Dubb Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 Day 1 for me! I decided to try and be the bigger person with my ex and square things with her but she decided to ignore me. 3 weeks ago she was contacting me heh. O well that is life and it really is her loss. I went out in a mature manner at least. Link to comment
ExarionUniverse19 Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 Man, I need a part 2 today... not feeling that sad, but I'm forced to stay on the computer because of my paper, and I have a few too many thoughts stuck in my head... Day 14... part II So... I've been reading lots of posts here on eNotAlone, many about reconciliation, or at least an attempt at it, and I can't stop thinking about it... not this year, but next. I keep thinking about how special it would be to reconcile next year, once we've healed. But THEN I think about how HEALING will have caused us to not be interested in each other, and I think this because she hasn't contacted me and because it was only a 1 month relationship! I'm so silly! These seem to be natural thoughts of "She hasn't contacted me, I haven't heard anything about her, she must not care about me at all". I don't feel depressed right now, but if there's one aspect of the break up I haven't gotten over... it's the possibility of reconciliation next year. Link to comment
lady00 Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 Day 21. Had a minor crisis but it passed. Forging ahead and thinking about the future! Link to comment
Puckdog27 Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 But THEN I think about how HEALING will have caused us to not be interested in each other, and I think this because she hasn't contacted me and because it was only a 1 month relationship! I'm so silly! These seem to be natural thoughts of "She hasn't contacted me, I haven't heard anything about her, she must not care about me at all". I don't feel depressed right now, but if there's one aspect of the break up I haven't gotten over... it's the possibility of reconciliation next year. Exarion you have to look at it 2 ways. 1. A month is barely enough time to know someone. You are probably more in love with the tought of her then actually being with in love with her. Its called infatuation. Its why new relationships feel great. Its why rebound relationships get old. 2. You are in better shape than most of us because how much could you have done wrong in a month? Your trying to do NC for a month, but remember you've only knew her for a month. Just take your time and find another to be infatuated with. That may be the one that leads to love. Link to comment
lady00 Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 Forgot to add: going through ups and downs and a lot more anger lately than before. Finally feeling like he will never come back because if he wasn't 100% happy with this, he'd say something as I have to see him on a daily basis. He doesn't seem to have really noticed or to care that I have pulled back. Since I started pulling back, he hasn't initiated hanging out. In fact, I can't remember the last time he initiated hanging out. Link to comment
lady00 Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 I don't think healing from a breakup is what causes people to lose interest in each other. Generally, in fact, people can't really get back together before they heal and then realize that they still have feelings for each other. If healing destroys the feelings, then they weren't that strong or deep in the first place. Link to comment
ExarionUniverse19 Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 Hmm... that's a good way to look at it, lady00. I just think because it was 1 month... now we don't have anything to keep us together. But I suppose you're right -- this relationship was never meant to go anywhere if it doesn't resurface next year... Regarding Puckdog's comment about infatuation... I've thought about our relationship as an infatuation, and maybe that's how she sees it... but I don't really see it that way. An infatuation is more like a fantasy, and not serious, and I think we saw it seriously for at least part of the relationship. Then again, maybe that's a part of the infatuation. It certainly wasn't love though, but it was getting there. Link to comment
supercalifragilistic Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 alright, i'm on day 25 of round two, which now beats how long i made it in round one... today is rough. i don't know why, i feel really nervous for some reason, like how i used to at the end of our relationship when i had that gut feeling that he was going to end things... weird... i don't think of NC as a way to win him back (i really doubt that'll ever happen..) but at the same time, i keep thinking of it as if so many days pass THEN i can talk to him again, and i know that's a unhealthy attitude, but i just can't seem to get him out of my mind... I think the same way. If I ever get to the 30 days I'll be rewarding myself with some sort of contact if he doesn't contact me before then In a way I think if he doesn't miss me after 30 days of strict NC then GOODBYE! Nice knowing ya, but yeah, go be a jerk to somebody who actually deserves it because I gave you nothing but love. I'm starting to get the nervous feeling as well because I know he'll call me to give me back my money and now who knows why I've started to expect the call, like I used to do when we were toghether. Sucks. I'm trying to do distracting things though to try and stop with that. But congratulations to you for going this far, you inspire me. I hope to be able to do the same Link to comment
Amanda80 Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 Good idea!! It would be nice to have some companionship- I am also going on 2 months, give or take- it's been pretty easy- he hasn't contacted me at all- i guess it just confirms how he felt about me- totally indiffernet... Link to comment
bear12 Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 well, i don't know that that's true.. maybe even though he was the dumper he needs some time apart to heal as well. at least, that's what i believe about my ex since the NC was kind of a mutual decision... Link to comment
kate111 Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 It has been about 40 days. I have a new lover. I'm not interested in a relationship but it is taking my mind off the ex. I shall have to make sure I prevent anyone getting hurt in this. Link to comment
lady00 Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 Regarding Puckdog's comment about infatuation... I've thought about our relationship as an infatuation, and maybe that's how she sees it... but I don't really see it that way. An infatuation is more like a fantasy, and not serious, and I think we saw it seriously for at least part of the relationship. Then again, maybe that's a part of the infatuation. It certainly wasn't love though, but it was getting there. Interestingly, I think my relationship suffered from lack of infatuation. The way I saw it was a good friendship with a physical attraction that led us both to want to date each other. He seemed to explain the breakup by him lacking some indescribable feeling that would tell him that the relationship would last. I think he was looking for a feeling of infatuation whereas I have been there, done that and was looking for a meaningful connection based on having things in common, being attracted physically and getting along well. Link to comment
ExarionUniverse19 Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 Well, I don't know much about infatuation... my health book has this skewed view of infatuation... that it is based on physical attraction only, that it involves no intimacy, that it is a fantasy, and that it ALWAYS consists of fighting and arguing. EDIT: Interesting... I found the very same passage that was in my health book on Wikipedia... link removed This makes it seem like it's nothing... I don't know... I think there was more there than infatuation. I think that we were infatuated... her behavior proves it. But I was looking for a serious, meaningful relationship too. Getting along well, doing the things we both enjoy together, and really being intimate with each other. I have no idea about her though, and I don't think I ever will know... Link to comment
Krisnakay Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 Day 5 This is the day I have dreaded since Friday.I wish I had a little more recovery time.I don't feel like I am ready to face him..But since I have kids and bills..I don't have a choice.I I WILL SMILE I WILL SMILE I WILL SMILE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment
Tshwane Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 Day 14 - Still going strong, i've decided not to contact her on her birthday coming this month. I'm still not healed and i get very angry sometimes thinking of her. I think it will set me back, i worked so hard to detach myself from her the last 14 days. Any thoughts if i should call or not? Link to comment
Krisnakay Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 I wouldn't..if you do and she sez something to set you off...you'll show your anger...Not good. Link to comment
Fiery_di Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 Hi there. I am new on e-NotAlone. May I pls be included in this challenge?? I have not been in contact with my ex since Thursday just gone (it is now tuesday evening and the only reason I had contact on Thursday was to mouth 'Happy Easter' before departing the gym where we both work out. I have a strategy in all this as to why I need to NOT contact for the next 30days. Cheers and thanks, Di Link to comment
Tshwane Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 and to those thinking of breaking NC after 30 days i say don't. I contacted my ex after 40 days of NC, look at me now. We agreed to try things out and she didn't even make an effort. Kept disappearing and not returning calls and when i started asking ?'s, i was accused of not trusting her. She wasn't ready for me, i should've let her be and continued with NC. Let them break contact, that way you'll know if they really want to work things out. DONT INTIATE CONTACT. BTW, im not contacting her on her bday. Link to comment
solarplexus Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 Welcome and good luck Fieri Link to comment
Puckdog27 Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 Hi there. I am new on e-NotAlone. May I pls be included in this challenge?? I have not been in contact with my ex since Thursday just gone (it is now tuesday evening and the only reason I had contact on Thursday was to mouth 'Happy Easter' before departing the gym where we both work out. I have a strategy in all this as to why I need to NOT contact for the next 30days. Cheers and thanks, Di Hi Fiery_Di - Good for you! You may want to start a new thread of your own and explain your stratedgy that way you will get some excellent advice from everyone who has been through the dos and donts. Good Luck! Link to comment
Rosie007 Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 Day 5 This is the day I have dreaded since Friday.I wish I had a little more recovery time.I don't feel like I am ready to face him..But since I have kids and bills..I don't have a choice.I I WILL SMILE I WILL SMILE I WILL SMILE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good luck, Krisnakay. The nice thing about this site is that one feel that there's a cushion of protection or love any time we have to do something challenging. Seeing your ex may not be exactly fun, but perhaps it can be a source of self-esteem when you see how well you handle things. As for me, it's Day 56. I worked some 14 hours yesterday, and it may be a similar day. The portal launch is Monday, and there's a lot to do for a whole team of people between now and then. And yes he is on my mind constantly. But I'm having these strange feelings of optimism that he's going to contact me to say the magic words: I love you, I miss you, I made a mistake. Puckdog: Welcome to the pack. You're a fine addition and I like the feedback you've been giving. Link to comment
Krisnakay Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 Thank you Rosie...You have no idea how much I needed that little push Link to comment
Krisnakay Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 So I got up this morning..did my hair/makeup thing..went to work...walked thru the parking lot was fine,Walked in the building,was fine...Put some things on my ex's desk that I know he would need back and saw that he had put away the paperholder that my daughter had given him and broke down crying in the middle of his office..glad he wasnt there to see it.I also left him a note..I broke my no contact did it because...We were together for one night 2 years ago...I'm ashamed to say that it was a one night stand because that was what he wanted.After that night I decided that I wanted and deserved more.So I stopped talking to him altogether.A year later he asked me out,weeks later he showed me a letter that he had written to me after our one night stand saying he wanted to try a relationship but I acted like I hated him so he was afraid to give it to me.After dating a year,he broke up with me..our last conversation was this...He>Can we at least be friends?I really am sorry for hurting you.Me>From the lack of better words..WHATEVER!I feel like I totally closed the door to him and locked it AGAIN.I feel like our relationship was good and I wanted to leave the door open to reconciliation.My letter said....I want to make sure that you understand that me not talking to you is in no way a punishment to you.It is only for me to move on.The only contact that I can have with you is if you want to seriously try again.So please don't think that I do not care for your feelings because I do,but I need to do this for me and me only.So I asked my boss for my week vacation and took the rest of the week off.I drove home a blubbering slobbering mess.Now I feel stupid and weak and that I let myself down Someone please read this and tell me what you think.Was it wrong to do? Link to comment
11everything2-1nothing Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 Day 9 I woke up this morning and cried. I promised myself I would not cry for him anymore, but I did anyway. Still staying strong on NC though. Link to comment
honeyspur Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 Day 9 I woke up this morning and cried. I promised myself I would not cry for him anymore, but I did anyway. Still staying strong on NC though. Don't be fooled - these tears were for you - tears of release, tears of loss and tears of adjustment. Don't resist what needs to be done. Link to comment
Recommended Posts