THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[SuperDave71]

Welcome Spaced!

 

 

-SuperDave71

[laugher]

Day 8 or 9

 

Its alot like quitting smoking. Will power for the first few days then the want gets intense. The want is subsiding, which is a good thing. Its only going to last a few more days tho....she it coming up to pick up her stuff. Have to spend the day with her and the movers. Yay for me

[Fineberg]

Day 8-

Fineberg- i don't know why you would want someone back who could break up with you and hurt you so much. I don't think i could take him back even if he begged and cried. I know he would eventually pull the same crap again-

 

Day 2 of 100

 

I am sure that for some of you; getting your ex back is the LAST thing on your mind. Fortunately, I have had the mature conversation with my ex that involved us both analyzing what went wrong. I think at the time I was still slightly naive about the whole thing and felt like since we both knew what went wrong we should be able to just jump into it again and have no problems, right? Well...no. There would still have been a lot resentment involved. Whether I knew it or not, there still needs to be time for healing, trust, missing the ex, and many other things to occur. I believe that if a failed relationship is attempted to be re-established prematurely, then it is doomed for failure.

 

As far as my 2nd day of NC is concerned, I believe I am emotionally over one of the largest humps. Yesterday was her birthday. I was actually expecting a call from her since I started NC right after I called her an hour into her birthday. No call though. My head knows it's best not to talk to her much right now and to follow my own advice, yet my heart yearns to hear her soft voice. I think this whole process will start to speed up by this weekend. Doesn't sound like she is celebrating much until tonight or tomorrow, so she is most likely to call me then. I may not be breaking contact by having her call me, but I can see it being second nature for some time for me to get pleasure out of hearing her voice. I still have confidence I will be a stronger and better person by the end of these 100 days. I promise no slip ups, but we are all human and all capable of missing someone who meant (and may still mean) so much to us.

[MsBear]

Day 13

 

I was doing well for few days

 

But the 3 past days were unbelievably hard for me : I dreamt random things about him

 

Wish my pain would go away as soon as possible

[Brownsville Girl]

Ugh - I'm a dope. I blew it. I had such a good day 9. I felt awesome, so awesome I wanted to burry the hatchet and I sent him this e-mail before I went to bed (the last time I saw him I told him I hated him and have been felling badly about it)

 

"Because life is too short and if we never speak again, I don't want my last words to be "I hate you". It's not me, I didn’t mean it and I’m sorry. You are entitled to fully peruse that which makes you happy and I wish you the best."

Peace,

BrownsvilleGirl

 

When I woke up yesterday I got this response:

 

"I, too, wasn't happy how it ended: I'm so sorry I hurt you, in any way, and I want you to know that I love and respect you ... and that our time together the last three years was extremely special for me. When we meet again, let's meet as friends"

 

I'm not sure why it pissed me off so much. Maybe because it was early and I'm not a morning person but I was mad and upset and didn't really know why. It was a perfectly appropriate response. As the day went on I felt better about it and started packing away the pictures and the token stuff around the house and I was fine. But when I tried to go to sleep I was fuming! I didn't sleep at all.

 

And now, today - 2nd day 1, I'm way tired and way grumpy.

 

So the moral (not that you don’t' hear it time and time again here) don’t break N.C.!!!! Even if it goes 'well' it can mess with you, heed the warnings! I didn't and lost a bunch of my momentum. Tomorrow I travel to a play-off game so I'm looking forward to that and will keep me busy.

 

Good luck over the weekend everyone

[Fineberg]

Brownsville, that kind of response would have upset me too. You know why? Because it wasn't an open-ended response or something along the lines of him saying "I miss you too...I've been thinking things over and I think we should meet to talk." One of the last things you probably wanted to hear was the dreaded "friend" word. YUCK.

 

I believe it's best that you are giving NC another shot. Alteast now your most recent words with him were positive ones. Do you think it will be easier than it was before? Knowing that it was left civily?

 

That is something I HAD to do with my ex. I didn't tell her needy things like "I will always love you" or "when you're ready for a second go-around, let me know", but I did let her know how much I appreciated the time her and I had together.

 

Good Luck on your next start at NC.

[andy5128]

Finally made it.

 

Feel so much better to what I was on Day 1. Still think, still miss, but soooo much happier and more in control of my life.

 

I am just going to carry the NC on as long as possible. Does you the world of good.

 

That's great.. Welcome to the I have completed my 30 day NC Challenge club.. Collect your T-Shirt later mate! LOL..

 

Keep it up.. NC all the way..

[tree]

think of it this way in your head, 'MAYBE' as in 'MAYBE WE'LL MEET AS FRIENDS' but that is entirely up to you. keep doing your nc and maybe by the end of it you won't even want him back. but you'll definitely get to a point of indifference and that is when you can decide how it'll go. the power to decide is yours. meanwhile, let time be your friend and let time do what it does best.

 

good luck to all on nc!

[andy5128]

You first slip up mate will be accepting contact from her! Clues in the title here NO CONTACT.. 100 days of nothing.. not answering calls, not responding to texts and so on.. Thats NC..

[1guygirl]

LOL cheers waterbaby...i was a lil overweight when i first got pregnant so i just began eating healthier vegan and took up exercise 3 times a week and do abit of power yoga 2 times a week...im staying the same weight for two weeks but the inches are coming off and im getting more toned...

 

anyway what your feeling now is pretty normal...and yeah i hate the way was just tossed away like trash... can anyone blame u for being in abit of denial and anger over that? sucks doesnt it but its part of the process and eventually it dies down as you get your life and yourself back. the greatest revenge is to succeed!!

 

brownsville... thanks for sharing that with us.. a stark warning for us all who are tempted to break nc before we are truly ready...careful what you wish for ey...you might just get the truth. im sure this next attempt at nc will go better this time round darl

[Fineberg]

You first slip up mate will be accepting contact from her! Clues in the title here NO CONTACT.. 100 days of nothing.. not answering calls, not responding to texts and so on.. Thats NC..

 

Andy, my NC is a little different. I'm not trying to remove my ex from my life completely. She is a wonderful, beautiful person and her and I both made decisions, rational or not, that have us where we are now.

 

I believe that by not answering her phone calls I am sending the message to her that "I am still bitter about what happened, I want nothing to do with you, stop calling me." In fact I intend to pick up the phone when she calls. She will receive a nice and flirtatious 2 minute conversation, but since I am a "very busy man" I'll have to end the call short to get back to my busy and improving lifestyle. If she doesn't call, so be it, but this is not a person I see completely shutting out of my life due to the fact they dumped me.

 

I do promise, however, that no calls will be made on my end and there will be no other interaction (i.e. text messages, emails, etc.) Hell, I won't even return miss calls/messages. If she is going to make contact, she best be ready to have it ATLEAST voice to voice. I demand that much. Anything else has an element of fakeness and drama.

[sillygoose1]

okay this is day one NC. yesterday I didn't contact him but he texted me and I responded.. I did ask him not to contact me anymore though.

A little background. my ex and i were together for 1 1/2 years and we friends longer. we lived together for a year. he moved away for a new job 2 weeks ago and because of his issues with my daughter he decided to go alone. He has calls and texts me everyday and says he can't tell me to move on cause he misses me. I ask whre we stand and I always get an I don't know. At first he wanted to move and get settled and then have me go out there but everytime we talk about it nothing is planned and he brings up my daughter. She was very hard and had made it really hard at home but other than her we had a wonderful relationship. She started getting better with therapy but that was too late i guess.

well i can't take the emotional ups and downs and since he can't give me an answer I have decided to do NC so that I can get on with my life. I can't wait around on a maybe.

so i am having a hard tie with NC this will be the first day in over a year and a half.. OUCH but i am strong and will do it.. This site is great. I will let you know tomorrow if I make it.

[andy5128]

I get ya fineberg..

 

Good luck sillygoose...

 

Andy

[Aldo25]

I stopped keeping track, that should say something about my state of mind regarding her I'm nearing the 2 month mark of being broken up and I feel great. In fact I had a dream about her last night, but instead of being upset about the dream, I took it to mean that I'm finally ok with where I am in life and am no longer upset about the break up.

 

I finally had my "light switch" moment, as someone in another thread put it.

[Brownsville Girl]

Hey folks,

thanks for the responses - so appreciated.

 

One of the last things you probably wanted to hear was the dreaded "friend" word. YUCK.

I believe it's best that you are giving NC another shot. Alteast now your most recent words with him were positive ones. Do you think it will be easier than it was before? Knowing that it was left civily?

.

 

Yuch is right I can't really even think about being friends there's still WAY too much emotions swirling that are all over the place...love, hate, anger, etc. I'm not sure that I feel better, part of me does because I just don't feel that saying, "I hate you" and leaving it at that is true to myself but at the same time, right now it didn't give me the feeling I was hoping for. But at the same time, I had to do it eventually so at least now it's out the way and I can go forward.

 

think of it this way in your head, 'MAYBE' as in 'MAYBE WE'LL MEET AS FRIENDS' but that is entirely up to you. keep doing your nc and maybe by the end of it you won't even want him back. but you'll definitely get to a point of indifference and that is when you can decide how it'll go. the power to decide is yours. meanwhile, let time be your friend and let time do what it does best.

good luck to all on nc!

 

Thanks Tree and hopefully this experience will make me stronger. The thing is, I'm so sick of myself and this situation, I do want him back but I think I want to NOT want him back more than I want him back...if that makes any sense..So yes a renewed dedication to N.C.

 

brownsville... thanks for sharing that with us.. a stark warning for us all who are tempted to break nc before we are truly ready...careful what you wish for ey...you might just get the truth. im sure this next attempt at nc will go better this time round darl

 

Thanks GG, as always a warm encouraging voice. I'm going to work to help people realize the importance of N.C. and encourage them along. Also congrats on the healthy lifestyle. Glad to hear people doing things for themselves.

 

Thanks again everyone

xoxoxoox

 

BVG

[Fineberg]

It's still day 2 of 100 for me. My ex just called me about an hour ago. The funny thing is that she said she didn't have much time to talk, but I was the one to actually end the conversation. She started off by thanking me for calling her on her birthday. I feel kind of bad for her because the only way it sounds like she is celebrating is by going out to the bars tonight with her dad. She also told me that she got her first paycheck today from the daycare center she started working at 3 days ago.

 

I don't know if I am looking into this too much or not, but I think it's good that while I had her on the phone that I kept the conversation about her. I want her to feel like she can call me up when she misses me and that I will be there to listen, even if I end the call in a matter of minutes...since I am so busy, ofcourse.

 

Great Day 2...but it'll be interesting to see when she contacts me again, since she won't really have much an excuse, unless ofcourse she is ready to admit she MISSES ME MORE THAN EVER BEFORE. Bwahahaha!

 

Here's to Day 2 of 100, and the 98 days to come. HA!

[Fineberg]

 

Yuch is right I can't really even think about being friends there's still WAY too much emotions swirling that are all over the place...love, hate, anger, etc. I'm not sure that I feel better, part of me does because I just don't feel that saying, "I hate you" and leaving it at that is true to myself but at the same time, right now it didn't give me the feeling I was hoping for. But at the same time, I had to do it eventually so at least now it's out the way and I can go forward.

 

BVG

 

I know exactly what you mean, Brownsville. I made the mistake of pretending to be my ex's friend for a week or two so I could sneakily "slip under the radar" and have her fall in love with me all over again, but ofcourse it was fake, forced, and too early to build back a solid connection with her. I also know that once you become their friend, it's near IMPOSSIBLE to be their lover again. If they know you are going to be there for them, why shouldn't they look elsewhere for love? It sounds cruel, but it's true.

 

Once I figured out my ex and I were falling into friend mode I shook up our dynamic together, we fought, got emotional, and I was lucky enough to patch things up with her and establish that I didn't want a friendship, but something more intimate.

 

Now, I am not telling those of you who think you're in "friend mode" with your ex to get in a fight with them to stir things up. What I PROBABLY should have done at the time was start NC as soon as I felt she was losing attraction towards me. But thankfuly, she still had enough intimate feelings towards me to see past my weird behavior and started trusting me again. This is why I am so confident her and I will make things work!

[Brownsville Girl]

Hey Fineberg,

I just went back and read your story and let me catch up and say welcome Difficult situation, you guys expereinced so much so young. Not that that's a bad thing but you guys have had a depth to the relationship that many have not had at that age. Things seem to be going pretty well for you though. The only thing I'm kind of confused on ...is she actually dating someone else or did she just have crush on someone?

[Coyote9]

I stopped keeping track, that should say something about my state of mind regarding her I'm nearing the 2 month mark of being broken up and I feel great. In fact I had a dream about her last night, but instead of being upset about the dream, I took it to mean that I'm finally ok with where I am in life and am no longer upset about the break up.

 

I finally had my "light switch" moment, as someone in another thread put it.

 

glad to hear that you had that light go on for you aldo25. I'm a little beyond two months myself and that hasn't happened for me yet, although hopefully soon. So frustration at work today triggered all sorts of feelings....at first anger at my ex on a number of fronts, and then longing for her as I found myself recalling some of the stuff we were doing exactly a year ago. Day 69 of NC however, so that alone feels good. I won't hear from her and the challenge is still to not try to contact her to learn any details....none of my concern.

[Fineberg]

Thanks for the welcome and kind words, Brownsville. As far as my ex's situation with other men goes...

 

She had a crush on a guy named Kelly before her and I started dating. Once her and I broke up, she sooned got emotionally invested in Kelly (helloooo rebound!) and started to pine after him. I found out about this, it challenged my male ego, and let's just say her and I started sleeping together again. Things got confusing for the both of us, but especially me because her I and were having sex, but she didn't want to get back together at the time. I think it was a combination of it being too soon (like I said, trust and many other things need to be rebuilt) and I also know she was thinking about Kelly and may have been subconsciencely using me as a safety net. I told her that I didn't think it was a good idea that her and I had intimate ties anymore (which was really just my manipulative way of testing the waters and making myself a challenge). We cut intimate ties and then days later she had sex with Kelly. This was about 2 weeks ago. I freaked out about it and accused her of using him as a rebound. She said she was over me, but agreed indirectly that Kelly is a rebound. So, again my male ego was REALLY hurting from this. I knew that I didn't want to end things on a bad note with my ex before she left for summer on the 15th, so she suprising agreed to hang out with me.

 

I saw her on AIM and she seemed really bored. I invited her to come over to my place and meet my friend Mr. Pineapple Rum . She came over to my place and we had margaritas and watched one of her favorite movies, Mists of Avalon. After the movie she wanted to go home but I asked (then ended up BEGGING) her to stay the night and I told her she could have the bed and I would sleep on the couch. LOL...she stayed and I ended up weaseling my way into bed with her, but there wasn't any sex or cuddling, just sleeping and it was really nice.

 

We ended up hanging out again days later at my place again. On the walk from her dorm to my apartment she told me "I need to be up by 10am because I am meeting Jason (her gay friend) to study for Finals, just incase I spend the night." We ended cuddling almost naked and fooling around most of the night and some of the morning, but still she wasn't ready to date me again. I found out that night that we couldn't have sex because of women issues she was having downstairs. That same conversation she told me she's had sex with Kelly once. She caught me smiling about that and she began giggling.

 

*SIGH* So things were emotionally confusing again. I broke my shallow promise of cutting off intimate ties, and I was frustrated still that we could share a bed together but not our lives.

 

This is why I need to do NC (even if I've warped the rules a little bit). I want to come out of this with a clear head, and I don't want a commitment from her again until I know she is ready and done with her rebound phase.

[WorkoutAddict]

2. No Contact will be initiated for ONE MONTH from the date that you post. This mean NO CONTACT WHATSOEVER...and I mean NONE. (Including going to picture sites and myspace/or like sites)

I'm taking the challenge too. I'm new here and the advice of all the nice people here is encouraging. The last time I talked with him was last Tuesday, so I'm at day 4. Any support if we get weak?

[Fineberg]

Day 3 of 100

 

Feeling pretty good. Considering keeping myself busy and getting off the computer! By my ex calling me last night and just by talking for a minute I feel spiritually energized! Now, to find that kind of feeling elsewhere in the meantime...hmm

[WorkoutAddict]

Now, to find that kind of feeling elsewhere in the meantime...hmm

 

I don't know what time it is where you are but why not have a cup of hot chocolate and watch a movie?

[Fineberg]

Funny you say that, Celeste. I just got done watching "One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest." Great movie, but a little on the long side and depressing at parts. The last thing I need any more of is feeling that! Ha!

[WorkoutAddict]

Watch funny movies! Maybe "The father of the bride" (I love Steve Martin and Martin Short), "Foul play", an oldie but really funny one, or "What's up doc" (one of my favorites). I need to do something like that now because I'm about to burst in tears.