of caution and leave well enough alone. Either ignore his email or simply write something like, Thank you for your response, I have looked at your profile and don't think we are a good match. Wish you all the best.

[GalaxyC]

Well, I sent it and then went out for the evening. Just got back in and checked my messages and got this back....

 

"thats a shame as i own 5 homes and earn 600000 plus ur loss babe"

 

As if the amount of homes he has and money he earns is going to suddenly make me change my mind. I was feeling a bit mean about sending it but you know what? I'm totally glad I did.

[Batya33]

Here's the problem - if he knows what you look like you do not want to risk him running into you in public and confronting you. I used to send emails like that and then was advised not to, for safety reasons. As much as I still wanted to give the jerk a piece of my mind I stopped for my own safety. Your email just gave him the attention he wanted - people want attention even negative attention much more than they want to be ignored or treated neutrally.

[GalaxyC]

He doesn't live locally so there's only a slim chance of me running into him. I don't even cover where he lives in my job so it's ok.

[Batya33]

You do not know who he knows and who he can forward your picture to. Hey - it's your risk - if it makes you feel better to send an email like that to a stranger and you are not concerned about the safety risks, then more power to you.

[GalaxyC]

Great, way to make me feel like crap. Thanks.

[Batya33]

Actually - no - I think this time you are probably fine- I was suggesting how you might wish to behave if this sort of situation happens again. I assumed you wanted advice when you posted about this issue - sorry if I misinterpreted.

[charley]

OK. I read the entire thread. Stop the presses - I agree with Batya. You have to admit Batya, that we don't often agree.

 

Yet, everything Batya says makes good sense to me.

 

I do think your email to him was a bit overly harsh and hurt him unnecessarily. That set him off, though he seems a bit unstable anyway. His response is then quite ugly.

 

I think if you'd have originally sent this: "Hi. You are not what I'm looking for, as you can see from my profile. We are not a match. However, I hope you can find someone else who is to your liking. I don't intend to be rude, but with all due respect, please do not contact me again."

 

That is polite, firm, diplomatic, yet leaves no doubt that you don't want to hear from him. That shouldn't hurt him or set him off, unless he's a total nut. Firm diplomacy is best. i.e. - firm yet polite.

 

Was you actually did send him was a little insensitive beyond what was called for. His response is totally nuts. However, it's water under the bridge now. So time to move on.

 

Batya's cautions and concerns are valid. Do not engage in a flame war with this guy. He might be a total nut, or nutter, as you say over there. Just block him now and forget this.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

don't want to sound rude but you clearly haven't even read my profile properly otherwise you'd have read that I want to meet a man no older than 35, has never married and so on. You don't match what I am looking for. In future please read a person's profile properly before contacting them. I hope you find someone that you match. Good luck."

 

"thats a shame as i own 5 homes and earn 600000 plus ur loss babe"

[/quote

 

Looks like he responded to rudeness with rudeness. I am not sure what you expected him to write after you so blatantly insulted him...so, he is insulting you back. The point of his response was not that he owns homes etc, it was to respond in kind to your rude email. I agree with Batya, you have to be careful that you don't antagonize people. You never know what they can do. You could have just ignored him or responded in a more neutral way. Nobody is trying to make you feel bad, they are just trying to point out that rudeness begets rudeness.

[charley]

From post above "Looks like he responded to rudeness with rudeness."

 

I agree. I was trying to say it in a softer, more diplomatic way, but essentially I agree. He felt hurt, so he tried to hurt you in return.

 

Well, lessons learned. Life goes on.

[charley]

I think you are a super nice lady. So perhaps next time include some compassion into the rejection, yet still be firm about it.

 

The guy was probably just lonely. Now he's hurt, so he's being hurtful back. Time to disengage and just block him and be done with it.

[shy2cool]

That is not harsh at all. I bet he thinks that he is gods gift to women too.

[Batya33]

A month ago I ended up sitting accross at a dinner table from a guy who I had had one date with through an on line dating site and at that time he lived about 40 miles from where I live. I never knew he knew my friend - whose birthday dinner it was. I had rejected him and found him a bit odd/eccentric but nice in general. It could have been a very awkward evening but luckily he was pleasant. You never know!

[charley]

A month ago I ended up sitting accross at a dinner table from a guy who I had had one date with through an on line dating site and at that time he lived about 40 miles from where I live. I never knew he knew my friend - whose birthday dinner it was. I had rejected him and found him a bit odd/eccentric but nice in general. It could have been a very awkward evening but luckily he was pleasant. You never know!

 

Let's sing.

 

It's a small world after all, it's a small world after all, it's a small, small world.

[Siriana]

Choose not to answer, and if he writes you once again you can write him something like this:

It is a compliment you find my profile interesting, thank you.

I looked at your profile and I must say altough you seem like an interesting person, I am not interested in calling you because we're not the best match. I pointed out in my profile my preferences so I prefer dating guys that fit into them.

Good luck and thank you.

 

Probably you'll need to make some modifications - english is not my first language.

YOu need to be polite, not harsh, you never know what a psyho someone is.

 

ops, I 've red what happened later.

Your responce was rude so he decided to give you rude answer.

He woan't be msg you again.

 

Avoid conflict on dating sites.

[charley]

Choose not to answer, and if he writes you once again you can write him something like this:

It is a compliment you find my profile interesting, thank you.

I looked at your profile and I must say altough you seem like an interesting person, I am not interested in calling you because we're not the best match. I pointed out in my profile my preferences so I prefer dating guys that fit into them.

Good luck and thank you.

 

That sounds good, except I'd add, "Please do not contact me again" to the end of it.

 

However, this situation is already past this stuff. It's now time to block the guy and forget it.