TijuanaJones Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Be sure to join the ARC (Aztec recreation center) at SDSU, its a nice gym, well equipped, with TONS of beautiful girls... I had a crush on a girl that went there... she was Swedish... unbelievably cute! she invited me to go out with her, but didnt follow up on her invite because I tought I was unworthy... go figure! If only I had then the knowledge I have now... Feels good to have a sore body, uh? That's when you know you are going to get results... Link to comment
ahhh2jz Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 ahh the pump.. it does feel good; I think it feels the worst around the quads and hip areas when doing squats.. i used to neglect doing legs but when i started i never looked back hahah; DAy 21 NC! Doing great today; last night I was thinking of my ex constantly.. i was thinking of how all of a sudden she was all I was thinking about. I was thinking about the past fights we had and how I could have handled them better with the mindset that she could leave at anytime. I acted so confident before that she would never leave and that I would be the one to leave if I got bored. whether I get back with her or not; I have to be extremely vigilant of how I handle things in the future; I really got to watch my tongue; look for subtle signs coming from her that things are going sour or that I need to change somehow. Pretty much all of the things that went unnoticed by me before. I hope all of you are doing good and staying strong. Keep pushing forward... its the only way to go. oh yeah nice avatar TJ hahahah Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Oh yeah, I agree... I have been thinking also about what I could have done better. I used to argue about unimportant stuff, and now I think I wont repeat that in my next relationship. Why waste time on things that wont benefit either of us, but will surely damage communication? Every night I try not to think of anything... but I found a fool-proof method... I plug in my ipod and listen to a band named Cake, with low volume. Most of their songs have weird lyrics and dont talk about love or anything, so its easy to fall asleep... There's one song that talks about Carbon Monoxide, thats a funny one... I gave up on the idea of taking anti-depressants, I think excercise will be enough... Link to comment
comfyshoes Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Back to square one for me again. Had a funny old week to myself. i chose not to go to my parents in my weeks off, but to stay at home and see how i managed on my own. I haven't left the house since monday, i cancelled my appointment with my therapist and i've been checking in on her emails and my space profile, and i found her in a chatroom again and engaged her (not as myself). I feel like a bucket of * * * *. What have i achieved by doing all of this? A new low perhaps? The myspace thing was a big surprise. She's been going out socially with a girl from her town that she always said she couldn't stand. She's offered some woman my ticket to Michfest (womens music festival) and all sorts of other things. It was odd talking to her in the chatroom. I have no idea why i did it. She talked about me a lot, to this personna that i assumed when she started chatting with me. She told me how i had become her emotional safety net, She was emotionally depandant on me, How her flirting caused problems and made me jealous. How she was sad, and crying at one point, that she had lost her best friend but that she had to move on. Said that she respected me very much, said she wasn't sure if she was doing the right thing. I feel like total * * * *. Not for any other reason than i have let myself down. I have let myself believe that there was some hope of us fixing the problems after being so strong and realising so many things for myself. I'm back to square one. I do still love her. I miss her and i may even think i want her back (which is just madness if you read any of my previous posts!) I understand the entire philosophy behind the no contact thing now, better than ever. I guess the pragmatist in me had to check it out. So i start all over again. I miss Sandy. where is she?? shoes Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Wait a minute there! Ok, no, wait several weeks... Whatever she told you right then and there is what she felt, well right then and there! That is not indicative of how she will feel in the future, so thats why NC is helpful... You and her will go through several phases, in which you will change your feelings and opinions back and forth. So don't read too much into it, don't hold on to hope either. Ok, so you have been e-checking up on her.... Dont do it anymore! myspace, msn, facebook, hi5, those are all deceiving! It does not do anything good for you looking at her profile... Keep NC, and dont worry, you caved in, but it is normal, just try to regain your strenght and keep NC. Link to comment
comfyshoes Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Thanks TJ. Problem is, this is how the cycle starts. She throws herself into new social activities. new friends, goes out trawling for new women and ends up comparing them all to me, missing me, coming back to me. Damn it. Sometime i wish i'd never met her! I really wish that there was a quick fix for this, just to get up one day (just to sleep would be good) and have all memory of her gone. Not gonna happen. Gotta keep taken the tablets, seeing the shrink and start the NC all over again. Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Thanks TJ. Problem is, this is how the cycle starts. She throws herself into new social activities. new friends, goes out trawling for new women and ends up comparing them all to me, missing me, coming back to me. Damn it. Sometime i wish i'd never met her! I really wish that there was a quick fix for this, just to get up one day (just to sleep would be good) and have all memory of her gone. Not gonna happen. Gotta keep taken the tablets, seeing the shrink and start the NC all over again. Well, then dont be available for her every time she makes contact. Make her see you have a social life of your own. Cut conversations short, cancel dates, be unavailable! Its not good enough that she realizes you are better than the other guys/girls out there... she must have this so clear in her head that it compells her to tell you exactly that, and make her fight for you! I know my ex compares me to guys she meets and I come out on top, but thats not enough for me. The day she comes asking me for a second chance is the day I believe she truly appreciates me. And even then, I will doubt her motives and wait to see if she keeps fighting for me. Keep it up! Dont beat yourself up for what you did, you are closer to letting go than you can imagine... Just keep the NC, keep doing things for you, get on with your life... Hang in there man! Im shure we are wonderful persons with deep feelings and we'll find someone who appreciates us for what we are. I keep telling myself that all this happens for a reason, and to me that reason is learning about myself, about my emotions, and about gaining strenght. And there is also the posibility of this happening so you can be happier together in the future... who knows! Maybe I'll go on with my life and a couple of years down the road I'll meet my ex again and marry her... I have seen it happen to a friend of mine... Link to comment
comfyshoes Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Yeah. We broke up six times now. It would be foolish to think it could work. It's neen a LDR with me planning to go live there, but these things take time. It's not likely that i'm just gonna run into her. My entire plan for life has changed. I need to get that back on track. I am going to leave the house tomorrow, if it kills me, i will leave the house! Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Shoes, Today, I found myself talking to people who claimed they knew their partners were right for them almost off the bat. Practically love at first sight. No need for comparision shopping. I'm not sure that this is the healthiest ideal, but I'd rather find love-at-first-sight than cold feet----especially if I myself prefer wearing comfy shoes. Welcome back to the land of NC, where the biggest lost opportunity according to today's posts is clarity of mind/freedom of thought. Damn those exes! Update on Day??? Here's something personal and probably inappropriate! It's been over a month since my break-up, and today for the first time (despite the apparent motivation behind my dating misadventures) I realized I have a sex-drive still. Yikes! Poor Shaker was out with a friend....okay, an attractive friend....okay, not so much a friend as former employee.....and felt so, so, so.....impure. Talk about taboo! I completely avoided talking about how we knew each other, etc. (Nothing happened other than a pleasant conversation, and the really weird reminder that I can be attracted to someone who is not my ex). Link to comment
TonyMar75 Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Ha! Shaker, that last part made my day! That is SUCH an important part of the healing process, and I'm SO glad you shared it. It made me laugh and feel much better. Good for you! It reinforces my belief that I have to get out this weekend and flirt like crazy! Link to comment
boston23 Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Hi everyone- Day 6? I had my med school interview today. It went really well (and long...) so I'm happy about that. Definitely still feeling ambivalent about the whole doctor thing but I guess that will sort itself out at some point. As I was walking to my second interview of the day, I had this mental picture of my ex as he kind of got smaller and smaller in my mind and kind of started to fade away. It was really random, but it definitely made me sad. I didn't want to lose him and I still don't want to lose him, and that made me feel like I have-like he's going to become an insignicant speck in my past. Just makes me upset to think about him not being in my life. I also think that some of my hesitancy about medicine right now stems from the fact that I feel like becoming a doctor would take me further away from him. Obviously I'm still need to work on the whole moving on thing. It's really hard. Link to comment
rsxguy520 Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 update on day20, very chill today. did really nothing. sat a home and just veg out and watch the NBA games on tv. school is coming up soon so im very excited about that. Life is great. nothing to worry about other than myself and my personal stuff. i love this challenge, it just keeps pushing me to better myself all around. tomorrow is day21, hopefully things will be more fullfilling tomorrow. Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Had an odd development today. A business associate of mine has just sent me a very flirty e-mail! We have met a couple of times but purely to discuss work... the strange thing is I am totally shocked! I had completley forgotten that somebody else could find me attractive. It's suprising how we forget that there is are other people out there who see us as atrractive people when we are still wrapped up in our ex's x Link to comment
papalazarou Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Had an odd development today. A business associate of mine has just sent me a very flirty e-mail! We have met a couple of times but purely to discuss work... the strange thing is I am totally shocked! I had completley forgotten that somebody else could find me attractive. It's suprising how we forget that there is are other people out there who see us as atrractive people when we are still wrapped up in our ex's x This is very true mate and its a real ego boost even if the feelings are not reciprocated! Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Hi PapaL, Yes, I am not ready to date again...but just goes to show I am not completley past my sell by date! x Link to comment
comfyshoes Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 day 1 for me again! i broke down and cried last night. not because i miss her, but because i am disappointed with myself. i posted a few days ago about realisations that i had had. and there came to me again today. i was used, i was played, i outlived my purpose and was dumped for the sixth time. seriously, what was i thinking?? i mean, pigeons learn faster!!! why did she treat me that way over and over again? because i let her! i really do believe that she has conditioned me into being what i am now and only i can regain the person i was before. I'm not a bad person, even though i checked her emails the other day! to see all the lies she is telling people about me is a good indication of the fact that she is the one with problems. she craves attention and seeks it by whatever means she can and i fell for it. i was something exciting, exotic and new. i threw out a bunch of letters this morning, i even looke dover a couple of them. i felt nothing. i still think about her, it's like a habit i have to break. we spoke every day. i know one day i'll wake up and she won't be the first thing on my mind and i'm looking forward to it very much! i need to do this!! for me!!! (i've said all this before). help me guys??? shoes Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Hi, Shoes. Because you regret breaking No Contact every time you do, maybe next time you feel the itch to break it, you should look at your posts about how you feel afterwards. I think starting to get rid of the letters and that sort of thing is a good step to be taking. And if there are things you're not willing to part with yet, box them up and get them out of sight. STOP reading her email. You've learned all there is to learn from snooping, and have lost respect for her. I don't want you to keep losing respect for yourself by violating her privacy, and feeling the 'need to know'. You don't. All you need right now is to spend some quality 'you' time. If that's going to the movies with friends, hitting a dance club and groovin' till it hurts, or splurging on a spa day....do it. And find ways to cope with the blues in the evenings. I have to say that today was the first day I woke up without thinking about my ex. First time in years, probably. I have since thought about him since then, but my first thoughts were mine. I think it's largely due to working everyday at filling the holes my ex left behind with new people, new projects, and space for persuing old interests. Does this help? Link to comment
comfyshoes Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 it helps a lot shaker! thanks! i'm really pissed at myself for checking in on her emails, so that's my first thing i promised myself today. no more! i got my * * * out of the house today and i felt better for it. i also got myself sorted at work. i'm gonna be working nights for three months, 7 nights on 7 nights off. can't sleep nights so i might as well work 'em! and i can to my parents or my sisters on the days off in between. i started a lot of new activities the last time she broke up with me so i guess it's time to concentrate on those more! it's hard, but i know i'm not the only person going through this. i don't even want her back anymore, i just want the me back that i was before i let her warp my mind! thanks again shoes Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Shoes, I feel the same way. I'm struggling to get myself back. Getting the ex back is an impossible task; getting ourselves back? It's going to happen. Slowly, but worth every minute... Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted January 26, 2007 Author Share Posted January 26, 2007 Good Morning All, Quick question.. I read we have had a few set backs. I know it's hard. No contact is SUCH and simple concept yet difficult to do. You are going to have to find the strength within yourself to do this for you. I know we all want closure. I know we all want the "maybe if I try ONE MORE TIME they will undertsand". I disagree. I have been there and please don't get me wrong. My opinion is strictly my own. I have learned even under a beautiful sunset, soft music, and looking and feeling great....alot of damage is already done despite the setting and circumstances. Talk is cheap. I don' believe a word of it anymore without someone backing it up...NO exceptions. If you find out an ex is seeing someone else, or interested in someone else.....be tough and work through the pain. It;s not easy but let's face it. Life and time move forward. The chances of THAT relationshi are slim to nil that it will work out anyway. By the time you start to mentally let go of your ex..and realize that you are slowly feeling better and not thinking of them as much, it won't matter if they do try to come back or not to some of us. When an ex treats you badly after a breakup, and the run into the arms of another...let them be. DO NOT try to talk with them...What's the point? Let time be your ally. The key to this is to to try to focus all the negative energy you are feeling (sadness, hurt, lies, cheated on, etc etc) and turn that around. DO YOUR BEST not to think of the "What if's" or "Are they missing or thinking about me"....WHO CARES!! Are you trying to convince yourself that you are worth something? NO WAY!! YOU ARE A TREASURE!!! Here is the way I see it. Why do people search for treasure? They search for treasure because its valuable to them... YOU = Treasure Does treasure look for people? Um...No If you are a treasure, let people come to you. Some my say, Dave, if I do nothing...nothing will happen. Maybe..but again....maybe not. My outlook is not one of self pity. I look at the glass as half-full ALWAYS. I am my best motivator. If you hear a motivational speaker, or you read a GREAT post that pumps you up and makes you feel good....Did you learn something new or did you hear something you needed to hear because you knew this information already and convinced yourself you may be wrong because you don't believe in yourself? Most of the time, I tell myself, I knew that already but I REALLY needed to hear it from someone else to be validated. To be validated and understood is what LOVE is all about. We may feel the butterflies and go around singing and smiling alot because of the way you WANT to feel. THe other party involved is NOT doing anything but being THEMSELVES. You choose what role to give them. If they give you attention and validation right off the bat....HECK..why wouldn't you feel great. Things get real when that fades and the masks come off that the test of love begins. Again, the act of "falling" in love is the eay part....it's keeping the love you have that is the hard part. It doesn't have to be....if you look for the signs and keep an HONEST channel of communication with one another.... then you may have a chance.... Think about it....STOP feeling like you are worthless and no one want you. Go over and open the curtains..Let the light cover your body and take in a deep breath and tell yourself "I AM SOMEBODY!" "I AM A TREASURE"...Ya might not believe it today...but I swear on my life that you ARE SOMEBODY THAT MATTERS. Stand up and be recognized!! If your lover left you....grieve but then realize "HEY, I am going to be fine with or without them!!" Life is too short to hurt or grieve!! Life lfe and learn to love yourself!! You'll be glad ya did!! -Your Friend, SuperDave71 Link to comment
sandyv Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Hi all, thanks for missing me I've been sorting through a whole pile of troubles around here..... my son is a pain in the but, my financial situation is a nightmare, oh and last but not least, my ex is still on my mind alot.... On another note, its sounds as if many of you, shoes, TJones, etc. are really improving, its by no means a quick process, I've for sure been learning that as I go along too.... I have seen my ex walk by my place many times recently, I usually turn around and go back the other way, I know that I do need the distance from him right now, I'm not feeling indifferent yet, so for now I am forcing myself not even to have a small conversation with him.... long may I stay strong... and all of you as well...... Sandy Link to comment
ramsickle1369 Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Happy Friday Everyone! Well, another day of NC and it’s actually doing more harm than good… I know I’m probably going to get slammed for this, but I simply cannot work with him in the capacity that I do w/o talking to him. It’s a very collaborative environment and I was miserable last night because I felt SOOO guilty that I hadn’t returned his messages (4 actually!). AND, it is impacting my work. I was so far out of the loop and that bothered me. So, I’ve decided to continue friendship for work’s sake and not say anything about emotional status or physical stuff. Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 4 whole weeks! Day 28! Two days from completing this particular challenge...though I'm going to keep going for as long as I need. I have no idea how long that will make this for me...*shrug* Sandy! You actually disappeared. Hope you're ok. xxx Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Sandy, I'm so glad for the update. I was wishing you the best, and still am. You sound strong. Ramsickle, The work thing definitely throws a wrench into NC. I'd add to the list of 'no emotional stuff' and 'no physical stuff' 'no superfluous stuff'. Keep your interactions business related as much as possible. Parsley, Congrats! I'm envious. Today is only day 5 for me again since last weekend's upset (I unexpectedly ran into my ex when I was drunk as a skunk about a week ago, and it wasn't pretty....nor were the emails he sent me that followed....and I buckled and replied to one of them on Sunday.) Link to comment
sandyv Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Sorry Shaker, Shoes and Parsley, and everyone else and a big HI to SD....been crazy around here, but I'm back!!!! I've never thought of myself as strong, but I'm working on it Link to comment
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