Jay_Bird Posted October 13, 2008 Share Posted October 13, 2008 In case anyone is curious. It's Monday and no I haven't broken NC. I got that "Hey, how are you?" e-mail, and immediately discarded it. I haven't heard from her since. Good. me and you in this together wade we both on day 34 lets stay strong bro,until we hit day 60 Link to comment
cas Posted October 13, 2008 Share Posted October 13, 2008 Day 6 of NC. I feel sad. The thought of her having someone else is just devastating. I really cannot see any reason for keep living if that occurs.. Sorry, that's just my feelings.. Link to comment
hulk7280 Posted October 13, 2008 Share Posted October 13, 2008 i feel like making another post because today has been so hard.. i think im in my acceptance stage of our break up.. i know she isnt coming back.. at least anytime soon.. and i know she went on a date with another guy on friday night.. that hurts me so deeply.. how come after 3 weeks of breaking up with me could she go on a date? i dont know but im hurting pretty bad.. if she cared about as much as she said she is did she owuldnt do this to me.. this isnt fair.. this isnt freaking fair after the way i treated that girl! i dont deserve this! im so pissed off so enranged that she would do this to me and then she wonders why we cant just be friends? is she crazy! on our last phone call convo she says call me when u can be friends, and i say call me when u want to work things out! part of me wonders if she will ever call.. ew have never gone more then a couple days without talkin so i wonder how long it will take.. or if she will ever contact me agian.. we will i see.. i miss her so freaking much its not fair! Link to comment
greeneyedgal Posted October 13, 2008 Share Posted October 13, 2008 Wadecure - onya champion! Way to go with the self-discipline. I was going well till last night of the skype incident - then it's amazing how my will crumbled and I felt like texting him and saying 'did you try to contact me on skype'? but I didn't. Stelinha, it was like I said - either because he wanted to know if I'd blocked him on MSN or wanted the ego boost of knowing I'd accept him as a skype contact - he did not call! so what was the point i ask you of adding me? Stupid! And it's set me back... If he wanted me, he would have driven the 220kms which now separate us (that's about 140 miles for you from the US) and presented me with flower/s and declared his undying love already - I'm fooling myself....I think he just wants someone to chat to while torturing me with his pet names. I'm not going to let him do it! Link to comment
ryan2000 Posted October 13, 2008 Share Posted October 13, 2008 If he wanted me, he would have driven the 220kms which now separate us (that's about 140 miles for you from the US) and presented me with flower/s and declared his undying love already -! That doesn't always work, sadly. Link to comment
aloneagain41 Posted October 13, 2008 Share Posted October 13, 2008 Though I know I won't contact him for fear of hearing his voice and almost crumbling inside, I do know that reading alot of the posts on here and seeing that a lot of the breakups are because of a specific issue that damaged the 2 people involved. I need to know where the posts are that show that someone who just is overwhelmed with life and missing his children and working insane hours, reliving the pain of his divorce through a friend who is now going through it and who feels he needs to end our (god i hate that word end) relationship in order for him to focus on him so he can get where he needs to be....does anyone have any insight as to whether this type of situations "ends" or whether they come back once they have regained a sense of self? Link to comment
mrirving Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 SuperDave, Sign me up! I think I'm gonna win this one! Link to comment
ryan2000 Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 Day 7(14) I don't much feel like writting today. Quite strange as i was so energetic and positive mith myself just an hour ago. Now i have this feeling, this empty feeling in the pit of my stomach. I've been thinking of her, again. What's she doing? Is she happy? Does she miss me? 14 days (7 since starting the infamous SuperDave Challenge) and i have not contacted her once. Sad thing is, neither has she. God what i wouldn't give for a phone call from her. A text, an e-mail, or better still, a surprise visit to my apartment. The anger stage has very much kicked in the past few days, and it has helped quite dramitcally. I've been smiling a fair bit, something i really didn't think would happen so soon into the break up. But the smile quickly fades and reality kicks in. I love her. She is my best friend, my soulmate, my perfect companion. Far be it for me to pretend that i no longer care. I do. Too much. Silly of me to ever think that i could pretend otherwise. For me, i hate waking up. What i wouldn't give for her body to be wraped around mine as i wake. That's what i dream off during the night. Just the moments we used to cuddle. I always loved to hold her, and i would hold her with a sense of honour. I was indeed blessed, but moreso Privilegedto have her in my arms. One thing i am proud of, we certainly didn't separate due to a lack of affection on my behalf. I remember that i used to come from work and just wrap my arms around her, it was never a soft hug either. I would squeze her, constantly trying to bring her as close as possible to my body. The length of the hold was always longer than most hugs should. It was my way of saying, 'i NEVER want to let you go'. When i would hold her in bed, especially after we made love, i would always find my thoughts drifting off into fantasy. I used to find myself thinking the same thought each and everytime, 'You know what, i could stay in this position for the rest of my life and be completely satisfied'. Why in the name of god do i continue to entertain such thoughts? Which brings me back into the anger stage. It's quite funny, you can feel it come on too. You can feel it just grip you as the rage runs through your body. How DARE this new guy gets to experience what i have loved and treasured for 13 years. What has he done to be so deserving of such an experience? And why would she see him as deserving enough. I just don't understand. I was everything to her. I would go to extrodinary lengths to make her feel loved, feel appreciated, feel beautiful, feel wanted. Nothing was too much when it came to making her happy. Who is this new guy? What does he have that i don't? What does he offer that i never did? Where has he succeeded and where did i fail. With anger comes fear. I am quite scared at the moment. Scared of loosing her forever, yes. But what i fear more than anything is this..................... If i do loose her, i fear that i will no longer believe in love. EVER AGAIN. Love, to me, is somthing that has no lifespan. It has no termination date. True love, what i considered myself lucky enough to have, is shared between two people who are so perfectly connected that sayings such as 'made for each other' and 'meant to be' make perfect sense. So, she's moved on. Good for her. So shall I. But does it matter? No, not at all. I know i'll meet somebody else, somebody i connect with so strongly and passionatly that i may offer them my body, my emotions, somebody whom i i have no fear of showing them my weaknesses which sit alongside my strengths. But what does it matter when i know damn well that it wont last. A year? Two maybe? Five or more if i'm lucky. Forget it. I'd rather protect my heart. It's a funny situation that i find myself in. I am starting to understand some of my male friends now. The ones who have cheated, who play around, who have the one night stands and be so cold as to not care for them in the morning. I'm understanding of them now. More importantly, i'm envious of them. I've never once seen them hurt as bad as I. Hooray! Having a ball. Top of the * * * * ing world ma! Bring on day 8 (15). Link to comment
Stelinha Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 Day 18, I don't feel too great even though I never thought I was capable of reaching this point. I still lament that he hasn't written to me when he said he indicated he wanted to be friends so much. My mind says it's probably best for me not to hear from him right now so I can heal and keep the focus on me and not him- so I can sort my life out without extraneous variables! But my heart wants him to tell me, write me, say to me one utterance- that he misses me. Just read ryan2000's post and thought it was amazing! I can relate to where you're coming from and can't believe how you are able to describe the depth of your feelings in such an elequant and touching way. I would urge you however, to never to give up on love for fear of future hurt. My goodness sounds like you are someone to be appreciated and loved because you aren't shallow like so many people you described that are- don't become one of them. Personally, the love I feel is real and true and, even though I, obviously, don't want to be hurt I could never lower myself to behave in ways that protect my heart because, ultimately maybe someone else wouldn't hurt me but I'd end up hurting myself. Roll on day 30! Link to comment
Stelinha Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 Hey even a 'I'm really busy right now but I'm still your friend and I'm thinking of you and am there if you need me'- wouldn't take much but obviously too much for him! If someone had been there for me no matter how busy I was I'd make some tiny effort to show I was there for them. Hang on..... would I really want him to contact me as a friend telling me how great his life is wihout me and his possible new girlfriend/s?? don't think so! Perhpas what I really want is a brain transplant? yes, I think that's it! day 18 of NC! day 1 of saving for lobotomy! Roll on day 30! Link to comment
greeneyedgal Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 I don't even want to go into the BS that went down today! Suffice it to say it involved a text initiated by him, then a skype call from him tonight and also a new episode of the Simpsons - I feel like such a @$#%er for thinking I'd be ok talking to him. I did however hang up with some dignity intact! Grrr....feel like an emotionally manipulated piece of play-doh! Someone slap me! I don't even want to give him the ego satisfaction of telling him about NC. Don't know what to do next - just have no freakin' idea - I really wish some magical prince would come along on his trusty stead and just take me away from this madness before I humiliate and disappoint myself further! Link to comment
hulk7280 Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 Day 3- I havent heard from her in 3 days(since i told her to not call me anymore) She doesnt understand why we cant be friends still.. how can i be your friend if your going to date other people? I miss her so much.. Ryan's post reminded me so much of how i felt about her. I did something pretty crazy last night.. i called a counsler... she recommended me to go see a therapist so i am going to go for 6 sessions. we will see how it goes. The counsler gave me some good pointers more imporantly she said try and block out the "what if's" because they can just eat you up alive.. she is so true. 2night im hanging out with my ex-ex gf.. which is nice we always have a good chemistry with each other and actually makes me forget about my ex (albiet temporarly) wed- I actually have a date. Which should be intresting, i know im not ready to date, but i want to since she has already and plus who knows maybe i she will be a nice person to pass the time with.. i just have a question? why are the mornings so tough? for me the mornings are the worst.. i feel the heartache and constant thinking its not until after lunch time it goes away a little.. but the mornings egh.. i hope im strong enough to make it, every fiber of my being just wants to call/text/email her.. but i know i cant.. i have to put my foot down and know i deserve better then that. Link to comment
hulk7280 Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 I have the biggest urge to break contact.. kinda.. i want to forward her this email..this is form when we broke up for like 3 days.. jsut to maybe make her think a little.. You have been! ----------------- Original Message ----------------- From: Shereaf Date: Jul 27, 2008 2:26 PM and i wanna be that guy that your head of heals for ----------------- Original Message ----------------- From: AMANDA Date: Jul 23, 2008 7:57 PM First, thanks for responding. I am sure my 'state of confusion' is not easy on you either. I am just as confused as you are and that is what kills me....I feel like I should not be confused and that is why I know I must take some time to myself and let you be. Of course I care about you- you have been nothing but perfect to me.....I just have to make sure my future with you is solid. I hate to think that far ahead, but I have no choice with a child involved. I appreciate you giving me some time......This is not easy on me......I think about you every second. I just want to be head over heels in love and happily married again one day. ----------------- Original Message ----------------- From: Shereaf Date: Jul 23, 2008 7:12 PM i dont know what to say to that amanda.. what your basically saying is you want time to yourself but you really wanna be wtih me... its just a little confusing.. we have been over this 100x.. i know a future between us would be difficult it wouldnt be a walk in the park, but i really and truly believe in my heart... if we both care about each other and love each other unconditionally everything will work out for the best... i know this sucks, to be honest its tearing me up inside knowing i may lose you and i dont even really know why, but i have left u alone and will continue to leave u alone until u figure things out.. ----------------- Original Message ----------------- From: AMANDA Date: Jul 23, 2008 5:45 PM Hey there- I know you are probably mad at me but first I wanted to let you know that I returned your movie you left over here and mailed the other back as well. Secondly I am dying to talk to you but I know I will end up crying like I did last night. I have been crying for the last 2 days..... I know you make it sound so easy and say if I want to be with you why don't I, but I know deep down as much as it hurts me right now that I need some time alone, and I can promise you 100% this is not time I want to 'date'. I don't want to date-I hate it. I just want to find myself so to speak. I really did not give myself any time after my seperation to do that, and I know this does not seem like a good time to decide this but I have been pondering the future and like I said before I want to be 100% sure I have a definite future with you before I get in any deeper and waste your time. You and I both know a future together would be wonderful but complicated and we both have to think it through. I don't think your mom would take it lightly that she would be gaining a step-grandson! I do care for you more than you will ever know. I never really told you much and I'm sorry, but I hope you knew. You know all of this anyways but I will tell you again, you are such a wonderful person and I am blessed to have you in my life. You are so warm and caring and honest and just down to earth. You care about others, have a great head on your shoulders and are so driven. You went out on a limb starting a relationship with a single mom and I really appreciate that. I know that is not what you wanted to jump into. Being without is killing me but I know I need this.....you know what they say, if you love something set it free, if it comes back to you it was meant to be. I know you won't 'wait' for me, nor do I expect you to, but I do hope when I can give you 100% of me you will be there to love me in return. Anyways, I hope you write me back but if not I understand. P.S.....I DO NOT have nor have I EVER had any intentions with going out with Uncle Fester....and if I wanted to hide something from you I would not have put his comment on my page. I have nothing to hide....I told you he asked me out before- I was 100% honest with you about him because I respect you.... Link to comment
Robert013 Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 She contacted me on Sunday and I responded this is extremely hard for me to do. I feel like everytime she contacts me it must be an emergency or there is something wrong. The longest I have gone is 5 day's any suggestions? Link to comment
hulk7280 Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 She contacted me on Sunday and I responded this is extremely hard for me to do. I feel like everytime she contacts me it must be an emergency or there is something wrong. The longest I have gone is 5 day's any suggestions? tell u dont wanna talk to her unless u wanna get back 2gether Link to comment
Puo Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 Wow. If you told me I'd make it this long a few months ago, I wouldn't have been able to conceive it. She's in a relationship with a dude right now (3rd guy in 4 months or so), and I still get those moments where I realize "Wow, its really over." Makes me sad. These days are very boring, but at least I know I have my dignity back. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever see her again, or if we'll ever be friends/get back together one day. But those are just thoughts, and things that I'm slowly letting go of. I was treated like crap, and I know I deserve better, even if I did make mistakes during the relationship. Link to comment
Robert013 Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 Thanks hulk7280 that is great advise. Link to comment
Jay_Bird Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 day 35 I feel like this............ Link to comment
cas Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 Day 7. Two days until she'll receive my letter, which might or might not get her back. In two days I will either lie on the floor crying my self to sleep, or be the happiest guy on earth.. But.. I will get closure.. Geez, this is hard.. Link to comment
HereIGoAgain Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 Day 70 something Kind of started off okay immediately after the split but now having more and more thoughts about the breakup. Didn't help getting a life threatening condition and ending up in hospital a couple of weeks after we split where thought a lot about the breakup. Got to get my focus on getting my life back. Link to comment
ryan2000 Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 Hulk7280.......... It's just my opinion here mate, and of course i could be completely wrong here (most of the times i'm wrong, just to pre-warn you) but................ I see SO MANY positives in that e-mail from your ex. The way i see it, she does indeed still love you. Take it from a man who was in your position just a few months back. Give her time and space when she asks for it. I'll confess, i have little or no knowledge of the female species. However, what i do know is this................ when a woman asks for time and space, give her exactly that. Trust in her that she wont date anybody else. Trust to a woman is very important, not to mention very attractive. Have faith mate. Your in a tough position, and for that i sympathise with you, but give her time and space to miss you and to want you. Do not under any circumstances make the same mistake i did and flood her with calls, texts, flowers, etc etc etc. It is not what she needs right now. She needs to miss you and want you............. so let her. Link to comment
ryan2000 Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 Day 8 (15) Sorry mum, i didn't mean to worry you. To much is on your plate as it is and I do not wish to burden you any further. It was Mum's birthday last night. We went out for a family dinner, which was tough for me to handle with a straight face. There was a member of our family missing, my ex. She should have been there. She was nice enough to drop in and see my mum during the day though, she gave her a lovely charm to add to the charm-bracelet she gave my mum for Christmas. I was quite upset yesterday when i heard that. My ex spent the whole day with my Grandma and then spent time with my mum. Rejection is something i don't deal with too well and it hit me hard when hearing of the news that my Ex is still in contact with my family. I am that bad? I am that repulsive? The rest of my life is so attractive to you but i am not? With this other chap you have successfully replaced me, but please - keep my family and any other aspects of my life you love so much! Now your life is perfect, now your life is My Life minus me! Mum had a good night. She enjoyed the company of her family cramped around the tiny dinner table. She had a wonderful smile. She is very deserving of such a smile too. I tried so hard mum to keep the moment bottled up inside me, desperately pleading with it to stay down, pushing it towards the pit of my stomach. 'PLEASE, come out later if you must but not now, not in front of her! I beg you.' I held on as long as i could but the tears still came............ and my Mum's smile faded. I REFUSE to let her see me in my moments. Nobody deserves that burden, especially of all my Mum. My Grandmother is ill. She has pancreatic cancer and is now in palliative care. A few months perhaps. Mum was delivered this news yesterday morning, the morning of her birthday. For her to see her son cry like he does after hearing such news is NOT an option. I refuse. REFUSE. Goodnight mum, i have to leave. And leave i did. I walked 5km before the tears finally dried up, allowing me to hail a cab without frightening off the driver. Not even a Cab Driver deserves to see me in my moments. Again, Nobody Does! I went home, ignored all calls from my family, and drank. I do not condone or encourage drinking for anybody reading this. But for me, it helps. I drink until i became numb enough, then i tire and fall asleep. Sad, i know. But it works. What is wrong with me? I have zero control of the situation. She is but a GIRL Ryan. A member of the opposite sex in which there are approximately 3.1billion in the world. Why? Because, quite simply, you still love her Ryan. She still has your heart and for some strange reason you are not accepting it's return. Is it the pain that you like so much that is delaying your acceptance? Hard Core S&M could be the way to go if that's the case! It would sure hurt less than love! Lucky me, i have made it to Day 8 (15) without contact. Congratulations. Woo Hoo, ye-hah, woopdie-bloody-do. My Grandmother, who has but a few months ahead of her, lost her partner in February of this year. My Grandpa was a loving, caring & devoted man to all of his family, but most of all his wife. 60 years of marriage. 60 years, and he would still look at her with the most loving gaze. 60 years! She is ready to go. She wants to go. In those 60 years, they would have maybe spent but a few days without each other. She misses him and is excited about seeing her loving husband again. She is excited at seeing him gaze at her the way he always would, even after 60 years. She is already smiling at the thought. My grandfather loved another woman too. He loved my Ex. She was with him almost everyday up until the end. He was so happy for me to be with such a woman and pleaded with me to forever make her feel special, feel loved & feel appreciated. I always did Pa. I had the very same gaze for her as you did for Grandma. But, sadly, it wasn't enough. I feel i have let down my entire family and all those around me. My Grandma, my Pa, my mum, and of course.......... her! Day 8 is not a good day. I write my journal on this site not for people to read, nor to offer any advice (and let's face it, whatever advice i have should probably be ignored completely). I write on this site because it makes me feel better. Today, it hasn't. Link to comment
waveseer Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 I don't know the exact number of days, about a week I guess. It's been hard alternating with highly painful but I know I need to stick with it. Link to comment
Stelinha Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 Day 19 Had an interesting thought yesterday. I'm not sure if I agree or disagree but it really got me thinking. Listening to Elizabeth Gilbert's 'Eat, Pray, Love' on the way to work yesterday- wonderful book by the way. This wonderful woman through her travels around the world eating, praying and loving is, At one point obsessing about her ex boyfriend whom she deeply loves and, it is apparent, he loves her too but they drive each other crazy Anyway, whilst in India she is staying in this Ashram and gets to a point that she can't stop obsessing to this other guy about how much she loves and misses her ex so much, and what if he's her soulmate? He suggests that maybe they are soulmates but that a: true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever. Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it Now, I don't know if I believe in this at all or even the notion of 'soulmates' but I found the concept interesting. Contradictory to this, I know Kathryn Alice believes that everyone has a soulmate and that when you find them you'll have this amazing relationship- this 'perfect' relationship that it appears you don't have the work at at all! I find that interesting also but maybe a little hard to believe in many ways as so many people expect relationships and partners to live up to thier expectations and then just leave at the first hurdle if things don't go thier way. They stay on the quest for that 'perfect' relationship or partner. Surely, a realistic relationship like a realistic life has 'messy' bits? you learn and grow and okay you argue sometimes and disagree and make mistakes but (as long as it isn't too the extreme) surely that makes for a richer and more understanding relationship? I don't know what I believe but this all got me thinking about relationships and what they are and aren't and how our expectations affect them. Greeneyedgal, so much admire your strength with not responding to your ex. Link to comment
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