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Pollywolly

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Everything posted by Pollywolly

  1. Pollywolly
    Thank you Rosie You are being strong too!! Think that this is one of the toughest things I have ever had to go through. This site has helped me so much.
  2. Pollywolly
    Day 32 Today I put the clothes that he left behind in a bag along with some of his DVD's, a couple of his books and the picture of us together that I had on my dressing table. Put them all into a suitcase under my bed....felt kind of sad doing this but think it had to be done as kept staring at these items sometimes when I am in bed. Putting the picture away was the hardest thing to do, me and him together looking 'happy, 'in love', 'together' - this was the past and now have to accept the present. Still sucks though.
  3. Pollywolly
    Day 30 I have gone 30 days without contacting him at all, no texts, calls or emails. Feel like I have been on a journey and have learnt alot along the way, although I still have much to learn. Played Wades link on 'Let Them Go' which is so powerful and eventhough I am not devoutly religious the words spoke so much truth. Think that the next thing that I have to do is to put away the momentos of our relationship. I still have a photo of me and him together on my dressing table. I still have a shirt and a pair of trousers of his hanging up that he has never collected along with other little bits of trinkets that he gave me (gosh there is so much stuff !!) I won't throw it away but just put it out of sight for now, this surely has to be a positive move. I feel for now that I was always love him and have a place for him in my heart, but the truth is that he did not want me and he rejected me, this has to be true otherwise we would still be together and he would have contacted me to make some kind of reconcilation, but there has been nothing. It still hurts alot and I miss him every day but I hope that in time the hurt will get less and less and the that there will come a day when I don't miss him. I have learnt that no matter what you try to do you cannot make someone love you and be with you if they don't want to cos if they did they would be with you. Its a tough and very painful lesson to learn but I am the most important person in my life, not him and I have to look after 'me' in order to heal.
  4. Pollywolly
    Day 28 So its been 4 weeks since I last texted him (after a drunken girly drinking session that went on for too long!!) Nothing since then. Still feel as though I am going through roller coaster ride of emotions, sometimes I miss him really badly, sometimes I feel numb, angry, despair etc. Want to feel just 'happy' again and know that only I can find that happiness from within myself. Managed to sort out some counselling so am hoping that it will give me better 'coping skills' and help me to move forward and put me back in that place where I was before I met him. Thank you Superdave I have read through many of your threads and have found them so helpful.
  5. Pollywolly
    Day 26 I am almost at 30 days and I have still not contacted him. Kept busy at the weekend and went to stay with a friend and looked at a potential new house which is lovely and is in a peaceful village. Felt a bit close to tears at one point today when I was thinking about past times with him but think it is all part of the healing process. Will continue to be strong and will still not contact him after the 30 days.
  6. Pollywolly
    Day 22 Had a tearful couple of days but feel better this evening. My dog who is 14 years old is getting signs of senility so I have been worrying about him recently as he has been waking me up in the night....(Is his dementia rubbing off on me also, I wonder ?!!!) Still have been in NC, hard to believe that I could get this far and not text, email or phone him but NO, I am being tough but know that its for the best. Think about him alot though and wonder what is going on in his life. Feel that my life may change quite dramatically soon if I decide to move and I really hope for the better.
  7. Pollywolly
    Day 20 Think I have read almost every relationship self help book going - 'Men Who Can't Love', Women Who Love Too Much', How to Mend a Broken Heart' !! Feels like I am constantly searching for answers to help me understand why he broke up with me. My emotions seem to change constantly but waiver between extreme sadness, anger and feelings of complete hopelessness. I realise that I gave it my best in the relationship, I put up with things that probably others would not have put up with all in the name of love. Keep telling myself that it wasn't me it was his fears but doesn't make me feel any better about any of it when I am missing him so much :sad:
  8. Pollywolly
    Day 19 Felt so sad over the weekend but have been strong and not contacted him. I may have the opportunity to move to a house in a different area, in the countryside. Feel I need a brand new start, new job and a change in my life. This fills me with a new hope and a chance to move on from him and to make the memories of him less painful. Will visit the house at the weekend.
  9. Pollywolly
    Day 17 Feeling a bit low again today, woke up and starting crying as its always the weekends when I miss him the most. I know that I have to go through these low patches to be able to move on but feels so crummy when it hurts so much at the same time. Went out with a friend last night but everything I do feels so empty at the moment, I want to be enjoying myself, making new friends but at the moment anyone I meet seems to pale in comparison to him as I thought we were the best of friends as well as lovers. I want to be not thinking about him and what he's doing but my thoughts always comes back around to him and the 'break up'. I know that this is all part of the process of learning, growing and healing through NC that I must go through to get over this, but NC is hard at times especially when you are feeling lonely.
  10. Pollywolly
    Day 15 Had a really strong urge to contact my ex last night not sure why but could be cos it was 2 weeks since any on either side. Decided to work out for a couple of hours and hope that feeling would go, luckily it did. I feel so dumbfounded that someone who I thought I was so intimate with and close to could choose to eradicate me from their life and not even bother to check on how I was doing but guess that says alot about the kind of guy he really is. I still have conversations with him in my mind telling him about things that have been going on in my life but thats a little bit of a crazy thing to do and must stop that. Still got some of his stuff hanging about the place, a photo of him and me on my dressing table, not quite ready to put them all away yet. Decided that best to stay single until I heal, need to find myself again but trying to stay strong.
  11. Pollywolly
    Yeh been thinking recently not only was he commitmentphobic but a 'Mommy's Boy' too !!
  12. Pollywolly
    Day 13 Uh oh I can't quite believe I am actually doing this and staying so strong with NC. Really determined to get through this challenge. I have spoken to friends and told them I am doing this. They are surprised when I say that I haven't heard from him at all either.. We were together for getting on for four years and I thought that I meant more to him than I am now lead to believe (his NC). It feels weird not knowing what is going on his life now as he used to spend so much time talking about himself when we were together (and him talking sometimes incessantly about his mum who he adores.....he's 37 and still lives at home with his mum who is on her own, very cosy and easy life for him Well guess now that have got each other now I am not a threat and no longer part of the triangle. It's funny when I think about the things that I used to put up with in the relationship. Not sure if I would now as time is going on.
  13. Pollywolly
    Day 12 So glad that the weekend is finally over was a difficult one this week. It is hard to not text him or to get in touch but I think as time goes on it would become more 'out of sorts' knowing what to actually say to him so think that NC is definetly for the best. The only thing is that he still has my key to my house and has never since the split (two months ago) mentioned about returning it to me eventhough he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me. I haven't asked him for it back either (not sure why but I think that before if I asked it would be like the 'curtain call'!!)
  14. Pollywolly
    Day 11 Woke up this morning feeling low as was dreaming about him while I slept and felt so real as though I was really with him and talking to him. Think that weekends are worse as that was the time I mainly got to spend with him. I can't imagine him ever coming back into my life as it was before the split. Spent some time with my family over the weekend but felt a bit awkward as wanted to be all 'jolly and happy' especially around my dad as I don't get to see him very often but felt as though my heartache is contagious and that it was rubbing off onto to them and they didn't quite know what to say to me. Its times like that when I maybe I should just be on my own, with my own negative thoughts.
  15. Pollywolly
    Day 9 The start of the weekend seems to be harder for NC as this was always when I used to see him. Been thinking of some of the negative things that he said about me, from my past and present life, making me feel bad about who I was as a person. Makes it a bit easier not contacting him. Think that is what NC can do, it can make you focus on what caused the break up and make things seem a bit clearer in the head through not seeing him or talking to him.
  16. Pollywolly
    Day 8 still NC. Finding it a bit easier to not get tempted if I have something else to do. Did some exercise for a couple of hours this evening. Don't seem to be waiting for a text or the phone to ring and for it to be him...... A bit worried about going out with friends tomorrow evening to see a band. What if I bumped into him? What if he was with another girl? But got to be strong.
  17. Pollywolly
    Sent last text to ex last Wednesday night after a bit too much wine!! Will gladly take on challenge. My boyfriend dumped me six weeks ago after over 3 and a half years. He told me he wanted to be single again and not in a relationship but wanted to be friends (also insinuating extras to be thrown in if possible!!) I was very hurt by this as thought that I meant more to him than that. Think that NC thing is for the best and all these suggestions are great to how to get over him and keep busy and not to contact him.
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