THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[Rosie007]

Blue_Dahlia and Atelis: Thank you for your words of support. Last night was a little bit tricky to say the least.

 

When I get home tonight, I'm looking forward to looking at the link Wade provided.

 

The woman who stayed at his house Labor Day weekend has a birthday on Monday. I wonder if she'll be coming to NYC from Canada to spend time with him. There's a festival in the city this weekend that I would like to attend; however, odds are high he'll be there. A) I don't want to see him like that; B) I can't imagine how horrible I'd feel if he was with any other woman. No way I'm going to put myself in that position.

 

I want to confess that yesterday afternoon I included him in a Facebook e-mail I sent to a bunch of buddies about a funny new site I discovered called link removed -- I'm not going to count this as breaking NC because the message wasn't personal. Still, I know I was in a dark gray area with that action and I don't intend to do something similar while doing NC -- cuz why? What's the point? It's only a means to make him think about me, which I have no doubt he's doing anyway. Truly.

 

For those who fear their loved one doesn't think about them right after a break, even if the Ex has somebody new, I'd say they can't help but think of us. Even if it's only a tenth of the time I think about him -- which is a lot -- I'm positive he's thinking about me.

 

How do I know? This is not the first time I'm in NC with Rex. In the late winter / spring of 2006 when I first headed down this road, keeping total NC for 100 days, he later told me about how he thought about me. Plus, when we first started talking he was simply filled with nostalgia for all the little things about me he enjoyed / missed.

 

What did I do wrong at that time? I took him back without any promise or evidence of change. I had no doubt he cared about me, but I had/have no reason to think he loves me. I also relaxed my boundaries about the best treatment I expected from him. We teach people how to treat us, and I stopped being a good teacher.

 

Do I regret any of my time spent with Rex, even one single second, including all the tears and pain? Absolutely not! How am I ever going to learn to love if I don't try?

[Jay_Bird]

your story sounds just like mine

 

I am on day 16 also...............

 

and I feel the same way,I pray to God to help me feel better,and I swear last night even though I was thinking about her,I didn't have that strange feeling in my chest or stomach or nothing

 

and for some odd reason I been sleeping so good lately

 

and I agree superdave is a great guy,we need more people like that in the world

 

edit

 

thank God for your link

 

that just really drop the scales from my eyes

 

you just got to let them go..................................

[jpearl]

Today is day 2 of NC for me, I've been on LC before that for about a month. I'm actually greatful that he is respecting my wishes and not contacting me, because I'm not sure if I have the will power not to answer the phone if he calls. I know I won't call him, but I just want him to want me so badly. Also, I'm having nightmares about him being with someone else. The lack of sleep is making me even more sad and depressed.

[bepositive]

David, I'm sorry you have to go through all of that. That's tough.

 

I'm on day 2 or 3 of the new NC... Don't feel any need to contact her, actually, I just want her back.

[Puo]

It's over a month now. I'm trying to stay away from counting the days. Still having my ups and downs, but making myself accept that its over. Right now I'm just trying to gain my confidence back, even 3 months after.

[lockedout]

Day 4 for Dave's Challenge, but actually day 12 NC

 

Had a horrible day today, really thought I was going to break my NC. I held in there as well as possible and made it thru another day. I remembered an earlier post, someone told me, Do Not break NC, it will be the worst thing to do! So, with all my might, keep hanging in there. Still missing her, it does get worst before it will get better.

 

I really just want her to know that I am sorry for all that has happened. I did tell her a couple times before, but feel like I have to keep telling her over and over again. Guilt and Regret has overwelmed me. =(

 

Need to start forgiving myself. It's rough enough going thru the breakup, let alone all this guilt weighing down on me.

[MinziGirl]

Why do we need a challenge when the decision is made & stuck to?

[lockedout]

I believe that we need this challenge, because people "fall off the wagon", slip up and make a call, or send a text. Then after they do that, even tho the decision has been made, they lose control of rebuilding themselves and taking control over their lives. Not everyone is strong as others, like yourself? We need the challenge, it's like an AA class, it helps us reach a goal and we help each other and get thru it together.

[MinziGirl]

Hehehe... ok...

 

P.S: I try to be strong... but there are also moments of weaknesses in my life. For me mostly is: when i make a decision to NC... it is really NC...

 

The path to that decision is sometimes however, the hardest path for me ;-)

[Pollywolly]

Day 30

 

I have gone 30 days without contacting him at all, no texts, calls or emails. Feel like I have been on a journey and have learnt alot along the way, although I still have much to learn. Played Wades link on 'Let Them Go' which is so powerful and eventhough I am not devoutly religious the words spoke so much truth. Think that the next thing that I have to do is to put away the momentos of our relationship. I still have a photo of me and him together on my dressing table. I still have a shirt and a pair of trousers of his hanging up that he has never collected along with other little bits of trinkets that he gave me (gosh there is so much stuff !!) I won't throw it away but just put it out of sight for now, this surely has to be a positive move.

 

I feel for now that I was always love him and have a place for him in my heart, but the truth is that he did not want me and he rejected me, this has to be true otherwise we would still be together and he would have contacted me to make some kind of reconcilation, but there has been nothing. It still hurts alot and I miss him every day but I hope that in time the hurt will get less and less and the that there will come a day when I don't miss him. I have learnt that no matter what you try to do you cannot make someone love you and be with you if they don't want to cos if they did they would be with you. Its a tough and very painful lesson to learn but I am the most important person in my life, not him and I have to look after 'me' in order to heal.

[WadeCure]

Day 17

 

Still moving forward. There are two significant pieces of advice that I can give people who are currently in NC with their exes, number one is prayer and seeking God's help and number two is doing all that you can to focus on yourself. You will think about your ex. You will pine for your ex. I'm not going to lie, even though the past couple of days postings from myself have been largely positive there have been plenty of moments in those days where I have thought of and pined for my ex. Even this morning I have thought of and pined for my ex. Don't worry about not being able to "get over it" because of thinking about your ex does not mean you cannot move forward, you can move forward, just like Dave said it's not about "getting over it" but moving on But you can minimize those thoughts and you can make those thoughts hurt less if you make a very conscious effort to focus on something else. Whenever I think of my ex I immediately turn to prayer. I've probably prayed about 50 times yesterday. God will hear you and be completely honest with 100% what you feel. You'll be blown away at the level of comfort prayer will bring you. Take care of yourself, seize the power that you give your ex back. Focus on YOU. Love yourself. Another thing you can do is spill out all your troubles on a trusted friend. I'm very fortunate and blessed that I have several trusted friends I can talk to. If you find yourself without a trusted friend, I'm sure some people here at ENA will be glad to spend one on one time. If anybody wants to talk one on one with somebody, I'll be glad to receive a PM and offer my ear and advice, just send a PM and I'll respond when I can. This weekend though I'll be off the internet again, so I may not respond to a PM this weekend. I'll post Monday the results of the past three days.

[Rosie007]

Day 30

 

I have gone 30 days without contacting him at all, no texts, calls or emails. Feel like I have been on a journey and have learnt alot along the way, although I still have much to learn. . . . Its a tough and very painful lesson to learn but I am the most important person in my life, not him and I have to look after 'me' in order to heal.

 

Congratulations, Polly. You deserve to feel very proud of yourself. You made a decision and you stuck with it. Well done!

 

-Rosie

[Rosie007]

Doing my best.

 

Missing him so much.

[WadeCure]

Stay strong Rosie, you can do it.

[Jay_Bird]

day 17

 

I was sleeping good all throughout the week,until today I started thinking about her,it just seem like throughts started to overload me

 

but I notice after that I am completely fine,I noticing those overloads are starting to get lesser now

 

 

when I woke up I still had that feeling could I get her back or not

 

I know in my heart,I'm going to let the nc continue for a month,I know I will have my thoughts together by then

 

I hope this was some time to let her be nostalgia about me...........

 

especially since her new guy isn't even down here right now,its going to be really interesting to see how that works out

 

since he hardly lives down here

[gavin321]

Well I hope its not too late I didn't realize how old this forum is.

 

I accidentally ran into her yesterday so I'll count today as day 1. I didn't contact her in any way. I'm feeling really down, not only because she left me but because the person I fell in love with is not herself anymore. And its just the pain of not knowing what could have been. However I went to all classes and I went to the boys and girls club to start volunteering.

[Stelinha]

Sent him a funny email forward which I couldn't resist- I need more self control and need to be stronger from now on.

 

So, I'm bening honest about my setback and, of course, it's back to day 1

[DavidWRosario]

Day 8

 

Spending the day with my son, going well. I have some quiet time. Had a night mare that woke me up about 3 am. been up ever since. Dreamt I was home with my family, went to bed and dreamed I was getting a divorce. woke from the 2nd dream and realized I was living the nightmare. I dont miss her, I miss what was, or at least what I thought what was.

 

Need to pray.

 

Father take from me what I can not deal with. Take my pain Lord. I know you are all I need, but I feel alone in a crowd. Help me.

 

Dave

[Jay_Bird]

Day 18

 

I went out,and went shopping for a little bit,only found a shirt

 

I just don't know

 

I keep having this false hope that she will brake up with this guy if I talk to her after this month is up

 

the reason for that

 

1.the guy barely is down here where I live,usually he is gone for 2 to 3 weeks,and is only down here for a weekend or a week

 

2.she gets really lonely at times

 

I'm trying my very best to forget about her and work on me

 

but its always me thinking about her in the back of my mind

 

I just keep hopeing that she missing me,being that fact that she only lives 5 min. away from me

 

and that guy works out of state at times.............

[Rosie007]

Oh, how exciting.

[Rosie007]

Day 8 ... Minus one phone call to his cell phone ... And one call to his home phone.

 

I didn't leave a message.

 

He will know I called because of caller ID, of course. I was too chicken to say anything.

 

I guess I'd rather be miserable with him than without him.

 

Of course, he may be done with me. I wrote some very angry things to him.

[Stelinha]

Not going to give in this time. If I get the urge to contact him I'm going to do something for me or someone else who I know appreciates me spending the time and making the effort!

 

Only 30 days- nothing in the grand scale of things! Hard but not impossible.

[Wotgorilla]

Day 14 since I told her off for good, and this Tuesday is 3 weeks of freedom!

[Pollywolly]

Day 32

 

Today I put the clothes that he left behind in a bag along with some of his DVD's, a couple of his books and the picture of us together that I had on my dressing table. Put them all into a suitcase under my bed....felt kind of sad doing this but think it had to be done as kept staring at these items sometimes when I am in bed. Putting the picture away was the hardest thing to do, me and him together looking 'happy, 'in love', 'together' - this was the past and now have to accept the present. Still sucks though.

[Pollywolly]

Congratulations, Polly. You deserve to feel very proud of yourself. You made a decision and you stuck with it. Well done!

 

-Rosie

Thank you Rosie

 

You are being strong too!! Think that this is one of the toughest things I have ever had to go through. This site has helped me so much.