THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[atelis]

Day 22

 

doing ok today but the last 2 days have been really tempted to contact her. still running the same scenario's through my head.........is she thinking of me, is she expecting me to call, why doesn't she call, has she decided in her own mind she isn't interested.

 

i have accepted to go on a date tomorrow night. very nervous and aprehensive about it. i have told the person involved about my situation and they are cool with it, they are not at a stage where they want anything serious.

[megken]

The more i thought about what happened, the angrier I got. I decided that if someone is hurtful to you, you have every right to call them on it, so Iwrote him an e-mail:

 

I changed my mind, Frank (his dad) should come live with you because you have become him. You both chase after young girls, drink alot and decided not to see your kids because the ex was a * * * * * (remember that's what you told me, why you didn't come see our son extra).

 

by the way, 28 is still in the 20's and you can do better than ghetto girl, with no education who got knocked up at 19.

 

You also said you have changed, but it is not for the better. You have been dishonest with 2 girls and if I were her and found out, I would be pissed. Because we used to sleep together is no excuse for what you did. On that theory, I could have been playing around with Bill or Ben because we used to sleep together??? or she could be with her ex because they used to sleep together?

 

You should be embarrassed, you have become a middle aged load, a cliche. you also said you would never be with 2 girls at the same time because it would blow up in your face...guess what...BANG!

 

If you hadn't played with me this summer I would not be this blindingly angry. I deserved to be treated better by you. You better tell her because I am going to find her.

 

Don't worry, I am not going to hurt myself or your property.

 

 

and he wrote back:

 

I was not playing 2 girls.I wanted to keep talking to you because we had a past.you sounded so sad all the time so i want to make my friend happy.All I ever want to do in 15yrs was to make you happy.Im sorry you thought i was leading you on i didnt mean to.And I always went to see kyle first.Now you are keeping him away from me bye not answering the phone.I'm sorry that i thought we can have a friendship since were not married(the one you didnt want anymore bye the way) because we didnt have a good one when we were.

 

my reply:

 

Yes you were, you sent me naked pictures and asked to see my ***, you called me for hours ( and don't say it's because you thought I was so sad..BS). and I wasn't the one who called you. and if you think she wouldn't be upset at your actions, your wrong.

 

If I were seeing someone, I wouldn't want them talking for 3 hrs everyday, touching, exchanging dirty pictures, having a beer and going out to dinner with their ex. and how would you feel if it were being done to you?

 

I am not trying to keep him from you, most of the time you didn't ask to talk to our son, but to talk to me. you see him almost everyday. he can call you whenever he wants.

 

besides we are not friends because my friends go out with me and are there for me when I need them. remember you can't go out with me because those feelings will come back (you said that).

 

besides for 2 and half years you were content to only see him for 6 hours a week, until this summer when I basically forced you to take more time.

 

if you really thought our marriage was so bad, why did you want to save it? you can bull * * * * yourself, but I know better.

 

and then I wrote one last e-mail that said: do not e-mail me anymore, I will not read them.

 

and now I have to get ready for hurricane Ike, which is coming my way (I"m in houston) wish me luck!!

[Rosie007]

I have to keep fighting the urge to look at his myspace to see if a certain someone posted another message. I don't want to give that situation any of my energy. I can't understand why my impulse is to torture myself that way.

 

On the plus side, I'm so busy right now, which helps keep my mind of him ... well, a little, anyway.

 

I want to hate him. I want to be totally indifferent to him. I want not to care about him. I want to base my feelings about him on his actions towards me, which would mean I'd never want to hear his name again. I'm not trying to make him a villian here. The issue is it really hurts when someone doesn't love you back. So many of his actions that I perceive to be hurtful were the ways in which he didn't treat me like someone he loved.

[fenix_reborn]

I will accept this challenge. I need something to keep me busy before work starts. I broke nc after 3 days yesterday by texting if she was alright. I have this problem where every 3 days I have this urge to talk to her. I need to stop and this thread should help. We agreed that on the 25th she will call me but I suppose I should not answer anyway.

 

What do you think would happen if I didnt pick up? She did meet someone a week after she broke off the 5 yrs we had and within a month they started going out and screwing.

[WadeCure]

Day 3

 

 

 

I'm unbelievably sad today. I guess this was to be expected in the road to recovery. I'm having the thoughts of this is my last shot at love and I'll never find anybody else that will make me as happy. I know it's all lies to myself but I'm having trouble believing it and I'm not finding any solid evidence to prove otherwise. Objectively she wasn't really that good to me. She was selfish in the relationship. She was only affectionate to me under certain circumstances. We went two and a half months without sex. I'm trying my best to continue the NC and not look at her MySpace or anything related to her but it's so hard. I'm not going to break NC no matter how much it hurts and how curious I am. I'm going to talk to God today extensively, I hope that He can provide me some strength.

 

The only thing I want in my life is true love - that's it. I want a girl that I can love more than anything including myself. That's what I want. I'm afraid I won't get it. I'm terrified.

[KronicMan]

its been a year since i last talked to my ex. i cant believe a year has flown by like that. still i struggle, i think about my ex all the time....

[exploding head]

this would be Day 50 but she called me this morning.

 

it was civil. I let her know how hurt I was and she said she was truly sorry. I could hear the guilt in her voice. I feel relieved strangely enough..

[Delmo]

Okay that's it, I'm in!

 

So I've done two weeks without phoning, texting or emailing but I've spent more time on her myspace and facebook pages than I have on this site and, believe me, that is saying something!! I have a feeling that giving that up is gonna be harder than kicking a crack habit. Not that I've ever had a crack addiction but I think you know what I mean.

I'm having good and bad days, today is funny because it has been both good and bad, but I realize that the bad moments, more often than not, come after I have been on those blasted sites. So this is it, day 1. NO MORE MYSPACE, NO MORE FACEBOOK! It's all about me from now on.

 

Wish me luck.....

[geamoiri]

Hello everyone Its Day 4 for me and very hard.I go out with friends and started Gym still i think alot of her

[Azudragon]

This is my first post. I have not had contact with her for 34 days , ( 5 month relationship, then months of mixed signals "lets be friends", known her for 8 years as a classmate.). I have also stopped having contact with her best friend. and i have decided to take Superdave71's no contact challenge. The first couple of days have been hard, but staying busy is what you have to do, and as the days go by you realize that there is more to life than thinking about the ex. Also i have started weightlifting, running, cardio, and playing football and soccer. i have seen an improvement in my body and how i feel, and the no contact challenge becomes easier when you get off the couch and start doing exercise.

also i have found my fire to succeed and become my best, and I have found my love of learning and trying new things again,( im a smartypants), and i have realized that you shouldn't depend on others for happiness, and that you must love yourself before others can love you.

Its funny, i always thought she was my love of my life, but after not having contact with her, i see life in a new perspective. I am a new person now, i feel free, and i feel empowered, after taking the time to work and improve myself,but this is only the beginning and i have a long way to go before i get over her 100%.

 

P.S i let her brother borrow some games in May and he finished them , and she messaged my sister to see when i want to get them back. I told my sister to tell her when can i call her in the future, and she said she is sick right now. Any advice on how to continue no contact, or any general advice?

 

P.P.s i don't feel like seeing her, and i started the nc because she gave my alot of signals, and i asked her to be more than friends, and she replied with " i see you only as a good friend, and after that she started ignoring me, but after a month of no contact she has started contacting me again. I havent checked my myspace, facebook, aim, and deleted her txts, in 34 days, because im afraid her and her best friend have bombarded me with "whats going on with us" messages. Im confused on how i feel about her, and i don't want to see her for a very good time, because i actually want to change and experience what other girls have to offer, and maybe in the distance future, when im more mature and much more confident i will give our relationship another chance. She hasn't seen the new me and i don't think she knows ived changed.

 

 

I believe in my signature, Any advice?

[Trei1972]

day 6..

I still check his myspace daily but no phone calls. Not that he has called me since Sunday, but I plan on not answering when/if he does. I look at the myspace thing as avoiding being hit with a two by four right between the eyes, should the new woman come up pregnant or some such thing. Then I can grieve in private and not start bawling in front of them. It's still hard.. but getting easier. Still wonder how he could leave a whole lifetime of memories, possesions and most importantly relationships, with me and the kids. Just leave. No goodbye and no looking back. Was i really so terrible??

[fenix_reborn]

Ugh. My current job leaves me with too much free time and during an hour and half wait, I called her. I told her I just wanted to talk but she was busy at work. I texted her that I had nobody else to talk to so could she plz call me after work. I just got a reply back saying She feels real sorry that nobody else was available but that to give her space until Sept 25th. Otherwise, I'd be unfair to her as she puts it (as if im treated fairly).

[Pollywolly]

Day 17

 

Feeling a bit low again today, woke up and starting crying as its always the weekends when I miss him the most. I know that I have to go through these low patches to be able to move on but feels so crummy when it hurts so much at the same time. Went out with a friend last night but everything I do feels so empty at the moment, I want to be enjoying myself, making new friends but at the moment anyone I meet seems to pale in comparison to him as I thought we were the best of friends as well as lovers. I want to be not thinking about him and what he's doing but my thoughts always comes back around to him and the 'break up'.

 

I know that this is all part of the process of learning, growing and healing through NC that I must go through to get over this, but NC is hard at times especially when you are feeling lonely.

[PrettyGood]

Day 22 (yesterday)

 

I took a day of holiday in my job, because I was tired of business. Also I was strong enough to cope with my loneliness being alone. Well not very alone I went to 2 dates today Cute? Yes, I know. Finally I met my best friend (girl) and made a drinking party till 3a.m. in the morning at my home. My ex didn't appeared and didn't write me.

 

Day 23 (today)

 

After the perfect Friday evening I slept till 3p.m. and woke up with deep headache Firstly I was woken up by a phone call of one of my dates. I didn't replied, because felt sleepy to talk. But later I got one more message from my EX. I didn't understand what he wanted. He asked what I'm doing, told me that he's thinking to go out to have a lunch in town. I asked him "Is it a some suggestion for me or just a proposition?". He said "I don't know, what do you think?" I told him that if he's asking me to have a lunch together, I can come, because I haven't a breakfast yet". And then he wrote me "Oh, I think it's too early to have a lunch, I'll think about it" (early on 3 p.m.???!!!! ) Ha ha, what a silly boy, he was afraid by his suggestion, so I wrote that it's his business to think, and I'll have my breakfast as soon as possible, so it will be too late to suggest it later. He didn't write me anything more then.

 

Update:

 

He didn't come, so I asked him what's happening (he promised to come). He told me that after the party he's suffering from diarrhoea. I asked him why he didn't noticed me then? He didn't tell me any explanation, only that he will come to see me tomorrow. I asked - "Do you have something to tell me positive?". And here he told me "Everything belongs on you". How to understand? Well he said that "Everything belong on your reaction, when he will tell me something." OMG! I felt worse again. I frightened me. What's next? Will he tell me a new story about his broken life, new lady, child or travel to UAE again?

 

I CAN'T CARRY IT ANYMORE! How could I hear his bad news with a calm heart and minds? Please suggest me some variants, because I'm very nervous.

[Azudragon]

Day 35

 

I got a confidence boost when a really pretty girl customer at my work was checking me out. since i started working out ,( 34 days ago), people have said that i look more mature,and that i appear alot more confident, and that i walk with my head held up high. slowly, im started to think of her less and less and as the days go by i realize that im not as unattractive as i thought, and that girls have been giving me eye contact and checking me out more lately. also the guys have been treating me more with more respect and asking to hangout more often. i am starting to feel like a new me, and more in control of my life.

[fenix_reborn]

9/13/08 Last night, I signed up for the gym. Today in the morning I went to the gym to run and start my lifts. It's been a good 3 months since I've been at the gym. I had wanted to see my ex but I know that will just piss her off if I tried any contact. Plus if her new bf were at the house I'd get into a fight probably. My story is in my post history as my first post.

 

Since I was her first love, and she met someone within a month after a 5 yr relationship, I wonder if nc will make her double check herself. The reason being is that she feel like this new guy eric makes her really happy, and thereforee boosts her confidence.

[Rosie007]

Spent the day at the spa. Sometimes I managed to keep him out of my thoughts. I'm so angry at him. Why doesn't that translate into sanity; i.e., the hope to never see him again?

[PrettyGood]

Day 24

 

He was late, but he came to my house to visit me as promised. Well I was prepared for the worst. He was arrogant as always, acting happy. I gave him warm embrace and he told me this: "You know, when yesterday I told you that I miss you, I didn't miss you as today. Seems that today when I saw you I missed you more than ever". I suggested him coffee, but he rejected, survey my things (what do i have what is not mine). Then used my interned and listened to my asking to return. Well he repeated me the same: "I want it, but I'm afraid". Ok then I embraced him and he told me that if he won't change his minds, he will take a holiday on next week and suggest me to live with him for a week. And then he will decide do he want to have a friendship with me or not. Later he game me a big sweet pear, told me good bye and drove home.

[geamoiri]

09/14/2008

Day 6

She broke up with me 11 days ago and it was the 2nd time. (The 1st time she came back after 4 days and we tryied for 2months with no result).She told me the old time classic she cant see me as a Mate anymore and needs to brake up and be alone for some time but she doesnt want to loose me from her life blah blah blah you know the Drill.

The 1st 5 days we had LC i texted her some messages friendly ones in her mobile she answerd, then i wrote her a letter told her how i felt and goodbye. from that day i entered NC.I was determint to keep the NC because i want to move on and find my old self again.(and maybe who knows win her again in the future)

But today i received this text message in my phone she broke NC

 

Her: Hey how r u everything good?did you move the dog inside the house?

(you see we have a dog together which now i have and today was rainning)

My answer: Im doing great thank you yes she is inside

 

Her: Oh ok be well

 

My Answer: Yes you too id love to chat but im a little busy right now.

 

Her i was not gonna open a chit chat with you , i just wanted to tell you that one of this days i ll text you again so i can come and see my dog see ya

 

My answer you can see your dog its yours after all you dont need to ask for my permission.And by the way im not angry or mad at you you can text me if you like just a little busy at the moment ciao.

 

I will offcourse continue my NC as i did but any of you has a thought about what was this all about? it made my mind a ruin again and i feel as day 1 again.

Why did she made contact? for the dog or to test me?

 

I am so tortured and feel like **hit.

[Rosie007]

Every time the phone rings, I hope it's him. As if he'd ever go to the effort to call me on the phone.

[Ixtapa]

I still think of him a lot and wonder where he is and what he is doing. It it less painful though. I don't long for him as much and Im starting to accept the fact we will not see each other anymore. Doing fine actually.

[OrangeMoon]

It has been 4 weeks sinds i have last seen him and 2 weeks sinds my final email. This week has been good and tough.

 

Good: realised more about the relationship, he is not on a pedestal anymore, but i still love him. It showed me that my love is still pure and unconditional. I loved that about me. I realised what an amazing woman i am to be able to love so deeply...

 

Next i realised all the positive things this relationship had given me for my personal growth. Whether we would find each other again or not in the future..the ending made me deal with all my demons and past rels.. i am not going to make this ending my ghost story for a new rels. That why i am going through all of the grieving with eyes wide open..I am telling you..when i am done..i will be DONE.

 

I have not once felt the urge to email or call...felt so proud...i am sooo on the right track here.

 

tough: because we were in a lDR..and ever since the break up, there has not been more than 4 weeks that we did not see each other. I felt the hurt of that cycle come back. I missed him..i wondered if he had the same. But i feel allright now..i made it through with the help of my dear friend and ENA.

I know i can only win from this.

 

But i still do stupid things: like practising in my head what i would say if he would call, how many days i would wait before answering and all of that crap hahaha...so i still have a long way to go haha

[BlueEyedBoy]

hey hey, I like this challenge.

 

 

Ok well It's early days, its only been 3 days since I saw her and only really made the decision to go NC in the last few hours.

 

So Day 3 :

 

Deleted her from my Facebook earlier, and tomorrow I'm putting the few remaining things of hers I have through her door.

 

We previously arranged to meet this saturday but in with her things I've put a note which simply reads 'I cant make it on Saturday'

 

It feels Kind of good that she has no idea I've chosen to go NC and last thursday was really the last chance she got too speak to me until I don't know when.

 

Let the NC Challenge Commence!

[txbboy]

As the days go by, it's been getting harder and harder for me to cope. I've been cheated on, broken up with and just done wrong by other girls before but this one is different. When I was dumped by the other girls, I didn't care. I always had a positive outlook and I went on to the next one. But I can't do that anymore. And what really sucks about all this is I'm a nice guy. In fact all of the girls I've been with (including this recent one), have told me, "You're a nice guy and I don't deserve you." And I'm thinking if I'm a nice guy and the guy "every girl wants", why do I keep getting hurt? With this last girlfriend I tried everything and I mean everything to make it work. And she always told me she wanted to keep trying too. Then all of a sudden, she cheats on me like all the others. And tells me she doesn't want to be with me anymore. Yet some other guys I know, treat their girlfriends like trash and yet they're still together. Everybody tells me that it's okay. That I'll find someone else that I deserve. But after the ump-teenth time this has happened to me, I don't believe that anymore. Another thing that really sucks is I bet my ex is having so much fun being single. And I'm here feeling bad and depressed. SHE cheated on ME. What's fair about that?

[PrettyGood]

Day 25

 

Yesterday he came to me and suggested to live for a while at his home on this Tuesday to see how much I changed as personality. But late yesterday's evening he wrote me on Skype: "Can you come tomorrow?". I have asked him "For how long?". And he replied: "Several days or more... I don't know, it depends on our communication and yours behaviour".

 

So today evening I'm going to his home. The whole evening I thought how to make a brand new impression of myself for him. I thought to make a supper, to play music, to give a massage, but he told me that he will be playing computer games, so I shouldn't hope for any romance. Well, how can I show changed myself then?