lockedout

I believe that we need this challenge, because people "fall off the wagon", slip up and make a call, or send a text. Then after they do that, even tho the decision has been made, they lose control of rebuilding themselves and taking control over their lives. Not everyone is strong as others, like yourself? We need the challenge, it's like an AA class, it helps us reach a goal and we help each other and get thru it together.

Day 4 for Dave's Challenge, but actually day 12 NC Had a horrible day today, really thought I was going to break my NC. I held in there as well as possible and made it thru another day. I remembered an earlier post, someone told me, Do Not break NC, it will be the worst thing to do! So, with all my might, keep hanging in there. Still missing her, it does get worst before it will get better. I really just want her to know that I am sorry for all that has happened. I did tell her a couple times before, but feel like I have to keep telling her over and over again. Guilt and Regret has overwelmed me. =( Need to start forgiving myself. It's rough enough going thru the breakup, let alone all this guilt weighing down on me.

Day 3 for Dave's Challenge, but actually day 11 NC! Had a really hard day today. I will never call/text/send letter or nothing like that, but I still think of her everyday. It's not as often, but it's when I do think of her, it's very strong thoughts . . ! I am afraid now, that, although it will never happen, if she does call, for some odd reason, will I be able to not answer the phone or text back. Will I be strong and stick to my NC. It has been 11 days since NC, and I wonder what she is thinking? Is she wondering why I haven't tried to bug her, lol? Is she thinking WOW, he's serious this time? Is she starting to think, I miss the good times? Or is she not thinking about me at all, and is glad not to hear from me anymore. ( too funny ) I don't know, the latter is probably true. Time will tell, anyways it just seems like yesterday that I made my last contact, but has been almost 2 weeks, in a couple days. Why is the memory of our last contact so clear and detailed to me, like it just happened minutes ago? Must be the re-living it, thing. hang in there all!

Day 2 for Dave's Challenge, but actually day 10 NC! That's tough "bepositive", hang in there! Really been replaying everything over and over again, about our breakup! Not good! Keep wishing she would call, but would we even find common ground to start over again? Working Midnight shifts in a very boring place, doesn't help any either! lol

Day 1 I'm going to start my Dave's challenge today, although it's been 9 days already. But officially it's back to day 1 for me for the challenge. I saw her car yesterday at a party store near my house and wondered if there was some coincidence or not. But, took a deep breath and kept driving . .