THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[jennamajig]

Day 28. I'm at home by myself and the snow is coming down. And I'm down. For the last couple of days I've been missing my ex more than I had in ages! I wrote about seeing a glance of him, the check mix up and I dreamed of him again. He had white hair started at 26 and in the dream his hair was almost all white, yet he hadn't aged. I was kissing him and it was wonderful.

 

I've had some slight urges to contact him again, but they aren't anything I can't reason away. I don't even have a phone number.

 

Some days, moving on seems great. Other days, there is something holding me back and I'm sure it is just me. He ain't coming back, he's never contacted me, unlike many of the people here. I guess I just blame Christmas...it's hard. I am going home to see family in two days, so I tell myself, make it two days and then you will be surrounded by family and it will be okay. You will be okay.

[Robert013]

Just 2 day's you can do it jenna. It is Sunday always a depressing day for me. I will just fight through it.

 

The sun will shine on us again we just have to let these grey clouds float away. Jenna we will be fine it is just hard to see this now. Our ex's meant alot to us and now it is if they never existed. Only in our minds.

 

You are doing fine. It is human to miss the ex god knows I do. Christmas will not be the same. But it will not be the same for our ex's either so just try to enjoy yourself.

[jennamajig]

Just 2 day's you can do it jenna. It is Sunday always a depressing day for me. I will just fight through it.

 

The sun will shine on us again we just have to let these grey clouds float away. Jenna we will be fine it is just hard to see this now. Our ex's meant alot to us and now it is if they never existed. Only in our minds.

 

You are doing fine. It is human to miss the ex god knows I do. Christmas will not be the same. But it will not be the same for our ex's either so just try to enjoy yourself.

 

Thanks, Robert. The snow doesn't help because it turns my mind to romantic things, like cuddling together under the covers. I have no idea if my ex has someone new in his life. I know almost nothing about him now - I'm one of the folks around here who went true NC. It's helps in healing at lot, but sometimes it kills me a little as well. Pretending someone doesn't exist...I've tried that. I threw everything associated with him out. I've erase him everywhere but in my mind. My mind doesn't want to erase him. And that is what is holding me back in the dating world as well. My brain can let go, but my heart is f****** stubborn. I want to tell it to get with the program.

 

You're right. Christmas will not be the same. I wanted so much to be my normal, happy self for my mom. But I don't think I can do that - I'd be lying.

 

I tell myself that it is okay that this Christmas is hard. That I can't just deny emotion. Than I say that next Christmas will be amazing and to just think about that and it will get us all through the holidays.

[crab62]

jen... if you feel like im'ng... i'm here.

 

i'm down today too, big time...and this weather does not help, argggh.

 

hang in there my friend

[crab62]

Day 22... and jennamajig I feel the same as you down...

 

had a bad morning. got in a small argument with my sis last night who is through her own stuff, and my feelings were hurt, hers were probably hurt, and i woke up feeling like crap and missing the ex and blaming myself for everything.... which i know is crazy.

 

my exbf was not committed to me. we had issues, yes... but he was not remotely interested in talking about any issue. he wanted happy happy happy fun fun fun all the time. well relationships don't work that way. he stuffed every emotion down that didn't mimic happy and fun. i am not that way, and we clashed. we liked alot of the same activities.. but emotionally we were two different people.

 

i just have to get this through my head... that it wasn't my fault. it makes it more hard that he walked out and hasn't even tried to contact me. that makes me feel that it was all my fault, but i know it wasn't. people have far worse problems than he and i ever have, and they have sound functional relationships. relationships are about working things out, not blame and if you don't like what i do, there's the door.

 

so it's been a bad morning. i almost broke NC but didn't... i called my girlfriend instead.

 

i also have to get it through my head that there aren't any answers as to why it ended. i won't ever really know why. i just have to pray for peace and keep moving forward.

 

thanks for listening...

 

HUGS to all who are suffering today.

[jennamajig]

Hugs back at you, crab. Today is still hard, especially since I haven't left my apartment due to the snow. I was going to go to church, but it is harsh out there!

 

Lately, despite the progress I've made I've been having something hold me back. I'm not sure what it is, but it is keeping my heart closed at the moment...almost like a relapse of wanting him back in my life. I don't hate him; I hate his actions and I see how they are not from the man I feel in love with. Plain and simple. I just thought with nearly a month of NC under my belt, I'd been more certain, more healed or resolved.

 

Oh, I won't break NC. It would take him contacting me with a clear "I miss you and want to discuss our issues" before I'd even answer. But that won't happen. It hasn't yet and it won't. Cabin fever just drives a gal insane, I think. Tomorrow I will go to work and I'll be okay. I know it.

 

to all today that need it.

[Robert013]

Didn't sleep well last night i couldn't stop thinking about everything. Christmas, ex, the things I did this weekend. I am tired today. I am supposed to watch a movie with a friend tonight that might be getting canceled. I will see after I go to the gym.

 

I think Christmas is going to be hard on me. I will miss her. It is starting to iritate me that I miss this women. She is in another relationship and still trying to contact me. How rude. I think she is trying to make me feel sorry for her, or it is her guilt catching up with her. Telling me about her aunt being sick. I am finding it hard to let the last little bit of her go. I am sure once she stops trying to contact me it will go.

 

I know she is missing my son, but you loose everything from the other person during a breakup. If I care about her when she doesn't care about me then I will never get over this. thereforee I don't care if she misses my son. He doesn't miss her that much anymore. It has to be all about us from now on.

[millionaire1]

i just have to get this through my head... that it wasn't my fault. it makes it more hard that he walked out and hasn't even tried to contact me. that makes me feel that it was all my fault, but i know it wasn't. people have far worse problems than he and i ever have, and they have sound functional relationships. relationships are about working things out, not blame and if you don't like what i do, there's the door.

 

so it's been a bad morning. i almost broke NC but didn't... i called my girlfriend instead.

 

I know the feeling of them not contacting us and missing us making us feel like it was all our fault. It almost makes you feel like you're a horrible person or something. But it's so true what you said, that relationships are about working things out. It takes two to make it work. He sends me forwards, but to me that's not a personal email.

 

I'm glad you didn't brake NC even though I know it was very tempting. Sometimes we end up fooling ourselves telling our minds that maybe that person is missing us too and maybe if we initiate the NC, they'll receive us with love and happiness. But then we're hit with a sorrow surprise. So good for you.

[millionaire1]

Day 20

 

I'm feeling pretty good today. I miss him, but I'm not as bad as I was feeling early on. I had a good weekend which probably helped. I stayed over my girlfriend's place Saturday night. While me and my friend were out Saturday night, I was having a little fun dancing, but thinking about him most of the time. After awhile my feet was hurting so I sat down and really started thinking of him. I was wondering where he was, what he was doing, if he's giving his love to someone else, is he sleeping with someone else.

 

Sunday we went to 2 malls and just had some girl fun. LOL. We sat in some massage chairs in a store for a Very Long time just having fun and enjoying the moment. She's going away for the Holidays, and I sent my daughter back to our hometown on Saturday, so I'll be alone for Christmas.

 

I'm actually hoping and expecting my ex to send me a text on Christmas Day wishing me a Merry Christmas. I'll be really upset if he doesn't. Shamefully, I still want him to want me. I want him to miss me, call me, try to get back with me, etc. I haven't fully accepted the breakup which I know I need to. I need to just let it go.

[jennamajig]

Day 29.

 

I am going to see family, home really, tomorrow. I just talked to my mom on the phone and she is in a similar depression. She told me she felt like crying and couldn't get into the Christmas spirit and she didn't know why. All I could say was I understood her feelings 100%. They mirror my own lately.

 

I think I realized something. This is going to take a lot longer than I thought. I am sick and tired of feeling depressed or sad. Everyone says you are the only person that can stop it and sometimes I can. Sometimes I can move on for a few hours, a few days, and I'm okay. Not great, but okay. Then something happens and I miss the ex. Find myself wondering if he'd ever reach out. Trying to accept he never will. I gave him space and am trying to use that space, NC, to get over him.

 

But love is something you can't just shut off. It is times like this that I wonder if I will still be trying to get past this six months from now, a year from now. And how I still hurt when he may just be fine. I have no proof of how he is. Sometimes I tell myself awful things to shock myself into looking ahead. Saying things like "he threw you away" or "he doesn't care about now, he probably never did" and "he probably has someone else and is happy." But that just tortures myself.

 

Time, I guess. Back to time. Perhaps time is the only thing that will help me find true happiness.

[Robert013]

I think I realized something. This is going to take a lot longer than I thought. I am sick and tired of feeling depressed or sad. Everyone says you are the only person that can stop it and sometimes I can.

 

I agree I think it is going to take longer than I expected also. But it has only been a little over 3 months so we will see what happens in the next 3 months. Time is the only thing that is going to help me also. Staying active during that time should speed the process along.

[crab62]

day 23...

 

argggggggh... I was feeling better today. Went to my support group at lunch and I felt good coming out... then came back to an email from a girl that the exbf and met on a bike trip in the summer... and she asked how he was, and I emailed her back and said it's over and then got all detailed in email, argggggggggggh. set me back a bit, dangit!! I hate that!!

 

I had a really bad day yesterday. Almost called him many times. I even dialed the number but did not push the "connect" button... then pulled myself up and got myself out of the house. I must remind myself.. HE ISN'T GOING TO GIVE YOU THE ANSWER YOU ARE LOOKING FOR!! HE ISN'T GOING TO BE COMPASSIONATE WITH YOU!! HE ISN'T GOING TO TAKE YOUR PAIN AWAY!! IF ANYWAY, HE WILL MAKE IT WORSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is what I need to remind myself of everytime I want to pick up the phone and call.

 

So had another big cry in the car this morning and thought it's up to me to take care of this pain. He's not going to fix it. I have to fix it, I am responsible for taking care of my own grief.

 

So went to my support group which felt good... and I felt good walking back to work in the cold.

 

Jennamajig... I'm with you... I think this is going to take a lot longer that I imagined and I am too tired of being sad and missing him... but the only way out is through it. I'm with ya... I think it sucks too... HUGS TO YOU!

 

and HUGS to everyone else who's dealing with these losses.

[jchan]

day 2 of no NC, I'm pretty mad but pretty hurt. I miss her. But she will never know, and I do not intend for her to find out. One of many steps till I'm fully healed...

[jennamajig]

Well, it's day 30. I did it. And NC will continue beyond it.

 

I wish I could say I felt accomplished and healed. But I don't at the moment. I'm on a bus back to NJ to visit family (gotta love Boltbus and their wireless internet) and while I am looking forward to seeing my family, I find myself today just feeling empty. I'm not crying, I'm just here. Existing, I suppose.

 

It seems each day I get closer to Christmas, I miss my ex more and more. I hope the New Year can help me leave that feeling behind. Like I said, I won't contact him. He choose to leave, so he can see what it is like. I can only work on me and looking straight ahead, one day at a time.

 

This may be the last time I post in this thread. I have a thread of my thoughts in the Healing section I usually post in, so anyone curious about my progress can find me posting there.

 

To all of us hitting day 30 around the holidays - Even though I don't see it now, when I look back someday, I hope I find that this was simply a turning point.

[Robert013]

This dreaming is starting to affect me. I wake up a couple times at night due to my dreams. They haven't been this bad since right after the breakup. It is the restlesness. I am just tired because of it. I am starting to become depressed. I am having trouble controling my thoughts they need to become positive to get me out of this downward trajectory I have been on lately.

 

I hope it is just the impending holiday's that are causing it. I knew this was going to be the hardest time to get through. I just have to bite my lip and endure. Hopefully friends and family will lift my spirits. My Sister is coming home along with many of my friends from out of town. It just does not feel like Christmas without her.

 

Next year will be better I will make it better.

[jennamajig]

This dreaming is starting to affect me. I wake up a couple times at night due to my dreams. They haven't been this bad since right after the breakup. It is the restlesness. I am just tired because of it. I am starting to become depressed. I am having trouble controling my thoughts they need to become positive to get me out of this downward trajectory I have been on lately.

 

I hope it is just the impending holiday's that are causing it. I knew this was going to be the hardest time to get through. I just have to bite my lip and endure. Hopefully friends and family will lift my spirits. My Sister is coming home along with many of my friends from out of town. It just does not feel like Christmas without her.

 

Next year will be better I will make it better.

 

Robert, I understand your feelings completely as I am finding myself in the same boat. Odd that our tracks are so similar, but perhaps it's comforting to know there is someone else that understands. I thought the dreams would disappear with time, but lately they are more frequent.

 

The holidays do not help and could be what makes everything worse. They are not helping me. While I love my family and am happy to return to the house I grew up in, I am actually kinda dreading Christmas day itself. I know I won't hear from my ex and while I can distract myself with family, that fact will hurt. Like you said, you just need to endure. One of my best friends is visiting me there on the 26th for a few days, so I hope that will lift any depression Christmas itself may inflict.

 

Do you get to see your son on Christmas? If so, hug him and your family and friends a little tighter. Take lots of pictures to start a new scrapbook.

[Robert013]

Robert, I understand your feelings completely as I am finding myself in the same boat. Odd that our tracks are so similar, but perhaps it's comforting to know there is someone else that understands. I thought the dreams would disappear with time, but lately they are more frequent.

 

Do you get to see your son on Christmas? If so, hug him and your family and friends a little tighter. Take lots of pictures to start a new scrapbook.

 

 

The dreams are not fading that is for sure. I think it is our brains way of dealing with the situation. They are just starting to get a little harsh all dealing with her wanting me back then rejecting me all over again. Or her telling me why I wasn't good enouph but her new guy is. Really harsh stuff.

 

Yes, I will have him for the night starting in the afternoon on Christmas day. I will send pics. You are right I need to start making new memories.

[SighSob]

This is definitely the hardest period. Come on guys, we are not alone. We all share this horrible pain and we'll definitely get out of it.

[funkymonkey3]

54 days. Almost 5 months after the break-up. I still miss her like crazy at times. I wonder how she could throw me away so easily. It's like the good times when we were so excited to see and hold eachother never happened. I wonder what she feels or if she even thinks of me at all. I still love her even though she broke my heart. I'm afraid to ever fall in love again. I feel like a part of me is missing. I dreamt of her a week ago. She was so beautiful. I'm so sick of the ups and downs. I think of her less but when I do it's bad. I've been with another woman lately. It's been a great distraction but I still miss my girl even though she's not mine anymore. I guess this one will probably take years to get over.

[millionaire1]

Day 22

 

I'm doing better and better. I still think of him though. It sucks because we were suppose to spend so much time together this week and next week since my daughter is gone for the winter break. And especially since I'm off all next week. Next week was suppose to be me and him. He just had to mess that up. I wonder if he thinks of me and if he does, if he's missing me and wanting to see me. I know it's not cool, but I wish I could get into his email to see what's been going on with him and if he's been discussing me with anyone. hehe

 

Well, i'm really really hoping he sends me a text tomorrow wishing me a Merry Christmas.

 

I wish all of you a very Merry Christmas!!! Hang in there, the New Year is almost here!

[millionaire1]

Gosh! I think I'm starting to feel it now. I just got two invitations for Christmas which is great. But, I'm thinking, I was suppose to spend it with my ex. I was suppose to be with him and his family, be in his arms, have a romantic evening. Gosh!!! This sucks and is very frustrating! Why does it have to be this way? Why can't things happen the way they were suppose to? Doesn't he feel the same? Isn't he hurting to? GOSH!!!!

[hamhot]

Hey Millionaire,

 

Yeah I feel it too. I know I wont get a message on Christmas so that makes it a little bit easier, but we did have plans to spend this holiday together too. I just can't wait for this and new year's to be over with to be honest. Going out and meeting other people seems to just make things worse for me. I like hanging out with my girlfriends, but everytime we go out and I get hit on it seems to spoil my evening instead of boosting my self esteem. This weather of constant snow and freezing temperatures is not helping. I just want to get off the treadmill and run outside! I wish you and everyone reading all the best this holiday!

[Robert013]

I have been feeling down the past couple of days. I know it is because of the holidays. My sister is coming to town tonight so spending some time with her should help. Friends will be around as well so I will get in touch with them.

 

My ex tried to contact me again last night. She is getting pushy and angry now because I have ignored her for so long. She said in a text message "I am leaving town at 8 o'clock tomarrow night. Are you going to drop that book off or not?" I am not going to drop it off. I am done with this stuff. I don't care if she wants the book. It is just another way for her to control my life and I can't let that happen. I took the control back 2 months ago. What good would it do to text her back saying NO. No good at all. The best way to tell her is to just ignore her and not drop off the book. That is a pretty good way of saying no and showing her she does not and cannot control me.

 

I am feeling very lonely lately even though I have so many friends. It is starting to affect me. I will just have to deal with it in the best way I can. I will try to smile during this holiday season even if it is fake. My son should lift my spirits also seeing the joy on his face when he gets to open his gifts will be great. That is just another thing I have that my ex has lost. She will miss this for the first time since my childs birth. The things you take for granted are the things you end up missing the most.

[manup7228]

2 week-ish mark.

 

Its been somewhere around 2 weeks since I last made contact with my ex. And the only reason I had done it that time was to tell her happy birthday. She's on her second bf since me, kind of weird, never pictured her turning into this easy, "get around" girl, but whatever, its her life.

 

You know, I guess because it's xmas I am feeling a little down. Mainly, because I just can't believe she didn't realize how much I loved her and how she will NEVER find that kind of compassion again. I just wanted her to love me back but she wanted "experience" in dating. It sucks. It truly does seem like at this age, (late teens and early 20s), that the nicer the guy, the more cruel the girlfriend.

 

I have a close group of friends and we all love the * * * * out of each other. We could hang out everyday. We're very loyal, loving, sensitive, and honest with everyone we meet. Most people consider us to be alot of fun. Three of my friends (me included) got dumped this summer from long term relationships (2+ years). Every girl cited "experience" as their reasons for dissolution. Its just a joke. Like I am sorry, but I have seen this "grass is greener" and "experience" * * * * way too often. Ya, I would like some experience too i suppose, but I loved her to death and would have had her be the only girl I've had sex with my whole life and still been the happiest guy in the world.

 

Sorry for the tangent, just lately, I have been bottled up and needed to vent. No Contact is going great though. I have blocked her on facebook and all her friends. I don't care if she thinks I am immature, or being too cold to her. She deserves it. When you break up with someone then 2 weeks later are in another relationship, you can't tell me I cannot justify my actions. I thought for a while there I wanted her back, but now I just wish she would never talk to me again, and she could just be a bittersweet memory.

 

For all you complaining about how much you would give to just have your ex give you any sort of contact, I say be careful what you wish for. Getting strung along makes you feel like one of the most degrading people. I am now at the point where I wish she would just catch the hint that I am not going to play her games, and if she wants me back, she could at least break up with her boyfriend first and apologize.

 

Anyways, sorry for the long post, I can now get on to a funfilled Christmas Eve now that I got this ALL of my chest. Merry Christmas everyone, and stay strong with no contact!

[sdchargers]

well its been 9 days of NC and she messaged me after seeing my facebook status about my uncle passing.

 

Ive been doing great but this all just reminds me of the holidays that im not spending with her.

 

She got tired of me and interested in someone else. I know shes spending it with him and it really sucks!

 

But the good thing is, is that im finally back to my old self! im having fun and friends are happy to have me back. I changed when i was with her, she got dependent upon me and that led me to do the same. But then she found someone else that she could lean completely on and left me.

 

i wondered why she never contacted me, she just figured id contact her when my feelings for her go away. But now im wondering what exactly she could bring positively to a friendship, wait until she goes to school and makes girlfriends that she can invite over?!...that the only one i can think of, haha