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Brownsville Girl

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  1. Brownsville Girl
    Thanks Andy! You must be around 2 months right? I've been on vacation for a while, how are you?
  2. Brownsville Girl
    Today is day 30 for me - had sort of only kept a loose count but just coincidence checked today and yep day 30. The good news, I'm completely unemotional about it after the first week of crying all the time. I'm staying busy, spending a lot of time with friends, family, and playing sports. I do think about him less especially when I'm busy. I went on a vacation with girl friends and I have a date tonight. The not so good news is I'm still hurt and angry and I'm angry that I'm still hurt and angry. I even though I'm not obsessing what feels like every minute, I still think about him everyday and a lot if I don't have something immediately to distract me. I still constantly have conversations with him in my head and of course the dreams have kicked in. I don't (or haven't) felt in danger of breaking no-contact and there is a part of me that's glad to be out of that negativity but I still miss the times that were good. I still think I want him back but it's becoming more confusing to know if I truly want him back or want him to want me back and or try to contact me. I would love to get this text! lol | V But even more than either of those things I REALLY WANT TO BE OVER THIS, I don't want to want him back. I don’t want to dream about him, I don't want to be angry or hurt; honestly it's tedious and boring. So to all those early in the challenge, keep it up, while I'm not super great there is no doubt in my mind that I'm A THOUSAND times better off then if I would have tried to be 'friendly' or have contact. Good luck everyone, I'm pulling for ya!
  3. Brownsville Girl
    Hey 1gg, congrats on your 30 days! You rock. I haven't posted here in a while, still feeling a little stupid about going through my 2nd Day 7 because of the e-mail I sent...but in anycase Day 7...again...:splat: Things are going ok, definitely have steadied and life rolls on. I still check my phone and e-mail too much but almost out of habbit rather than real hope. Haven't been emotional for almost a week, sad songs etc, aren't triggering tears anymore. Still struggling with the fact someone else is going on "my" summer vacation but not nearly as much as before. Just kinda boring I guess. Keep it everyone!
  4. Brownsville Girl
    Hey Fineberg, I just went back and read your story and let me catch up and say welcome Difficult situation, you guys expereinced so much so young. Not that that's a bad thing but you guys have had a depth to the relationship that many have not had at that age. Things seem to be going pretty well for you though. The only thing I'm kind of confused on ...is she actually dating someone else or did she just have crush on someone?
  5. Brownsville Girl
    Hey folks, thanks for the responses - so appreciated. Yuch is right I can't really even think about being friends there's still WAY too much emotions swirling that are all over the place...love, hate, anger, etc. I'm not sure that I feel better, part of me does because I just don't feel that saying, "I hate you" and leaving it at that is true to myself but at the same time, right now it didn't give me the feeling I was hoping for. But at the same time, I had to do it eventually so at least now it's out the way and I can go forward. Thanks Tree and hopefully this experience will make me stronger. The thing is, I'm so sick of myself and this situation, I do want him back but I think I want to NOT want him back more than I want him back...if that makes any sense..So yes a renewed dedication to N.C. Thanks GG, as always a warm encouraging voice. I'm going to work to help people realize the importance of N.C. and encourage them along. Also congrats on the healthy lifestyle. Glad to hear people doing things for themselves. Thanks again everyone xoxoxoox BVG
  6. Brownsville Girl
    Ugh - I'm a dope. I blew it. I had such a good day 9. I felt awesome, so awesome I wanted to burry the hatchet and I sent him this e-mail before I went to bed (the last time I saw him I told him I hated him and have been felling badly about it) "Because life is too short and if we never speak again, I don't want my last words to be "I hate you". It's not me, I didn’t mean it and I’m sorry. You are entitled to fully peruse that which makes you happy and I wish you the best." Peace, BrownsvilleGirl When I woke up yesterday I got this response: "I, too, wasn't happy how it ended: I'm so sorry I hurt you, in any way, and I want you to know that I love and respect you ... and that our time together the last three years was extremely special for me. When we meet again, let's meet as friends" I'm not sure why it pissed me off so much. Maybe because it was early and I'm not a morning person but I was mad and upset and didn't really know why. It was a perfectly appropriate response. As the day went on I felt better about it and started packing away the pictures and the token stuff around the house and I was fine. But when I tried to go to sleep I was fuming! I didn't sleep at all. And now, today - 2nd day 1, I'm way tired and way grumpy. So the moral (not that you don’t' hear it time and time again here) don’t break N.C.!!!! Even if it goes 'well' it can mess with you, heed the warnings! I didn't and lost a bunch of my momentum. Tomorrow I travel to a play-off game so I'm looking forward to that and will keep me busy. Good luck over the weekend everyone
  7. Brownsville Girl
    Waterbaby - Get that tooth looked asap. Don't need to be dealing with phsyical pain now. No joke, make it your priority. Celebros - glad you're having a good go at it. Day 9 - Not too bad. Getting myself back on track with eating better, lightening up on the booze and exercising has helped a lot. No impending danger of contact from me, but I still want him to try even though I know it's a wasted wish because it ain't gonna happen. Thought about contacting and glad the folks here talked me out of it. Gonna make my 30 days and re-evaluate.
  8. Brownsville Girl
    Wow! 6 weeks! very ambitios! Good for you! Good luck sister.
  9. Brownsville Girl
    Hey Dunzo, I wish I would tell you it's a rocket ride, just going higher and higher everyday but the truth is it's a rollercoaster. Good days, bad days....two bad days...three good days.
  10. Brownsville Girl
    -Ken, I don't think I would respond either, I mean unless you want to pick up a friendship. The letter sounded almost like it had a 'keep it professional' tone. And, if you don't want her back...then onward and upward my friend. - Dunzo, is there ANY way you can avoid seeing her? That must be totally awful and I can't imagine how seeing her isn't getting in the way or at least distracting your healing process. For me day 8: Still want to get back together, still lamenting the loss but feeling over all pretty good. Finally forced myself to eat a good dinner last night, excercised, started my abstenence from beer (for at least a whole week and started getting back to the things I did before all this and I feel so much better physically. But, had the first real urge to contact the ex today but thanks to my unofficial NC army I'm going to sit and meditate on the action until I know I'm sure what I want to do and what I can live with. No crying really today but getting a little choked up (in a good way) about all the cool stuff going on here. Just emotional I guess - you all rock!
  11. Brownsville Girl
    Yeah totally, I had a pretty good day 3 and 4 and was hoping it would just stay on the up and up but deep down I knew (and you do too) that's it's a rollercoaster. Day 5,6.,7 haven't been great. Keep the faith, it will get better. And post away, that's what the place is for
  12. Brownsville Girl
    Oh and dunzo, rock on for your four days
  13. Brownsville Girl
    rock on Lady00, you've met the 'challenge'
  14. Brownsville Girl
    Hey Dunzo, Yeah, the drinking and smoking - sorry about the smoking. I blew my quit too. I have no doubt I'm just around the corner from the 'eating everythign stage' The thing is I'm a bit of a gym rat already but the past week it got replaced by drinking and feeling sorry for myself. But I know how much exercise helps and I totally encourage you to do it. It's kinda like magic and I'm upset that I let 'him' mess up my routine. Force yourself to do it, you'll be glad when you're done and at this point only a little relief seems worth it. Good for you ignoring the e-mails. I don't think i could do that. I'm pretty sure I won't initiate contact but I'm pretty sure I'll crumble and the slightest olive branch he tosses but I doubt he will. So lame that I want him too ](*,) Sandy, Mikey, you guys are breaking my heart. You can't get out at all? See a movie? just a distraction for a little while? I love this sight but after 'living' on it for 4 straight days, I needed to try, try to go think about something else. But of course I don't want to tell you how to get through cos goodness knows it's not like I'm breezing through.
  15. Brownsville Girl
    Wow, tough weekends all around - I'm sorry for all the sadness. I tell you if I could just package this broken heart diet I'd be rich. I can't eat either and that just doesn't happen to me Day 5 (Saturday)- Went to BBQ with my teammates and drank way too much (plus not eating). Good thing I erased all logs of his number in my phone because I may have blown it. Had an OK time but Saturday was worse than Friday. Weekends really are harder - thinking about fun times together. Day 6 (Sunday) - Just feel crappy from the drinking. Been drinking way too much since the break-up and I'm going on the wagon. Enough is enough, feeling crappy every other day doesn't help with ones spirits. Still checking the phone too much but I haven't cried for like two days now. Best wishes everyone
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