THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[Sunkist09]

It's valentines day, my ex best friend asked me to go to the movies with another girl... If my ex isn't going...im assuming my ex has a date... im so sad... someone help me out...say something to make me feel better!!!!

[parlae]

she just sent me a message on facebook about wanting to spank my ass!! ignored that im off to a party tonight woo hoo

lmao

that was so random and i definitely did not expect to read that just now.

but thanks for lightening the mood. lol.

 

I broke NC, which I started on February 9. The next day, I emailed him a letter letting him know these things:

1. Asked for forgiveness for making him feel confused.

2. Told him I respected and admired him for being committed to AA and school.

3. Agreed with break-up and told him that I also need time to work on myself.

4. Let him know that I am here if he needs me or wants to talk.

 

I expected no response. The next day, as I was applying to a job, I found a job posting that would be great for him. I emailed it to him letting him know that I was just applied to this place and saw this posting that he would be ideal for.

 

He emailed me back yesterday to tell me thanks for the job posting and all the letters and emails. I then texted him thanking him for his message and just asked if he wanted to go for a quick coffee. He immediately replied that he was going to be on campus till late. I then replied no problem, another time perhaps and wished him a nice day. I did not expect any response, and I did not get any.

 

So now, I am going NC again. I just needed to say my peace and make one last effort before going quiet. I feel good about it because I feel like I did it more for me than for him. And I did it from a place of love knowing that I have no right to expect a response. I hope that the door is still open. I feel calm but, of course, long for him. But he needs to be alone, and I need to work on my own self. I just hope that we can meet again when our timing is better for truly I believe that he and I could have a great love story. So back to Day 1, today, Friday the 13th!

sounds great to me.

the way you handled it, and everything you said to him in the message, was perfect.

i'm proud of you

and like someone else already said, i'm sure you'll have a good chance of being with him again.

best of luck with everything. i hope it works out.

[redreine]

I talked to my ex online again tonight, and re-added him on facebook. Everything was going great tonight...we were getting along great, and being friendly and having some fun conversation.

 

Then a friend of his messaged me on facebook chat. She said he had told her that he broke up with me, and she wanted to make sure I was ok. We started talking and I told her why he broke up with me (just gave the reason, didn't make him sound like a bad guy or anything) and she apparently went off on him. I guess when he told her he broke up with me, she told him off then, too.

 

He accused us of guilt tripping him, and told me not to talk to his friends about our break-up. I apologized, and told him I wasn't trying to guilt trip him. All of this spiraled into a conversation about why we broke up. He told me that he had told this same friend that our break-up was 5 months in the making. (We were together for 5 months).

 

I tried to explain to him that he would have to understand that people he loves will disagree with his decision, because they love him and want him to be happy, and they saw that he was happy with me. His response was that they didn't need to try and change his mind or make him think differently.

 

I'm just so frustrated right now. We had two really great nights of IM'ing, and then he's annoyed with me over something I had no control over.

 

My mom says that he's just feeling guilty and I need to give him some time. His friend told me that she knows him and he'll come around, I just need to give him some time and some space.

 

I'm going to try and talk to him tomorrow, and come to some sort of resolution with him. I'm going to offer to give him some time and space, and ask him how he feels and how long he needs. This is all in the effort to just have a friendly working relationship with him.

 

What do you think?

[philove]

Day 8 for me and I feel like i'm beginning to win the battle Being Valentines day doesn't bother me in the slightest. I no longer have the urges to cyberstalk her anymore which is very good because at my lowest I could feel myself becoming obsessed with checking her facebook constantly. My mental and emotional states have improved ten fold and i'm now excited about planning the future without her and since I have been I can see that if i did stay with her the future would be very bleak which is the wake up call that is driving me.

 

Stay strong, we don't need these people in our lives if they truly loved us they would still be with us. Forget them and move on to people who deserve the love we can give.

 

Phil

[Ixtapa]

Still thinking of him but Im okay. I know that there is nothing I can do to fix this situation.....except give him enough time to start to actually MISS ME. Then it will be his choice to contact me again or not....and if he does, I will be feeling all the better for it. I have been depressed for a while (for reasons unrelated to him) and my priority is to work on myself now.

 

I couldn't care less about Valentine's....my ex was from a country where they dont celebrate it

[longdist]

Day 17

Well I'm feeling alright today. I too am not too worried about Valentines day. My ex and I never really celebrated it anyhow.

 

She still has not contacted me in any way, except by putting up some away messages on AIM, so I deleted her name. I wish she would have at least tried to call or something, but obviously it means she is not interested, after 4-1/2 years of being together.

 

Even though it has almost been 2 months since the breakup I still really want a second chance, although I have become more accepting of things. I know I screwed things up in the relationship. We have been a LDR, and I had the chance to go live with her for awhile. Unfortunately, this was during a time when I was complacent in the relationship and wasn't sure if I loved her. So I gave the cold shoulder. I only came to a realization that I loved her after doing the damage, before she broke up with me. Now her friends are telling her that they are glad she left, especially b/c none of them knew me well, as it was a LDR. Now, I'm my only advocate, and I wish there were something more I could to do other than NC.

[Sev]

Hey!

 

Days 2 3 and 4!

 

Sorry not had chance to post last few days, been keeping myself busy. Im on day 4 now and really i seem to be doing fine. I hardly think of her now, yet sometimes when i do i get a little sad inside, but then it passes as quickly as it came.

 

I think i would be really anxious if i had to speak to her now anyway. Over that last 2 months of LC she has seemd like a stranger to me most times i have seen her, maybe that is whats helping me.

 

Anyway, im having a good time at the moment, im out alot with work friends and some old friends too. Keeping me busy!

 

I just hope i dont run into her somewere, fingers crossed i'll stay strong!

 

I know its V day today but i dont really care, im going to dye my hair tonight and just bought some new clothes for tonight

 

I'll check in again tommoroow if i get time but 4 days and fine so far! Lets hope it stays this way!

 

Peace

[TLguy]

Day 13. * * * * Valentines Day.

[BrokenheartUK]

Day 12

 

Feeling good today despite it being V-Day. Had a great therapy session this morning where a few things I was feeling were solidified and I'm even thinking about the future for the first time since I can remember! Planning a holiday later in the year (perhaps even on my own) and really getting to know 'myself' again. Tonight I'm going out and am determined to have fun.

 

Hope I still feel like this tomorrow...

[arghgirl]

redreine... if i may, I know how hard it is, but maybe you should give him some time to cool off. I do not think anything you do right now will help that much as he is still upset and feeling guilt. Let him stew. He may be resistant to any requests that you make because it puts pressure on him that he does not want right now. If anything, he should apologize for his behavior and NOT you. Be strong.

[arghgirl]

thanks, parlae, for your encouragement. It is so hard because there are times when I want to just call and ask how he is doing. He needs time as do I. So hard though. I am going to try NC for the 30 days. Although it has been almost 30 days since we last saw each other (he has a really busy schedule). Our whole break-up was done via texting... then we talked on the phone, it was emotionally a mess (well more me than him - he just turned cold as he needed to). So many misunderstandings...

[redreine]

redreine... if i may, I know how hard it is, but maybe you should give him some time to cool off. I do not think anything you do right now will help that much as he is still upset and feeling guilt. Let him stew. He may be resistant to any requests that you make because it puts pressure on him that he does not want right now. If anything, he should apologize for his behavior and NOT you. Be strong.

 

My mom said basically the same thing. He's feeling guilty.

 

That really makes me want to punch him, though. All he had to do was not break up with me. Duhhhh. lol

[arghgirl]

It is Day 1.5 for me. The way I think about it now (and this is for women)... I usually get waxed about every five or six weeks. I am going to go NC until my next wax, which is March. I figure if I hold on to NC like my wax appointment, my days are a bit easier, and I think about it less. Besides, if we were to meet during this time, my legs would be hairy!

[parlae]

VALENTINE'S DAY....

 

my favorite holiday,

until this year...

 

i really thought i'd take it better than this.

but when i woke up, i realized it's harder on me than i had thought.

i had to get up early to go see my nephew play basketball and my niece cheerleading..

i always play music while i get dressed, so just like any other day...i turned on the radio

and i had totally forgot, it's valentine's day so they're gonna be playing love songs all day..

it sucked. as soon as i turned on the radio, i started crying.

i've been strong for the past week or so. but today just hit me really hard.

i can't help but think of him and who/what he'll be doing tonight..

 

but on the other hand, i'm proud of everyone else on here who has said valentine's day hasnt bothered them too much. i'm happy for you guys.

 

[parlae]

well, guess what everyone?!...

i was wrong.

he did contact me today and say happy valentine's day

it really surprised me. i kept double checking to make sure it was real lol.

he also asked if i had a date..

lol

today has just gotten better.

[wiley]

well, guess what everyone?!...

i was wrong.

he did contact me today and say happy valentine's day

it really surprised me. i kept double checking to make sure it was real lol.

he also asked if i had a date..

lol

today has just gotten better.

Aww i'm glad he text you, I wish mine did!

 

Does he have a new GF or anything?

[brazilgirl21]

It's not V's day where I'm from, so yes, not such a bad day. Until I remembered that in Valentine's day last year and we were broken up HE wanted to take me to dinner and I said NO because I didn't give a damm about him at the time. Gosh, why was I so insensitive back then? And why am I hurting SO much now?

 

Do any of you have tips to STOP beating youself and thinking about your ex and what if's? That's all I do. 24 hours a day. I really need to stop thinking about him, what are the tips??? I'm trying to keep busy but I don't feel like doing much. Is it normal? To think about the person 24 hours a day?? I even dream about him and his new gf. It's SO bad. How do we stop this??

[longdist]

brazilgirl21, I feel ya. I didn't actually break up with my ex. Instead, I gave her the cold shoulder and tried to get her to break up with me. That obviously worked... but only after I realized I sitll loved her. I had to think of life w/o her and really engrain these thoughts into my head. Now I really wish I didn't. I continue to dream about her and it's been 2 months since the breakup. It may help to take some time away from the message boards and try to just readjust your usual schedule. I think NC helps too, although it hurts horribly at times. I think in the long run, that's the only way to let things go. When you let it go, you will be more fun and your ex may even consider coming back, but only when you let go like he did and consider dating other guys. Give your ex some time to think things through. He loved you at one point and may regain the feeling and move on from the girl that he is seeing. However, right now there's nothing to make him look within himself. He's getting contact with you and gets to date the other girl. It may be confusing for him, but the ego boost will keep him with it. I know, I also had this happen to me. A girl became interested in me, while I was dating my ex. I liked having the girl chase me, just b/c it's nice to feel that people care about you, even though I knew deep inside I loved and wanted to stay with my ex. Yes, this was around the same time I was giving my ex the cold shoulder. So give NC some time. He may change his tune. If not, then it probably isn't meant to be between the two of you anyhow.

[brazilgirl21]

Thanks you so much! Yes, I am on a little break from this forum. I started a thread here that a lot of people post and help me and today I didn't post there at all and am just trying to concentrate on other things. The thing is, we broke up EXACTLY this same time last year and it's SO hard. However, I don't know when to consider the break-up. Last year when we broke up I didn't feel anything. Now I'm feeling everything. Exactly one year later. And he, who felt everything back then, feels nothing now. We were together on-and-off for about 3 months and I guess "broke up for good" on Jan 10th. But it's weird to think about how long have we been broken up, 1 year, or 1 month? You know? I know for him, it's 1 year... because we weren't official, but for me, it's 1 month, because we were definetly seeing eachother, sleeping together, even being with eachother's families...

I still feel like I'm grieving a relationship that has ended 1 year ago, you know?? I can't really explain!

[parlae]

Aww i'm glad he text you, I wish mine did!

 

Does he have a new GF or anything?

he's been "dating" but not exclusively, and i dont know how that's going... i don't really wanna know lol

[90_hour_sleep]

i like the sound of this...good way for people to stick together. my own story...

 

recently split with a 6 year relationship. been coming to grips with my own faults. i've been making a huge effort to allow myself to move on. she says she needs time...and i respect that...and have been trying to embrace it as an opportunity for me to reconnect with myself. she's been gone for 2 weeks. i think we're fortunate in the fact that we were really able to communicate before she left. i think most of the cards were on the table at that point. it seems important. one problem i seem to be having is that her stuff is still here. i've moved most of it into the spare bedroom...removed pictures...sentimental artifacts...basically anything that reminds me of her.

i've shed many a tear...something that's never happened for me...and i feel like i'm starting to move towards some sort of healing. unfortunately...i don't think that can REALLY happen until she's moved everything. ran into a bit of a bump in the road yesterday. i got a message...saying that she needed to pick a few things up. so i made a point of being gone...for the entire day.

but when i got home...after 11:00...she was here. she said she had nowhere to stay...and it would only be for the night. i gave her the cold shoulder...and i'm wondering why i feel so bad about it. i made a point of telling her that she shouldn't be here...that she should be respecting my space...and her own decision to leave. i guess having her here caused a relapse into my former emotional state. does this seem like a natural reaction? to cap it off...she wanted a hug. it seems simple...but it felt so complicated. i refused...and felt cold afterward. today has been a daze. just so happy it's v-day...bring on the feelings of rejection!! can a hug still feel good...even if you're unsure of the motivations behind it?

 

i'd like to accept the challenge...thanks for the post.

[Sunkist09]

Day 9 - V day, this sucks.

[Ixtapa]

Terribly tempted to send him an email. We cut contact after a conflict which was mostly due to his bad behavior towards me. Still...he just moved to my part of the world yesterday (from the middle-east to europe) and I would like him to know that Im not angry at him anymore and that I wish him well.

 

I cannot stand unresolved conflicts...and this one is much more difficult to deal with than others coz Im still in love with him.

 

Guess I should still do NC.....and see if I still feel like emailing him in 30 days or more. If he does have feelings for me still, those will not fade away in just a few weeks, right ??

 

Im so restless it actually hurts....

[TLguy]

Day 13 now. Vday was ok...of course she didnt contact me...wasnt really expecting her too..would just have been nice to know she even cares slightly.

[BrokenheartUK]

I'm very drunk, tonight was sh!t and I got stuck in some hideous club with retarded people who I would have quite like to have executed for being so hideously sad and vacuous, each and every one. It's 2.23am here and I want to go to bed and all I can think of is what a nice night she's had with her new bf and all the sex they;ve been having. Oh well, i'm sure i'll regret this post in the morning (afternoon?) when i read it so get your laughs in now as all dignity will be gone when the sun comes upo. F*CK THE FUTURE.