Viper55666 Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 Couldn't of put it better myself! But that is my dilemma, she ended it nearly two months ago but we have been seeing/talking to each other almost every day until i initiated NC about 2 weeks ago. Obviously NC is making her think about things and I dont want to undo the good work it has been doing but on the other hand dont want her to think that I'm a heartless git who wants nothing to do with her and make her feel that she made the right decison in the first place. So here I am, lost again not knowing which way to go... Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 I've said it here several times. If you want the person back, don't ignore and show resentment. Reply being cold and distant, but nice and respectful. btw- im glad you guys understand. i dont to make him my clutch. specially since i know there might be a day when he wont be able to pick up because the girl will get mad and he might chose her over me. i need to heal alone. will try to stick to nc as much as i can. Link to comment
BrokenheartUK Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 How about an email explaining to her about going NC? Something like wiley said: "It's weird for me too. I'm not ignoring you to make you feel bad - I think about you every day but being in constant contact is making it too hard for me to move on and accept that it's over. I hope you are doing okay." I dunno, I'm rubbish at this sort of thing. Short and sweet is key though! Then back to NC, healing and self-improvement, showing her that you don't need her. If she wants you back it will drive her mad (I know, I was in her shoes and went running back to my ex, to no avail). Link to comment
Viper55666 Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 brazilgirl21 & BrokenheartUK - ta! What about... "I know what you mean, its hard for me 2 but you wanted your own life so I've got to get on with mine" ? Link to comment
JohnGalt Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 Couldn't of put it better myself! But that is my dilemma, she ended it nearly two months ago but we have been seeing/talking to each other almost every day until i initiated NC about 2 weeks ago. Obviously NC is making her think about things and I dont want to undo the good work it has been doing but on the other hand dont want her to think that I'm a heartless git who wants nothing to do with her and make her feel that she made the right decison in the first place. So here I am, lost again not knowing which way to go... See man, good thing you came here first. You need to make a thread on how to respond to her question so more people can give you input. She's at that stage where she's missing you, so NC is obviously having an effect. I would respond briefly to the email after 15-16 hours have gone by saying "It is weird, but I cannot be just friends with you. I'm sorry. I hope all is well." boom. now you've put the ball back in her court to make a decision. If she wants to just be friends and have you around for security, you need to nip that in the bud right now. But if she wants reconciliation, you've opened the gates for her to initiate that conversation without actually committing one way or the other. Either way, I'd start a thread and see how other people think you should approach it. Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 Viper55666: I'm going to look back on a long e-mail my ex sent me last year after 4 months of me talking to him casually. I'm going to grab it from the other post. The difference is he wasn't replying to something I said. But well, I'm crazy about him now it might inspire you guys: We are talking about a handsome, VERY confident young man here, who RARELY, VERY RARELY, opens up...so you can see that he doesn't awknowledge the break-up, because I broke up saying we should "have a time off"... I guess you guys can see how amazing our relationship was from the dumpee's mouth. After this e-mail, I was still indifferent for 1-2 months until he did "find another me". Má, I don't want the talk we had last night to leave a bad vibe between us, I think it should have happened face to face, but it ended up being by phone and it was probably for the best. The fact is that two weeks ago I finally realized that we broke up and the chances of us getting back together are minimal, if existent. On a beautiful Saturday of February, confirming the history of our relationship, we broke up without big fights or arguments. The relationship was not well and we both needed time apart. It was a good decision, even if it came more from your side. You already lived in Sao Paulo for over 2 years and and still lived for my routine and my circle. I was distant from my friends and needed to go out with them a little. However, for me, I always thought that it would be something very quick and with time we would get back together. The fact is that for the past 4 months I NEVER got over you, I woke up and went to sleep every single day thinking about you and with the certainty that we were tailor made for eachohter. A couple of days ago, I came face to face with the truth. I couldn’t live like that. Waiting for us to get back together, believeing that this time apart would be temporary and that everything would come back to normal. There is no prediction for us to get back together and they are only mechanisms to make me kid myself of a hard choice. The truth is that we broke up. It was amazing. I can only thank you for the best time of my life, I learned so much, and our relationship couldn’t have been better. You are such a special girl and never make someone doubt that. But YOU are right and my reason agrees with you completely. We are too young and have so much to live, our relationship was amazing but life has to be lived and what can I do if we met so young. Even though my heart is reluctant, this is what life is about. I say with an open heart that I loved you too much and it was not (and it is not being) easy to forget you. All I know is that the relationship is over and the fact of talking to you weekly just gives me a false sensation that we are together, what will hurt someone in the future. Everyone reacts in a different way, probably for you the fact you are talking doesn’t change a thing but for me, it does. For that reason, I think distance is the best medicine to heal. Since I made this decision things became more clear. It was a tough week, but liberating. Don’t think that we can’t talk or anything like it, please, don’t think twice before calling me but distance is necessary and, honestly I can’t just be your friend. If we can’t be truly together, then be it REALLY separated. I hope you all the best, and know that I really wish that you accomplish all your dreams (and they are soo many…haha). As for me, I’m going to do like my pal John Mayer, “I’m going to find another you”. Link to comment
lauramed Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 hey brazilgirl, Glad to see that you're doing better today. Remember we're all in this together here, so any time that you feel the need to break NC you reach out to us here. Every day I wake up telling myself that I'm going to call him today and then I get on this forum and listen to the advice that everyone is giving and it stops me from making that mistake. Link to comment
BrokenheartUK Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 What about... "I know what you mean, its hard for me 2 but you wanted your own life so I've got to get on with mine" I'd say this was a good response. Add "...and the best way for me to do that is to not be in contact with you for a while" at the end, perhaps? Link to comment
ad13 Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 I broke NC again after 7 daz again!!! Now I am feeling so pathetic. I saw her online, could not resist. Just 4 liners tho. me: howz u? in ofice? Her: Yes. M gud and u? Me: Ok her: Hmmm Thatz it. After 15 mins I saw her going ofline. No bye..nothing Link to comment
JohnGalt Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 I broke NC again after 7 daz again!!! Now I am feeling so pathetic. I saw her online, could not resist. Just 4 liners tho. me: howz u? in ofice? Her: Yes. M gud and u? Me: Ok her: Hmmm Thatz it. After 15 mins I saw her going ofline. No bye..nothing why would contact her with nothing to say? In any event, don't worry about it. It is much better than begging or pleading to get back together or asking who she's with, etc. Link to comment
TLguy Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 Day 11. Im not too bad so long as I dont have long periods of time to think about things until I finish college...like now Link to comment
Sunkist09 Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 Day7 The girl my ex is interested in looks alot like me. Link to comment
BrokenheartUK Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 Day7 The girl my ex is interested in looks alot like me. Hehe, I never know whether to take comfort from stuff like this or not! If their new prospective partner looks like you, does it mean they are just trying to replace you? It's something we'll never know, I guess. Link to comment
parlae Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 Its easier for me because I deleted her number so i cant contact her even if I wanted to. does that actually work for you? i know it wouldnt change anything for me because i know all his numbers by heart... I keep having weird 'feelings' that she will get in touch with me on Valentine's Day. BUT I KNOW SHE WON'T!!! Why do I torture myself with thoughts of things that I know won't happen?! brokenheart,i've felt the same way lately. i dont know WHY, but i've been having feelings like i know he'll text me just to say happy valentine's day or something. but i KNOW he wont..(and of couse i WANT him to lol) it's frustrating, huh? it really won't do you any good in the long run as it won't allow you to learn how to heal or deal with your pain independently of him. He'll end up being your shoulder to cry on, your crutch. that's the same thing i'm tryin to work on right now. everytime something goes wrong, or i have a bad day, etc... i feel like i have to call my ex. because for 3 years, he was my "go-to" person for support, ya know. pretty much the ONLY person i'd take my problems to, aside from my bestfriend. but it's also like that with funny things... if i hear/see somethin funny that reminds me of him, or somethin that i know he would find amusing..i wanna tell him so bad lol. it's weird. but i've been doin pretty good with that lately i guess but how did she expect to feel? You can't just cut ties, walk away and not feel at least a bit strange or like there's something 'missing'. ya never know. there are some HEARTLESS people out there... Day7 The girl my ex is interested in looks alot like me. lol! i thought the same thing of the girl my ex was "dating" for like a week. lol guess she couldnt compare to me?? lol... Link to comment
BrokenheartUK Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 brokenheart,i've felt the same way lately. i dont know WHY, but i've been having feelings like i know he'll text me just to say happy valentine's day or something. but i KNOW he wont..(and of couse i WANT him to lol) it's frustrating, huh? Yeah, tell me about it! I should just wise up and admit to myself the truth - that she won't even think about me on Saturday. She'll be too busy with her new boyfriend and excited about the card and present she'll be getting from him *heart breaks all over again*. But you know what? That's fine. She should be excited, I would be if I was in her shoes and had a new love to experience V-Day with again. Luckily I'm planning on being busy for the whole day and night on Saturday... Link to comment
ad13 Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 why would contact her with nothing to say? In any event, don't worry about it. It is much better than begging or pleading to get back together or asking who she's with, etc. I dont know... it just happened! I still love her! some part of me still wants her back! but not at the cost of my self esteem.. it has been 20 days.... okay.. I wil b on NC till 18th (her birthday)...I wont b tht cruel as she is...wil wish her 4 sure..nt sure text or call tho! Link to comment
redreine Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 My ex started talking to someone else one other time when he had broken up with me, and he flat out told me it was because she reminded him of me. That girl told him he should be with me, and he came back to me. So I guess *she* was a good thing. I'm not sure what day this is for me. I put my profile back up on the dating website we met on. He has also. On the website it does a match assessment thing, and then shows you the people you match with and who meet your criteria. He's right at the top of my list, so I know I must be there on his. I know he has to at least see my face a few times a day. I'm seeing a lot of guys on there that seem great, but my ex still seems like a worthy cause, too. I've decided that if I do take him back (hoping he comes back), there will be a whole lot of discussion about how he's been selfish and immature. I will also explain to him that we can not even consider marriage right now, because he quite obviously is in no place for that kind of committment. I'm also going to explain to him that he has a lot to do to win me back, and if we do get back together, there will be rules. I know all that sounds harsh, but you gotta do what you gotta do. Link to comment
BrokenheartUK Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 I've decided that if I do take him back (hoping he comes back), there will be a whole lot of discussion about how he's been selfish and immature. I will also explain to him that we can not even consider marriage right now, because he quite obviously is in no place for that kind of committment. I'm also going to explain to him that he has a lot to do to win me back, and if we do get back together, there will be rules. I know all that sounds harsh, but you gotta do what you gotta do. That sounds very sensible to me. If my ex ever decided she wanted me back (yeah right!) I'd like to think that she would approach the situation in exactly the same way. I'd be happy to do whatever it takes to make it work, too. Link to comment
parlae Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 Luckily I'm planning on being busy for the whole day and night on Saturday... i STILL have yet to decide what i'm gonna do that night. a few guys have asked to take me out on a date and "be their valentine" but it just doesnt feel right... so i'm nut sure. Link to comment
redreine Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 I would consider going out on a date that night, but none of the valentine stuff. That would be way too hard on me. My heart just dropped into my stomach while I was typing that, too. Link to comment
Sunkist09 Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 If my ex comes back: I'll say... NO ~ you left me when I was at my lowest point, and now I am self sufficient, confident, and happy, why would I want you back? Yep... I am hurt, but just think of it this way, I am taking a vacation for myself right now... 3-4 months without anyone and have time to work on enhancing myself...but the right guy will come along 3-4 months later.... When I put it in this perspective, I do not get lonely or hurt... It only makes me stronger... These 3-4 months are for myself...to sleep early, read a book I really want to read, hang out and bond with my friends and family, shop, invest on myself.... Everyday~ I do one thing nice for myself... I put myself first... and in time, once you start loving yourself and treating your body right, you'll be happier and you'll attract alot of attention. As far as waking up at night, I do, but when I am up, I think of all the above and tell myself, I am the only one who can love myself and waking up at night like this isn't helping...the ex is probably sleeping all happy and stuff, and why am I punishing my body? The right guy will come along in 3-4 months... and when that time comes, I'll forget about this... As far as Valentines is concern, this will be my last Valentines spent alone, bc I've learned and next year, I'll have someone special to spend it with forever... so this alone time is a good investment for a lifetime of happiness.... =) Link to comment
philove Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 Well I have made it to day 6 of NC and today I'm actually feeling pretty good The whole week has been a rollercoaster ride of emotions and tears but since last night I have felt myself get much more mentally stronger and i'm beginning to question myself what I saw in her in the first place?! I mean come on the girl flirts with any guy who pays her a bit of attention plus she cheated on me!! Do I really want to spend the rest of my life with someone like that? I don't think so! I fell in love with her and she dropped me like a stone so no way am I going back! Just to mention she was an Ex that I decided to take back because she literally begged me. I know she will try and get back with me in a few months but if she seriously thinks i'm gonna let her she has an even bigger fight on her hands than last time! Keep going guys, the only way is up from here Phil Link to comment
TLguy Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 does that actually work for you? i know it wouldnt change anything for me because i know all his numbers by heart... Lucky for me she'd just bought a new phone a few weeks before we split, so I dont remember her new number. It does work for me anyway...cos everytime I think of contacting her, I remember I cant so I stop thinking about it. Link to comment
longdist Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 I'm on day 15 of NC. I'm really struggling today for some reason. There seems to be a two week hump where things just start hurting rediculously bad. I just can't stop thinking about things today. Prior to that I had LC. It has almost been 2 full months since the breakup and I don't know why I'm still struggling with it so much. It was a 4-1/2 year relationship and I've been told it takes about 1 mo/yr to get over someone. I certainly hope I don't have 2-1/2 more months of this. I try to do things to help myself, but it's hard to find time. I constantly think that she is with another guy, which she may or may not be. I also keep feeling like I will never find someone else like her. We had so many things in common. Ah well, I'll just keep on keeping on. Link to comment
redreine Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 I broke NC. But it's ok. A guy asked me out on a date, and I told my ex about it. I know I didn't need to, but I felt like I should. That got us to talking, and we're back to how we were when we were dating, minus the terms of endearment. I actually offered to help him make a better profile on the dating site. He told me he was in no hurry to meet anyone. Link to comment
.jpg.1626fbc48c04fd9021fd315819807524.thumb.jpg.882936eb5901fa05cf31c75617acde2e.jpg)
Recommended Posts