parlae Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 talked to the ex again today i told him i think it's crazy that we can't even be friends and he said he "never said we couldn't be friends" he just doesnt think that's really all i want to be with him. which is true, obviously. i think being friends is partially a good thing and also partially a bad thing. i can't decide which i'm leaning towards more. i guess i'll just see how things go for the next few weeks. like, in a way, i feel that being friends with him is better than not having him as a part of my life at all. but at the same time, i feel like... if i'm friends with him i'm gonna just wish even more that i was still "his girl", ya know? do any of you have any opinions on that? Link to comment
WomanWriter Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 Day 2 of NC is coming to an end. When I was away from the computer, it was fairly easy to stay away from looking at his Myspace but whenever I'm on it, I get the urge to have a peek. I didn't know what to do all day (friends were busy, no money, it's cold and rainy) so I spent all day reading my Bible and cooking some steak fried in wine. My grandma and mom were here so we chatted briefly. Earlier I read some posts on here. I did listen to some music and found it really hard when certain songs came on so I turned them. What's weird is I have been thinking about all my past crushes and exes lately in additon to my latest, even though they were no where near as serious as my fiance. I am in a stage like another poster mentioned, where I am almost in denial that we aren't a couple. Even though I know I am not going to see or hear from him for at least 30 days and probably MUCH longer than that, I feel weird referring to him as my "ex." He still feels like "mine" even though he's away. It's like he's away at summer camp or something. I can't really get my head around the idea that he might be gone forever. The thought hurts too much. Anyway, yesterday I did look at his Myspace page but I'm not counting it because I didn't log onto my page or post a blog, so it looks like I wasn't there and didn't write anything about myself. Today I managed to not look at his page at all which is the first time in over 3 weeks. I hope things get easier. I am going to have to come here for lots of support during the week because I'm going to stay with my dad for a few days and down time gets lonely and I start missing back home. Hope you are all faring well on your own challenges! Don't give up! You know, I just thought of a new way for us dumpees to feel a little better: think of this challenge as a COMMITMENT. Our exes couldn't give us the commitment we were looking for and we can't be commited to them anymore, but we CAN commit ourselves to this challenge. This gives us a place to show our loyalty even if our exes thought they could take that away from us! Link to comment
parlae Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 I am in a stage like another poster mentioned, where I am almost in denial that we aren't a couple. Even though I know I am not going to see or hear from him for at least 30 days and probably MUCH longer than that, I feel weird referring to him as my "ex." He still feels like "mine" even though he's away. It's like he's away at summer camp or something. I can't really get my head around the idea that he might be gone forever. The thought hurts too much. i'm the same way. i still feel like my ex is,and always will be,mine. and vice versa. sad, but true. Link to comment
railguy Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 i'm the same way. i still feel like my ex is,and always will be,mine. and vice versa. sad, but true. I have come to the crushing realization that this is not the case........ I am still hers, but she is gone.... Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 Starting Day 7, I'm determined to get to at least Day 30. I don't think it's a good idea to be weak or be friends! I can tell that I'm starting to feel better the more I distance myself from him. I'm trying to get accross to him that I'm happy, having fun and meeting other people. (via my facebook that I know he checks under a friend's name and our friends in common) The only chance we have of getting our exes back is by giving them space and time for them to miss us, also making them realize that we are NOT sitting here and waiting for them forever. Trust me, I was the dumper, and that's what he did to me and it made me come back for him. Starting Day 7 and I'm proud of me!!! I know our love is very big and once I'm moving on with my life and letting him live his he is going to regret letting me go. I have an optimistic outlook today. If not, I know I'll move on and meet somebody else! Please stick to NC guys, it's the BEST thing we can do! Link to comment
looking4ward Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 Hey Brazilgirl it sounds like you are having a good day!! Awesome!! I love starting to have good days again- just a couple of weeks ago everything seemed so hopeless and I felt so powerless- now I'm starting to see the sun again here and there... Finishing day 7 NC Link to comment
BrokenheartUK Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 Start of day 7 - 8.15am. Had the worst night's sleep of my night last night even though I was shattered, I just couldn't stop thinking about her. I hope I can make another week, I've filled all of my nights up with at least one activity that gets me out of the house. Off to the cinema tonight with a girl (just friends), I hope I can concentrate on the movie! Link to comment
TLguy Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 Day 8. Ive just realised its one month today since we broke up...not sure whether that seems a long time or not at all. Either ways, Im feeling good today. Link to comment
jaylh25 Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 Hi Guys, Im now on day 12 of NC. My ex sent me quite a bizarre sms on sat morning at 3.30am saying simply "im missing the kitten"](*,) (we had a house together, when she left i got left with the cat) I didnt break NC and reply but my question is, its not in my make up to just ignore people so if she comes on again do i just do the same and ignore it? I get that NC is to heal me and i do feel better... but.. if its also making the ex realise just what theyve lost at some point contact must be restored, no? If we do want reconciliation surely continually ignoring the exes will drive them away for good? Cheers for the advice.. as i say i do feel better but man, its hard. Link to comment
wiley Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 Day 14! Go me! I am trying to go for as long as I can but on the 21st I will need to have contact with her because we arranged for me to come and pick up some money, but I won't know what time till the day. So by then it will be 26 days! Thats more than what I could have hoped for. I will not go in her house this time! Im just getting the money and then farewell... Going in last time messed up my head big time. As for today, i've been doing a bit better than yesterday. The reason I was so down yesterday was because I heard my brother saying he saw her and her new BF walking together near our old house, and it just got to me thats all! I just hope my next relationship will have as much love involved as the last one. I never let myself love anyone as much as I loved her. Thats maybe a lesson learned though, never let someone fully into your heart as they can cause so much damage once they are in there, but you never know that at the time! I have to love myself again before I can love anyone else again. Looking to the future! x Link to comment
GUINNIE16 Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 im now a week away from a year of no contact - I have not contacted him one bit, just spoke to him when i have bumped into him. But i still have not picked up my phone, or emailed him or even face booked him. I Done well. But sad to say it it hasnt helped me, im still not over him Link to comment
wiley Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 im now a week away from a year of no contact - I have not contacted him one bit, just spoke to him when i have bumped into him. But i still have not picked up my phone, or emailed him or even face booked him. I Done well. But sad to say it it hasnt helped me, im still not over him Have you tried dating other guys? Maybe that will help? If a new person is in your life, your focus will be on them and not your ex. Link to comment
GUINNIE16 Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 Have you tried dating other guys? Maybe that will help? If a new person is in your life, your focus will be on them and not your ex. I dont have much luck in metting new guys, all my exs are friends of friends, or thru work. I did start seeing someone but he wanted me to do all the chasing, and turned out to be a geek. My ex still has feelings for me which doesnt help with my feelings, but i still wont break my no contact! Link to comment
and again Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 Day 15 was rough all day the flu, watched a chat show with mixed up people (jeremy kyle) sure i could have been on it for the last two months, the way my ex was so messed up. Also the people on there were all like her past relationships, know she watches it and how she didnt stick around and freaked out i will never know. 2 out of 10 but mainly because of flu Link to comment
wiley Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 OMG I messed up!! After a nice post here about me getting to day 14, I did the stupid thing of sending a text asking how she was and if she had a nice birthday. And guess what?.... NO REPLY! Now I feel like crap for doing it and even worse for getting no reply! I'm such an idiot! So if anyone doing this NC thing has the urge to text your ex, DON'T! They will probably not reply and it will make you feel like crap! Arghhhhhh! Day 1 again then Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 wiley - wow, that's SO messed up that she didn't reply. That's what I love about my ex relationship, no matter how long we do NC, we would never not contact eachother on special dates and neither would NOT reply. I mean, how do you want to be with a person that doesn't reply to a happy birthday text? That's absolutely horrible!! Think about how you have to let go of this person because she has no consideration for you whatsoever. Link to comment
and again Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 Wiley, never mind you have done it now, and you wont do it again, the worst thing it does apart from lowering your self esteem, is letting her know she`s still got a hold on your heart. The least they know and hopefully worry the better, if not they wernt all the pretended to be. Head up mate. Link to comment
wiley Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 The message only said "How are you L****? Did you have a nice birthday? x" I didn't send anything that would make her think I was still holding onto hope, just a friendly message asking how she's been. But at least i've learned a lesson now, not to bother anymore! It feels like shes just cut me out of her life. Link to comment
Ixtapa Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 I keep going back to day one. Got very angry over something yesterday and attempted contact on MSN. He didnt reply of course. Long story and I dont regret contacting him. He behaved like an idiot towards one of my friends and I wanted him to KNOW that Im aware of the whole story (as he probably thought she would not tell). Anyway....now its over, finito, terminé, khalas Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 Ixtapa - I did exactly the same thing last week, and you know, I didn't regret it either. He did reply though, denying the accusations, as usual (this is the thing with my ex, he ALWAYS replies to me, he never ignores). Anyways, although I don't regret e-mailing him last week about something that upset me, I'm MUCH happier today, on NC DAY 7, WITHOUT talking to him at all. I've also made my friends leave wall posts on my facebook making him realize I'm moving on and living my life and just REALLY erasing him... that's the only way for them to miss us and regret letting us go. However, I have to admit that I do think about breaking NC in 3 weeks or so if I still feel this strongly about him. Link to comment
Viper55666 Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 Quick back story. Wife left after 8 months of marriage (5 years together) on boxing day, Pretty much classic 'grass is greener on the other side syndrome'. Have been on day one many times and never managed to move past it. Slept in the same bed as her 'As friends' sunday and monday nights... Tuesday finally worked up enough courage and pride to say the door is open if you want to come back but otherwise please leave me alone, I cant just be your friend. I havent spoken to her since. So this is day 6 for me... Never thought Id actually get there! I do still think about her constantly and miss her like crazy but NC has really helped me subdue those feelings and start to imagine and plan a life without her. Link to comment
wiley Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 Quick back story. Wife left after 8 months of marriage (5 years together) on boxing day, Pretty much classic 'grass is greener on the other side syndrome'. Have been on day one many times and never managed to move past it. Slept in the same bed as her 'As friends' sunday and monday nights... Tuesday finally worked up enough courage and pride to say the door is open if you want to come back but otherwise please leave me alone, I cant just be your friend. I havent spoken to her since. So this is day 6 for me... Never thought Id actually get there! I do still think about her constantly and miss her like crazy but NC has really helped me subdue those feelings and start to imagine and plan a life without her. Well done! People like her are not worth your love. The day she realises the grass isn't greener will be the day you are totally over her and she will kick herself! Did she leave for someone else? Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 I think GIGS is very hard to judge. I left my ex because of it and I honestly had no idea how bad I was hurting him until the situation got reversed and he got the GIGS. I don't think young people who suffer with it should be judged so harshly as it's not like we are intently trying to hurt the person. It's complex. Things like "she/he is not worth it" are generalizations and IMO, if there were NO abuse, cheating, lying, people should be able to understand their partner and if the love is true, even months, or years later, there is still a chance for the relationship. Link to comment
Viper55666 Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 Wiley - I dont think there is anyone else. She assures me that there isn't and she doesn't want anyone she wants to be free, but its usually the first question asked when i explain the situation to people and to be honest I would be the last person to know if she was. Im also still friends with alot of her friends who assure me that there is no-one else. But she is a beautiful woman so im sure if she hasn't found anyone already it wont be long. BrazilGirl - I agree and I dont judge her for leaving because that is the way she feels and you just have to do what makes you happy in life otherwise whats the point. Also we were very young when we got together i was 18 and she was 17 so i think she feels that she is missing out on life by being tied down so young. Just ashame this came to light AFTER we got married! Link to comment
mouse_potato Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 I am trying to go for as long as I can but on the 21st I will need to have contact with her because we arranged for me to come and pick up some money, but I won't know what time till the day. Can't the money just be transferred via bank accounts then you don't need to see each other? Link to comment
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