THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[p_fred]

So it has been a while since I have seen my ex. I gave up trying to talk to her in Oct just before her birthday. She basically dumped me in July but then we had limited contact a couple of times after which really messed with my head (I'm guessing she felt guilty or took my offer I still want to be friends). She showed up in my life again in Nov and I think she may have been upset I didn't contact her for her birthday. I broke NC and emailed her before Xmas but never heard from her. Nothing on NYE either and it wasn't until March she showed up where some of us were hanging out (but she didn't say anything to me)

 

I'm at the point where I think I feel happier single. I'm conflicted because I don't really want to be single but it feels "safe". Trust is a bit issue with me and if I'm single I don't have to worry. I still really miss her but she also frustrated me to no end - probably because she caused me to learn about myself, caused me to see my problems, and she told me so! Ouch, the truth hurts.

 

So I'm posting today because for some reason a lot of things have come rushing back and its really annoying. 6 weeks since I saw her last (and I felt like a deer in the headlights because I wasn't expecting to see her, played it cool but I was freaking to even see her.. why? I don't know! I feel totally afraid of her after what happened) I think I might have seen her in passing last week in a store out of the corner of my eye but I'm not sure, maybe this is why I'm feeling this way today. I'm pretty sure she dumped me for another guy but she has never told me... sometimes I feel like I was just convienent for her at the time and paid for her meals.

 

The worse part is some common friends keep bringing her name up in conversations and telling me what she is doing in the future (I don't say a word!) so I don't feel like I can trust them now either. She seems to always have lot of guys chasing her. I'm not sure if she wants me to know so I will contact her or if they are trying to find out how I feel. Its like another poster said "Mexican standoff" but I'm not sure if she is standing at the other end! LOL

 

Well, she knows my phone number if she wants to call.

 

Anyone know a way to overcome trust issues?

 

I don't even feel like dating. Doesn't seem worth the effort at the moment.

 

I also miss Mac4ever's posts! Glad to see he has moved on.

[Tshwane]

Day 5 and im doing well, i've finally accepted that my ex is/has moved on and now it's time to do the same.

[Tezza]

Its been about 10 weeks since I saw him and contacted him, he pm me when I was on a forum that I was on about 2 weeks ago, when I opened it I was sweating cos I didn't know what he was going to say, all he said was "what are doing on these forums" I didn't reply, and removed the pm function off my account on that forum so he can't pm me again, his email addresses have been blocked off all my email addresses, and I have deleted and removed him from my mobile and msn...

[annonannon]

Day 1.5

 

First day back at work since returning from vacation with the ex. I started NC yesterday after agreeing with her that we both need space. But now she has contacted me twice through the work IM. The first time i responded (dunno if that was a wise thing to do or not but she was asking me where some of her belongings were that I gave her back yesterday). The second time she started some small talk and then asked how i was... she's still hanging as i've not replied (20 mins or so).

 

I feel OK to be honest but I didn't initiate this. Should I tell her that I need space again or just ignore her? I want to block her but she will know I've done that - is that wise?

 

Thanks guys for reading this

[Aldo25]

Today would have been 2 weeks, but I contacted her last Thursday. I don't know what I expected would happened if I contacted her, all it ended up doing was making me extremely anxious all day.

 

So this makes it Day 5, and I'm on the road to NC, my goal is 30 days so we'll see how that works out.

[donescobar2000]

I broke NC...but I am back on it going on day 2...this time it is really for real.

[MsBear]

Day 16 2 more weeks and I'll finish 30 day challenge, Uhm I'll do 90 one for sure or maybe 365 ?

 

Got so much work to do, I'll try my best !

 

I couldnt sleep well last nite, I stayed up til 4 crying missing him but now Im fine, there are setbacks sometimes.

[andy5128]

Day 8

 

Been an ok day today, thought about her a bit and have just not been that motivated at work today!! Started job hunting as need something fresh and would even consider a move to somewhere new.

 

Off to the gym a bit later which always makes me feel better. Joined a climbing and outdoors group as love all that kinda stuff. So will be going on some weekend trips here and there over the next few months so looking forward to that.

This NC stuff is tough aint it! Some days are fine and then others you feel like you are fighting yourself not to send just a text or make a call!! LOL

 

Hope all is well in NC Land..

 

Andy

[annonannon]

Day 2

 

I replied to an IM from my ex. Feel really bad at the minute becasue I don't know what to do about her cheating on me (she doesn't know i know).

 

Last night was terrible.. .couldn't stop thinking of her. couldn't stop thinking about the future. But then my day was weirdly ok...felt ok about stuff even when i saw her and her friends at work (the friends who encouraged her to cheat on me).

 

Gotta be more strict from now on...

[lady00]

Day 2

 

I replied to an IM from my ex. Feel really bad at the minute becasue I don't know what to do about her cheating on me (she doesn't know i know).

 

Last night was terrible.. .couldn't stop thinking of her. couldn't stop thinking about the future. But then my day was weirdly ok...felt ok about stuff even when i saw her and her friends at work (the friends who encouraged her to cheat on me).

 

Gotta be more strict from now on...

 

Perhaps you should block her on your instant messaging program for now. You can always add her back later.

[lady00]

My ex wished me happy birthday with a short message. Should I respond?

 

Happy Birthday!

 

If it were me, I would reply with just "Thanks!"

[Insidious1]

yes.. jsut a simple "thanks" will do!

 

My ex did the same... be courtious.. but DO NOT say anything else than jsut "thanks" really...

 

 

 

OH AND PEOPLE.. i'm back on the N.C. Bandwagon! Refer to my "Please PLease PLEase... NEed Opinions" thread in this forum for background info! LOL It makes for an intersting read!

 

I plan on staying with N.C. as after speaking with her... though it was a pretty decent convo and i got out A LOT of what i wanted/needed to... it still brought back some emotions i;d rather not have and DIDN"T have when i was in N.C.!

 

Back to me... and oh boy do i love the new me! (been working out HARDCORE HARCORE HARCORE for the past 8 weeks! Yikes!!!! I sorta want her to see the 'New and Improved' me... but that DEFINATEY won't be happening anytime soon! HHmmm.. BUT... maybe if a friend of her's saw me... and was like "DDAAAAAAAAAMNN!" .. LOL... sorry just wishfull thinking....)

[Aldo25]

That brings up a question I've been meaning to ask. My ex's birthday is coming up (June 15th). Is it wrong for me to text her a simple "Happy Birhtday?" Or should I just let it go?

[lady00]

That brings up a question I've been meaning to ask. My ex's birthday is coming up (June 15th). Is it wrong for me to text her a simple "Happy Birhtday?" Or should I just let it go?

 

I don't see how it could be "wrong" but I think the question is: will it set you back in the healing process if you don't get a particular response?

[rsxguy520]

hi everyone. im back from my long absense of NC Challenge. i know im disappointed in myself. well anyways things have been far from horrible for me lately. everything has been pleasant and yes going my way. just turned 21 on sunday and had a blast on saturday night. taken advantage of the single life. well anyways i wish everyone on the boards best of luck of this challenge. its deinitely worth it. it got me to move on with my life quicker and easier, i hope everyone can learn from each others mistakes and get what they want in life,!

[Aldo25]

I don't see how it could be "wrong" but I think the question is: will it set you back in the healing process if you don't get a particular response?

 

Since I am determined to hit the 30 Day benchmark I will not contact her, even though I know it will be hard, but I know I can do it.

[smickey]

Good work Aldo!

 

Day 2

 

So far so good. Yesterday was tough, but I think that is because it was on my mind, as I was starting the NC challenge. Today I got a lot of work done and focused on keeping myself busy. I'm still finding that it is forefront of my mind at the moment and that is annoying me more than anything - just want a bit of a rest in my head from it all. But at least I'm resisting the urges to call as I know it will make me feel worse so that's the main thing right now! Small steps!

 

One more day at work tomorrow and then my parents arrive so I'll get to spend a few days with them which should help.

 

One of my friends emailed me out of the blue to say that she thought I was being 'incredibly strong' in the way I was handling this. She's seen me go through previous break-ups where I've been a mess so I must be doing something right! Nice to see that at least on the outside I appear tough - just got to fix the inside now.

[spunkmaster]

So, it seems I'll be joining this no-contact challenge. Hopefully it will help. We've been arguing and broken up but not really broken up for about two weeks now.

 

He says he wants time to be alone. So time he shall get. Day one for me officially started at approx. 1 a.m. my time. We'll see if I can make it 30 days.

 

 

Ugh, that seems like such a long time. And I'm not looking forward to telling people about our broken engagement. :sad:

[donescobar2000]

DAY 3...

[Knightm29]

Hi All,

 

Well I went NC for 21 days after breaking up at the end of Jan after a 4 year relationship.

 

I was doing so well, had my low days but coped pretty well. Needed to get into contact with my ex over bills, this steadily turned into conversations and then I bumped into her saturday night. More contact today, and each time I receive contact its like I am getting a knife jabbed into my heart and taking about 25 steps back without going forward any!

 

 

 

This is my first lesson in being 100% sure that NC, for me anyway, is the correct path to follow, and i now realise the undoing of hard work can so easily be done with contact.

 

 

Take care and good luck all

[Insidious1]

I will second that MOTION!!!

 

Damn, N.C. (though it SUCKS at first) feels SOOO much better! I broke N.C. the other day and feel the SAME way!

 

The only good news is... its not like when the breakup first happened... and your heart tends to go back to "feeling ok" again quicker once you resume N.C. again!

 

Hopefully in the next few days i'll be back to "semi-sorta ok" again! LOL

[andy5128]

Day 9 i think..

 

Alright today, dont give a s**t about her today.. That sounds cruel I know and maybe just having one of those days! LOL

 

Well what have I been upto, got another meal with my 40 something female friend on Friday planned. It wont be more than friends as I dont fancy her particularly but she is great company so why not eh and she seems happy with friends so not leading her on or anything well hope not! Then saturday over to my other female friends to help her do the garden, so that will be fun I just hope the crappy UK weather holds out! Sunday nothing confirmed as yet.. mmmm running out of female friends I think.. LOL Need another to fill that gap watch this space! LOL

 

I love the outdoors being an ex army guy so joined a walking and climbing group this week and they are all based locally to me and they are all in there 20's or 30's and quite a few women go apparently so my networking is on full steam ahead at the moment.. So planned to go on one of there trips mid june and then end of June for a weekend away with them if that goes well. Then my gardening friend has agreed to go camping with her, me and her boys in mid to late June too.. GEEZ my calendar is getting busy..

 

So life after ex is not so bad after all ladies and gents.. that yellow bricked road ahead appears more and more inviting each day...

 

Hope all is well in NC land, keep it up guys and girls.. to quote Guinness all good things come to those that wait..

 

Take Care

Andy

[Aldo25]

One more day and I will reach the 1 week milestone (again). It's really hard as I so badly want to get in touch with her, but I'm determined to beat my last record (which was just over 2 weeks...I caved in).

 

It's especially hard today as I'm off work today and my days off usually consisted of spending it with her. Every moment I spend alone I miss her that much more. I know I should get a hobby, but I can't focus on anything long enough to see it through.

[Insidious1]

Well Folks...

 

I am going out on a DATE! LOL A cute girl i met last week.. got her number.... and am going out sometime early next week.

 

I'm pretty excited... and WOW... woman DO take interest in me! (Sorry... i was beginning to think that i was "scarred" and woman could tell)

 

P.S. Aldo.... you work out? I HIGHLY HIGHLY HIGHLY suggest working out! I sorta live for the gym right now! I am seein INCREDIBLE results (17 lbs in 8 weeks...). Give it a thought... it might help! I know definitely relieved some stress

[donescobar2000]

Well Folks...

 

I am going out on a DATE! LOL A cute girl i met last week.. got her number.... and am going out sometime early next week.

 

I'm pretty excited... and WOW... woman DO take interest in me! (Sorry... i was beginning to think that i was "scarred" and woman could tell)

 

P.S. Aldo.... you work out? I HIGHLY HIGHLY HIGHLY suggest working out! I sorta live for the gym right now! I am seein INCREDIBLE results (17 lbs in 8 weeks...). Give it a thought... it might help! I know definitely relieved some stress

 

MAN! I got quite a few women wanting me now and I am freaking scared to even get close to a women cause of this last one I dealt with...you gotta do other things though...just to get your mind off of things.