andy5128 Posted June 19, 2007 Share Posted June 19, 2007 Hi Captain34 Congrats on the 28 days NC good work sir! After recently completing the 30 day challenge I do feel a lot better. Regarding the phone call message, did it say anything about getting back together or simply call me kinda thing? This might be the miss you or I am lonley and want a chat call here mate! Just wanted to warn you. It could be more but who knows! If you feel at peace with yourself and are better and able to handle it then make the call if YOU feel it is the right thing to do. Personally I would maybe leave it, if she wants to talk to you mate she will make the effort and call again and if she wants to reconcile she will tell you that too. Anything else means what well nothing really apart from wanting to know if you are still there kinda thing.. It's your call mate but dont ruin all that hardwork you have put in with the NC.. Andy Link to comment
bear12 Posted June 19, 2007 Share Posted June 19, 2007 day 6... is horrible.. i do'nt know why it's so much harder this time around... you'd think after 6 months and attempt 3 at NC (my record was 5 weeks...), this would be a breeze but i feel like i'm dying.... literally dying... what's my problem? Link to comment
Captain34 Posted June 19, 2007 Share Posted June 19, 2007 i believe ill stick with the NC, but its tough as I do not want to play games. just a week before we broke up i bought her a diamond necklace - which she lovingly accepted...only to tell me the LD thing was too tough a week later. i told her i cared and was falling in love with her, that we had a good thing and i was willing to keep trying to get over the bump in the road. she stayed her ground, so i thanked her for the time we shared and said goodnight. she was speechless, i believe surprised at how i acted (i learned a thing orr two about a thing or two from a previous breakup). so the question is why is she calling? i guess it doesnt matter if its not important enough for her to keep trying. it sure would be nice to recoup the loss i took with those gifts, but even if she offered, i dont think i could take them back. to me that would be the wrong thing to do. Link to comment
Demond34 Posted June 19, 2007 Share Posted June 19, 2007 bear, i feel your pain.......this is also my 3rd time around.....Day 2...one contact in the last 7 days.......it still hurts just as much, but i'm better prepared....i think the longest i have gone is 2 weeks, she always finds a way to get in touch with me in ways I can't avoid.....we got back twice today my mind was all over the place......"I want her back" and then "I dont want her back"........i was thinking of all the good times we shared then I was thinking of all the bad things that Ive endured..... My feelings today have been.....numb, sad, depressed, excited, lonely, cloudy, carefree, confident, insecure...you name it, all over the map ive been Link to comment
bear12 Posted June 19, 2007 Share Posted June 19, 2007 thanks, demond... i just have seem so many other people come and go during my time here and it's frustrating that i'm still struggling with the NC and all that, but i'm trying my best... the "i don't want her back" thoughts are good.. i used to have those but somehow they've all been replaced by the "i want him back" thoughts. i think the more new people i meet, the more i realize what i lost... oh well... Link to comment
Demond34 Posted June 19, 2007 Share Posted June 19, 2007 thanks, demond... i just have seem so many other people come and go during my time here and it's frustrating that i'm still struggling with the NC and all that, but i'm trying my best... the "i don't want her back" thoughts are good.. i used to have those but somehow they've all been replaced by the "i want him back" thoughts. i think the more new people i meet, the more i realize what i lost... oh well... ive been in this situation 3 years in a row about the same time every year(worst times in my life), if you want some reading then check out the threads i started, click on my name and find all threads started( i didnt start many)........i just got done reading them and for some reason it made me feel better, maybe b/c i know that i have to move on this time and disregard hope.......man i wanted to pull my hair out reading those... maybe you should read some of your beginning posts over as well, its good to revisit what you were feeling and see if you made any progress Link to comment
bear12 Posted June 19, 2007 Share Posted June 19, 2007 wait, are you saying you've had three break ups in the past three years all around the same time? that really sucks.. i'm sorry to hear that... but if nothing else, at least it shows you that you can move on and find love again... this is relaly my first real heartbreak (my other two serious relationships ended with me as the dumper or somewhat mutually) so i don't really have that "i've been here before and survived" mentality to help me... it's nice to know that others have, though! Link to comment
Demond34 Posted June 19, 2007 Share Posted June 19, 2007 this is the same girl........3 times, 3 years in a row all around the same time.........we havent officially broken up but it has the same pattern as the other 2.......i'm treating it like a breakup however, as i'm tired of this Link to comment
bear12 Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 oh wow, that's crazy.. i'm very sorry... if that's your pattern, though, this probably is for the best in the long run even if it hurts like he** right now... ugh. Link to comment
Fineberg Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 Hi all, I'm new to these forums, obviously. The way I found myself here is I typed in "ex-girlfriend" and "success story" into google and one of the links was to SuperDave's forum of how he got back together with his ex. Congrats on that, man. Anywho, I saw this forum in the forum lists and it struck a cord with me. Here's my story... I met my girlfriend (or shall we say ex) in November of 2004 at college through a friend. Her and I developed a friendship and then in December we both went back to our respective homes for winter break. We reconnected soon after the first day of winter term on January 5th, 2005 and started dating 4 days later and actually had sex the day after that. I soon found out that the previous fall term she was interested in another guy named Kelly, but nothing ever really happened because she found out Kelly had a girlfriend and was pretty much stringing her along, so once I entered the picture she was looking for something more serious. Jaymie (my ex) and I really hit it off as a couple. We had our honeymoon period where we were having sex 4 times a day. Not even two weeks into our relationship, Jaymie and I were showering together when I looked her in the eyes and told her I loved her and she told me the same. I knew it was going by fast, but it felt so right and natural to let Jaymie know how strongly I felt about her. A couple months passed and summer was nearing. Jaymie approached me with the idea of moving in together for fall term. I was slightly hesitant. It felt like it was going by pretty fast at this point. I knew I loved Jaymie with all my heart but now she was asking for a HUGE commitment. At the time I was 22 and she was 19. I was worried we might be two young kids in love with each thinking they are unstoppable together. But I agreed, I figured love would prevail and besides, Jaymie and I had only really gotten in one big fight since we were dating. It was when we were signing up for classes for the next term and she wanted to take a class with me. I told her I didn't think it was a good idea this early in the relationship because if it didn't work out we would be stuck in a class together. She didn't like this reasoning one bit, but I held my ground. It's ironic how I was commitment-phobic about taking a class with her but eventually agreed to move in with her months later. So summer came and went. Jaymie and I got to meet each other's family and stay at each others homes for a couple of weeks (we lived just 3 hours apart over the summer). We made sure to keep in contact everyday and if I missed a day to call her she would bring it up the next, lol. I loaded up a Uhaul full of our personal things and furniture from Ikea and then drove us down to college and into our first apartment together. We ended up sleeping on a cruddy water-bed for a while, but enjoyed the company of mutual friends and soon the company of our first cat Inanna. Inanna has brought a lot of love into both of our lives. I realized that getting a pet was also a big responsibility, but I felt we were ready for it. Jaymie and I were still very much in love at this point. We had those stupid couple fights, most of them my fault, but we were still there for each to hold at night. Looking back I see that Jaymie ALWAYS did the brunt work of the chores around the house. I don't know how I got away with that for so long. I guess when a person loves you that much they are willing to do a lot of things they shouldn't do. *SIGH*...Jaymie showed her love and commitment towards me by keeping things in order at home, making me dinner, and being affectionate. What did I do? Good Question. I mean, I loved her, bought nice things for her, and made her feel special, but it always seemed like she was more commited than I was. I suppose I was in a stage where I was in love with her and she was in love with me to, but she wanted our commitment to be taken more seriously than just being there and loving her. She needed help with the responsibilities of being a serious couple. Anyways, Jaymie and I eventually moved away from the college and the town we were living in and moved to the area I grew up in and went to school there. It was going okay for a while, but then a few things happened. 1.) Jaymie's situation with tuition and money changed for the worse. She was struggling to afford to stay in school and she was working a crappy minimum wage job just to pay off her credit cards. Me? I was hanging out with my friends a lot and not struggling with money on my end. 2.) I escaped from our money and relationship problems and started playing World of Warcraft. Yet again, I put my friends and leisure time above my girlfriend and our responisibilities. So, Jaymie was stressing out, struggling with money and I was going to school part time, quit my job and started playing more video games. (WOW, her side of things really starts to make a lot of sense when I reflect on it like this). She even started blogging about how she didn't know if I had the same kind of path for the future in mind for her. Jaymie says she hated where we moved to, but I figured I moved there for her and us to get away from the last place so I wanted to make it work. Do you think not having a job and neglecting your girlfriend is making it work? No. So spring break of '07 was arriving. Jaymie was considering going to massage school but was also thinking of returning to our old college where she could afford to go and had plenty of friends waiting for her. She told me we might have to not live together for a year until one of us finishes school. I freaked out and told her something along the lines of "If that is the case, we're through." See, instead of seeing where she was coming from, understanding how hard of a decision this was for her to make, but realize she still loved and hoped it would work out, instead I got scared of losing her. Ironic eh? So we broke up. She moved back down to our old college 5 hours away and I tried to figure out how I was going to afford living in a two bedroom apartment with $650 coming in a month. Not to mention we had 2 cats at this point. I missed Jaymie and I missed my old friends and my old school so a month or so later I followed Jaymie's lead. I was not prepared to see in person how well she had moved on from me. We ended up sleeping together the day after I moved down, and many weekends after that. But it wasn't the same. It was like we felt safe with each other in the bedroom and things were back, but out of the bedroom she didn't want anything to do with me romantically and that hurt. I found out she was pining after the guy she met right before me by accessing her online diary. Part of me regrets being so disrespectful and reading her private things, but I was tired of feeling lead on by the sex we were having. I tried to cut off intimate ties with her, but it was a struggle. My feelings found their way to the surface again and I've had countless conversations with her that ended with me sobbing like a 5-year old. I felt angry that she found someone else soon after she left me. But you know what? Wouldn't you have done the same if you were in a commited relationship where you were taking the brunt of the responsibility? It was never an issue of love between her and I. We loved each other deeply and had an extremely soulful connection, but that is JUST love. It's also about being a strong unit, and I wasn't ready for the responsibilites that came with a commited, serious relationship. So what am I doing now? I am starting to take responsibility for myself. I'm going back as a full time student in the fall, I have two shoe-in job opportunities that are just days away from happening, I walk miles everyday, watch what I eat, clean things up, and take care of my cats, and go out often to meet new people. You really can't even start to think of being responsible in a relationship until you are responsible for yourself. Jaymie, I'm sorry it took you leaving me to give me the kick in the ass I needed, but by losing the most important thing in my life has shown me the way to get something just as important back- myself. Link to comment
The One Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 Day 7, Concentrating on me and making me better. Good Luck Everyone!!!! Link to comment
BrokenBear Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 Day 3, and a quiet evening... meaning I can't stop thinking about her. Started to write that letter, you know, the one that tells her how much I miss her, how much she hurt me, etc... and trying desperately not to mail it. To all you others, be strong! At least, stronger than me! Link to comment
sandyv Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 Day 16 approximately here... I hear you BrokenBear, its tough I know, but every day I, and we all make it through is another victory. Onwards, upwards is the only way to go. Keep going everyone, there is light at the end of the tunnel! Link to comment
S.Ken Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 Day 3, and a quiet evening... meaning I can't stop thinking about her. Started to write that letter, you know, the one that tells her how much I miss her, how much she hurt me, etc... and trying desperately not to mail it. To all you others, be strong! At least, stronger than me! Who dumped who? If she dumped you then I strongly suggest you refrain from sending that letter until you can think clearly again. Take as long as you want. Believe me it will make a difference... I speak from bitter experience. Link to comment
BrokenBear Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 The stupid part is that I care even though I found out a few things about her from a friend - stuff she did behind my back before she broke up with me... that she begged mutual friends not to tell me. Blah. And yet, here I am, wishing she was here. Link to comment
sandyv Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 Brokenbear, I understand that totally, my ex was a total jerk to me, and I can clearly see that after the past couple of weeks, doesn't stop me from the feelings I still have for him. Just like me, you don't have an on/off switch, we can't change how we feel. Its ok to love her still, I still love him too, but that is part of the acceptance of the breakup also. Link to comment
S.Ken Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 The stupid part is that I care even though I found out a few things about her from a friend - stuff she did behind my back before she broke up with me... that she begged mutual friends not to tell me. Blah. And yet, here I am, wishing she was here. In that case definitely do NOT send the letter! I don't know what she did, but if she's begging her friend not to tell you then she either cheated on you or stole your money. Since I don't hear you complaining about your depleted bank account, that kinda narrows it down. Take it from me, everyone goes through these 'clingy' states right after the break up no matter how $hitty the ex may have been. Just keep hanging in there. Sooner or later you'll start coming to your senses and start seeing her for what she is. That's exactly what happened with me. Link to comment
Knightm29 Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 DAy 28 Played and won our football match last night! wahoo.. aching this morning though I must admit exercise seems to be the best tonic rather than sitting in a bar or just at home. Im going to the Gym tonight and getting a personal trainer to try and buff me up a bit, but I personally think I have no chance lol Anyway, feel ok today. Got plenty of things lined up next couple of weeks to keep me entertained. Still think about the ex alot but its bearable Take care everyone Link to comment
1guygirl Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 day 22 hey sandy...youre def right bout even when they are jerks you still love em...last night all i was thinking about was ex and missing him and i guess i accept this pattern as a day or two or three fine and positive, then i'll suddenly really think of ex...but these episodes are getting less intense shall we say...i just think of all the b*stard things hes done to me and i soon think 'yeah, when im over you i wont look back' i just keep to my lil routine - get up,tie hair back,make bed,boil some water with a slice of lemon and lime and eat half a pink grapefruit,check emails,maybe workout. ive found it really helps...it means the bed when made - im not tempted as much to go crash back into it, i start the day with tidy bed,tidy hair and a good breakfast. i jus try keep the house relatively tidy - it stops me feeling my life has spiralled out of control totally. its still a fight but its paying off. as for inspiration...well this place is a place of recycled inspiration lol....you see as a newbie all the great advice and wise words and before you know it you see other newbies regaining their strength and clarity and dishing out more great advice. for a place full of doom and gloom its certainly got a lot of hope and positivity thats for sure! and hey fineberg - read your story...it takes quite a man to admit that they played a part in the break up and admit to their mistakes. i just know youre gunna be fine. everyone else is too... oh and im suddenly all cheery cos ive just won a pair of the sexiest black maternity jeans on ebay for £6!!! (bout 12 dollars!!) lol ....rock chick chicky bock!!! haha Link to comment
sandyv Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 Its so true 1guygirl, routine really helps me feel like my life is in order as well. I have let things go myself, so I have to start organizing everything as far as the household goes to feel more in control of a previously bad situation. Yep the ex @ssholes always seem to manage to hold onto our hearts even though we know exactly what they are and that they are definitely no good for us, its true.... but this too shall pass.... I hope! I have to force myself outta bed in the morning, crank on the radio, make a tea and face yet another day at work, which actually helps.. its a diversion. Its really good to have your's and everyone elses inspiration, makes things a whole lot easier... Hey and Congrats on those sexy maternity jeans, thats great!!!! (((HUGZ))) Sandy Link to comment
Brownsville Girl Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 Hey Dunzo, I wish I would tell you it's a rocket ride, just going higher and higher everyday but the truth is it's a rollercoaster. Good days, bad days....two bad days...three good days. Link to comment
kgirl Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 Day 8 of NC. Plan on going 6 weeks! Woo hoo! (May see him Sunday while moving since he needs to get his couch from my apartment, but will look great, apathetic instead of pathetic and breeze on by) Link to comment
Brownsville Girl Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 Wow! 6 weeks! very ambitios! Good for you! Good luck sister. Link to comment
Fineberg Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 day 22 and hey fineberg - read your story...it takes quite a man to admit that they played a part in the break up and admit to their mistakes. i just know youre gunna be fine. everyone else is too... bock!!! haha Thanks, gg. I'm surprised someone actually had the patience to read that thing. I actually emailed that story to my ex along with a top 10 list of things I would have done differently and a top 10 list of things I miss about her. I would post them here, but I consider them rather private. I then finished off the email with- "So this way my little, early birthday present to you- for you to know how much I appreciate what you have done for me and how special you were and should have been to me. I love you Jaymie, have a wonderful summer." Anyways, she replied and said "Thank you for this." Then she told me a little bit about her day. I'm going to give her a quick call tomorrow night on her birthday, then I am cutting all contact for the whole summer while I get my own life in order. I figure if I am going to cut off contact with her to build up the attraction again, I am going to do it after doing something extremely thoughtful for her, so it's one of the last things she will remember me by over summer and then be curious why I cut contact. (slightly evil, I know) Maybe I will find a lucky girl in the meantime, if not, she will come back this summer to an irresistible man who has his act together and wants to start things off slowly from square one. I may be setting myself up for disappointment, but I figure as long as I am getting my life in order for me, then I will always have success. Link to comment
celebros Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 Day 7 and 8 Doing great here. Still maintained NC. Went out last night with a very nice girl, and had a great time. Link to comment
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