Legal Question If anyone knows

[JimJohnson]

Hi I am using my buddies username so his previous posts have nothing to do with me. But anyways. Me and my girlfriend are having a dispute on whose last name should appear on the Birth Certificate of our unborn baby. We are not married yet and she thinks it will protect the baby if it has her last name. I was wondering that if I was proven to be the father after paternity test and we could not agree on the last name, who indefinitely gets to make the decision. I was reading on other states and I see that they usually will hyphenate the last name in alphabetical order. I live in California and was wondering if anyone has had this issue. I am stressed right now because I feel that tradition is that the baby will have the fathers surname and she is taking that away from me. Please let me know if you have any experience with this type of situation.

[emma34]

I'm sorry that i can't give u legal advice...but she is right about protecting the baby with her last name.

[JimJohnson]

In which way is this protecting the baby? If I am staying in the babys life and plan on moving in with her...Then I look at is as why am I taking care of her family? This is my family...Do you understand where I am coming from. I am very confused.

[equinox]

It's a strange situiation allright. If you are indeed that father then the child should of course get your name. I don't think that is a law but it is what is done. If you want to be totally sure on what to do then you should consult a solicitor for legal advice.

[Joneysnai]

if you are the father and you two can't come to a decision then both last names should be on the birth certificate. that baby is yours just as much as it is hers. if u can't decide on hers or yours, then compromise. there is no reason why both names can't be on the birth certificate.

[avman]

By default, an unmarried father doesn't have any say in what happens regarding the baby. Hate to say it, but that's the way it goes. You have to establish legal paternity first in order to have any rights.

 

So to answer your question, if you two don't agree - the mother gets to make the decision regarding the baby's last name. The name could be changed later on though so it's not a completely permanent thing.

 

I don't know what protection your girlfriend thinks is extended by the baby having her last name. That does not matter in the least.

[JimJohnson]

Ok thank you everyone. I am going to talk about it with her today. Does anyone have any tips on how I may win this battle with her?

[equinox]

Well if you are going to move in with her and you are the childs father then the child should get your name. That's my opinion, a child shouls always get its fathers name unless circumstances don't make that an option..

[ebsmith1]

As avman said, if you are not married and legal paternity has not been established, then she makes the choice. To be honest, in my state I was the only one allowed to fill out the form for the birth certificate and we were married. I could have put my maiden name on there if I'd wanted too and he would have had to contest it. If she puts her name on it and you then establish legal paternity you can take her to court and have it changed. My question is, are you still in a relationship with her or are you just moving in to be with the baby? If you are in a relationship and she doesn't want the baby to have your name then you need to figure out why. I know lots of single mothers who used their last names because they weren't with the fathers and are raising their kids without any help so they have no reason to give him the privilege of the baby having his name. Sounds like you are doing the right thing....but then again, I've heard that before.

[Mythical_Suicide]

As far as her protecting the baby int he long run, I almost put my last name on my son because his father and I were going through a rough patch at the time and we almost indefinitely split up with him not seeing my son so that being said is a situation like that?

 

As everyone else has said, there isn't really anything you can do she is the mother and has the last say as far as what's put on their. If you really want to contest it, it's doubtful the courts will pursue anything against her just because y'all are unmarried and she has that right but you can refuse to sign the birth certificate until paternity has been proven and take her to court. Other then that nothing you can do sorry about that. If the relationship between you two are decent then i'd really want to figure out why she wouldnt want your name.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

It sounds like what she means by 'protecting' the baby is that she is not sure if your relationship with her is going to work out, and if she is going to be a single mother, she probably wants the baby to have her names since you never married her.

 

if you do not care enough about the mother to marry her, i doubt a judge would force the mother to put your name on the birth certificate, even if you are the father... it is in your best interest to try to agree on a name, but if you don't care enough to marry her, then maybe she is thinking that she shouldn't care enough to give the baby your name.. (i.e., you won't give her yours, so why should she be forced to name the baby after you?).

 

don't know if that is her logic, but you might try to talk to her about your relationship in general. do you intend to be a real family, or break up after the birth? she might have all this going through her mind, so best to talk to her more about it. but if you approach this like you need to 'win a battle' to give the baby your name, the that doesn't bode well for your relationship with her. the baby's last name will be the least of your worries if you two really start disagreeing and fighting, when you have a child together.

 

she can always change the baby's name to your name later if you marry or she feels like you care about her enough. but if you are more interested in a name than anything, she might be less cooperative...

[annie24]

I also think she is "protecting" the baby and herself by giving the baby her maiden name. If you two never get married and split up, everytime she goes to the doctor or tries to get on a plane with the baby or whatnot, they will be like, "Oh, you two have different last names. Are you the mother?" And she may have to explain everytime that "That is the dad's last name." I wouldn't want to have that conversation everyday. Actually, my cousin kept her maiden name when she got married, and her daughter has her husband's last name. It does cause confusion for them.

 

If you aren't going to marry her, why insist on the name? are you going to marry her? and are you sure it is your baby?