OCD Posted January 20, 2007 Share Posted January 20, 2007 Hi all, It's been a while, life has been good, I've been dating and it's been about a year since I've spoken to my ex. A funny thing happened about a week ago. Before my last relationship, my current ex, I was dating this girl and were friends for about 6 months. She left me for this other guy, got married to him, had a baby with him and is now divorcing him. Crazy right, well, she contacted me through another website, she says that she "came accross my name" and wanted to say hi and make piece with me since she ended it on bad terms. She seems pretty flirty with me. So, after being on enotalone for almost a couple years now, I realize to take things slow with her and just be friends. My question is...is it possible that she wants to come back to me? She hasn't actually said those words, but we met for dinner one night and it was great, catching up, etc. I am still very attracted to her, but not sure if I should make a move. Should I just keep it friendly at this pointe?? She says "you can call me any time, here is my number"...stuff like that. I figured I should take it slow and not jump to her...any ideas?? Thanks guys OCD Link to comment
hosswhispra Posted January 20, 2007 Share Posted January 20, 2007 I figured I should take it slow and not jump to her... Very smart ^ Take things slow and listen to your gut. Did she tell you the circumstances why she got divorced? Link to comment
OCD Posted January 20, 2007 Author Share Posted January 20, 2007 Yes she did tell me why they split. He ended up being very abusive...she says that she made a mistake with him, but is happy because she has a wonderful son now. They've been apart for about 6 months now. I dated her a little over 3 years ago... Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted January 20, 2007 Share Posted January 20, 2007 RUN!! Dude, leave it be. Link to comment
hosswhispra Posted January 20, 2007 Share Posted January 20, 2007 Yes she did tell me why they split. He ended up being very abusive...she says that she made a mistake with him, but is happy because she has a wonderful son now. They've been apart for about 6 months now. I dated her a little over 3 years ago... Tread cautiously. Usually it is advised to wait one year before dating when people get a divorce. You do not want to fall into the role of a 'rescuer'. Link to comment
OCD Posted January 20, 2007 Author Share Posted January 20, 2007 RUN!! Dude, leave it be. Thanks for the reply...why should I run...just curious Link to comment
OCD Posted January 20, 2007 Author Share Posted January 20, 2007 Yes, you're right...I don't want to fall into that trap...that sort of happened to me on my last relationship...we were together for 2 years after she had been divorced for 8 months. She ended taking off so yes I don't want to have that happen again. Ok, so I'll just keep it cool. No expectations right Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted January 20, 2007 Share Posted January 20, 2007 OCD, Well, my opinion of why you should RUN is multifaceted. lol. Yet it comes down to some simple facts. Exs' are the most convienent and first-impulse to run to when things get tough and a person is feeling vulnerable. She is recently divorced and has a child. She only contacted you now. At point where is fully having to live with being a single parent and a divorcee. The relationship between the two of you ended because she dumped you for her hubby. You seem too eager to reunite with her without considering all the remarkable changes and obstacles this would present. ......I'm a little surprised you haven't told her to take a hike! .... Link to comment
OCD Posted January 20, 2007 Author Share Posted January 20, 2007 lol...thanks itsallgrand...I totally here, trust me. And heck yes I have thought about telling her to take a hike..lol. Sure she hurt me and I did get over it totally. I figured that's water under the bridge...keep it friendly and what ever. I suppose I'll keep my distance, etc... Link to comment
Siriana Posted January 20, 2007 Share Posted January 20, 2007 I wouldn't give her a chance. Reasons: - She's recently divorced after being in an abusive marriage - there is a high possibilty that she needs an emotional crutch to lean on (don't be that) until she feels better -she left you because of that guy and now when it's over she's contacting you again (for me that would be offencive if I were you, what are you second best? Imagine having guts calling someone after you dumped them for another person you married later?!) So to me it looks like she's doing everything to feel better, less alone and less hurt...but she is not thinking cleary about other people that might get hurt in that process (read Link to comment
kellbell Posted January 20, 2007 Share Posted January 20, 2007 Hey there OCD!! I am echo the sentiments here. She is turning to you for an emotional crutch, to get her through the rough spots. With that in mind, you both are not playing in level grounds. She has TONS of baggage and you do not. The relationship would not start on equal footing at all. She really needs to learn how to survive on her own. It seems like everyone has coddled her along. She left you to be with someone else, has a kid and now the marriage has ended, she is turning to you. There is nothing wrong with needing support through somehting like this but she can call her friends, her family...not an ex boyfriend. In her mind, you are a sure thing. Plus, being there for her in the way she is looking for, in a way is doing her and her son a disservice, she NEEDS to stand on her own, become strong, to be self-sufficent. You went through hell and back with your ex in 2005. You are finally at peace and in a good place. Getting into the likes of this ex will perhaps set you back. I vote to keep her at arm's length and keep dating other women. Link to comment
OCD Posted January 20, 2007 Author Share Posted January 20, 2007 Gotcha, makes perfect sense...thank you. That's why I came here to get a different perspective I don't want to be Mr. Feelbetter for her, I'll just go about my business....and you're right I should wait a while till she's totally over this situation... Should I tell her to back off? Ask her what her intensions are? Or just going about my business...? Thanks again! OCD Link to comment
OCD Posted January 20, 2007 Author Share Posted January 20, 2007 Nice...hey there Kellbell!! It's been a while...hope you're doing well...Thanks for the advice...that's why I come back here once in a while...the great advice from you all Link to comment
kellbell Posted January 20, 2007 Share Posted January 20, 2007 "I don't want to be Mr. Feelbetter for her" My friend, that is EXACTLY what she is looking for. And if that is not what you want, then don't do it. Don't get snuckered into it. I would just wish her all the best and that's that. Seriously. She dumped you to be with someone else dude! That's all the ammo you need to stay away from her. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted January 20, 2007 Share Posted January 20, 2007 Exactly what KellBell said. You sound like such a nice guy, who has worked very hard to get where you are at now. The wrong move here and it could throw back your progress. That would suck. Like KellBell said, just wish her the best and fade out. Don't make yourself accessible to her, and don't call. Just resume your life as before she popped back on the scene. On a more empathetic note, I can totally understand how an ex showing back on the scene and being so receptive can throw a person for a loop. So much new information, and at the same time, it's like the 'happy ending' possibility that a part of us always wishes for ....that the ex who scorned us will come back and welcome us back into their lives. Like the saying goes, if it seems to good to be true (the happy ending), it probably is. Link to comment
OCD Posted January 20, 2007 Author Share Posted January 20, 2007 Totally spot on Kellbell...I'll just keep moving forward just like I've been doing...having fun!! I'll keep you all posted, thanks again. OCD Link to comment
OCD Posted January 20, 2007 Author Share Posted January 20, 2007 Thanks itsallgrand...yes, I guess I am the nice guy that ends up getting hurt, but I'm learning just like everyone else. When she did pop back into my life I did feel like, wow, maybe we're both getting another chance with each other...maybe she learned her leason and realizes that she made a mistake. I suppose I am all about second chances, but bottom line I don't want to get hurt again. So I've learned and will move forward. Thank you Link to comment
kellbell Posted January 20, 2007 Share Posted January 20, 2007 Hey you are you welcome OCD! You do sound like a great guy and you deserve to be happy!! Link to comment
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