Feeling so Angry at cheating ex

[pacopaco]

I was talking to a friend of mine who said to me that I do not blame my ex enough for what she did. Yes, she's messed up, and yes she is dysfunctional, but I'm not angry enough at her for cheating on me after seven years. I began to think and it is true. I was looking at her sickness the whole time and feeling bad for her. Making excuses for her that she is probably suffering more from guilt and shame for her insult to me. I know this isn't true. She still works at the same place, never left it, her boss is still there, etc.

after my conversation with my friend, now I do feel angry, but I don't like it. I'm not typically an angry person, and I don't wish harm to anyone, but I feel all steamed! I just don't know what to do with this anger. I find myself displacing it saying to myself "I hope it's rough for you not having me in your life," and You. You'll get yours." This is all in my head, though. I have not contacted or been in contact witht he ex for about a month. I'm not going to call her to vent, NO WAY! I know the anger is mine, but I don't know where to put it. I think this is all coming as I'm geting closer to Feb 15, which is when I leave the apartment we used to share.What does one do about anger?

[in_the_mirror]

sometimes when i get angry i go for a run. i find that a lot of things my ex did just tick me off to no end, so i go work it off. lift weights, go at the punching bag, or just work out in general. its a great stress and anger reducer. plus it makes you feel good when your done and showered lol. hope this helps a little.

[agent1607307371]

Take up a physical activity. Go hit a punch bag...

 

That said, I don't think your friend has a right to be telling you that your feelings aren't right. If you can keep your anger down, do it. Don't let the negative emotions hold onto you - let it go and you'll be happier.

[robowarrior]

Are you so easily influenced by a friend that puts an idea in your head? Its seems that he made you realise that you should be angry on your girlfriend, but since you are unable to be angry at her, you became angry at yourself because you defended her bad behaviour, because she led you to believe she was trustworthy, now that the bubble has popped it all became an explosive situation. You dealt with the situation, but your friend triggered the explosives that where piled up in your head.

 

You are long beyond the stage that within the relationship dismay/anger displayed would have had an effect, bad or good effect not sure but getting angry now is just absurd. Why? Because you know its over, and in a possible future relationship, you will always have to be at least 1% sceptical about the situation, that door of distrust a little bit open so that you won't be completely blinded by love next time when you commence a relationship.

[pacopaco]

well my friend is a good friend, and he knows my situation. It is true, though, that I made up excuses for her behavior. I don't like that. I do hold her accountable for her actions, and I do blame her for hurting me, the blame is all hers. I was looking back and asked myself "gee I must have done something to make her cheat on me." In college, she never did. there were men there. She's always had guy friends, I was one. she never cheated then, either, so I was thinking "why now?" and then come up with some excuse. "oh she's a dysfunctional person, she would never have done that if she wasn't," that kind of thing; not blaming me, mind you, but not really putting blame where is goes.

[need2bme]

Paco: It could be anything brother. I don't know if you dealt with the anger the first time, by what you said about making excuses for her.

 

I spent the last 7 months thinking everything was my fault and making excuses for the ex. With the help of time, friends, family and counselor, I am learning that we were partly setup to fail and that it was her fault she stayed closed off and spoke so reverently about every guy she knew, except me.

 

So, as IceMotoBoy told me, feel the feelings and experience them all. We all have feelings and they are there for a reason. Just run them past your brain and react the right way.

 

As for getting the anger out, well, I have screamed, cried, sang and exercised. I guess whatever it takes; right?

[pacopaco]

Paco: It could be anything brother. I don't know if you dealt with the anger the first time, by what you said about making excuses for her.

 

I spent the last 7 months thinking everything was my fault and making excuses for the ex. With the help of time, friends, family and counselor, I am learning that we were partly setup to fail and that it was her fault she stayed closed off and spoke so reverently about every guy she knew, except me.

 

WOW! N2BM. This is partly why I'm angry. She'd have guy frinds, or maybe her sister was going out with some guy and it was always "Man, he's the smartest guy I know," or some other BS. This was even an issue I'd address. After we broke up, all last year she was coming around saying "I know I lost a good thing," and " I still need you as a friend. I respect your opinions and advice." That fires me up. She didn't respect me, and whatever advice I have to give is no longer for her. The whole time last year it was "I love you," and then back to some stupid confusion state. It makes me angry, like i was being used, or trying to be used, even for sex! She'd lead me on, and in my mind i was thinking "Well, we're getting intimate again, maybe these things are just baby steps in the right direction." i don't think that now.,. I just think she wanted back the familiarity of me.

I do believe she has regret, but only in terms of what she did to herself, not to me. She has no shame, either. She still there at the same job with her boss. I don't ever want her back, and I don't want to be friends with her. We had a beautiful friendship even before we were together, she ruined that, and it's a damned shame.

[heloladies21]

It's normal to be angry when you're wronged. It'll pass over time as it is just a phase.

 

but eventually you're gonna have to man up and realize that you are a man, and as a man you are very much in control of your life and the way it turns out. Basically every action she did is essentially a reaction to you so this is very much a creation of your own making.

 

It's like being the owner of a professional sports team. You hire coaches, who coach players, who were basically hired by a general manager, who you hired. If the team preforms poorly, you can blame the players/coaches/managers, but ultimitely you can only look at yourself as you were the one who hired them all.

[pacopaco]

It's normal to be angry when you're wronged. It'll pass over time as it is just a phase.

 

but eventually you're gonna have to man up and realize that you are a man, and as a man you are very much in control of your life and the way it turns out. Basically every action she did is essentially a reaction to you so this is very much a creation of your own making.

 

It's like being the owner of a professional sports team. You hire coaches, who coach players, who were basically hired by a general manager, who you hired. If the team preforms poorly, you can blame the players/coaches/managers, but ultimitely you can only look at yourself as you were the one who hired them all.

 

Uh, thanks for putting this on me. I know what your saying, but you may want to work on your delivery.

[JoeWho]

Paco,

 

I have been where you are, making excuses for a cheating ex. You should be mad at her, she screwed up what you though your life was going to be like. Use the anger for motivation, as it will probably come and go just like all the other crazy emotions that follow a break up. Usually when I am angry I go to the gym and then feel great after wards. It is part of the process and I think it is one of the more useful emotions to heal.

[HDD]

Paco,

 

remember, she cheated on you. there is NO excuse for that! Absolutely NO EXCUSE!!!!!!!!! You deserve SO much better than her. She doesnt sound like she is worth all anything anymore! I understand what you must be going through. Being cheated on must be one of the most horrible feelings one can get. But, that only reinstates the fact that she isnt worth your time and energy. Seriously... you are a good person and you care about others and one day you will get a girl who treats you like the way you deserve to be treated. If she cheated on you now, she will always cheat on you. For some reason, i kind of believe that. So, be happy that it ended NOW rather than later.

Go out there and find someone who meets your expectations and loves YOU (not her selfish needs)!

Feel the anger and let it out! it helps. Also, go hit a punching bag and knock yourself out (pretend its her face you're hitting... )

We're here for you whenever you need to vent! so, let it all out