I can't believe I did this - need your input

[desert_rose26]

Hi guys, the guy i've been having a cyber relationship with for 2 months suggested he could call me on his cellphone because he had a free deal thing calling to my country. We were in the middle of another video chat and my mic stopped working. So I said OK. Then he called me up instantly on my HOME phone. We talked a bit and everything went well like the usual.

 

Now I think I SHOULD"VE given him my CELL phone number instead!

I'm panicking over something that's out of my control now, it's too late because it's been done. I really can't believe I would give my number out to some guy I met over the internet. I never do stuff close to this. However I KNOW he's a good guy. The point is I'm sort of right now feeling like "can't believe I just did that!" Help me here? Is this ok you think? He doesn't know my address but he probably could locate it in the phonebook. Has anyone gone through this?? If so, I need some reassurance that what I did is not as crazy as it can sound??

 

So please if you've taken the time to read this, please give me some of your INPUT of this situation...whatever it may be, I guess I just need reassurance that I'm not the only one who's done this. Remember, we are in different countries and have never met f2f. We are in a 'cyber relationship' meaning the whole bf/gf thing. He's a good boy and I'm a good girl and we started being friends first but flirted right from the beginning and both of us are taking this relationship seriously and looking towards long term potential. He's planning on visiting me in 4 months.

 

Please give me some of your thoughts. Thanks. btw, sometimes or often times I can get pretty over paranoid with things, especially this kinda stuff..because I'm a paranoid and cautious person.

 

btw we're both 23.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Well, I wouldn't have done that myself, but then again if you call yourselves boyfriend/girlfriend, I suppose that does show some level of trust.

 

Can I ask how old you are? Just because that would be a red flag/more worrying to me if you were a teenager.

 

I wouldn't worry too much about it - he's not likely to turn up on your doorstep if you live in separate countries. And you are planning to meet him in any case?

 

I suppose if you're really nervous, you could change your home phone number, or have it made ex-directory?

 

Maybe it's interesting because it has showed you that this relationship - for all that you're close etc - doesn't *yet* have even the most basic level of trust. I guess that's true for anyone you meet online though.

 

Try not to worry so much - I'm sure it'll be fine.

[SilverManic]

I gave my husband my phone number right of the bat when I first met him online. Our relationship started as a cyber one too. I never really thought anything of it as I'd known him for 4 years prior but I guess if you haven't known him for that long it might send up flag signals. But my phone number is also ex directory so I didn't have any problem like that. We were both in diffirent contrys too.

GL,

~S.

[brandon_07]

The internet is pretty strange, as with cyber relationships because you can feel like you really know someone and have never met them in person, and theirs always a chance they aren't the way they really say they are not saying this guy is like that...

 

 

I'm not sure if your over-reacting or not really, you said hes planning on visiting you in four months, so he would need your phone number or cell number at least eventually I assume and I'm sure if he visited you he would end up at least seeing your house.

 

I think you should be just fine though if he was out to try to get someone or rape, or whatever your worried about that some psychos try over the net I think he would of picked someone at least in his own country that he could of gotten to alot easier.

 

Just one last thing I'm sure you've thought of this but make sure when you do meet this guy to meet him in a public place and keep it there for a while at least until you are sure you are safe, maybe have a friend knowing whats happening and call in to cheack on you every so often just to be safe.

 

GL w/ the whole sitchuation

[Batya33]

I think it's probably fine but this is where I see the vast inconsistency between your claim that you know he is a "good guy" and your panic over giving him your phone number. Consider your reaction and consider, very carefully, whether it is healthy for you to type and talk to someone you have never met in person and tell yourself you trust him and that he is your "boyfriend."

 

I strongly suggest seeing this as a sign that you want a real relationship and to take 99% of the time you spend typing and talking to him and take a proactive approach to meeting people in real life. As I am sure you will see, the social skills you need in interacting with people face to face are far different than the ones you use in typing and talking -- and if you get too caught up in this fantasy world of typing to this person you have a strong image of (that might or might not be true in reality) your social skills in real life will suffer for it, get rusty, etc.

[Aleadragonhawk]

With all the real-life horror stories that have happened through the internet, it's normal to feel kind of panicked when giving out personal information. It does seem strange in your situation, though. You're in a romantic relationship with this person, and yet you're panicking over him potentially knowing where you live? You're planning on meeting him face-to-face in four months, but you aren't comfortable with him having your phone number? Take a deep breath, and a close look at why you're feeling the way you are. Would you be feeling the same way if you'd given your home phone number to someone you met face-to-face? Why, or why not, does this feel like a different situation to you?

[Stereohead]

Like others have mentioned, it’s natural to feel panicky with all the online relationship stories and sick people out there… But you said you were in a relationship with him, and trust is a foundation of any relationship… you can tell him your concerned and just be honest, saying your uncomfortable with him having the home number, and ask him to no longer call it. Instead give him your Cell Phone number… If you’re still worried, have your home number changed… you said you were planning on meeting him... four months isn’t that far away… do you plan to improve your trust before then? What makes you so uneasy about giving him your number in the first place? Do you really care about him? If the relationship is looking serious, I don’t understand why you would be so concerned with giving him your home phone number… except, maybe you don’t love him as much as you think you do? Just sit back and think about it… is there really any reason to be paranoid?

[Batya33]

My guess is because for all practical purposes he is a complete stranger since they have never met in person.

[desert_rose26]

this time batya said it...yup.

 

Well, here's an update.

 

So far I don't feel nervous or scared anymore. It's all going well and time and time again has proven that he is totally trustworthy.

 

It's just, I don't know How Much he still likes me. I guess that's another problem with cyber relationships - lacks the physical touch.

 

I guess "time will tell".

[Batya33]

OK - you have no idea if he is trustworthy for purposes of your personal safety because you have never met in person. Please make sure if you do meet in person it is during the day and in public. Do not get in his car or let him get in yours for at least the first meeting.

[desert_rose26]

lol, of course not. I wouldn't be stupid enough to do that. In fact, I don't plan on showing him where I live. I don't plan on getting inside any guy's car. I don't drive. I wouldn't even take a walk on the beach with him... In fact, all I plan to do is have lunch at mcdonalds. and play on the kiddie swings - hince walking around in the mall and looking at books.

[Batya33]

LOL - sounds good - I misinterpreted what you meant by trustworthy - we have very different definitions when it comes to that in the context of a romantic or potentially romantic relationship.

[desert_rose26]

hehe, yeah.

 

For me, there are different levels of trust. Right now, I trust him enough to give him my number and meet him in a public place. If all goes well, it will take a second deeper level of trust to actually get into his car.

 

I trust people slowly. It's like "peeling an onion" - when I get to the core, that means I completely trust them.

 

It sounds like a long time process, but not as long as it sounds

[Batya33]

I see. You seemed to suggest in your earlier post that he was completely trustworthy. I trust complete stranger to to a certain extent but if I were to describe someone as myself being in a relationship with him - a potentially romantic relationship - I wouldn't describe him as "completely trustworthy" if all I meant was that I trusted him enough to meet him in a public place without giving him all my contact information. I thought you meant trustworthy for purposes of being in a relationship, sorry. I am glad you are considering him a near stranger for purposes of trust.

[chloe09]

ew why would you have a cyber romance with a guy anyway? i'm sorry, thats so lamee. just buy a cute little dress, go out to the club, and find yourself a REAL guy.

seriously.

and dont give your number out again. its called *67.

[Bethany]

Before mobile phones it's what everyone used to do so don't panic. Being from a different country he probably thinks it is your mobile anyway.

[TheSmilingTurnip]

ew why would you have a cyber romance with a guy anyway? i'm sorry, thats so lamee. just buy a cute little dress, go out to the club, and find yourself a REAL guy.

seriously.

and dont give your number out again. its called *67.

 

A bar is a much better place to meet a good mate than online in what way? When the alcohol is flowing and everyone there is just looking for their next piece of meat? Hence the term 'meat market'? You can meet someone good in either place, I'm just saying there's nothing wrong with meeting people online...it's just one more avenue.

[desert_rose26]

Before mobile phones it's what everyone used to do so don't panic. Being from a different country he probably thinks it is your mobile anyway.

 

Good point Bethany about the mobile phones. I would've never thought about that. Except, he already saw me holding a regular telephone through wecam. But everything's good, no worries about him being dangerous. lol..