THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[ApplePeace]

30 days and I havent contacted him I feel very broken today.....just feelings depressed and lonely.

[jennamajig]

I broke NC and I feel so weak about it.

 

My cat has a nasty habit of attacking/biting. She did it this afternoon and I used a technique the ex used to discipline her. And it worked. Pulling his number from memory, I sent a text "Charlie attacked me for no reason today - I used your finger/bathroom strategy and it worked. I just wanted to thank you for it, so thank you." I sent it before I even thought carefully about it!

 

I feel so dirty and even though I will get no response I will need to start over. Gah!

 

Afterwards, I ended up calling up a guy I met (that I have set I just need to be friends with) and I am going to movie tonight, but I still can't believe I did it.

[hfc65]

Haven't posted in here in awhile

 

Broke NC with ex 6 weeks ago after 6 months,We are trying the friends route,going to breakfast with her tomorrow,let yas know how it turns out.

[Lissy]

Today is day 23 for me. I was actually feeling very good once I made the decision to go NC, for about a week. Then my ex called. I didn't answer and didn't call him back. He called every day for 4 days straight. It was brutal. After the 4 day stint, I didn't hear from him at all for 3 days. Then he sent me a text message. Two days later, another phone call. I had to send him an email about some financial obligations we still have together this past Thursday (we ran a business together). I kept it strictly business. He wrote back "Wow she is alive...I'll get it done and good to hear from you." Then he called me later that night. He's been making this as hard as he possibly can, but I'm doing better. It's getting easier to ignore his attempts at contact. I don't plan to stop at 30 days!

[dqueen]

Yeah, I know I haven't posted here in a while. That means I'm no longer in NC. He told me yesterday that he is giving his "girlfriend" two more weeks to improve on "things" before he ditches her for me. I can't believe I don't have the strength to get up and walk away.

[fiffy]

Hey Lissy was just wondering if you were the dumper or dumpee because I struggle when my ex calls. He dumped me.

 

I had one monster of an argument with my ex last night. He has always said the most cruelest things and I am struggling to cope. It is back to day one for me and I really want to go the full 30 days this time.

 

dqueen it is so hard when you love someone to hold onto those feelings and hope of a reconciliation. He is basically telling you your second best- don't stand for it!

 

I am struggling so much with these feelings- join me and lets show them what we are made of. Even if it hurts like hell these bad men need to know there is no one for them to fall back on. They are alone just as we are now.

 

Please be strong just resume NC and try again. Just fake it until you make it. You have so much support on this site you can do it!

 

Hey Jennamajig

 

I will join you back to day one- I agree there is a feeling of dirtiness after you have made contact with an ex!

[dqueen]

Fiffy, you're right. I deserve SO much better than this! I am going to go in strict NC this time and stick to it. No point on holding out hope for this guy!

 

It's so hard to "fake it until I make it" in this case. I have done it before and it worked but never for a relationship. How can you fake not having feelings for someone when your HEART cannot lie?

[fiffy]

dqueen I am with you every step of the way.

 

My heart is in pieces after I spoke to my ex yesterday at first he gave me glimmers of hope but then he trashed me to the floor.

 

I feel broken today- like I don't even exist most of the time I don't want to exist and by nature I am a really happy person I just got detroyed in an abusive relationship.

 

I have spent every moment since I woke up wanting to call my ex but I know it won't change anything. I bet the same is for you. All we can do is try to stick to the No Contact challenge and the only way we will ever know if an ex truly loves us is say three months down the line when we are happy and bounced back and completely over them and they come begging for forgiveness in a state of depression themselves for all the bad things they did.

 

Hopefully we will be strong enough at that point to laugh at them.

[dqueen]

That's exactly what my ex does to me...he tells me the perfect things I want to hear so that I become hopeful, but his ACTIONS show me nothing. It's all words words words and I'm sick of words. I just sent him a short email basically telling him I refuse to be second best and would just rather date other people. There should be NO question about him wanting to be with me but I think he's enjoying this power trip and game playing. I'm too mature for that.

 

Fiffy, I'm also very happy and outgoing from the outside, but if you look at me on the inside, you'll see deep scars I have gotten from this relationship and they have been there for YEARS! People can't tell how hurt and destroyed I am just by looking at me because I carry myself well but if they "saw" my scars, they'd be speechless.

 

Since breaking NC on Thursday, nothing has changed and I don't expect it to. Everything is spinning around in circles again so it's pointless.

 

Let Day 1 of NC begin!

[Robert013]

Day 4

 

I went out of town last night to a concert. I missed her being there. I wanted to call her and tell her about it, but I knew it didn't matter to her. I would have just looked weak and regreted it later. She loved going to concerts with me. I am shure she will miss this about me also. I don't think her new rebound boyfriend is in to the same type of things that she is. This is another problem about jumping into a new relationship just to fill the void. You usually make a poor choice for a partner that you really don't have much in common with. They don't realize it at the time, but it becomes aparent after the initial excitement fades. I think about these things just because I am hurt, and feeling rejected. Like I am not good enouph anymore.

 

I am a bit sad today because of the her not being at the concert with me last night. It just didn't feel the same. Why are Sunday's so hard?

 

I need to stop wondering how things might be going with her, and start focusing on my self. Somedays I can block it out and not worry, but other days I cannot.

[fiffy]

even mucked up day one again- its no wonder I have been in this situation for 6 months I am a failure

[Lissy]

fiffy, I was the dumpee. My ex cheated on me and is still seeing the woman he cheated with. However, she lives in a different state over 1000 miles away, so she has no idea that he has been so persistent with me. I struggled too at first. We broke up 3 months ago and I just went NC 3 weeks ago. I couldn't do it before that. I always answered when he called and the conversations usually turned into fights. Even when they didn't, I still felt like crap after talking to him. But then I read the thread here titled "Reverse psychology and the rebound relationship" and it made a LOT of sense. I can't be any part of making his relationship with her stronger by remaining in his life and being his emotional crutch. I need time for me, to get my life back in order. So the last time we talked, I calmly (although tearfully) told him that I couldn't be his friend and why. He said he was disappointed but that he would respect my decision. Of course, he hasn't done that. No big surprise there. I have wanted to answer so many times, or call him back. It hasn't been easy. I just keep thinking about unintentionally "helping" his new relationship and that keeps me from contacting him or answering when he calls.

[atlanticstar]

even mucked up day one again- its no wonder I have been in this situation for 6 months I am a failure

 

Not good. I'd change my mobile number, then leave the phone in a drawer somewhere for a few weeks (or put it somewhere you can't get at it). I did that about 6 years ago when I couldn't stop contacting an ex.

 

You could probably do with reading a couple of self help books or maybe a chat with a councillor to help you find your inner strength.

[Abbygail]

Well I broke NC because I had a dream about him. I actually didn't have much of an urge to contact him before then, despite leaving him on my MSN, I felt annoyed whenever I saw his name because it was so long.

 

Well I realized that after a dream was probably the worse time to contact him because I'm still vulnerable from it.

 

Granted nothing horrible happened other than me feeling bad that he was feeling "pretty excellent" even though he hadn't spoken to me in days.

[crab62]

awww Robert, your posts makes me cry because I feel the same way. I want to call him and tell him things, but I know he doesn't want to talk to me... so what's the use

 

my boyfriend would go to my horse riding lessons with me and we've been waiting for my trainer to take me on the trail with the horses. well yesterday she did... and the first thing I wanted to do was to call him it was so sad to not be able to share this with him.

 

uggh... now i'm crying... it hurts so bad I know

 

hang in there... both you and me.

[dqueen]

Aaaaaaaaaaarghhhhhhhh!!!! I responded to his email again. I bet he loves to watch me suffer and torture me. I don't want to love him anymore...

 

ETA: I also wanted to add that I think he's been distant lately because I always give in and respond to his emails. I bet I look so weak in his eyes now and he can have this huge ego boost and feel so good about himself. Screw this! I made a folder in my email account and titled it "scum". Now every time he emails me, I will send it to the "scum" folder without reading it. I KNOW he will email me tomorrow but it will go unread. It has to.

 

I am going to make a goal now and stick to NC until December 1st. That's 2 weeks.

Once I reach that goal, I will continue. Baby steps...

[challenge]

Day 1, a hard Day 1.

 

OK guys, I need some advice here, because I don't know how to feel right now. She stopped by my house again and came in sobbing. She finally said that whenever she sees me she feels like she made a mistake in leaving. I foolishly gave her an ultimatum in response, out of impatience, and said that I'm in limbo here, and she has to either decide whether she wants to be with me or not. She said she wanted to wait until she moves then start dating again, but if she has to choose now she chooses not to. Awkward from then until she leaves. Of course I call her up when she leaves and apologize for pressuring her and not giving her space, ect. She said she knows exactly how I feel, was understanding. Why must I compound mistakes..

 

So, did I ruin any chance by giving an ultimatum? Is her confusion a sign of hope? Should I disappear from her life for a while? Clearly neither of us has healed, but I want to revive the relationship, and apparently so does she.

 

By the way she visited me because I initiated LC and she had the urge to see me once the contact started. I should probably lay off too much LC until I heal completely..

[Abbygail]

Feeling the urge to ask him advice on a serious problem in my life, because I know he'd be the perfect person to ask. But I feel like he'd just ridicule me if I asked.

[babes23]

Another one who's spoken to the ex, arrggh. Nothing nasty though and just a few simple sentences spoke. Tomorrow is a brand new day, i'm not so bad though, certainly not what i was like when we split up, so a step in the right direction eh. Will keep this going.

[jennamajig]

Day 2.

 

Well, my slip up went no where. The ex that broke my heart doesn't even respond and that is what hurts sometimes. I don't now why I contact him, knowing he will never respond. He threw me away and doesn't even want to think about me it seems, but knowing him, he's hurting. It sucks. I want to shut off my love for him. Shut off the fact that I care for him, but it doesn't happen. Sigh. Shut off the fact that I want to talk to him about our problems and work through them together.

 

I spent all of yesterday (8 am - 11 pm) doing backstage theater work with a friend and while I thought about him a little, it helped me get through the day. Today I will go to work and try again.

 

Sometimes I think this would be easier if he just contacted me back to show me he still knows I'm alive. Ask me is I'm okay. But that won't happen. You can't try and push someone that seems indifferent.

 

Getting my feeling out this morning before I drag them to work with me...

[Robert013]

Day 5

 

I am feeling a little stronger today, but the mornings are the hardest for me. The longer I stay in NC the less dreaming of her ocurs when I sleep. I am getting used to waking up alone, but I don't have to like it. It has been 2 months now since the breakup and let me tell you time just does not move fast enouph in these types of situations. We all can remember a time when we wanted a moment to last forever but it flew by with the bloink of an eye. Why do the best of times seem top fly by but the worst of times just drag on and on?

 

I wish I could just magically move forward in time till the day I have no emotional attachement to her, and all that i want for her is her happiness.

 

She tried to contact me on Friday in a text message asking me if I was going to drop off the rabbit. She then tried to call me an hour later. I already told her I would not if she didn't have a place for it. She ended the message with "Please respond to me." I ignored it of course.

 

She also tried contacting me yesterday. This text message said "Thank you for not droping off peta (rabbit). I will try to find a home for her if H doesn't want her." That was it. I have noticed a significant change in the last week in her. She is starting to be nicer to me. No insults, or blame, but some are still selfish. I think she is starting to respond to my kindness torward her before I went back to NC. This is a step in the right direction for her.

[dqueen]

Day 1

 

I'm so pissed off at the ex right now and that further encourages me to maintain NC. He sent me an email this morning in response to the one I sent him yesterday where he asked me "I'm a bit confused. Does that mean you don't think sexually of me anymore?"

 

 

 

What...the...????

 

He only cares about the sexual aspects and nothing else? Forget it! I'm continuing NC and he can go rot in his little fantasy hole. I sent his email to the "scum" folder where it belongs.

 

](*,)

[babes23]

Well done to you dqueen, don't give him the satisfaction of replying to that!!

[Robert013]

Well she is at it again. She sent me a text message this morning. This said " I want to get H (my son) a camera for christmas. Is this okay you can mark it from santa if you want?" I know it sounds like she cares, and she does. I cannot just reply to every message she sends me. I don't really want her to get him anything right now. I am going to ignore it.

 

I am sick of this all together I just want to let her go, and I want her to do the same for my son and I. I have explained this to her. She is with another guy and has been since a week after the breakup i don't want her to have anything to do with my son and I right now and possibly forever.

 

Should I send a message back and say "You do not have to bother getting him a present. Best wishes and have a nice day."

[Lissy]

I'm not sure if I screwed up. I've been NC for 25 days. My ex called me last night and I didn't get his message until this morning. He said he needed to talk to me and asked me to call him back (usually when he calls, he doesn't bother to leave a message). Before I had decided whether to call him back, he called again. I didn't answer and he left another message. This time, he sounded very testy and said he needed to talk to me about business, nothing personal. So I called him back. He tried to get personal a couple of times, but I kept it about the business. I was pleasant, but not overly friendly. Does this count? I hope he doesn't take it as a "sign" that I'm open to his calls now. I fear I screwed up, but I actually feel OK about the conversation.