THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[sillygoose1]

Well I am just about done with day 2. Man is this hard. I think the hardest time is when I first wake up. As the day goes on it is easier but then the night hits (the worst time of all) I feel like texting him saying sorry I want to be friends, but I know I have ulterior motives. I guess that is what is keeping me from taking that step. I wonder maybe he is waiting for my call to start contact again. I did tell him not to contact me anymore and he is doing that but i can't help but look at my phone to see if he gives in. I miss the friendship most of all. We were friendly at the end and it is hard to know say no I can't be your friend but it is for the best I keep telling myself.

 

One thing I read today talked about if I did contact him I would get that initial rush and good feeling but after the call I would be embarrased for being the weak one and proving to him I can't move on without him. That has really help because it is so true. I want that immediate good feeling by talking to him but after I would feel like a fool.

The only way for him to figure out what he feels is time to think about me and miss me without the daily talking so i must be strong and not give in. I am ready to accept either outcome but until he can give me the answer I will continue to stick to this great webiste. Thanks for listening to me vent..

 

I hope everyone else is hanging in there and being strong.

[WorkoutAddict]

It is hard. I have felt like calling him and hoping to hear "glad you called because I really missed you", but what makes me be strong is that I'm sure he feels so much worse than I do because it was me who called to apologize and instead he gave me a treatment I never deserved. I'm sure he thinks I will call again but he's wrong. He won't find an e-mail from me in his inbox either. I miss his sweet e-mails and his "I love you baby" on the phone, but I have to turn all that into a memory, period.

 

My eyes are still swollen from last night and I'm crying here again, I just want this to stop.

[Coyote9]

Not to depress the rest of you, but today is day 70 NC...and she is long gone. If I think about it long enough, I can still feel her next to me in bed at night and see her coming through the door or smiling pulling up the driveway. Freeze frames that will fade to black and white eventually, and whose emotional power that used to nearly double me over in pain now just cause a hallow discomfort. I'm finally past hoping for her return, and what lies ahead are days with no structure or plan. It's as if I've been sailing in a particular direction (to her) for so long, and finally the wind has shifted and I'm in that slack place before the winds from the opposite direction fill the sails and take me off in a new direction. We are all doing this, a day at a time. No magic, just a commitment to finding ourselves again.

[sillygoose1]

well no that desn't help coyote9 but its okay. you have made it a long time. I still can't imagine how I'll get through day 3 or 4, but seeing that is is possible does give me hope.

celeste hang in there. I would love to call and hear the same things. The sad part is I will here "i'm glad you called I missed you" but then nothing else he would continue to talk about his day like nothing every happened between us.

[WorkoutAddict]

I guess that if I called I would maybe hear "Hi baby how are you" but maybe I would hear "I told you not to call me anymore", and since I don't want to guess what I will get and have my heart beating fast before he answers, I won't call. I will have him guessing why I haven't called or text messaged since, after all, he gave me another chance. I hope his nights are harder than mine.

[BrokenBear]

Day 7 (I guess?) and I'm having a hard time tonight. I find though, that I am in love with the memories of the good, and associate her with them, instead of remembering the hurt she's put me through the last couple weeks. I couldn't stop thinking about her and picturing her with her new guy last night, and eventually got too tired to think any more. Feeling a bit better today, if a bit lonely. Moving on with life, looking at moving out of this place, and into a new and bigger area. Hope that goes well, as it will definitely keep me occupied and not thinking about her. Still wishing she'd call me and tell me what a mistake she made, but that won't ever happen. Like everyone else, in love with a ghost.

 

Congrats on day 70 Coyote, hope you're doing well, and thanks for your support. Sillygoose, I found day 4 harder than any day for some reason, but you can do it!

[Coyote9]

It does get easier, in small degrees. I actually felt relieved from the weight of it for a few hours tonight. I couldn't get anyone to join me for dinner or to go out so I headed to one of my favorite coffee houses where's there's live music on Saturdays, read the paper and had a little dinner while I was there for a couple hours. Stopped by the store and still made it home in time to take an amazing walk with the dog and watch a gorgeous sunset....all without bemoaning the fact that I was alone and she wasn't there, (or at least most of the time). A real tell tale for me in terms of feeling a bit better is beginning to be able to listen to music again. My ex and I used to listen to a lot of live music and she loves all sorts of stuff, so I still have times when, whatever is on the radio will trigger nostalgia or longing.

Tonight, with my walkman on during the walk, I experience no such thoughts and actually felt a bounce in my step.

 

So there is a way out of this, we all know that and likely we've had past situations that were similar (I certainly have at least) where we know it does pass and we again feel like ourselves. I will also say, from my own past experiences, that when I have had a moment of weakness and have broken NC, it always results in a worse outcome for me, even as I've gotten back with ex's for brief periods as a result, only to have things head south again and the pain and confusion become even greater.

 

It's a day at a time for us all, no more. Congrats to all here for making this commitment and know that it will get better and better, even if you don't think so right now.

Coyote

[sillygoose1]

brokenbear... yikes i don't want it to get harder.... i was hoping each day gets easier. I hope I can be as strong as everyone else here.. i almost wrote an email but stopped myself. He is on vacation and hasn't checked his email. everytime i cut contact before i would give in and do a venting email. So I bet when he gets to a computer he is expecting that so i have to tell myself no!!! Im sorry she is with someone new. That scares me to how i will react when he does start dating someone else. I have a good few weeks before that happens and he settles into his new place but hopefully it will be a longer time so I am on with my life before i hear that kind of news. hang in there if you need to vent feel free. i have done my share already.

[waterbaby07]

The beginning of Day 10: Wow, I made it this far already. So hard. I've cried every day so far (and Im honestly sooo tired of it). I haven't laughed a real laugh in god knows how long. My smiles are forced. I wonder if he knows how much pain I'm in- or if he thinks i've just moved on. I deleted him from my myspace page. In turn he has deleted my friends from his. So childish- this game we're playing. I'm starting to forget his face already. I'm in a completely new area- nothing here reminds me of him. He's on my mind every minute of the day. I feel so pathetic- this shouldn't be happening at age 30! Coyote: Im so impressed you were able to go out and listen to the music and eat dinner alone. I have to learn to be comfortable doing things on my own! Sillygoose: Whenever you get the urge to write an email to him open up a word document and type it all down. Save it to your computer but DO NOT SEND IT. I did this today and it helped me tremendously. BrokenBear: I'm forcing myself to remember the bad so i can justify no contact. I need to remind myself that i can never be with someone who could be so heartless to me. Love is not cruel and cold. There is someone out there who will be absolutely crazy about you and will never hurt you. We all need to remember to come back to this site and post when that time comes along.

[Cletharin]

I'll take this challege..

 

It's Day 6.

 

I think I still might be in shock. Sometimes I can't even tell a dream from reality. I think about him every day, even when I try not to, everything reminds me of him. I've even tried to change up things in my bedroom, but that doesn't change anything. It was his once, too. But I haven't talked to him for six days. This might sound corny.. But my heart is in pain, yet I still love him. I'm not even angry at him for leaving me for her... Just so utterly disappointed..

 

Does talking to his relatives count? His mother was pretty much mine, too. I still talk to her at times.. Right now I'm feeling lonely. But I've been feeling that way since it ended. I read some old letters he'd written me, but that just made me feel worse.. So I'll try not to do that anymore. I've been extremely tempted to write him... But I've held myself back.

 

So far, things aren't looking too good for me.

 

 

BrokenBear For some reason day four was also the hardest for me. I wonder why that might be..

[1guygirl]

day 26

 

feel neither great nor feel terrible today...prob cos i have slept too much in bed..

 

did my angel cards and they have me in tears sometimes with their messages and every time i do them they basically say this is the eye of the storm and when it clears the sky will be bluer than ever. etc etc i know they never lie...they told me i was pregnant even before the test did - so im just putting my trust in the future and believe that things are gunna be ok, just feel in limbo at mo, im still in love with an illusion but it is getting less and less.

 

being without him doesnt hurt...its the fact we planned a baby and he upped and left...but hes playing daddy with his 3 other kids and me and this baby have just been treat like trash...but yet i dunno if i could deal with him if he did want to see the baby - id feel even more like i was just his blow up doll while he got over his ex wife- thats the only thing im struggling with right now and when im over these feelings well....san fairy ann to him...just hope its not too much longer!

[WorkoutAddict]

Day 5

 

I went to the gym early this morning and worked out for over an hour. Took my car to the car wash and to not start thinking of him I tried to concentrate on the other people's conversations.

 

I know I have to remove his pic from my night table but I need a lot of courage to do that and I know that it will cause tears and pain because it will mean that it is really over. I need courage please.

 

Cletharin, you can write, just don't send the letter to him. Write as much as you wish, everything you want to tell him, and then put that in a drawer. It will make you feel better, it works for me.

[Gabrielle0975]

Day 3

 

haha.....i'm getting by well.

 

hope you guys are too!

[Fineberg]

Day 4 of 100

 

Last night I hit the bar scene with my two closest friends. We ended up at a karaoke bar. One of the songs I sang reminded me A LOT of my ex. I was extremely drunk at this point and it took some willpower for me to not call her up and talk to her. I realized that if I did call her, she'd possibly be taken back by the late night drunk dial from her ex. I also didn't want to throw the last four days of NC out the window.

 

My ego is taking a little bit of a hit. My ex and I have yet to gone more than 3 days without contact since January 2005. She did call me thank her for wishing her a happy birthday. That was 2 days ago. I am interested in seeing when she will contact me again. I know she must be still thinking of me, but I am the one who is consciencely breaking off contact and I have a support system in you guys to back me up.

 

Part of me just really wants that phone call where she calls up crying and says "I think I still love you and that I made a mistake pushing you so far away. Can we see where things go when I come back from summer?"

 

God, if there's ANYTHING in the world I could wish for right now, it would be that. I am not kidding.

[Mikey8888]

Day 7!

 

This was a hard day for me - I don't like Sundays at all anymore. It was a wonderful summer day here in Switzerland - the city was full of couples walking along the lake... My ex still hasn't contacted me at all. It kind of bothers me that I started NC after having a fight with her. Probably she is having lots of fun now and is not even thinking about me anymore...

[WorkoutAddict]

Fineberg, I feel the same, I would like him to call and tell me in tears how sorry he is and how stupid for not appreciating what I am and what I gave to him. Would make me more than happy to know that he is feeling miserable as hell and that he is wondering why I haven't even sent him a text message.

 

You know how I feel? Like a beast who has been wounded: the pain is unbearable but the rage is even more intense.

[Fineberg]

Probably she is having lots of fun now and is not even thinking about me anymore...

 

Trust me, Mike. Even if they tell themselves they have moved on, shadows of the relationship will always remain. You can't just FORGET someone and the good times you had together, no matter how hard you try to block them out. If you keep up NC, the replacement she will find for your kind words and comfort will be memories of them. Even if they find somebody else, there will always be thousands of things that you and her had together that could never be replaced. Over time, she will come to appreciate that and most possibly- miss it as well.

[Fineberg]

Fineberg, I feel the same, I would like him to call and tell me in tears how sorry he is and how stupid for not appreciating what I am and what I gave to him. Would make me more than happy to know that he is feeling miserable as hell and that he is wondering why I haven't even sent him a text message.

 

I believe that if deep down our ex's have an ounce of regret or love left for us that they will eventually attempt contact again.

 

The way I see it is I wouldn't want anything more to do with her if she didn't have ANYTHING AT ALL left for me in her heart. That would just be inhuman.

 

Celeste, I wouldn't necessarily want my ex to feel MISERABLE, but I know she is in denial about how she feels.

 

We broke up the end of March when she moved back down to our old college. I moved back there the first week of June. I walked her back to her dorm after a party at my apartment that occurred the night after I arrived back in town. I slept over and tried to sleep with her, but she was very hardened and put up a wall. I ended up sleeping on the other dorm bed in her room. That next morning I gave her a full body massage. She had the softest, most abandoned look in her eyes. We then had sex, but didn't get back together. I tried to cut contact then, but she called me up days later for what you might call a "booty call".

 

I made the mistake of losing intimate respect from her. I was willing to be intimate in the bedroom with her, while she got away pining after another guy. Very confusing times.

 

THIS IS WHY I AM THANKFUL FOR SUMMER BREAK AND NO CONTACT.

 

She needs to really think about how I was being used, whether or not it has as hard and conflicting for her as it was for me. But something makes me think it wasn't.

[WorkoutAddict]

I agree with what you say in the first two lines. Maybe it's not right to want him to feel at least half the way I feel now, but I do. After 15 months of relationship we argued last week and then, since it was my fault, I called him to apologize; all I got in return were hurting words, yelling and hanging ups, "Don't call me anymore and if you do I will turn off the phone" and things like that. We had had steamier arguments before and he never acted like this, that's why it hurts like hell, and I don't understand why the cruel attitude. It's not fair to toss in the trash in a minute what it took us over a year to build. I thought he would call and apologize but tomorrow will be a week from then and he hasn't. Was I wrong to call?

[Fineberg]

I don't believe you were wrong to call. It sounds like he may need more time to cool off and think things over. I wouldn't contact his friends or family. Give him time.

[WorkoutAddict]

Well, I'm giving him more time and space than he ever thought because I'm in NC anyway, to me we're done. Many times I told him that I wouldn't let him treat me that way and he kept doing it. I love him but I'm not a doormat

 

How are you doing at this point of your day 4 of 100?

[Fineberg]

I just got done with a little nap, went grocery shopping today. Just doing the day to day things and little extra to help me get past all this

[Coyote9]

Day 71...very low key day. Thought some about my ex and how I felt a year ago in the "good old days" of the relationship. The reality of her not being in my life is now greater than the loving thoughts of nostalgia I used to have constantly however. She's blending into other past rejections and what's left is this place of solitude....sometimes a place of centeredness and serenity, and other times, sometimes almost within moments of those other thoughts, I feel incredible pain and lonliness. I hate giving up hope...it's the last piece of her. Not hope for a reconciliaition, but hope that I can again feel what I felt for her and our future. I just want to be ok in my own skin again, without the numbness or pain of this loss that seems to still define me, now over 2 months after she left for the last time. I know it gets better. I just hate that days pass like weeks and minutes like hours still.

[sandyv]

Coyote, that was very beautifully written, and I feel your pain, believe me I do....

 

Last breakup with me and my ex guy is totally the way it is this time, and its as painful as hell, I feel like I'll die of loneliness without him.... but there is nothing I can do to change the way he is, the way I am..... I can't stop loving him, that just isn't a choice at all.... So I will go on... and let him go forever, because thats the way that its gotta be, yeah it sucks but there nothing else to do about it....

[Coyote9]

Thanks Sandy....day by day this becomes less about her and more about me, and perhaps that's the hardest part, simply being loving of myself apart from any other persons approval or affection. Even though our ex's faces may still be on the sorrow we still feel, really it's about looking ourselves in the mirror and knowing we are absolutely fine without them, or any other person. Stay strong.