DavidWRosario Posted September 6, 2008 Share Posted September 6, 2008 David, You sound in a much better place now. But I wish you would not program yourself for never having a future with another. You just never know ... And I'm certain there were many great times in those 22 years. Don't regret. Be grateful for them. *Hugs* I know it sounds a little nuts about the programing. It was so long I mean really I was with her longer than I was with my parents growing up. I cant have a conversation with someone, without me saying stuff like well Deb Said or Yea Deb and I did that. Or when Deb and I faced that we. . . It is such a PITA, I feel old sometimes and when ever I look at someone in my age range, Its instant family - Im like no thank you. Still trying to pick up the pieces from this one. Maybe your right maybe I will meet some one some day. But if that post we discussed is any bearing. I have about 22 more months to think about it. I bet its more like 36. We'll see Dave Link to comment
Trei1972 Posted September 6, 2008 Share Posted September 6, 2008 so.. he never has called to check on our son who was in the hospital.. or to follow up on the vehicle he supposedly was going to buy us on Wed. What a piece of * * * * !!! Link to comment
chiyork Posted September 6, 2008 Share Posted September 6, 2008 Day 4 four me...I promised myself not to check the email account where I used to email her. Link to comment
livingitup Posted September 6, 2008 Share Posted September 6, 2008 Day 3, I guess. Tough this morning, but got much better this afternoon. She is lonely. She begged my room mate and his girlfriend to stay with her tonight. They didn't. We all had a blast tonight. I danced my ass off. Something I would never have done before. I feel like a completely different person. I wish she could have been here to experience it all. She's really missing out. I'm the person she always wanted and I'm doing it all for myself. Wow, I feel good. Back to having fun! Link to comment
msDazed_N_Confused Posted September 6, 2008 Share Posted September 6, 2008 hello all....wow i haven't been here for over a year and just realized i entered this challenge too. This post might not really belong here but.... Well the status so far, i haven't been in contact with my ex since march 2007. I did have some contact with relatives of him until december last year. But i am now at the point that there is no chance in hell i would want him back. I remember being so desperate to hear from him for the first year or so, but now i am focussing my energy on finding someone new and better....i know this is the "getting together" part of the forum but really. The no contact challenge in the end makes you so much stronger and helps you sit back and have the overview to decide what it is you want from a partner. It could be it lands you back in the arms of your ex for good, but it might very well land you in the arms of someone new that is gonna be so much better for you... I want to thank everyone here that have been so supportive in the start of my journey alone, and now i am moving my ass to another forum....cause i met this really nice guy and i just need tips to reel him in.... Hugs! Link to comment
DavidWRosario Posted September 6, 2008 Share Posted September 6, 2008 Day 8 Pouring rain outside, Work should be a lot of fun today. Saw her last night when I picked up my daughter. house was full my son was having a sleepover. She is such a actress, she invites me in like we're old friends and asks me if I had dinner and would like to join the festivites. I told her no and would wait outside for my daughter. She will not parade me around like some fool. I feel like she is playing some sort of head game. Trying to show me how well she is doing without me. That is a load of crap. I think she has this all wrong, She still thinks I care and want her back. That is starting to die away. Dave - a litte pissed today Link to comment
alfisme Posted September 6, 2008 Share Posted September 6, 2008 My girlfriend dumped by text on the 22nd of August. I feel it was a rushed decision that she was pressured into. Not only that, she has got herself into a rebound a week later. Things for us werent going so well, i had problems with her parents acceptance, and she had problems with them due to them being really bossy and their extreme christian views. Financially we have struggled a lot since we moved down from her home town (i lived up there for a while to be closer to her). She had a fulltime job but i had problems finding the right job. Arguments also shaded the relationship, but they werent so bad. But our love was just out of this world. We would always talk about kids and everything, to her i was the one. which is exactly how i felt. She went to visit her parents on the 21st August 2008 and that weekend she had said to me she wanted to go bk and live in her home town. We talked on msn and she had said sorry that she had said she wanted to move back and that we would never break up. She looked happy on webcam. Next day i get a call saying she wants to move back bt doesnt wanna break up. Few hours later she texts me dumping me! Felt a bit sudden! I am in no doubt that she was pressured by her friends and family since i dont get on with them but i did try. As i mentioned she has a rebound atm (everyones saying how silly she is being by trying to replace me so quickly). I started doing no contact sunday the 31st of august and since then its been a week of it i guess. I will keep people updated. Since then she has sent money to my mum that she owed her n some clothes my mum had lent her. sorry if its all confusing...not really used to typying a lot! On the following day Link to comment
StillSmiling Posted September 6, 2008 Share Posted September 6, 2008 Day 8 Pouring rain outside, Work should be a lot of fun today. Saw her last night when I picked up my daughter. house was full my son was having a sleepover. She is such a actress, she invites me in like we're old friends and asks me if I had dinner and would like to join the festivites. I told her no and would wait outside for my daughter. She will not parade me around like some fool. I feel like she is playing some sort of head game. Trying to show me how well she is doing without me. That is a load of crap. I think she has this all wrong, She still thinks I care and want her back. That is starting to die away. Dave - a litte pissed today Ha Ha Ha I Love it! You Go Guy! Don't let her mess with your head. I love hearing you sound better! Link to comment
StillSmiling Posted September 6, 2008 Share Posted September 6, 2008 Day 3 Still feel like I'm on a slippery slope. No further contact on either side about going out next week. I was silly enough to actually check my email account that he usually writes to this morning. Zip. Perhaps he is rethinking it as well. Was told by another friend yesterday that I was crazy to see him again. Really, what would it accomplish? I suppose at least I could correct his impression of me being involved with another. Not that I think it would make any difference. It really would be the only reason to talk to him. Well, that and to tell him it WAS NOT all my fault. I HATE that he made me feel that way ... Had a date last night. Nice guy, not my type. But was fun to go out and hear some music without getting all freaked out about live bands and memories. Don't think I'll go out with him again, but he sure planted one of those shocker kisses on me when we said goodbye! LOL Gotta stay busy this weekend. It's the loneliness of the house on the weekend, without having to work that really runs me down. Have a Bunco party tonight with MeetUps. Should meet some fun people again. No tears this morning ... so it's a good start anyways. Link to comment
OrangeMoon Posted September 6, 2008 Share Posted September 6, 2008 Today was a bad day i noticed. I have been reading so many posts this week on ENA..almost as if i was addicted. When time passed i could feel me getting stronger here and there reading about so many stories and insights. Today was a bad day, because i started a ' ready for love' -course. With all the things i have been doing the last few months i realised that i had a lot of issues to overcome..and starting this NC was all about getting ME back. So starting this course brought out a lot of pain and new insights. Got i have so much work to do...i really handled a lot of things wrong..totally lost me.. I could not kill the urge to go to a website i knew my ex had been on 1,5 month after we split up. Well..it so happened he was online. I looked at his picture...i looked at him almost without any feelings...no secretly maybe a bit happy even..Him being there means that he is not in a commited rels ship yet and still just browsing or flirting..and this 3 months later.. But i promised myself not to go there again. it is my last time. Dont want to see him having been offline for a few weeks or so. I just notice that it is hard to keep myself positively occupied with other stuff..i need a new hobby..but what?..I have always put someone else in the middle of my world..and now that there is just me..i dont know what to do... The answer will come i guess..... learning and growings s**ks..can i have the finished product right now please But there's one important insight i have realised this week. I have been acting like a ' girl' and not a ' woman' . Having had a real selfish, basic need fullfilling, seeking temporary fixes, fear controlled way of living....and me not letting go has been the ultimate proof of that.. On to week 2..see what i will learn there.. Link to comment
coldplay. Posted September 6, 2008 Share Posted September 6, 2008 Day 2, I seem to have times when im very sad, i get overwhelmed with guilt and remorse with the fact of it all, but those times are becoming my infrequent, ive finally found some motivation in my everyday life, and have stopped spam checking her myspace/facebook... finally formulating a solid 'plan' if you will for my life my journey continues Link to comment
megken Posted September 6, 2008 Share Posted September 6, 2008 I'm in...day one, he's called at least 5 times. last night he confirmed what I knew, he has been seeing a 22 year old girl (he's 40), eventhough he calls me everyday, gives me hope,treats me like his best friend, tries to touch me and has sent dirty pictures..I am not the one he is dating. If he doesn't want me in his life, then I will not BE in his life. Help me be strong! Link to comment
butters300 Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 Day 8. I'm not feeling too bad. The first couple of days were really hard. I could not stop thinking about her and all of the good times we've had. I think (I hope) that I am ready to move on. Thank goodness that school and work is keeping me occupied. Link to comment
Hopelives Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 since I last wrote a response to his questions... NC since. It sucks. I wish he'd come back. Link to comment
Ixtapa Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 I find mornings and evenings the most difficult to bear. I wake up thinking of him.....and feeling empty. Then in the evening, i find myself alone here and start thinking of him.....and feeling empty. ](*,) It has to get better at some point.... Link to comment
DavidWRosario Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 Day 9 Feeling a little odd today. Somewhat reflective. Bunch of whatif's. Feeling a bit empty. Wondering why I am even here. I hate the quite times. 4 month anniversary is tomorrow (being thrown out). Its funny marriage was actually in place 19 1/2 years, with the laws of North Carolina, I will be offically married 20 1/2 yrs before the divorce is final. May, June, and December are gonna Suck the rest of my life. June the month I proposed, December the month we got married, and May the month I was asked to leave. This too shall pass Dave Link to comment
DavidWRosario Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 I find mornings and evenings the most difficult to bear. I wake up thinking of him.....and feeling empty. Then in the evening, i find myself alone here and start thinking of him.....and feeling empty. ](*,) It has to get better at some point.... I would love to tell you thats right it does get better. Not sure it ever does. I hear and read that people after about a year (If it was a long relationship) find love again, consider this time just a bump in the road. I know for me, I have more good days than bad ones. I can't get her out of my conversations, or thoughts. There are five stages of grief we go through 1 - Depression 2- Anger 3- Bargining 4 - Acceptance Cant remember the stage between Depression and Anger right now. Sorry, I feel better. Try and find something that keeps you busy 1st thing in the morning. What helps me during the week is I walk 4 1/2 miles, 1st thing in the morning. After that it is a scramble for work and the business week. Might have to extend that morning scramble to the weekend. Link to comment
babes23 Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 Day 2 for me since i last sent the message and he won't read it until next week when he's back. Who knows whether he'll reply or not I have a feeling it won't be a positive response thereforee i won't reply if he does so and shall carry on with the no contact... Feeling blah but expect to feel like this for a long time now Link to comment
megken Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 Day One I blew it. last week my daughters father died and my ex chose not to come by and see them because he thought they wouldn't care (the father was rarely in their life, my ex has raised them since they were 5 and 2), Friday, my ex's new 22 year old's grandmother died and he went to see her. So, I called him and left a message: You are not the man I thought you were if you couldn't come see your daughter's, but you could be there for this new girl. I feel sad for myself and my kids. Today is day two...or maybe day one again... Link to comment
StillSmiling Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 I'm in...day one, he's called at least 5 times. last night he confirmed what I knew, he has been seeing a 22 year old girl (he's 40), eventhough he calls me everyday, gives me hope,treats me like his best friend, tries to touch me and has sent dirty pictures..I am not the one he is dating. If he doesn't want me in his life, then I will not BE in his life. Help me be strong! WOW, you REALLY need to be strong. This guy sounds like nothing but on-going heartbreak for you. So sorry you are hurting. The best thing you can do right now is not answer those calls and erase the mail. I KNOW, easier said than done, but he is really messing with you. *hugs* Link to comment
StillSmiling Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 Day 4 Funky afternoon yesterday as I still struggle with that one last meeting. That final martini is becoming famous in my head these days ... It was last Wednesday that he wrote and asked if we could "do it next week", and I have yet to answer him back. I guess he could take it as 1) He'll call if/when he still wants to do that OR 2) He thinks he offended me by putting it off saying he was busy last week. No clue what he is thinking. Since I have not heard anything more from him, I am beginning to assume that the "over-the-top" birthday flowers and the drink offer really were nothing more than a nice guy doing nice guy things ... and that I should not read anything more into it. I even wrote and asked about meeting up with him again in the main forum. Two responses, one each way. I flip flop back and forth on answering him, just as I flip flop back and forth on falling apart. Some hours I feel so strong and ready to move forward, and other hours feel just like it all happened yesterday. When I woke just a few hours ago I was TOTALLY convinced he is not worth getting hurt over again. That all I would be doing is setting myself backwards AGAIN. Now, I begin to wonder again if that will be the only way to get unstuck from this place I seem to be hovering in. Gotta get off the fence ... Last night had fun at the Bunco party and met more fun people. It's the best thing I can do in staying very busy. Today I have a GF coming over and we are going to hike the hills with the dogs. It really is a blessing to have San Diego weather and I have to focus on all I have to be grateful for and stop feeling so bloody sorry for myself ... OK, that's it. I'm going to email him back and meet with him. If I don't do this, I will always wonder ... BLAH! Link to comment
StillSmiling Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 Day 4.1 Done. Brief note to him saying: "Yes that's fine. Whatever feels right to you. Let me know" I know he has 2 gigs today so no clue when he will ever write back. Joy oh Joy, now I get to wait for his email again. This cycle has to stop some where ... Link to comment
PrettyGood Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 Day 16 He didn't write me, but I wrote him, knowing that he's drinking. What a mistake. He didn't reply me not this day, nor another. Day 17 I see him online, but I didn't forget that he didn't write me. So I think I just need to forget him now and forever. One more important thing, seems that my neighbour (his friend) is playing a game, maybe they both is playing game. Because that neighbour wrote me a lovely message yesterday, and today I came back home and getting worse and worse sms messages that I'm rotten person and what a jolly thing that my ex left me. I don't understand, are they drunk or what? Seems that I'm the one, who is the worst person in their long and easy life way. So... my tactic is to use the NC method with that neighbour too. They pissed me off. How long can they do this pain for me? I'm not having stainless heart. Link to comment
Ixtapa Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 Try and find something that keeps you busy 1st thing in the morning. What helps me during the week is I walk 4 1/2 miles, 1st thing in the morning. After that it is a scramble for work and the business week. Might have to extend that morning scramble to the weekend. Thanks David Problem is that I work irregular shifts....no two days alike.....and I desperately need some routine at the moment !! I have noticed that my mood does get better if I put some music on and get busy cleaning my apartment, lol. I should definitely make an effort and spend less time sitting around here ... Link to comment
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